how to deal with your kids friends

Canada
May 5, 2009 12:57pm CST
my daughter who is 5 has a friend a few doors down. this kid comes over everyday and when i send her homw cause it's supper time she comes back five minutes later. it's annoying cause i get home after 5 from work have to make supper and then by the time that is done and then bath it's about 7 and my daughter goes to bed at 7. i tell this girl she can only come over on my days off when she has more time to play but she is sitting on our door step when i come home. she's driving me insane. i can't handle other kids in my house the when i get home from work and just want some quiet time with my daughter who i don't get to spend that much time with anymore
1 person likes this
12 responses
@rebelmel (1387)
• United States
5 May 09
Awe, the poor little girl is probably lonely. Maybe you could consider talking to her mother and see what she says. Maybe you two could arrange something, like certain days she will come over, or maybe on mondays your daughter could eat over their house (gives you a break too!) and fridays both of the girls could eat at your house. Or maybe sleep overs on the weekends?
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 May 09
i have mondays and tuesday's off and she is in school so no sleepovers on weekends. anyway they never go to her house it's always mine. i have told both girls only on my day off can they get togeter but of course they are kids and tat's not working so i guess i have to tell her care giver.
• United States
5 May 09
That sounds like a fantastic idea! Setting the table and making food for one extra person isnt difficult. Perhaps you could talk to the girl's parents about them getting to eat together. I know that you said you want to spend more time with your daughter because you dont get to see her often enough. Perhaps if you made a compromise so that she could play with a friend 2 evenings each week and on your days off, you would be able to have the other 2 evenings alone with your daughter. If you are always sending the neighbor girl away, she will always come over so that she gets time with her friend. At age 5, waiting 5 days to play with a friend can feel like an eternity! Since you have to prepare dinner when you get home, perhaps your daughter and her friend could play outside while you are cooking. That way you still get the quiet inside that you are looking for. Your daughter and her friend still get to play, even if just for a little while. I understand that you want to spend time with your daughter, but as she is growing up, you will definitely have to make some compromises! I think this will be a good experience for you and your daughter.
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 May 09
first it's not a safe place for two five year olds to play outside alone in our neighbourhood. secondly the nights i work it's not a possibility to have someone over. it's rush night. it's supper time when we get home and she does homwork while i cook eat then bath then bed. i can't have someone over during homwork and bath and bed time. it's just not possible. i had her for supper once last week and she wouldn't eat and kept telling me daughter to leave the table to go play. and i couldn't get this kid to sit and stay at the table. i don't need extra work trying to control this other girl
@tabsnlos (587)
• United States
5 May 09
Maybe after you tell her to go home because its supper time, follow it with "We will see you tomorrow. Ok?" That sounds like a nice way of saying don't come back today. Lol
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 May 09
i do that and she still comes back i tell her her dad is visiting tonight and you'll have to come back tomorrow and she still comes 5 minutes later
@tabsnlos (587)
• United States
5 May 09
Oh man...then I guess you will have to talk to her parents. Goodluck with that=)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 09
We had a neighbor boy like that at the old place we lived it and I know exactly what you mean...you want the kids to have friends that visit but there are times when it becomes too much. This little boy would come over like around seven thirty on weekend morning and it got annoying real quick because those are the days we like to sleep in a bit and then he knocks on the door causing the dog to bark and then waking my kids and once my two are awake they are awake for the day. He too would be over all the time and there was times like you said that he would be on the porch when we weren't even there. We like to eat dinner with just us at the table not with a bunch of kids sitting watching or peeking in your door waiting for you. I just would say to him that my kids were not allowed out at that time, make it sound like it was my kids' fault and not theirs that way there feelings didn't get hurt. I know with the nicer weather it gets hard to have your door shut but sometimes it does help..just let them knock and pretend your not there and they get bored and eventually go away. I know with the little boy that used to come to our house..his parents weren't that responsible and this boy even at the age of 4 would be running the neighborhood at all hours...he was the first one out and the last one in. Do you know anything about this little girls parents? Do you think if you talked with them about her coming over so much that they would try and fix it? If so I would tell them that you want time with your daughter and that you would like it if there were limits to when she came over...any parent should understand that unless they are letting her come over so much hoping they get the break while you watch over her for that time. I think talking to her parents is the best deal if they will listen because it sounds like even when you tell her it is time to go she doesn't get it and her being so young any other way may hurt her feelings and might ruin her and your daughters friendship, which makes it a hard one Good Luck
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 May 09
thank you someone who understands. she's also out all the time and alone. she never tells anyone where she is going. i send her back home to let the caregver know that she's here. i don't know her parents at all. she says there are in a different city. not sure when they are comming back if they are. she stays with her nanny. i've spoken to her a bit when the girls started playing together but that was before the annoyance of her comming 20 times a day every day. i guess i'm going to have to go and talk to her. right now she's here, was waiting when i pulled in the drivway after picking my daughter up from school. she said her nana and papa which also live with her are sleeping and she was sitting otside so it's realy hard not to have her over at a time like this but it is my day off so i don't mind right now but i have to go out later so not sure if i'm going to get to talk to her today.
