What are your insecurities?
By miamilady
@miamilady (4910)
United States
April 28, 2009 6:49am CST
I believe most of us have SOME things that we are insecure about.
I know I do.
Overall, I don't think I'm a hugely insecure person, but I have my moments.
My biggest problem is that, in general, I worry a little too much about what people think of me.
Now, it's not something that I dwell on TOO much. I pretty much do what I think is right regardless of what others might think. I like helping people because it's the right thing to do. But, I also like it when people actually appreciate what I'm doing.
Another area where it is a little bit of a problem for me is shopping for clothes, shoes and purses. Sometimes I'll avoid buying stuff if I think people will perceive it as "cheap". I'll buy my clothes and stuff from "discount" stores to save money, but I'll avoid products that would make it obvious that I bought there. For example there are certain K-Mart and WalMart brands that I won't wear if it's got their logo on it. I buy shoes at payless sometimes, but I don't necessarly want to buy the shoes that they have on those big posters or their flyers for fear of someone recognizing them....I hate it when people ask me "where did you buy that?" if I bought it in a store that they might perceive as "cheap" or "low end". It isn't because I'm a snob, it's because I worry about what others think of me. If you were to tell you you bought it there I'd think great. Good deal! Smart person! Good find!
My sister is a shopaholic. she's is foruntately enough that she can afford to me (at least up until now she has been) She's not big on namebrand shopping she just buys LOTS of stuf from anywhere even k-mart and she's not embarassed to say so.
I admire people who really dont' care what people think of them.
So there...that's my little phobia/insecurity.
what's yours?
3 people like this
18 responses
@sergedan (767)
• Romania
28 Apr 09
I am insecure, but I don't want to talk about them, because then you would know I am insecure and you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. When I say you I mean people I know, who knows when my mummy will get a hold of this discussion and spank me for it?
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
lol
I keep wondering if I'm paranoid or just really perceptive. I haven't figured it out yet.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 09
I have to admit that I have quite a few insecurities but I am working on them, I guess the main one for me is rejection, I know most of us don't like to be rejected it's true but for me it's a big issue, it's crazy in a way because if there are ten people and nine people like me and one doesn't I get upset and I let the one person who doesn't like me pray on my mind, why don't they like me, what have I done to them, it conjures up images of rejection, I have been rejected a lot in life and that has destroyed my self esteem which is very very fragile. I let my moods be affected by others and I constantly need reassurance especially from partners that they want me! Which can actually drive me and my partners up the wall! I also have jealousy as one of my insecurities too, I had a brief partner who would constantly flirt with others in front of me, they were playing games with me and would blow hot and cold, the fact that they would blatantly lie to me too. I find it hard to trust people at the best of times, I have chosen to ignore this partner even though I love being with them they are just damaging my self-esteem and basically they are doing my frigging head in!
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 09
That made perfect sense my friend and I appreciated the response, I suffer terribly with anxiety issues so I welcomed the explanation in the kids terminology, to be honest I find some of the books full of jargon and long words that it doesn't sink in so if you have any other tips about surviving anxiety I would surely welcome them. Anxiety sometimes ruins my life and I find it very difficult to socially interact with people. I feel people judge me and I long to able to control my nerves and anxiety which was actually instrumental in me losing my job and not being able to work again. I fear people, that is why I spend most of my time behind the computer where it's safer if that makes sense. Thank you for your inspirational and welcome reply my friend.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Thanks for sharing that. I have a little bit of the problem of worrying about the 1 in 10 people that don't like me. Maybe not as much as you having it right now, but it's definitely there... YOu mentioning that reminded me of something that they taught my son when he was going through an anxiety program. They try to put things on a kids level because the program is for children.
they talked about how we tend to focus on the one bad little thing instead of focusing on ALL the good stuff. They used cookies as an example. They talked about how if you bake an entire big batch of cookies and you burn ONE cookie, we sometimes tend to get stuck on that ONE cookie instead of being glad about the 50 yummy cookies. I don't know why...but somehow that explanation went a long way in helping him and helping me...
