Are you more passive or aggressive?

@JenInTN (27565)
United States
April 26, 2009 4:48pm CST
My girls are like night and day which brings me to this question. One is very laid back and will put up with just about anything. The other is more forward and blunt. I ask myself..what am I? I tend to let things go sometimes that maybe should be sddressed..which leans to passive...but there are times when I am very forward with what I want..lol. More passive or agressive? I'm not sure really. So I figured I ask my friends here..which are you? Maybe I'm both depending on the day.
6 people like this
23 responses
@xParanoiax (6999)
• United States
27 Apr 09
It depends what on. I'm a multilayed girl, there's more to me than what's on the surface. For example, on the surface, I'm quite laid back, quiet, and reserved -- though when I do speak it's usually either with great seriousness or humor, with light and dry sarcasm. But in my personal life, I can be quite fiery, with my goals I can be quite aggressive and persistant, in my relationships I'm more like a chirping kitten than a cooing dove. I'm not either extremes -- passive OR aggressive, but subtle shades of both.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Apr 09
multilayered***
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
LOL..I like the word multilayered for this discussion. That would best describe me too. I hardly ever complain about anything but when I do ..people listen..lol.. I have a way of chosing my battles. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 09
Jenn- I'll tell you what I am, I am assertive. In our society women have been demonized for being assertive, and labeled aggressive for this trait. There is nothing wrong with being as you are, standing up for what is right. And there is nothing wrong with being more quiet about your thoughts as a woman either. I'm laid back most of the time, yet if something is truly in need of being stood up for, then I do so. I do try to do so with compassion, but there are certain things in life that are worth standing for, and being assertive about. After an abusive marriage, I am quite assertive about how men treat me. I don't deal with demonization anymore. And I've taught my girls to be that way. They do not need to bow because a man says to bow. Anyhow, those are my toughts today on the subject. Great discussion. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Heyya Anora! i always look forward to your input...assertive is a much better way to look at it. I have also been the victem of an abusive relationship and although it is a terrible thing to go through..it does make some of us stronger. Some of us it ruins. Your doing the right thing with those girls..yes..assertive is a goos word. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 09
Jen- I'm sorry you had to go through a hard situation, and I agree it does make us stronger, and yet sadly it does ruin some of us. I hope your healing journey continues! Namaste-Anora
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Yours too Anora
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 May 09
Much more passive but learning the importance of speaking up!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 May 09
Good for you dawnald! I think it's great to be passive with a hint of assertiveness when it's called for. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 May 09
better late than never...
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
27 Apr 09
I have a natural tendency to be more on the passive side, although I have learnt to assert myself when necessary as I have grown older. I am in the process of teaching my seven year old some assertiveness tips because she is also quite a passive, sensitive person and other children have been bossing her around a bit which has upset both of us. These days I find that if there is something that means a lot to me I have no problem asserting myself accordingly!
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Hi paula! I think assertive is a much better word. I think there are times in our life in which we all have to be a bit on the assertive side. How is that coming along with your daughter. I remember your discussion on that. Thanks for responding and take care.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
27 Apr 09
I am working with my daughter and I have spoken to the mother of another child that was particularly pushy with her. I bought her a book on assertiveness for kids and we read it together. Hopefully she'll get something out of it. Thanks for asking!
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
27 Apr 09
Hi there. I came across your discussion and certainly think it's very interesting. If I ask myself this question, I'd say that I'm more towards passive and aggressive. I do look at situations at hand and if the issues are more menial and don't need much attention, I'd go passive on them. But if the issues are quite attention-seeking and have gone way beyond rational thoughts and efforts, I would turn aggressive and that is the part that I don't quite like about myself. However, I do believe that there are certain limits to all this and I'm happy that I'm more passive on most days and only aggressive at certain times.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Hi zed_k4! It depends on the day and situation for me too. I choose my battles carefully. I think that the aggressive part can be an asset if we learn how to use it properly but it isn't the best part of me either. Thanks for taking interest in my discussion. Take care.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
27 Apr 09
no problems ...
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
26 Apr 09
i think u already know my answer but here i am. i am aggresive, i have 2 sons , one is like me, the other is not. i don't think kids are ever alike no matter how many u have. they are just there own little person. would be a boring place if everyone was alike, huh?
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
It would indeed be a boring place. Your right..children are definately their own little people. Thanks for responding..lol..I did know your answer
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
27 Apr 09
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Apr 09
hi jen, I think I fall somewhere in the middle of both. For the most part, I am so laid back that most people think that nothing could get me fired up....until it does and then they are all shocked. My girls know me better than anyone in the world and they laugh when people say...oh i've known your mom for years...you are so lucky...she never gets angry. They could talk to me about anything & did. I tolerated with an amount of humor all their teen stuff but I never had any tolerance for the disrespectful back-talk or lack of consideration of my time. I don't like being used. I really can't stand seeing someone treat another person disrespectfully or cruelly and if you are my offspring...you will see my rath. I don't do lying. I have no tolerance for it. I'm both, I think. It all depends on the day and the situation. I think I tend to come across as passive and maybe that's so...i do try to find a peaceful way to handle all situations but then there are those times....
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Hi sid! I feel the same way about disrespect or cruelty. It does put a fire under me when I see such things as well. I am very strict with my children where these matters are concerned. I also have a great issue with the mistreatment of the elderly. These are people,in my opinion that deserve the upmost respect. Thanks for responding.
