Have you ever kicked your child out of the house?

United States
May 1, 2009 4:29pm CST
My oldest son turned 16 the end of March and has decided he can do whatever he wants when he wants since he is 16 and all grown up now. Typical teen I know but he has pushed it to far. The other night he went to teen night at a local church and when he called, of course he didn't tell us he was going to this, at 9:13pm I told him to come straight home when the bus dropped him off where his car was. He went off on me. He cursed at me and told me I could deal with it. This was on a school night and he decided I was being a b#*ch so he decided not to come home that night. He didn't call and I had not a clue where he was all night. This was not the first time he has done this but he normally calls and says, "hey, I decided to stay with whoever" but not this time. I talked to his girlfriend the next day and told her if he wants to do his own thing he can just move out. I packed his stuff and told her he needed to come get it. Of course the next night I begged and then forced him to come home but what do you think. Did I go over board?
3 people like this
9 responses
• Ireland
2 May 09
Not yet! But I am on the verge of telling my 18 year old to either move out or change his life style! Though he is legally an adult, he doesn't behave like one. Bumming around all day, playing PC games, sleeping all day and basically putting off any plans for the future. Some days I am so fed up and can't watch him doing nothing ( while under my roof), other days I think he is better off here where I can keep an eye on him. Just don't know... So a bit like you5rself I am torn between wanting him with me, and telling him to leave! Mind you, if he was 16, I'd probably would not kick him out (yet)...
• United States
4 May 09
Good luck with that one! I have one, 13, and I have honestly not even known he was home because he was so quiet playing his video games. I am so glad I am not into those. I don't know how they do it. I can stand there almost right in front of him and talk to him and he still doesn't know I am even in the room. Craziest thing. Does your son have a job? My oldest is starting a job next Saturday and we both agreed that he is going to hand over to me, to put into HIS savings account, 1/2 of his paycheck. He can't wait untill he is 18 and can move out and even after all the troubles I have had with him, I want to make sure he can afford to live on his own. We have talked about the rent, first and last months rent due, turning utilities one and possible deposits, ext. I want him to have at least 2, hopefully 3 months expenses saved up in case of an emergency. Basically, so he doesn't have to call me asking for money. LOL. I couldn't believe it, he agreed to it and he feels this way, he WILL be able to move out when he wants and won't have to worry about coming back. Even though he drives me to the point of insanity, I still love him and want the best for him. He is a wonderfull student but seems to make the dumbest decisions sometimes. Well, I wish the best for you and good luck. You do have to let them go at some point or they will NEVER leave.
• Ireland
2 May 09
imho there are many ways you can deal with a "grown up" teen. My way would to GIVE him the responsibilities of a grown up and see how he likes it. He is allowed out on week end nights. He has to get HIMSELF up for school/work and if he is late privalliges are revoked. He has to do his own laundry. He has chores to do around the house to earn his pocket money/freedom, if he fails to do it his privallages are revoked. He has to be home on a week night before a certain hour all to be agreed with him present. He pays for his own cell phone/computer games etc. Literally give him his ADULT freedom, responsabilities and all. He has to make his own meals at weekends and when he gets a job he pays rent/utilities (only a minor amount).
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
2 May 09
He is a teen isn't it? I came here just after reading the title. I was about to share my story when I was a little kid and my mum gave me a punishment of living outside my house for 3-4 hours but this is more serious that I could think. Teens do feel that they are at top of the world and they don't need parneting any more. With all modern people around, it is very difficult handling teens. I have seen my teen age and I feel very scared when my kid would be a teenager. I don't know if you were over board or not but this is scary for me too!
• United States
4 May 09
So far it seems to have accually helped. He is back now, of course I had to physically go pick him up and force him to come home but he is home know and I have stopped worring about were he is and what he is doing. He is grounded and has been to school, which I have called to varify, and then back home. He feels trapped and very bored but he is not arguing it. I am hoping he learned a leason. I do know he has let me know, yesterday in fact, that in 1 1/2 years he WILL move out and can't wait. He doesn't like that we have so many kids. He wants to get away from all the hupla around here.
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
4 May 09
Is it the permanent solution? With your explanation, what I have understood is that he doesn't like being at home and obey your orders. Anyway: I wish best of luck for your child.
@mrdos910 (455)
• United States
2 May 09
I had to put my eldest son a few years back when he turned 18. Up until that time he had many run-ins with the law for thefts, underage dating of young girls under 15. When he turned 18, actually the day he turned 18, my grandfather was in serious medical condition and I was upset about that, my son made a comment to me, he said he was an adult now and I could not stop him from doing anything he wanted and I do not tell him what to do. So wife and I made the discussion to have him move elsewhere. Now he is in prison for many errors of his adult life so far.
• United States
2 May 09
That had to be hard to see where his life his turned. :0(
• United States
4 May 09
I feel for you. I understand though. My first husband, his father, was in prison before I met him and I don't want him to turn out like him. He remides me so much like him in so many ways. He had a temper just like my oldest. If I could get him to talk about things I think that would help but he isn't that kind of kid. He says I wouldn't understand. Of course I won't if they don't tell you what is going on. I am sorry to hear about your son but I have realized that you can only shelter them for so long before you have to let them learn on there own. You can only do so much.