As far as your relationship with "the flirt" I don't know if she was "messing with you" or if it was just in her nature to be a flirt. Some people tend to just naturally be more flirtatious than others. That isn't a reflection of you or any shortcomings, it's just who she happens to be...I am a little bit of a flirt, my sister is a HUGE flirt. My daughter, I think is somewhere in the middle... It's not something that is done without any regard to the feelings of the person we're with, it's just in our natures to be friendly and outgoing...
Of course, when you're in a relationship each person does need to be sensitive to the other persons feelings and insecurities, but I guess it's always a challenge to figure out how much to accomadate the person we love and at what point to we stop being ourselves in order to accomadate that person.
Does that make sense?
I didn't mean to go on for so long. I guess your response inspired me to be chatty. lol
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
"I fear people, that is why I spend most of my time behind the computer where it's safer if that makes sense"
It does make sense and I'd love to share what I've learned. I spent many hours learning about anxiety disorders in an attempt to help my son. I have posted a couple brief discussions on the topic, and have wanted to post more, but "time manangement" is a bit of a challenge for me at the moment.
I came across several helpful books on the subject. Of course, because I was trying to help my son, most of the books are either about or for children's anxieties and more specifically "school anxiety" and "school phobia", but a lot of the ideas, explanations and concepts are the same.
I know from watching my son go through it that it is a difficult thing to overcome and it can be quite debilitating. Fortunately, my son has managed to overcome his biggest fears. He's "slipped" a few times, but so far we've remained moving forward.
I will try to come back with more information within the next day or two. I'm on my way out to my daughter's softball game right now!
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
30 Apr 09
One of my insecurities is my weight. I take a lot of medication and it packs on the pounds because it interferes with the way my body handles food and water. I also had a few genetic jokers in my deck. (I do like to eat too...)
*
Before you diet and exercise preachers preach, let me fill you in. My medical condition makes exercise outside the apartment rude and at times obscene as I have issues with incontinence. Inside the apartment, I have enough room to maybe toss a cat. I don't eat wheat: Headaches I do not want. When I was 23 I caught seven viruses at one time, and it was strictly downhill from there.
*
Unlike discount bags & shoes that can hide their less than pricey origins, there is nothing one can do about a wide-load that follows you everywhere you go.
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
3 May 09
Thank you for not preaching! You don't know how much that's appreciated!
*
As for the seven viruses, your body's like a hotel, some bodies are more accommodating than others. Viruses know when a body is nice and run down, ready for occupation. Seven though, I just had bad luck that I found so many...
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
1 May 09
Seven viruses at one time? How did that happen?
I won't preach about diet and excercise, I promise! I try preaching those things to myself but I'm not a very good listener!
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
30 Apr 09
I am always worried about having my shirt ride up or my pants hang low so I am forever tugging. I know I'm not fat but I can't stand the look of 'excess' hanging out over pants (the dreaded muffin tops) and I am always paranoid of it. I see girls of all shapes and sizes exposing unsightly and unnecessary rolls and it really bugs me. I'm also quite insecure about my skin as genetics was really not my friend in that department!
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
30 Apr 09
I know what you mean. It seemed as if there was a period of time where it was next to impossible to find jeans that weren't super low and tops that weren't super short. Thank God they started making t-shirts longer again...And there are more choices in jeans again.
@NuttyMomma (901)
• United States
2 May 09
maybe I'm crazy but (I don't call myself NuttyMomma for nothing) I am not insecure about how I look, I have finally come to accept that I am not going to ever be that skinny girl with long legs. I like my body, I can stand to get into better shape but I am not insecure about myself. I do however have anxiety issues and I am insecure about things that I shouldn't waste my time worrying about. I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life and sometimes when you have experienced some really bad times and then things get better you don't forget about the bad times and they are always there in your mind. It is like sometimes I can't fully enjoy my life because of worry. Sometimes it becomes a struggle. I certainly never care what others think about me or where I shop. No one is perfect and just because someone spends more money than I do on stuff it doesn't make them better than me. In fact, I might just be smarter because if I can spend less and get something the same quality who is the dumb one? I am thrifty because I need to be and because it is dumb not to be. I think you need to love yourself enough to say you are worthy which we all are, and screw what anyone else thinks. for me, I know worrying doesn't change anything but I still find myself stuck in old ways.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
3 May 09
I think that there can be a certain amount of "healthy" anxiety and then, of course, if we worry TOO much, then it becomes unhealthy.
