is money more important?

Philippines
April 26, 2009 4:59am CST
I have this experience with a very close young relative, I called him to borrow some books for my son who is in college and have the same course as he had, he was already a graduate and all his books and other equipment where just stocked up and just collecting dust in his cabinet, and his answer is if I want to I can just bought it with 50% off of the original price. I felt sad, not expecting of the response I got, this relative is considered almost my son, if they need something, I always help them and I don't ask for anything, because they are my family. Now I was thinking I'd rather buy new ones than ask anything from him, I don't want to feel indebted to him. It's just heartening to know that money comes first than to help others.
3 people like this
21 responses
@photobug (157)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I don't see anything wrong with your relative asking you to pay 50% of the cost. He had to pay 100% himself. No one really knows another person's financial situation. Sometimes people feel if they give something away, that person will constantly keep asking for more things. I don't know if that's true for your relative, though. You said you helped your friend's family and didn't ask for anything, which is the right thing to do. Whenever a person gives something away, he should never mention it again to that person. It should be a true gift with no strings attached. Please don't hold a grudge against your relative. Either buy the books or don't, but don't ruin a family friendship over money.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
[b][/b]It's just unexpected, we usually helped each other, her mom who is my sister, we already talked about it even before, that she will pass on to me all those materials after the son graduated, which we always do to each other, since her mom is in another country, I asked him out of respect. Well maybe that's how the new generation think today.thanks for your response.
@photobug (157)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I guess his mother, your sister, told you she'd give you the books, but neglected to tell her son. Or maybe her son is resentful that his mother automatically assumed she could give away his possessions. And maybe there's more at issue than you're aware of. When you're dealing with strangers, it's easy to make a decision based on what is the best solution for you, but with family and friends, emotion is involved. I guess the only thing you can do is decide if this issue is going to make a difference with your relationship with this relative. Wait and see how he behaves in the future.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]ok, thanks for the thought!
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
26 Apr 09
College material is expensive and most college students sell the text books right after they graduate. Others hang on to them for some poor sap that is desprite and will pay more for them. If the books are in good condition then 50% off the face price of them is awesome and will save you more then going out and buying them new. Graduates have bills as well and most will sell off anything that isn't super important just to keep their apartment, phone, internet and/or other monthly bills. So, when you have no money and have stuff to pay, then yes, money is more important then helping out anyone including family. I know because I have been there too. If you are willing to buy them new then why don't you do something to help out family and by them used for half the price from family?
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
[b][/b]Thank you, if that was the case you are right. I hope greed is not the reason..
• India
27 Apr 09
Yes its not a greed but the practicality of the situation. My daughter is in Dental and I know how costly are the stuff I purchased for her, so I guess he was reasonable when he asked you for the 50%.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]he was asking for half the price and it's ok, but when I checked the price of a brand new one, it's the same as his asking price, so when I send him a message about it he had not replied.
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
27 Apr 09
Hello there. I do feel you there. Sometimes the value of friendship, cousins, relatives and whatnot is totally lost on me because nowadays, unfortunately everything is very money-ish. Of course not everyone is like that, but mostly everyone is in one way or another, do transactions instead of looking at the bonding of ties and family closeness. If I were your relative, I would not charge 50% at all. That feels so wrong. I don't know; perhaps your relative has a different perspective on all this but I feel that is quite wrong to charge your own relative. If it's just a free drink or a free meal, that's quite alright, instead of charging something. Don't be sad, as long as we don't succumb to greediness should be alright. Take care, friend.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]thank you that's very inspirational, I'm feeling light right now that I've recieved this kind of advice to all of you..
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
29 Apr 09
My pleasure, friend.
@carrine (2749)
• Philippines
6 May 09
yes it is important of course, but dont use money as ur boss. dont be a slave of your wealth. and its more important to gain respect from people you may know or not. in ur case, we cant do anything about it. if he will not let you borrow it, then so be it. thats a lesson already. i mean u will buy ur own books then keep it, sooner or later u may use it also ... just of it that its one of ur investments.
• Philippines
9 May 09
[b][/b]thank you for your thought...:D
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
4 May 09
If your relative is not in good financial condition, then asking you to buy out his used books and other school equipment is reasonable. I know that many Filipinos will feel the same as you do since it is but normal in our culture to be extending help to relatives as much as we can. However, we should also be considerate in some situations. As I have said, if your relative needs money, then buying his books at 50% discount is one way of helping. Well, if you really think you are close to your relative, reiterating to him that you will just have to borrow the books may have worked. You could have pointed out that you are just borrowing since you can not afford to buy new or second hand books. That might have knock some sense of "helping relatives" into his consciousness.
• Philippines
6 May 09
[b][/b]I'm glad you got what I mean, it's the relationship that I think he overlooked, I already did that, when he ask me if will buy the books and other school materials, I told him we already got them coz a friend just lend it to us, and he said that it's better if I just bought it from him, coz I still need to return those we borowed. I just said I will think about it.
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
4 May 09
If that relative is in need of money, then I think it was wise of him to actually thought of selling it to someone who can afford it (you did say that you can buy new stuff instead of going for half the price). However, if he's not in need then he's just being a pr!ck and*I* would stop being nice to him. I would even mention the incident to him in the future when I see him - just to show him that I was insulted by it. But that's just me, and I've been said to be mean:) Thanks for the response on my discussion!
