Children as accessories.

@meandmy3 (2229)
United States
May 3, 2009 5:27pm CST
I have been seeing more and more of this these days, People have children then they get a sitter every chance they get, they have no interest in actually being a part of the childs life. They bring them out when they can dress them up and say oh look we are a family but they do get a sitter every chance they can so that they do not have to fool with them. I have many friends and well people I know that do this and it breaks my heart, the nanny or sitter see the children more than the parents do. Some of the moms do not work and yet they still have a nanny, they go to the gym, they get their nails done and have the nanny take them to dance etc because well that is just too much for them to be asked to do. These kinds of parents make me so angry. If you do not want the responsibilities of being a parent then do not become one.
1 person likes this
11 responses
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
3 May 09
I don't think this is anything new, especially for rich people that can afford nannies and send their kid off to boarding school as soon as they can walk. Some people only have kids even though they really don't care very much because they think it's what they are supposed to do. They might feel pressure from family or society to have them even if they don't want to. I'm sure if you asked some of them why they even had kids they probably couldn't even give you a good reason.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
3 May 09
One of the families that I know that does this a lot went through hell to have their children, infertility treatments, and then went through hell to stay pregnant with them, which makes it even harder for me to understand
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
3 May 09
That's crazy. Seems like it was just for show. If they went through all that trouble why not just adopt if they really wanted a child that badly? But no we need to have our own biological spawn to prove we can do it and now that we did, to heck with that baby we're living our own lives.
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
4 May 09
I think part of it also could be that some dont think on how much a child changes your lifestyle. How much is needed to be put into raising a child. We were blessed with 7 children and 2 1/2 years ago when our youngest was about 12 we had another decision to make. That was if we were willing to change our lives once again and take care of our granddaughter. I had just started looking into going back to schooling for paralegal and was used to having me time during the day. My hubby said since it was my life that would change the most it was up to me. My heart said yes right away and I knew I would have to give up things in my life again but I did. Why? Because the children should come first. I will never regret taking in our granddaughter and getting legal guardianship of her. My life has changed more then I had even thought it would and not all days are easy BUT I love her and I want to us to be the ones raising her. I do understand sitters and that everyone needs their time thou. I dont think it is wrong to go out once in awhile. We personally have taken a trip for a week since last year for us. The kids go to family and we go. Reason being we dont have the money to take everyone (we are working on that) also everyone needs time to themselves and to have a relationship with their S/O. But for people to always be gone out of their childs life more then not I dont think is right. CHILDREN CHANGE YOUR LIFE it is that simple.
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
6 May 09
Thanks for BR
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
4 May 09
I married into a Roman Catholic family. They firmly believe in having as many kids as possible. When I argue that I can't take care of more than one, I'm told to just let the oldest do the babysitting. That is totally wrong. To be vulgar, that oldest child isn't the one who rutted and had the kids so it shouldn't be his responsibility. If you're gonna do the deed, take care of the results. That kid should have his life too, not be your permanent sitter. It just isn't right to force kids to raise other kids. Yes, they should sit to teach them what not to do! But not all the time. People are stupid. Seriously! They have little sense of responsibility. I'm not talking about the wonderful mothers who spend time and creativity taking care of their children. They are the salt of the earth and what it's all about. These women deserve badges (and a prepaid hour or two at a massage parlor or chiropractor). They deserve the time off. I mean the ones who spend maybe an hour a day with the kids, and resent even that. Not the working mothers who only have that hour, but the ones who primp and shop and laze about instead of playing with their kids.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
4 May 09
Very well said, if you can not take care of the children you should not ahve them.
• United States
3 May 09
I think that some people have children because they think they are supposed to or they think it will fill some void in their life. to me, a child is a gift and I always put my kids first in my life. I have been blessed to have the opportunity to have a child (5) and I used a sitter only when I had to. I worked around my husbands schedule and I too get angry when I see people who have children as a novelty. It is sad.
• United States
4 May 09
My husband and I often comment that people have children only because they think they are supposed to! I agree with you completely. I dont have any children of my own, yet, because there is a few things that my husband and I want to get in line first. We want to be able to enjoy our children and raise them ourselves! I will never understand why people choose to have children that they dont want to take care of on their own. What is the point of having children, then?
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
5 May 09
Hi meandmy3...We have a son but we both have to work. However I visit with him at lunchtime and pick him up right after work. Every minute we're not working we are together as a family. It is unfortunate that I have to work as I would love to stay home with him. I'm still looking for something I can do from the comfort of my home and enjoy him. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.
• United States
5 May 09
I also don't agree with stars like Madonna making such a huge deal out of not being able to adopt an orphan overseas. There are hundreds of thousands of children available here in the USA right now that need parents. But instead of turning to their local foster homes in the city that they live in, they make a huge deal out of adopting a child from Africa or China like Angelina Jolie did (Word on the street is Ms. Jolie is pregnant again). I had my DD because I wanted kids. Not because she looks cute balanced on my hip with a cup of Starbucks coffee and a Bluetooth earpiece stuck to my ear as I drive in my luxury SUV down Rodeo drive.
• United States
4 May 09
These days almost 50% of children come from single-parent homes. I do not think this is good for kids. The parent they live with is rundown from working, paying all the bills by themselves, and do all the parenting alone. I do not think they realize what they are doing, but I do understand their need for a social life. I am afraid I was guilty of always getting a babysitter. But, if I could have that time back in my life, I would spend all the time I could with my little ones. They grow up so quickly and before you know it you have missed a lot. Later in life you slow down and reflect on the past. My biggest regret is the amount of time I spent with my kids. I can never get that time back.
@cq1987 (18)
4 May 09
i think you are absolutely right. I think that using a child as an accessory is so wrong but does happen a lot. pardon a cliche but a child is for life not just to parade in cute clothes! I hate people wh have kids and then just get babysitters every weeken and carry on living their life as if they don't have kids, still going out drinking every week. Poor children :-(
• United States
4 May 09
I agree that if you dont have to time to commit to your children, then you shoudlnt have them. Getting a sitter is fine, every once in a while. But Children need the attention of their parents. If they dotn they wont grow up to be as attatched to them as they should. But thats just how i see it.
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
4 May 09
I agree with you - people should not have children if they don't have any intention of raising them. While I don't see the purpose of a mom not EVER using a babysitter, I don't think the child should spend more time with a sitter/nanny than with his own mom/dad. If I had the money to hire household help, it wouldn't be to give me more time for myself, but to give me more time with my son! I've used sitters to go get my hair done - this was a Mother's Day Gift from my family - and my son was with his Gramma. I use the on-site nursery at the gym, but then my son and I go swimming in the pool together afterwards. I used a sitter quite regurlarly a few years back - when my house was under construction and I didn't want my little one around the noise, the mess, or the men! There will be plenty of time later on for me to catch up to ME, when my son starts school, when he's a teen and will want to be with his friends, not his mom... I see the first 5-6 years of giving up MY life something that is a gift to my son and I make that decision every day!
@kezabelle (2985)
4 May 09
I dont really think it is about not wanting the responsibilty after all they are being responsible in giving the child a decent life with someone who is there to care for them, ANY mother is entitled to her own life as long as her children are being cared for her well its her choice at the end of the day. I suppose its all about differences what some see as ok others dont, thats not to say i agree though I could not have another person bring up my children I dont let it bother me what others do with their children as long as they are not harming them then its their life.