There are times when things are going really well in my life, that I start to think it's only a matter of time before sommething starts to go wrong again.
Is that what you were describing? For me, it's not something I dwell on much, but occassionally an "uneasy feeling" will pop up.
I think a small amount of anxiety is okay. It reminds us to be careful.
I think it's just when it prevents us from doing things that we need to be doing or when it just takes over our thoughts constantly, that it becomes unhealthy.
@NuttyMomma (901)
• United States
3 May 09
to be honest it does border on the unhealthy at times. I have gotten more of a handle on some things that I used to worry about but other things are sometimes out of control.
@Kenntoy (20)
• United States
29 Apr 09
I also worry about what people think, i know i shouldn't but i just cant help it, especially since people tend to stare at me a lot. I am definitely hung up on my weight, but i am taking steps to get healthy and bring the weight down.
I'm not into spending a lot of money on clothes and shoes either, I'm a clearance shopper myself, i don't think it's being cheap, i think it's being sensible, and there is nothing wrong with that right?
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
2 May 09
I shop clearance too, and no, there is nothing wrong with being sensible.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
30 Apr 09
going outside of the house now, I have been housebound for so many years now that I dread going out.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
8 May 09
I think you need to learn to love and respect yourself for what you are on the inside. It doesn't matter what people think about you on the outside... it's their problem, not yours. If you can find the confidence to override any feelings you may have that the shallow people are sneering at the clothes you choose to wear, then you'll be much happier. It must be gruelling sneaking round Walmart or K-Mart trying to find something that others won't recognise as "cheap". I'm also quite sure that 90% of Americans buy their gear at these stores, and don't give a hoot what others say.
As you say, it's an insecurity, and one that you can do without, my friend. Try to overcome this feeling... understand that as long as you're comfortable in these clothes, then you look great, and to heck with anybody else. You'll find your life will be much happier and more carefree.
Brightest Blessings.
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
31 Jul 09
It's funny... I wonder if there's some kind of tradeoff in regard to insecurities... For example, I used to be dreadfully afraid of public speaking, beautitful woman and driving cars. Now, I don't fear them things at all, but I am dreadfully afraid of my (rather bad) colon health, the direction our country is heading, and just plain old being wrong and/or insensitive.
Interesting post, as yours usually are. thanks,
DR...
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
28 Apr 09
When I was a child I was very shy and insecure. Kids made fun of me because I wore glasses and my last name rhymed with "tomater". I am still a little shy. But I don't worry too much about that anymore. As far as what I wear I do have WalMart stuff. I have had an occasional expensive outfit. But I learned a long time ago that you can look fine on a budget. I know those who have to have certain things but things are not that important to me anymore. Of course I would love to have a nice home where I could enjoy having friends and family visit. Material things are nice to have but we must remember "name brands" say nothing about the inside of the person wearing them. I met Stanley Marcus of Neiman Marcus one time. I will never forget his philosophy for his store clerks. Be nice to everyone. The person who looks well dressed may not have a lot of money and the guy in torn jeans and scruffy hair may be rich. Treat them all with dignity and respect.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
I was tought (and believe) the same philosophy. I heard examples of people who were wealthy coming into a real estate office and not being attended to by some people and then ended up making very large purchases. The bottom line is, regardless of the "potential" of a person, everyone deserves to be treated with respect unless they do something in their actions to lose respect.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 May 09
When I was younger, I was very shy and I was self-concious about that...big time. I felt I was pretty boring to be around because I added so little to the conversation. I was insecure about being too skinny, too many zits, etc. I never actually cared about whether anyone knew that I bought cheap clothes or not. I do buy cheap clothes and I used to make most of my clothes back when it was cheaper to sew than buy. As I got older, I find I care less and less about what other's think and i am more accepting of my flaws of which there are many. By that I don't mean that my flaws are ok and that I don't work to change for the better because I do. 
