Standards

May 3, 2009 5:39pm CST
A tricky thing, my English teacher once told me "If you dont't have standards, you don't have anything" that is some of the best advice I have ever been given. But it is becoming increasingly hard to follow. For instance in the pusuit of love, in the absence of any love or the absence of hope of finding true love, should you settle for second best? Take what you can get? What if you never find true love? and you end up alone? What should you do? Should you lower your standards (I know Adam Ant wouldn't like that) But should you give up and settle for second best?
2 responses
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
4 May 09
I dated a lot of losers. I refused to marry them, but I did enjoy my time with them. I needed to feel loved, and they gave me that, even if we both knew it was short term. I didn't lie to them, or let them believe I was considering them. But I guess you could say I used them, as they did me. I didn't lie to them about it, they made their choice as to staying. I never lived with or led them on. I waited (and it was a devil of a long wait!) for the right one. He was worth it (except for a few years that are finally under the bridge) and I don't regret anything. So, use the second best as long as you both know it and accept it. But don't give them power over you. Sometimes, it's not about lowering your standards, but about realizing some things aren't as necessary as you thought. Mine will never do romantic things, he's just not wired that way. But he will stand beside me through anything that comes. He might not give me roses (which I'm allergic to NOW) (Did he plan that, I wonder? lol), but he will stay by my side when I'm bed-ridden and helpless. Sometimes second best isn't really. It just depends on what you want versus what you need. If you don't love him, but he's perfect for you anyway, it's not right. If you love him, but he treats you like dirt, it's not right either. If you feel comfortable with him, but it's not passionate love, don't shut him out. He just might be it, but you're not ready to see it yet. Or the time isn't quite right yet. Don't shut it out, but don't jump in and close your eyes either. Keep the lines open anyway. Sometimes timing is everything. A guy who's just not quite right this year, might be the greatest thing in 3 months. I would have turned my nose up at my perfect guy when I was 18, 19, 20, or older. But at 24, after a lot of experience and stupid mistakes, when he came into my life, I was ready to be more mature. I was ready to look at him instead of shutting the door in his face. He would have been second best when I was those ages, now he's perfection. (Age does bring wisdom! Who knew?)
4 May 09
It seems like an ETERNAL wait!
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
4 May 09
I know!! I was so ready to give in and say yes to a guy who'd been pushing me to get married. But just the thought of being with him for years made me ill. He was a fantastic guy, but it just wasn't there for me. My daughter is going through her waiting period now too. She's miserable and can't see an end in sight. It's there. One just has to endure, and get out more. Spend more time at the library or other places to meet guys. Not night clubs or bars, unless you're really into that. Go places you like, then you'll meet guys liking the same things!
4 May 09
Its a bit more complicated than that, Iam a lesbian in a small town. So i don't know whos a lesbian and who isnt!
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
4 May 09
Never lower your standards and never settle for second best...at least not with lifetime partners, for two reasons: One, if you did that you know that you would then meet some one who would have been first choice. That's Murphy's law, right? Two, if you settle for number two and for that person you are number one, it creates an unbalanced relationship. Not fair to either of you, and eventually doomed. What do you do in the meantime? Anything you want to. Have fun. It's really the only time in your life that you are totally free. You don't have to answer to parents or a partner. It's a time of personal growth and discovery. Somehow the less time you spend looking for that numero uno, the more apt you are to find them.
4 May 09
Thank you, I hope that you are right!!