How to deal with stubborn kid

My Princess - This is my stubborn 8-yr-old daughter. Actually, she looks like an angel.
Indonesia
April 30, 2009 11:12am CST
My eldest daugther is only 8 years old but I sometimes feel desperate to deal with her as she is so stubborn. If I asked her to do something, she always argued first and after I insisted her, she did it reluctantly. Quite often I got upset and yelled at her. If this happened, she didnot say a word, but staring at me with mad eyes. Has anybody ever experience such kind of kid?? Is it because she feel jealuous to her little brother and sister? (She has a 6-yr-old brother and 2-yr-old sister). Please help me, I do want her to be obedient and behave like a sweet girl. I do love her very much and I usually feel really sorry after being mad at her.
3 people like this
12 responses
@jillbeth (2711)
• United States
30 Apr 09
She could be jealous, but she is probably just one of those people who are born with a strong will. That's not necessarily a bad trait, but it can be frustrating for parents! I have a granddaughter who is the same way, but she has learned that she must do what grandma says. Try your best not to become angry (Hard, I know!) with her and refuse to argue, because some people just love to argue over anything. It takes two to make an argument, you know. (She may make an excellent trial lawyer some day!) Tell her in a firm, no-nonsense way what you expect of her and give her some form of discipline for not following your request within a reasonable amount of time. Just love her as she is, because none of us is perfect, anyway!
1 person likes this
@jayrene (2713)
• Philippines
1 May 09
my eldest is a girl too... and she two little brothers. she have never given me that mad look, although there are times that we argue about somethings. what i dont really like about asking to her to do something is when she says wait... if she's watching tv or using computer, she would say wait, and i really dont like it. i use spanking as a method of punishment when i have too, and i make sure that they are respectful and that i can be a friend to them, a playmate, but there's that line... im their mom and their my kids, and they have to know that. i dont know about that being jealous thing, but my daughter's fond of her little brothers, especially with the two year old. but when she was younger, she used to fight with her next to her brother, but now they go along very well. now that she'll be 13 next month, she's more of a responsible daughter now. there are many things that i dont tell her to do, and does it without being told. i'm happy with how everything works now.
@rtslvtwy (1091)
• Malaysia
1 May 09
I believe how your 8-year-old daughter behaves today has a lot to do with how we as parents brought her up the last 8 years. But since she is already 8-years-old now, it is not that there is no help on her being stubborn. Maybe you can ask her to do something and in return she gets something else of her interest. Things like earning her points at home. With the additional points she earned she can exchange for something she likes / loves. It's like a rewards system. But, in order to have this reward system works, we as parents must not give her what she always wanted on a daily basis. We have to make them earn for what they wanted in life. This way, she will have a better reason to do what you ask her to do and will reduce being stubborn. You may want to try this method out.
@MasonL (97)
• Trinidad And Tobago
1 May 09
I think that you should remind her how much you love her and how much you appriciate her and that you are glad that she is here, tell her that you love her as much as you love the other two and really mean it. Get her by herself and tell her, may be she really feel left out, let her know that you're glad that she is the eldest and have a reason why, tell her you really love her then ask her if she loves you, when ever she comes from school or any where else always wellcome her back with hugs and kisses, letting her know that you're glad that she's back home safe. When ever you're asking her to do any thing for you, make sure and say please and thank you when she's finish. But you still have to be stern with her when she do something wrong, but compliment her when she do something right. Some times you need to look and see if the father has that same stubborn behaviour, if the father behaves the same way when you ask him to do something for you the children will behave the same way.
@wildcat48 (782)
• United States
1 May 09
Dear lnkzi62,you are not alone ,i have a little girl that well be 8 in june.she is also acting the way your little girl is,and she is the only at home right now.maybe they are going through the a stage or something.i hate myself for yelling at her some time.yea i want my sweet girl back too. so if any body has a really good ideal ,please let us know ,ok thanks.
• Philippines
1 May 09
Don't feel desperate, you are not alone. I also have a son who is stubborn. as what I observed, the more I yelled and scold him the more he become stubborn. I've tried different ways to deal with him and one thing I learn is that he will be obedient when I talk to him in a nice way. Then we agreed that when he will obey and behave like what I want him to be, I will give him incentive. Like we go out and eat or I will buy the thing he likes but this will never happen when he doesn't behave. I works. You can try that. Incentive style of dealing with your kid. But be firm..
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
1 May 09
many kid in that age always have their thought. and don't listen other's control. it is all right and popular. so don't worry about it. you will be ok when you kid grow up later. and every things will ok. i love mylot. Amen
@Trensue (5265)
• United States
30 Apr 09
Some of us are just plain stubborn! I found it very hard when my mother asked me if I would please do something. If she told me it was required right from the beginning we had less fights. For example, when she said "Would you please help pick up the toys?" as the stubborn child I was I was given a choice and my choice was no. She finally learned to say. "Feel free to complain later, but right now you will pick up your toys." If I refused there was no fighting or picking - she would just say "It sounds to me like you have a problem, because there is nothing else you can do until the toys are picked up." She really didn't listen. She would put on music, have some ice cream and allow me to be stubborn and pout to my hearts content. I sometimes watched everyone eat dinner while I was being stubborn. No one bothered me, but I really got to do nothing else. It worked
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
30 Apr 09
I think when we deal with stubborn people whatever kids or adults, we need a lot of patience and cannot get mad so easy. When dealing with kids, we have do the right compliment and punishment so they know what to do is right and what not to do is wrong. And, explaining to them about lots of stuff is important too, if the kids are really stubborn then we need double patience to explain.
@Amberina (1542)
• United States
30 Apr 09
Get used to it because it will happen for another few years lol. I have 3 kids and two are grown and gone I had a horrible time getting them to do anything and one thing I learned was if they where watching something on TV I would ask them When your done watching your show I need you to do the dishes and of course they always threw a fit but they ended up doing it if they tried to sneak out of the house before doing it I would catch them and say if you want to go outside then you have to do these dishes first or go to your room it's up to you. They either chose their room but in a few minutes they always came out and did the dishes.
30 Apr 09
She is only eight and you will probably see more of that behavior as she enters her teens. Or if you are lucky, you might not. It could her way of getting your attention possibly? I'm sure these things take time and patience. With love and plenty of pep talk (not nagging), she'll soon be on your side and understand her importance in your life and in the lives of her little siblings. Giving importance to children is important, as I have seen in my volunteering experiences with children. Make them feel important, explain to them how valuable their role is, and how you might struggle without their help, and they'll soon feel important and do your task. I suppose it is all about handling temperaments and temper tantrums. We cant always expect children to understand us and be on our side. Often, we have to understand their needs and get on their side. Just a little shift in thinking and you will soon see wonders! :-) Good luck
• United States
30 Apr 09
If this is something that happens all of the time I would sit down with her at a time that there has been no arguing and talk with her. I would explain to her that there are times to be stuborn and there are times to listen and do as she is told the first time. Tell her that you are going to do your best ot not yell at her any more but in exchange she will only be asked once, maby twice to do something and then she will automatically be grounded from her favorite item. If she argues back then she is taking the chance of being grounded automatically. Neither she nor her 6year old brother are too young to learn that back talking is not ok. I would also have this talk with her brother and have him under the same rules as big siter. Explain to her that he is under the same rules and as a big sister she teaches her brother how to act by example. Good luck with it, kids are fun and a challenge. just remember to set a punishment that you can live with because if it punishes you more than them then it will never work, that is why yelling doesn't work because you feel worse than your kid about it.