@weng_08 (282)
• Philippines
28 Apr 09
Hello miamilady,
I guess your insecurity is quite common. I have friends who would not even try to wear new styles of clothes, or dangling earring for the fear of being noticed. I encourage them to do their own business and stop thinking of what people might think or say. I do not care much about others, maybe because I am not critical of them either. I wear what I want to.
In fact, it makes me feel proud when they notice my clothes which I have bought at surprisingly low prices. I tell them it all depends on how you wear them. However, I also go for quality. Unfortunately, inexpensive clothes are not as durable as the branded ones, but whenever I get to come across something that is inexpensive, I tell my friends about it.
I have gotten out of my shell. I used to be shy too, when I was younger. I have been in this world for 32 years, LOL, and it makes me feel like I now have the license to do the things the way I want to.
Have a great day!
Weng
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Thanks for your post. I does seem someimes as if we just naturally shed some of our insecurities as we get older. It's great that you are so comfortable with yourself.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
28 Apr 09
one of the ways I got over being self conscious about buying my cloths and shoes at the discount shops is to say the following to people who ask. If they said something was cute, I'd say yes isn't it, you'd never guess where I got it? I got it at the Good Will. This taught me not to be concerned about things that don't matter and also I got the reputation for being a very good shopper. By exaggeration the thing that I was concerned about I learned that people I wanted to be friendly with really didn't care so I learned not to care either. This is what I would call a little white lie or you could just say I got it at where ever you got it.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
28 Apr 09
Thanks for your reply. Sounds like a great way of being proactive and overcoming your insecurities. I just might try it!
@Pleiades (846)
• United States
29 Apr 09
My insecurity is so retarded...it's being with a man who doesn't treat me like I'm the best thing in the world for him. The last man I was with did mention something to his family and friends about me...but with his new woman, he's all but shouting from the rooftops about how much in love he is with her.
So...I feel bad when I have to be placed under the mat, hidden from the world.
*Pleiades
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
2 May 09
If he didn't treat you the way you deserved to be treated, then he wasn't the right one for you. Hopefully you will meet the "right one" soon, or whenever the time is right. Thank you for replying.
@celticeagle (159008)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Apr 09
Ya, I worry about what people think about me too. And my kids. I do what is right regardless too. I don't care what people think as far as the clothes I wear or shoes and purses. I like to be different and I buy where I can afford to. I think I would be a shopaholic if I could afford it. I am very insecure about my body now and my face. Age has caught up to me and I feel like I look old. I wonder alot how I look to other people. I like my uniquesness and I don't care what people think as far as that is concerned.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
29 Apr 09
Hey miamilady! I don't know what my insecurities are! I
guess I am afraid that people will think that I look old
now since I am! I also don't mind shopping in the "low end"
stores like you mentioned! When people would compliment me
on my clothes or shoes I would have no problem telling them
that I bought something in Payless or K-MART! It just means
that you are a bargain shopper! I don't really care what
people think of me like I used to. I just feel kind of
uncomfortable because I now where fake teeth and I am very
insecure about that. I am afraid that they are going to
fall out while I'm talking! I haven't had them for too long
and I just can't get used to them! I am very embarassed by
them even though my friends tell me that they aren't noticable
because I have a small mouth and you can't see them!
@Hedwig (283)
• China
29 Apr 09
One of my insecurity is that I care too much about people's opinions about myself, just like you. When I was in senior high school, I accidentally learnt that some of my classmates spoke ill of me , it made me so sad, because I always trust everyone I know and consider them as very kind person. Their behaviors seemed to destroy my belief in people's goodness.
Another insecurity is that I often worry about my future and wonder whether I can lead to a happy life. My definition of a happy life is having a satisfactory job and a warm family. Whether I can achieve both of them is my biggiest insecurity at present time.
