Do you wish you had more help from others?

@bamakelly (5194)
United States
May 6, 2009 9:03am CST
I am posing this question to get your opinion on how you feel about others helping you in a time of need. I am in a situation right now where times are a little tough. I imagine that this goes for a lot of people. My family is struggling a little right now with bills and getting food on the table. I have a friend that helps me a little bit but I don't always want it to seem that I am looking for a hand out. There are people in my neighborhood that seem to keep to themselves. I am not the type of person to ask for anything. However I sometimes wish that someone would ask me if I need anything and be more neighborly. You see, I am not used to living in the rural setting I am in. I am used to being in a more suburban society where it was easier to get around. I don't have a car for now and it is not easy to get anywhere except through my friend that lives near by. But there are times that I wish I had more help. Have any of you felt this way or been in a circumstance like this one?
3 people like this
14 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
6 May 09
i'm sorry u are going through some rough times right now, been there done that. i have never been one to ask anyone to do anything for me , still don't . i get that way by my sons. i think they should see things that i need doing but don't either one seem to. i'm sure there would be more people willing to help u if they knew u needed help. people are so involved in their own lives they don't take time to think of anyone else. guess everybody has their problems. hope yours get better real soon.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 May 09
I appreciate your reply and your thoughtful concerns antiquelady. You usually have the nicest things to say. Just the kind words that I receive to some of my posts can help me get through. I think you might be right. If more people knew about me then they might help me. However I am too proud to ask for anything and I am in a rural area where I have been for one year now. I was so used to living a suburban life style. Didn't need a car. I just walked down to the road and caught a bus, train or subway. That easy. Sure it cost money but I wasn't as restricted as I am now. I do have that friend that I mentioned that has a car and gets me out now and then. That really helps me keep from going stir crazy. One thing that I am sure everyone knows around here is the fact that a car is needed. I know that I would help others if I could. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
7 May 09
i'm sure if some of your nrighbors knew u needed help they would surely offer. i am so blessed w/good neighbors. i live in a cove w/just 4 houses so we all keep in close contact. i know it is different in the rural areas. i have never been one to ask anybody for anything either so i know where u are coming from there.wish i was your neighbor i'd love to help u. i like doing doing things for people. thank goodness u have the one friend there. hope u make more friends soon.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
7 May 09
Yes friend. It would be nice to make more friends in the neighborhood. However, I just feel that everyone is busy with their own lives and they are not stuck. Believe me. There are people here that know I am stuck and they could be just waiting for me to ask. I'm not sure. I am lucky to have the one neighbor and friend that gets me out occasionally. She is the kind of person that will actually make it a point to think about me before she goes to the store and asks if I would like to tag along with her. I even bring my five year old son and she doesn't mind. There are not too many people like her in the world. I do wish you were my neighbor. It sounds like you are a good hearted person and we could be friends. If you needed anything I know that I would help you also. Thank you so much for your kind words. It isn't easy living in a rural area when you are so used to living in a suburban situation like I was for well over thirty years.
1 person likes this
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
7 May 09
worried with bills - illustrates the usual monthly picture of a wife finding out the monthly / weekly / daily budget.
actually, it's more of i wish i could help my husband a little more. i decided to be a stay at home mom for i believe i would be more useful here (with the thought that i can teach my child anything and everything and since i can earn in the net). however, the money wasn't how it used to be. i have siblings willing to give me cash but i just say no. i know we can pull through this. and that includes you the world is round...
