Why Can't He Have Respect For MY Mother's Day?
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
May 7, 2009 9:31pm CST
As we all know, Mother's Day is Sunday. This weekend is my ex's weekend with our daughter, but Mother's Day is my holiday so it trumps his Sunday with our daughter. Now ever Sunday on his weekends he takes our daughter to his Grandparents for Sunday dinner. Dinner with his Grandparents consists of a few hours, not a few minutes or just an hour, we are talking HOURS.
Tonight I called to remind him that I get her on Sunday and he asked if I was going to let her eat dinner at his Grandparents house, I said, "No". He said, "Well, she's going to be pissed". I said, "Well, she will get over it and we already discussed our Mother's Day plans earlier today". He said, "Well, okay".
I'm sorry, but it really pisses me off that he would ask me to let his family have MY DAY. I feel he should be teaching our daughter that this is a special day for her and her brother to spend with THEIR mother. I think that by him even asking, it is very disrespectful of me as her mother. He already has primary custody of our daughter, so why should I give of my time for him and his family when they probably see her more than I do?
I'm sorry, but tonight I just needed to vent a little about it all.
9 people like this
28 responses
@sweetashoney (3594)
• United States
8 May 09
I don't blame you for filling like you do. Some men just doesn't understand or ether doesn't care when it comes to things like this. My daughters like that in a way. A few years ago I got a call from her, her and her husband was headed home from spending the weekend at the race, they were around 30 miles from my home. She said that she called to wish me a happy mothers day but didn't have time to go see me. When I said something to my son about it, and he told her what I said, her reply was " I can't drop everything I doing just to go see her." I was really hurt to know that she thought seeing a race was more important then seeing me.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Oh wow, yes that would hurt my feelings too. That is exactly what I am afraid my daughter will do to me when she gets older. He doesn't teach her to respect me or my feelings and I feel that she thinks that she can treat me any way she wants to and it's okay, but frankly, it isn't alright. I want her to grow up to respect me.
@sweetashoney (3594)
• United States
8 May 09
yea, I think that is the trouble with her, when she was growing up she wasn't thought the importance of days like this. Their father never made it a special day.
2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 May 09
You know what, perhaps he didn't really think of it that way. Maybe he was just asking if she would be able to come to the dinner with his grandparents since that's their routine, you know what I mean?
Maybe he was just thinking that you'll be spending time with your daughter the whole day and perhaps by dinner time your daughter could be able to be with the grandparents. That's just it, I don't think it's anything but a mere question.
I think this is really the trouble of parents not being together. Simple things become a difficult task to do, but since we can't do anything about it anymore, perhaps it's best if we just try not to be overly sensitive each time there's a discussion.
Based on your previous discussions, about him wanting your daughter to come to his and his fiance's wedding, certainly proves that he's quite an insensitive guy without trying his best to be one, so I'm figuring he's just the same man in this situation.
So, have fun with your daughter, try not to stress too much with the ex's reaction or statements. Remember he's your ex, but at the same time he's the father of your daughter, it'll be best if you don't dwell in emotions too much, else it'll drive you nuts. hehehe..
Happy Mother's Day!
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Yes, I know I can't dwell in the emotions, but man, it just really pisses me off when he does these things. Maybe it shouldn't, but I don't know, he's just such and arrogant jerk.
2 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
8 May 09
Why? Because he is a selfish butthole and the reason why you are no longer married! If you think that he will become a nice person all of a sudden, it just will not happen. I am sorry that you go through this but enjoy your Mother's Day.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Yes, you are right, he is a selfish butthole. I know the kids and I will enjoy Mother's day. Thanks for the comment!
1 person likes this
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
8 May 09
Although i do not have children i can respect your situation. I have an interesting one for you since i can see your respect for Mothers Day. I have a seven year old niece and her parents are divorced. In the custody agreement my brother gets her every other weekend and every other holiday. Well sometimes his weekend falls on mothers day..which in the agreement is automatically given to the mom...same goes with father's day she is with her dad. Anyways on those occasions my bro always asked what time she should be dropped off that day...her mom always comes back with the same thing...the regular time because its your weekend...and we always have to explain about mothers day and how its her day and then there is some argument about it being his weekend but her holiday. Its like Destinys mom doesnt care about mothers day. It breaks my heart because if i did have children i would want to spend the day with them.
