Relationships

United States
April 28, 2009 10:17am CST
Ok the thing is I have two people that I am dating and well I love both of them very much but I cant stand just cheating on them it so wrong. But I have lied to them by saying that I promise that I would never hurt them or breack their heart I know it is wrong for doing this but now I need the a solution if I tell them both then I will lose them but if I tell just one of them then I'll lose that one and I really don't want to keep lying to them but I dont want to hurt them by letting them find out. But then I feel so wrong cause we have been making future plans and everything but I just don't know wat to do please dont think that I am a bag of dirt cause I really didnt mean for this to happen please can someone help me give me some suggestions......!
2 people like this
16 responses
• United States
28 Apr 09
This might sound harsh, but here is my opinion.... You started on this whole thing and did not consider their feelings too much, it seems. Now you're invested, you care about them, etc. Let me ask you this, would you let your sister, daughter or mother date someone who was doing the same thing to them? I think that if you care about them as much as yousay you do, you should come clean and be completely honest. They don't deserve to be cheated on and create plans in their mind including you and then it's all one big lie. They both may very well walk away and stay away but you've got to be willing to accept that. I mean, would you want to stay with you? They might want to work things out, who knows. But I'm telling you, come clean, it's the right thing to do and plus you'll feel much better.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 09
I agree, it was not the best decision to lie to both of them to begin with. I understand they are probably both lovely girls and there are probably things in each of them that you do love, but it isn't fair to them, or to you, to keep this up. If they find out from someone else you will probably have no chance at all with either of them. You need to tell them both the truth. NOW! I would respect you alot more if you owned up to your mistakes, came clean, apologized (on your knees no less) and begged for forgiveness, than if I had to hear it from someone else. I think you need to do some serious soul searching, and find out which of these two women you Honestly see yourself spending forever with, assuming, of course, either one of them ever speaks to you again. But I do know it will only get worse for everyone involved to keep up this charade. Come clean, now, before you hurt either of them any more. The only thing worse than living a lie for 6 months is living it for 6 months and a day. (or however long it's been, you get the idea.) be a man, and tell the truth, I know it's hard but it's the right thing to do and you will feel better, I promise. Hope this helps.
1 person likes this
@marites31 (267)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
dont break your head thinking about it coz it will make ur life miserable. you better choose..
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
well, i would rather back out of both relationships with them knowing the truth and you facing the facts that you would try to figure out yourself first. no offense, correct em if i'm wrong, but i think it is not only in this relationship that you intentionally chose what you think is wrong. how's your professional life? your family relationship? what about your goals in life? peace
@Ruby722 (798)
• China
29 Apr 09
Shawn You know that you get a big mistake.The relationship became more and more complicated if you do't solve it.you must be know it is unfair to the guys.and if they find out ...... So just think the two guys which one you like more and choose him. this thing let is go
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
29 Apr 09
Honesty is better and so I would encourage you to search your heart and see who your heart prefer and then tell the other one the truth. It does not feel good to be play and remember what goes around comes around. It is sad when a man or woman do these things but my friend hurt is not a good thing.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
28 Apr 09
i think you have to be honest to both of them NOW!!! sorry, but i hate cheaters and i think what you have done to both of the women is not fair at all... you started it all... so now you have to have the gut to bear the consequences as a man... even if you have to lose both of them, you have to accept it... how long do you think you can keep this from them??? what will happen if they find this out one day from other people??? wouldn't it be worst??? so own up now before it is too late and take the consequences... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
28 Apr 09
You are going to end up hurting at least one of them. Eventually, you will have to choose one, and hopefully before they find out about each other! If you are serious with two people, I am surprised that they still don't know about each other, or at least suspect something. You cannot go on dating both of them forever. You know that won't work. You will have to break your promise to one of them and break their heart. They will move on, like everyone else that suffers a breakup. It hurts for a while, then it goes away. He/she may hate you forever. That is a chance you have to take. Whatever you do, don't break up with one by telling them about the other one! That could backfire. The one you break things off with could have a nice little conversation with the one you're still with and tell them that he's been duped! Then you'd lose them both.