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
7 May 09
That is a good thing of you to feel that you would like to help your husband a little more. I feel the same way. I am a stay at home wife and mother. I don't work outside of the home just on the computer. I wish that I could do something constructive outside of the home and make some extra money to help my family. I just don't like to ask for anything. I do wish someone would step forward and help but I shouldn't feel that way all of the time. I know that I need to help myself and pull myself out of this. I am very concerned about my son's well being. There isn't a lot of money to go around so we do the best we can. And I do have that friend that helps me out sometimes with going to the store and other miscellaneous things. To be honest with you, at this point if someone were to offer me some money I would probably accept it appreciatively and promise to somehow pay it back. It gets hard sometimes. Take care.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
6 May 09
Sometimes I would like help. Like when I was taking my shed apart. I know that all I needed to do was knock on my neighbors' doors and I would have all the help I needed but I'm too proud. I would like more company sometimes but it's my fault that I keep to myself. I'm going to be a little more social now that my life is settling down.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 May 09
Hi dragon. You know. I really appreciate that you answer some of my questions. I sure wish you were my neighbor! You seem like such a good hearted and giving person. You do seem to be in a situation where it can get lonely. You might be right. You might want to be a little more social. I am a lot like you. I am a bit too proud myself to ask anyone for anything. I wouldn't hesitate to help people myself. It is just that I am a pretty humbled person and don't like to ask. Thank you friend.
@lumenmom (1996)
• United States
6 May 09
I understand exactly how you feel. My situation is that I always the one to help other people, especially my family when I made good money and did not have any children. Since I have had my child and because of health problems lost my good income, my family acts like they don't know me anymore. They don't even offer to help my daughter knowing she needs things like shoes, clothes, etc. When my car was running I always let them drive it, now I can't even get a ride from the to the corner store. It hurts me deeply that they treat us this way, but I have had some help from parents and staff at my daughter's school. I also don't like to ask people for anything but I still love to help people when I can.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 May 09
I know where you are coming from. It can really hurt when you are in a situation with children. I have a five year old son that I worry about on a regular basis. He is the center of my life and I also feel that he needs things like clothes, etc and I wish I could see more help. Your experience does not seem like a pleasant one. You know, isn't that just something? You helped people when you had some better times. Now when you need the help there isn't anyone to be found. Why does it work that way? I wish I knew myself. You let people use your car of all things and now when you need a lift to the local store there is no one to be found. You have a good heart. It is the fact that you realize that all of this hurts you and yet you are still willing to want to help others. I know I would help others if my situation was better.
• United States
6 May 09
Kelly- I know what you mean. I have a difficult time asking for help as well, and I often wish neighbors would stop to ask, or such. So, I tend to be the type because of this to ask them if they need help. I do know the best help I received was when I had my daughter and the hospital social worker came in to ask us questions. (Something they do with everyone here). So we were honest that times were tight, and that's how we found out about all of the help we didn't know about. I think if all of us were more sensitive to the needs of other, and showed compassion that we'd find we'd make quite a difference in the communities we live in. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 May 09
I really appreciate your response. It seems that you can get a good grasp on where I am coming from. It is not that I expect people to feel compelled to help me every minute. I just know that I have helped people in the past that did not even ask for it and I hope that they really appreciated what I had done. Now I am the one that needs the help. There are really not too many establishments around me for miles except for the local church. I don't really talk to much to anyone around here except for the good friend that lives a few short minutes away from me walking distance. She actually calls or stops by my house to make sure I am alright. There are people that exist like this in our world and I am grateful for that. I might pull out of all of this hardship one day. One step at a time I guess. That is good that you were able to find a special worker to help you. You are so right Anora in your assessment of where people could be more sensitive to other's needs and the like. The communities we are all in could surely be a different and better place. Take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 May 09
I definitely have been in that situation. Many times I did without because I really wanted to do it on my own. I live in a neighborhood where I recognize my neighbors but I don't have any relationships with anyone. I miss that kind of connection that people used to have. My only advice to you is if you belong to a church perhaps you can receive some assistance there. Hang in there and keep up the fight to survive. It will get better.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 May 09
Thank you for your kind and understanding words. I realize that we can all find a spot in our lives where things get tough and it seems that no body is really around to help us only because they have their own lives and issues. I do have a nearby church where I can walk to. That sounds like a good idea to get involved with. I recognize and acknowledge some of my neighborhood and a lot of people have cars to take them out of the park we live in. There would be a long walk if no one had transportation. That is the trouble I am in. I do try to hang in there and hope times will get better. I worry about my son and hope that our family will surmount all of this. Take care.