2 people like this
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
8 May 09
Yeah. Its a beautiful name though. I love that name.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Awe, that is so sad. I can't believe that a mother wouldn't want to spend the day with her children. I love Mother's day, even though most of the time it is stressful for me because I always want to do things with the kids that make them happy. My daughter's name is Destiny too, what a coincidence, huh?
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
8 May 09
Hi singlemommy,
Your ex is being unfair to you as its Mother's Day you should be able to spend it with your children, what is his problem and why is he doing this to you? I can't understand it, stick to your plan and have your daughter with you. Let him be pissed of, who cares.
Tamara
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
8 May 09
You're right, he should have a bit of respect for you and Mother's Day. How would he feel if you trieed to keep her away from him on Father's Day? I bet he'd be a bit upset too.
I think that he needs to keep in mind that whether he likes it or not, you are her mother and he has to respect that you are a very big an important part of her life. If he is worried about dinner with his parents, he should call them and ask to have dinner another night.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
His family does not change their schedule or plans for ANYONE, that would include for their granddaughter's sake either. They are very selfish people and thus, I assume that is where my ex got it. They expect things to be their way or no way, but I'm not giving up my rights as my daughter's mother for ANYONE! She is my daughter and NOONE ELSE'S!!!
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Surely they will remember! I hope you have a wonderful Mother's day!
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
8 May 09
Could you not at least gone to his Grandparent's house and say that you cannot stay long and have to get back to work tomorrow. \You could change to joint custody and you might not have this problem. A better idea is why not have them come over to your house or meet at a restaurant. I am sure in a restaurant, the maitre de would not like people staying for hours.
They aren't Mennonite by the way? They will sit around the dinner table for hours as well.
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
They will not agree to any of this. They are racist and my son is mixed. They have made it clear that I am not welcome at their house at any time because my son is mixed. It is a messed up deal and I feel since they do not respect me as their granddaughter's mother then I will not be giving them my time with my daughter at any time, my time is my time.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
8 May 09
I can not understand your opinion but I do respect it. I don't see the harm in letting your child go with her paternal grandparents and her father for a few hours. After all, as you've said it's Mother's Day, you are the mother, but their grandmother is a mother as well and I'm sure she'd like to see her grandchild. All he asked is if you'd let her have dinner with his mother and father, now I can understand if you had let him know so a week prior that this weekend was going to be yours, but then again, all he has asked is about a few hours. You say he has primary custody, but it seems you have her all week, could you not celebrate mother's day on Friday?
I'm sorry if i come off at all rude, and I can understand you are ranting but I just wanted to give you my two cents on the issue. It doesn't sound as if your saying the whole story, of course I'm not saying you should this is the internet, you need to be as private as possible, but your written undertones suggest this is a issue you have with the father of your daughter, and his parents, but you shouldn't punish your child for feelings you have towards the father and her grandparents.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
8 May 09
No but when you're the mom, you get final say. I respectfully take my right to disagree with you and anybody else who says 'oh but the poor grandparents' because that is just ridiculous. I have a daughter too and let me tell you, if there were ANY situation like the one the original poster is discussing, I would say NOPE, this is MY day and MY daughter. I would never interfere with Father's Day or some special outing or plan that was not on MOTHER'S DAY, MY BIRTHDAY, or my CHILD'S BIRTHDAY, but for some things, what mom says goes and there is no other way about it.
I cannot believe they would even have the NERVE to ASK about doing something other than just letting her daughter be with HER on Mother's Day.
Well in my opinion it seems that the father only asked innocently if his daughter was going to be able to come for dinner on Mother's Day with his MOTHER the grandMOTHER of the daughter. In my opinion it seems as if this woman has a problem with the father and the grandparents, and not just that she wants to see her daughter on Mother's Day. It's not as if she won't see her daughter on Mother's day anyway. If it wasn't for the MOTHER of her Ex, she may not be a MOTHER of this specific being (daughter) herself. Other holiday's are shared amongst families regardless of relationship status. In an underlying way she could be teaching her daughter to hate her grandmother just by the actions that she takes, or the words she says around her daughter, whether she means to do so in the presence of her daughter or not. This isn't just about the rights of the mother, the father should have a say and if nothing else, then the grandparents should as well. The father does have custodial rights, and it sounds as if this woman is pressing what she wants instead of getting the opinion of the father.
We do not know the whole story, and that is what I am considering right now. We don't know whether or not there is a good reason for the father to take the daughter to see the grandmother, nor do we know if there's a good reason for the father NOT to take the daughter to see the grandmother. I'm only defending the father in the sense that the mother seems to be jumping instead of being fair and getting the opinion of the father.