• Philippines
6 May 09
[b][/b]I don't think because he needed money, maybe it's the immaturity in him that came out, not really thinking, I guess..thank you too for commenting. :D
@nzldzh (75)
• China
27 Apr 09
I think money is important ,but is not more important .There are lot of other things are important then money .MOney can but lot of things but can"t buy a good friend ,can"t buy true love .I think if we regard money as the most important thing in ourlife is wrong ,we need money ,but we also need other things that money can"t buy.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]I agree with you...[thumbs up]
@locolou (111)
• Spain
27 Apr 09
I think that money is the enginye that moves the world, unfortunately... :(
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b] unfortunately, but it can be put in good use, don't you think....thank you!
@ada547612 (203)
• China
27 Apr 09
There is no way this society, and money above everything else, but to the spirit of supremacy.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]Amen to that.. thanks
@Hedwig (285)
• China
27 Apr 09
I don't think that money comes first to help others. From your words,the relative you asked for the books is too money-worshipping.It is quite reasonable to sell books at half price to a stranger, but there is no excuses to sell them to someone who is so close to him and has helped him a lot for nothing in the past. In my opinion, this young relative is a selfish person. But I believe that only a small group of people will act like him. Most people are kind and always consider money much less important than helping others, like you.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]thank you, I hope he realize that too.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
It depends really on the book. Maybe, it took him time to buy that book during his college days. That's why its difficult for him to simply say YES to your request. If I were you, I would buy that book for 50% if it would really help your son even after he graduated. But, if that book is a simple math, science, or english book then I will give it to you right away for free.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]Maybe, but if he was on my side, I will gladly lend it to him as we always do, coz I'd rather have others benefitted from those materials than just let it lying around, that's my point, but because he is not me, that's what I got. thanks for taking your time here. Happy mylotting!
@betsyhu (207)
• China
27 Apr 09
If i were you, I would disappoint as you. Of course, next time, if he need your help, you can price in the same way. different people is different treatment based on how he deal with you before.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b] sometimes we don't know if we really know them the way we thought we know them, how surprising that can be....????? thank you and happy mylotting..
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
It's really disappointing sometimes, maybe you could have kidded him "What 50 percent? "you seemed to be others." (hahaha) There are really relatives that's hard to be expected to becme someone like you. You do good to them but when you ask for favor, they want to earn from you before granting. Well that's life friend, sometimes we find good people not our relatives.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]thanks, you know what reading all these comments lighten my heart, now I can smile already..hahaha... :D
• United States
27 Apr 09
i would have been pissedddddd... man i would not have had that at all. I would have brought up all the past expirences with lending sharing what not. I think if someones in need they deserve what they need. He probably needed cash dude. Even though he had a job it might not have been enough to pay his bills or possibly he wanted some cash to blow on himself for fun, its really all based on what kind of a personality he has and how hard you tried to get the books from him. you seem to be okay getting them lended from a friend though so i 'd let it slide. :\ gl m8
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]thanks a lot for giving your time.. your cool man..LOL
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
Maybe your relative just needs the money or he may be currently short on cash or funds. If he is not, then I think he is a bit selfish/greedy. I agree with you that relatives should help one another as much as he/she can, especially in times of need. There is nothing wrong in lending textbooks to your relative free of charge especially if the books are just sitting idle in the bookshelf. I myself lend my textbooks to my cousins if I don't currently need the books. Sometimes, I even just give the textbooks to them permanently for them to keep free of charge.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]We always did that, we always passed on whatever things and materials to the next user if needed, there are school materials that my older son and daughter that passed on to them, same thing with them to my young son, this is the first time that it happens which really dissappoint me. thank you for your comment.
• Ireland
26 Apr 09
His only defense may be his age...sometimes young people have not learned yet to see past themselves. And maybe he genuinely, if wrongly, thought he had made you a generous offer. having said that, I completely understand your disappointment in him. You feel let down and hurt, but in the end its his loss..this relative will, I suspect, lose your affection and trust. How you handle it is up to you. Any chance he would feel bad the moment you actually handed money over to him ? My father always said' money and family don't mix', and he may have been right!
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]just to let it pass, I decided to buy a new one, and good thing one of my friends lent me the same books and materials my son needed, so I guessed I'm not a bad person at all. thanks and happy mylotting!
@junojose (43)
• India
26 Apr 09
It has been proved several times that expectations lead to sorrow.I think your life will be even more happier if you dont expect anything from others.That's what i do usually.And that's why you dont easily become desparate.
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
[b][/b]yes I guess so, I'm just letting my feelings out, thank you for you advice.. really appreciated it.
@sambilay (175)
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
maybe the person is in need of money. But sometimes money rules over anything else. depending on the person himself. depending also to the maturity of a person to understand situations.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
[b][/b]He's already have a job,single and at the same time well-supported by her mother and sister who are both living in another country. That's why I know he is not in anyway short of money, maybe on the maturity level... thanks!
@megh4u (372)
• Alpharetta, Georgia
26 Apr 09
According to me college matrial is quite important in your further knowledge so I don't sell my stuff so that in future I can reference from those books but in case of selling books I am strictly not supportive because there are many persons who can't afford to buy new books so I prefer to give them for free rather selling the for few bux.
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
[b][/b]thank you, we have the same opinion, I just felt bad, because we are used to sharing things with one another in the family, then this thing came out.
@tzaddi (395)
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
i don't know what to say my friend. maybe your relative needs money at that time. but everytime i borrow something from my relatives, usually from my cousins, they just let me borrow it and return it after i'm done using it..well it depends on what i'll borrow..but i think you should talk to him and you two will be alright..ΓΌ
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
[b][/b]Good for you, we are always that way in my family, we always helped each other with no questions ask or favor in return, it's just this one that have this kind of attitude, thank you for responding to my discussion.Happy mylotting!