• United States
6 May 09
I would talk to here parents and tell her your rules. Maybe they dont even know that when you tell her to leave she is comming back. She might not go home and so they might not know.
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@Greenhill (179)
• United States
6 May 09
I think you need to have a conversation with the mother of that child. Maybe her mother is passing her off to you as a babysitter. I'm not a mother so I can look at things much differently. Tell the mother that the little girl can come over for an hour one day a week but that's all. If she continues to show up, let her sir on your front steps until her mother looks for her. She is not your responsibility.
@uicbear (1903)
• United States
5 May 09
I think the only way to handle this is to talk to the girls mom or babysitter or whoever is supposed to be watching her. I have a problem that whoever is supposed to be looking after her allows her to just hang out on your stoop until you get home. I don't know how long she's out there, but anything could happen, scary. I would just tell the caregiver that you would be happy to set up a play-date, but it's not something you can do on the days you have to work. But sometimes on your day off it would be great because the girls have fun together. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
5 May 09
Have you considered going and speaking with her parents? That may be a better option.
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@miamilady (4924)
• United States
5 May 09
I'm going to give you a "do as i say, not as i do" answer because clearly you have the same problem with turning away kids as I do! You need to just tell her that you can't have company right now and she needs to go home. You may want to make sure she gets home safely by watching her walk home or giving her mom a quick call to let her know that her daughter is on her way home in case she wants to watch for her. It isn't your job to raise someone else's kid. She can come over when it's convenient for you...not always when it's convenient for her or her mom (or dad). I know it's tough to turn a cute little kid away, but sometimes you need to put yourself and your family first before the needs of someone else. Good luck. Now I just need to take my own advice! lol
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@sunshine4 (8708)
• United States
5 May 09
Is her friend also 5 yrs old? That is awful little to be going to a friends house by themself. I would tell her that she is welcome to play with your daughter before dinner, but once it is dinnertime, you daughter has to stay home and spend time with her family. If she continues to come over, talk to her mom. Set up special times for the to play together. If she stops by when it is inconvient, just tell her she needs to go home and your daughter will play with her another day.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 09
Well I undersatnd where you are coming from but you have to remember that it is her parents lack of guidance that's causing this and not the little girl. Try talking with the parents and see if that gets you anywhere. But please always remember that the child isn't to blame- she is only 5 too. Good luck to you and happy parenting.
• India
6 May 09
Hi friend, I can understand your feeling,but think about your kids.She feels lonely when the parents are out to work.If i think in your side you are right but if we think in your daughter side she is correct.Kids likes to make themselves happy by joining with others if the parents are not in the home.Just reboot yourself and get strength in order to enjoy with your daughter and with the other kids too.As a mother you should sacrifice yourself for your kid and treat your daughter's friends just like as you treat your kid for some days. Have a nice day
@yuhesky (142)
• China
6 May 09
I think you need put more attention about that, After all,they are kids.only your heart keep happy and quiet.then every thing will be well.believe me my friends.kids are interesting.what do you think?