I am a woman who has a fiance, we are not yet ready for children but this is our opinion regarding the matter. I hope that none take any more offense then I intend, and to be honest I will say that while my points are strong, I do not wish to be judgemental nor do I wish to be judged upon. The fact of the matter is, none of us but the original discussion starter know the whole story.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
8 May 09
I am sorry I accidentally added at the top what mommymoo said, I only added it for my own reference and meant to delete it.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
8 May 09
No but when you're the mom, you get final say. I respectfully take my right to disagree with you and anybody else who says 'oh but the poor grandparents' because that is just ridiculous. I have a daughter too and let me tell you, if there were ANY situation like the one the original poster is discussing, I would say NOPE, this is MY day and MY daughter. I would never interfere with Father's Day or some special outing or plan that was not on MOTHER'S DAY, MY BIRTHDAY, or my CHILD'S BIRTHDAY, but for some things, what mom says goes and there is no other way about it.
I cannot believe they would even have the NERVE to ASK about doing something other than just letting her daughter be with HER on Mother's Day.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
8 May 09
YES, I agree with you completely. I have no tolerance or understanding for something like this, unless the MOM chooses not to have anything to do with her kids on mother's day. I can't imagine trying to trump FATHER'S DAY for a dad, so I have no idea what he's even thinking.
I do not even see WHY your daughter would be upset about not going to her grandparents' house, sorry but I'd rather spend the day with my MOM than my dad's folks lol. I'd feel that way if I were a kid and I feel that way now. It IS disrespectful of him to pull something like this, but I imagine that since you are no longer married to him, perhaps he's just disrespectful in general. I know you want him to help you parent and teach her good things but it looks like he's not going to be on board with this unless you lay down the law.
How is it that he has primary custody anyway? Is it just physical or legal as well?
2 people like this
@mjmlagat (3170)
• Philippines
8 May 09
Being a mom, I felt truly sorry for your situation. The two of you have difficult circumstances surrounding you that eventually confuse your child. I just hope and pray you'll get through this, don't give up and never stop praying to GOd for assistance. I hope you still have a wonderful Mother's Day celebration.
2 people like this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
Believe me, I pray to God constantly about my situation and for strength in dealing with my ex. I know it is God who keeps me sane, if it wasn't for God, I don't know what I would do.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
8 May 09
You have a right to vent. If this week end is your time to spend with your daughter, your ex should not try to change the plans. His grandmother gets to see your daughter all of the time, so on a special day like mother's day, I think your daughter should be with her mother, who is you.
I hope you have a great Mother's day.
1 person likes this
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
8 May 09
That is exactly how I feel about the situation. Thanks so much!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
8 May 09
Situations like this one must be a confirmation to you why you are no longer with him! He does sound like an insensitive a***e! I wonder if you could make it part of the permanent arrangements that the children have to be with you on certain days like Mother's Day, birthday etc?
I do realize that it is hurtful that he won't show any respect for the fact that it is your special day and is doing nothing to educate the kids about mum's day.
Insensitive clod he is!
Hope you have a lovely Mother's Day with your kids anyway!
1 person likes this
@hustonphotography (569)
• United States
8 May 09
I can understand why you feel this way. I am a mom too and I would want to spend the day with my child. I think he should be more understanding. Custody is always a hard thing. It is hard on the parents and on the kids. I hope you have a wonderful mother's day this Sunday with you daughter. I wouldn't let something like this ruin it for you;-)
@StarBright (2798)
• United States
10 May 09
Singlemommy, this discussion makes me very sad. My son has custody of my grandbaby like Phoenixstar's example. I guess I understand more than I care to about what happens when divorces go sour. You just have to make the best of what you got and do what's best for your kids. Don't let the azzzole get you down. Enjoy your day. Happy Mother's day.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
10 May 09
I do hope that you have a good Mother's Day with your kids. So do they fix you breakfast in bed yet? How can a small child sit through dinner for so many hours. That has to be tough on her.
1 person likes this
@sunil_008 (1269)
• India
10 May 09
Hi I think you are just little over reacting towards the issue. all you want is to have the kids with you all day long .so you can tell him all about your feelings for the day to him. how much it really means to you. i am sure he will understand it if you two will keep your calmness while discussing about the kids...
1 person likes this