• Philippines
2 May 09
No, you are just both human being and a mother. As a human being, you are not excused from being hurt but as a mother, you can not help but worry about your son. Try to gain back his trust irst before imposing rules.
• United States
4 May 09
See that is where my stubborn streak comes in. I feel he should be more worried about us gaining back his trust, not the other way around. It is hard to say that you don't trust your kid but needless to say, I don't trust him at all. He has no respect at all for anyone, especially me and my husband, and could care less what anyone else thinks. He has a lot to learn in life. Even though he thinks he has it all figured out. He will learn, I just don't want him to learn the hard way or get into something he can't get himself out of and would or could affect the rest of his life.
• United States
2 May 09
I have not literally done it as my oldest is only 6. Though I've told her if she was not going to behave accordingly that she can spend sometime with her Grandparents or great Aunt. She hated that idea because it's "boring" over there & there's no toys & nothing to do. But when rules are too much for a 6yo to follow maybe she'd like my in-laws style she'd be making her bed everyday, putting her own laundry away ect and maybe she'd appreciate her life at home. ((hugs)) sorry you are going thru this... My friend from highschool she's going thru this right now to some degree. Her one child got pg and had a baby @ 15 (almost 17yrs old now) didn't even know the father's name, just his "street name" & the guy was 20 something!!! The PD is still trying to find him. Then the other one was just found by the pd she ran away 2 months ago & during that time missed an appearance for shoplifting and is sitting in Juvi. I pray everyday that my children will have more respect for us and the life we try to give them while they are a child then to act in such a manner. Good Luck to you!
• United States
4 May 09
Oh my. I can't even imagine. My 11yr. old, one and only daughter, is just starting to like boys. We have told her that they are horrible and to stay away from them. If nothing else, just look at all 5 of her brothers! LOL!! So far, even thought ALL of her friends have boyfriends, and she has several who like her, she has agreed to wait untill she is 16 before having a boyfriend. I hope she really does. Well, I have always said, when you think your life is horrible, someonelse out there has it worse than you do. I would have to say her troubles are worse than mine. I just hope mine don't get that bad. Good luck with your little one and I wish all the best to your friend.
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
2 May 09
Welcome to the world on mid teens. Your son is at the stage in life where all reason and logic do not apply. And if mom ever tries to set him straight you can believe he will do just the opposite. You did not over react at all. Over reacting would be to throw all his belonging out the door and not ever allow any contact again. It is easy to tell that is not at all you. There are times when you have no choice but to do just what you have done. Of course by asking him to come back the very next day kind of took the effect away but you had the right idea. Children at this age think somehow there is very little more they need to know about life and there is no way they are going to listen to you. Especially when it means they can't do what they want to do. Your idea is what almost every parent wants to do at some point just to try to wake them up. Nothing will teach better than experience. Don't worry about it. You will no doubt face this again and again but there will come a day when he will all of a sudden realize how smart Mom was. That is payoff day for all he put you through. It comes from being on their own and really having to deal with life. My daughter came to us when in her early 20's and said that she had no idea how we ever put up with her. LOL There will come that day for you but in the mean time just keep him as safe as he will let you.
• United States
4 May 09
Thank you for your respons. The day I kicked him out, I felt like this monster of a mom who had gave up on her kid. They don't believe that we were there age once to and yes, I now know what I put my mom through. What I don't understand is how you can raise so many kids under one roof and they all turn out so different!
• United States
2 May 09
Well my boys aren't teenagers just yet and I understand being a mom pushed over the edge. I understand how you got there but I would say that talking to your son through his teenage girlfriend is probably not the best idea- it just leads to further misunderstandings and more arguments between the two of you. I think you were absolutely right to make him come home- now maybe you could talk to him and try to set standards of behavior for the future and try to remember that at 16 they aren't people anymore but little terrors that try to drive their parents crazy!!!
• United States
4 May 09
He defiatly has drove me nuts. I found my first grey hair, honestly, the morning after I kicked him out. I blame it on him. You are right, I shouldn't have went through his girlfriend but she was the only one I could get ahold of. His cell stopped working and he refused to talk to me. He told his girlfriend, when I asked to talk to him, that he would deal with me later. I didn't feel I had a choice. He is home now and we have talked. His attitude has made a 180 turn and it is great. I just hope it lasts. Honestly, our problem is, we are to much alike and we butt heads. We end up arguing instead of talking. We both agreed to talk and if we started getting upset at one another we would stop talking and start up later. That seemed to work well. We are working on it. Good luck on your boys. I only have 1 girl out of 6 and she is the easiest.
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
2 May 09
Oh,maybe there are some soft ways to solve the problems. You can talk with him and tell him that you care him and love him .His behavior made you worry. You can hear how he think about this just like friends.