@swatig (1187)
• India
28 Apr 09
If you want the really solution of your problem, then i say that you speak truth to both of them whether separately or both together because if they really like you, they accept your way of telling truth and return back to you and if they don't like then there is no question of maintaining the relationship with them. this way, you can understand their views about you and about in general about life.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
28 Apr 09
You obviously feel some guilt over it. You need to tell both of them, if you lose them......keep in mind why you lost them. I have to wonder, would you rather them find out from someone else? And I also have to wonder if either would want to stay, after all you have lied to both of them, and not been honest, and yet you say you have been making future plans, with both? Think you really aren't ready for a serious relationship, with just one person. If you were, this wouldn't have happened. I think you need to look in the mirror so to speak, and figure out where your life is headed and what you want from life. And if that means the chance of losing both of them, well honesty is better than a lie.
1 person likes this
@Rtlsnk316 (1197)
• Mexico
28 Apr 09
Hi Shawn700, Of course it is a bummer, we can't always get what we want, and this is one of the "shot yourself in the foot" cases, you thought you could pull it out, it was fun at the beggining and everything, but eventually made you feel like you are doing right now. Of course you feel like a bag of dirt to say the least, but you aren't, you're human, it is normal to make mistakes, but if you continue doing the same mistake over and over, that's just what you are. Try to rescue a little integrity and accept the fact that you messed up things big time, let go of something and continue with your life, it is too short to live just blaming yourself.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
29 Apr 09
No matter how you define it, I call this two timing and cheating. You must make a choice and choose only one person. It's true that you'll break a person's heart but imagine if they find out you've been two timing them all this time. By that time, they're not only hurt, their heart will crush! Just choose the one that you love more than another or you'll end up losing both someday.
• India
29 Apr 09
hi, at last u realize your mistake.Then the very first thing you should do is tell them the truth. What will happen the worse is may be they both will leave u and go away. At least u will no longer feel guilty for what u are doing right now. Again their is other side of life - maybe the one u love truly or the one who loves u truly may not leave u as u told her the truth and not cheated her any more.
@yuguoli (83)
• China
29 Apr 09
Just be straight to tell them. To error is human but you can never error in your whole life. Glad you found and shared with us, and that means you know at least what the right is and what the wrong is. If you don't pull it out then you'll be greatly regreted and bad results would come and I don't want to say 'you deserve it' or something like that. Just make your option. I guess this is the only way and I remind you it's not a solution but it's just a way. No solution for such situation forever. Good luck.
@mvicky1 (49)
• China
29 Apr 09
I think you need to make the desion quickly. you know that more time more hurt. if you realy don't want hurt them,make your desion,and tell them the truth and reason.
@kryzell (921)
• Philippines
29 Apr 09
No matter how good your intentions are...you still lied. Better choose between them the soonest. The longer it takes for them to find out...the more painful it will be for both of them. You are already causing them pain right now...don't worsen it.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
29 Apr 09
Shawn700, Love doesn't go to the one that felt the affection first - it goes to the first person who initiates and makes it happen. Nobody says you need to be hasty, but if you are apathetic towards the true emotions that are growing inside of you, you will come to regret in the future, should your cosmic lesson revolved around the notion of passiveness. People hold their tongue and hesitated in the expression of love for numerous of reason; but regardless of rationale, the root of it all is fear. Which is more painful? Fear or regret? The answer is probably haunting you right now. Losing someone is no big deal - but losing someone whom previously you might have a chance with probably inflicts a blow ten times. It seemed that you don't really have much alternative right now; either you live in quiet misery or you risk ruining one good friendship. Both choices are as miserable as it can get a choice between expired can food and soured milk. Have a nice day.