• Philippines
7 May 09
Yeah, we are too struggling because of this depression, i have almost lost all of my benefits from the company i worked on just to keep my job. good thing my hubby is always had something out of his sleeves, he has a lot of side show jobs that allows both of us to pay the bills right on time. and enough to give our immediate family some money.
1 person likes this
@jayrene (2713)
• Philippines
7 May 09
yes, i know and understand how you feel. i am in such a situation right now. i used to be the one helping others, even though they would not ask, i would know, i dont know how but i just know. but now it's different, i need help, my in-laws (father and sister in laws) help us in whatever they can give, but you know it's not really enough, as we have to pay the house, food, milk for my child, diapers, bills... we are actually just hanging there. my neighbors, well they dont seem to care, and im not the kind that goes out of the house all the time. we have other relatives who are well off but we dont want them to think that we are like always depending on them so we dont ask for their help. i mean i dont really want people to think that we are only depending on the help of other people, we are doing our best to earn, to have an income, but times are really hard... it would've been better if they will offer their help without us asking for it... sometimes i wish that too... i feel like crying already.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
7 May 09
yes...been there. I was never one to ask for help either and I did not want to put anyone out. I lived in a small town where I knew no one and had no vehicle and 3 small children. That was a lot of years ago. I found another place to live and a job that I could walk to. That may not be practical for you. Maybe it would be a good idea to make friends with some of your neighbors. I live in a complex where I keep to myself but I am friendly to my neighbors. I know them by face anyway. I had a woman recently ask me for a ride to a doctor appointment. IT was raining and she was going to walk but saw me getting into my car. I don't know your neighbors but most people would not mind giving a ride if you are a familiar face and they are heading in the direction you need to be. I actually went a little out of my way for this girl and it was not a problem at all. Like I said...I keep to myself too...did not know this woman at all but had seen her around and always said "hi" in passing. What is the worst that can happen from asking?
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
7 May 09
I think we've all been here at one time or another. Have you tried getting to know your other neighbors? It is good to do that before you ask for help. And you do have to ask. No one can know your needs and your situation without you having told them. And if you feel like it would be a bother, offer in return for a favor what you can. Baby-sitting, a few dollars for gas. Ask them if THEY need anything. My very best to you. These things are not easy!
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
7 May 09
yes, I also use to thikn that in my bad time I need help but then I remember times when I was in good condition, then I sak my self, if I was the one to give help to other if they are seeking help from me? The answer which I get it "No, I would have not helped them at all!". So, if I am not willing to help others, I should also not expect others to help me. The only help which I require is gettting me a job which I feel is very difficult these days. Let's see how long my bad patch of time runs! I hope that you overcome your problems asap!
1 person likes this
@savypat (20246)
• United States
6 May 09
You need to ask, people can't read your mind. Bake some cookies, take them to visit your neighbors. Spend time just chatting with them. Be sensitive to their time needs and don't over stay. If you show that you are willing to help them, they will be there when you need them. But the effort must start with you.
@rosdimy (3936)
• Malaysia
8 May 09
Rarely. When I was growing up my family was not well off. I was taught to accept whatever we got. No complaints were made because there were always others who were worse off than us. So I became an adult with an attitude of trying to be self-reliant. Currently with 11 children still under my charge the family is struggling to make ends meet. I only ask for a share from what the government has offered, mainly related to education. I know of people who expect to much from others, to the extent that they became bitter when they did not get what they were hoping for. Just wishing should be fine, maybe the wish will become true. May you remain steadfast and overcome the hurdles that lie in your life path. all the best, rosdimy
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
7 May 09
Hi Bamakelly, Your account made me feel that at times one really needs help from people around. But personally I have not had any such problem that I needed any hand desperately, but the morrows can not be over looked as you do not know what is there in it. I hope you improve on your situation soon.