@Hvaniday1 (550)
• Malaysia
28 Apr 09
Sometimes blunt and passive. Don't know how to describe...ha ha, very confuse eh. Have not thought of that before, now you have made me think. My daughter is very good at getting what she want in her very own way.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
LOL..got to keep you on your toes. I bet she takes after her father
@anniefannie (1743)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I guess I am both too Is a matter of what is happening or going on that day.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
It does matter what's going on for me too. Thanks for responding.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I use to be very aggressive but now I am more passive. Old age set in and I just don't care enough to get that excited about anything again. But I must say George W came pretty close to getting my temper going.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Even the most laid back person has their limits..lol..I'm better now than I was too. Take care and thanks for responding.
@madasp (563)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Your girls sound just like mine. They are nothing alike in looks or personality and have even been asked by friends if one or the other was adopted LOL I'm definately a more passive person. Not much gets me upset and I don't care for drama. Unless it involves my family. I've been known to go a little off the deep end when I feel like I have to defend my kids when I know they're not wrong (just ask our high school principle LOL). For the most part, I let them handle their problems on their own and I never interfere if they were in the wrong, but if I do end up having to step in it can get pretty crazy. So, even though I can be aggressive if the situation calls for it, I would still consider myself a passive person. Life is too short to get worked up about every little thing.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
LOL..I've had a round or two with a teacher or principal as well. I am protective..lol..I think I have went through stages of both in my life of one or the other. I am much more passive now than when I was younger.It really does depend on the day and the deal I'm facing. Thanks for the response and take care.
@chillpill90 (1937)
27 Apr 09
i think being passive or aggressive can depend on your mood and the day your having. I find that if im having a good day and am in a good mood im very passive and laid back and let thinks go. If im in a bad mood or someone is ruffling my feather over something i feel strongly about then i become aggressive. I think that you can be both on the same day cos your mood can change during a day and so can you behaviour.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Thanks for the input! I think that it can greatly depend on your mood as to how you react. There are some people that are mostly one or the other but if their mood changes..it can change everything. Thanks again.
@rakesh284 (1473)
• India
27 Apr 09
I think you are also kind of person which is reacting on the basis of the condition which are in front of you. We just can't be aggressive or passive at every situation. That totally depends on our thinking as well as on the surrounding. We just can't shout at our younger ones in a party if they do some mistake rather than we have to politely explain them there mistake and warn them that it should not happen again. It is just an example about aggression. So our aggressive passive behavior totally depends on the conditions around us and we have to take the discussion considering every aspect of life and things around us.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I agree rakesh. It does depend on a number of things for how someone will react. It does boil down to a matter of control as well. Thanks for the input.
@se7enthbird (8328)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
i can say i am both but it depends on the situation. just like you there are times that i can just sit down and look and there are times were i voice out and get heard. so it all sepends on the situation. when it comes with my band i can say i am all aggresive and when it comes ay home i am passive i just go on what my wife wants me to do har har har.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Hi se7enthbird! It's easy to get aggressive over a career. Your comfort is at home so you can be really laid back. Thanks for responding.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
27 Apr 09
I'm neither really. Sometimes i can put up with alot, and just get over things like that. However other times, i'm so on edge and stressed out. It completely relies on 1. What mood i'm in, and 2. The situation at hand. XD Normally i'll try to avoid confrontation though. Unless someones looking for an argument.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
It depends on the day and situation for me too. I have been known to put up with a lot to until I get fed up. Thanks for the response.
• United States
27 Apr 09
I'm agressive, always have been. I was taught to be passive agressive but we learn what not to do from our parents so I'm agressive. My kids are the same, my son will get a little tempered if he doesn't like the situation but its usually my daughter who is the instigator and I think he's learned to just let it go.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
It's easier to let it go when it's someone that is close to us. I think that these are traits we are born with. I guess I would be a little of both depending on the day..lol..Thanks for the response.
@celticeagle (119841)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Apr 09
I am more passive for most things. But if things are important or something that really needs addressed then I can be very aggressive especially if it comes to my kids. Or used to because I have even shifted alittle on that of late. I think I am both depending on the day or the issue. For the most part though I am a passive person. I don't get into people's faces or try to be demanding.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
There are definately certain things that make us become more aggressive. I think the most laid back person can become a lion if they are pushed or cornered. Thanks for the response.
@coldmoon (1092)
• France
26 Apr 09
I think I'd rather be passive. I always follow the ideas and the courages of others. But if anyone try to abuse my passiveness, I will turn to be aggressive immediately.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
We all need to take up for ourselves. Thanks for the response.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Hey Jen! Well, if you are both then that would explain the difference in your girls! lol I am probably more aggressive! But, there are times when I will be passive just because I don't feel like bothering to get into an argument! But, if I had to choose I would have to pick aggressive! I don't like to let anyone get over on me! I used to be very aggressive! But, I have calmed down alot! But, that was only since my anger management classes and medication! lol
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
LOL!! I could have used a few of those classes when I was younger too. I was much more aggressive when I was younger. I'm pretty laid back for the most part but I do have my days. You know how it is..life isn't easy sometimes and it forces us to be a bit aggressive. Thanks for responding.
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I don't like confrontation, so I'll avoid it and try and put up with it. But when I reach my limit, I blow up.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I don't like it either..I always try to be nice. I do have a limit too though. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this