my husband love affair

Philippines
May 7, 2009 12:54am CST
Two year ago my husband have an affair with the other woman though I forgive him I cannot forget the pain. We always fight but I can't live without him. What will I do?
5 responses
@med889 (5958)
7 May 09
Why can't you live without him? He betrayed you meaning he must have stopped loving me as before to do that to you and you are saying that you cannot live without him!
• Philippines
7 May 09
I dont know the answer maybe because we have five kids and Im a product of a broken family I dont want my children suffer the same thing. In the Phil women will have bad impression if they fail to have one husband or if they left her husband and children. Im not capable of raising five kids thats why I set aside my feelings.
@med889 (5958)
7 May 09
Oh 5 kids then I can understand you very well. Believe in yourself and make your kids your strenght, My best wishes for you dear!
• United States
8 May 09
Sorry to hear that but it does happen I should know, but here's the one thing I've learned first of all you CAN live without him that's #1. But if in your heart you know that you want to be with him and love him that at some point you have to let it go. Im not saying your going to forget but if you dont want to push him away again just let it be. It's been two years and not in defense for him because Im all for the ladies but everyone makes mistake noone is perfect the sooner you learn to let go and forgive the better you will feel and the less the arguments will be. Good Luck!
• Philippines
8 May 09
Thank you and good luck
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
7 May 09
Choosing to forgive is easy, but to forget is another thing. But unless you totally forget about the pain you felt then you can't totally forgive him. Did you ever talk about it with your husband? Like what pushed him to do something like that even though he knows that he will hurt you? You have to understand the cause of the problem and try to find the solution than just cover up the past, hoping that this time it will be different. Probably the cause of the fights is something deeper like a resentment that you feel against him because of what he did to you even though its been years. If you can live without it then you will have to learn to make things work between the two of you and that means dealing with the problem no matter how sensitive it may seems. It might even do you both good in all the hidden pains and disappointments are all vented out.
• Philippines
7 May 09
Thank you for your advice it somhow heals my pain
• China
9 May 09
As the friends above said, you should persuade yourself to forgive him from your heart if he still loves you. Also you should ask him to not make the same fault again. Hope you will be ok soon! Looking forward to your good message.
• Ireland
8 May 09
Two years isn't a long time to heal the pain, especially if you haven't worked on regaining trust . That is both your jobs! Your husband has to accept that he has to earn your trust and if he really wants to, he will make an effort to do so. So there are two choices: both of you accept you have to work on this, time alone doesn't heal any wounds. You have to give yourself time and he has to accept that you may need quite a bit of time. It was his fault, not yours! But if he has worked hard to regain your trust you have to let go at some point. Don't say' I forgive you' and bring the subject up each time he does something ' wrong' , don't harbour resentment if you told him you want to give him another chance. A clean slate means a clean slate! Secondly , there is no such thing as ' can't live without him'! A partner who has a track record of hurting you and who you cannot trust you can do without! I am not saying that is your husband, but in the long term if you are basically unhappy in a relationship and give but never receive what you need, then you deserve better. Only you can know whether you want to keep trying and whether you think your husband deserves your trust. Trust your instincts. But you don't ever ' need' a person so much that you let him or her hurt you again and again....