water wells my eyes. my heart sinks. my story

@attente (987)
Philippines
May 8, 2009 8:20am CST
i was out for quite a time and didn't able to check this account. i miss this one: writing, talking with other people, reading others' entry, everything about mylot. and of course, i miss the person behind my entries. i can still remember way back in gradeschool when i was chosen to be the copyreader of our schoolpaper (it wasn't a big deal for me actually).. i didn't know that time that i am hooked up with words. but not until year 2003, i realized that i read lots of books and magazines and i even ended up of being a frustrated poet. but that interest wasn't entertained for i have no one to talk to and share with on how fond i am with words. it was early of october year 2006 when i met this guy, a person who has the gift of poetic imagination, thought, and creation together with the eloquence of expression. people might find this unrealistically magnified, but he is really AMAZING. and i mean it when i say, he is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.. i never get tired talking with this guy coz he can make even the stupidest thing sensible. not to tell, that he is really cute. hehe. he's not the first guy who had written me a poem. but i can still remember how i reacted when i recieved a poem from him.. from then on, i was inspired to write and didn't hesitate to share my writings to others - through blogs. perfect!! that's all i can say! and i couldn't ask for more that time. i'm happy that i met someone whom i can share everything, who continually gives me poem on special dates and never asked for something in return (remember: i'm a frustrated poet, not a poet! haha!).. so happy right?! but the fairytale-like-life i once dreamt has come to its end. my life's not a fairytale for sure, that no matter how we promised that we'll be together till eternity, one should go. or maybe, as what others have said, we are not meant to be.. God had taken him so early. my life that time was a mess.. with that loss, i have written him my first poem: your life was so short on this world with so much promises left undone I want you to stay to fill your roles of fiancee, friend, brother, son I miss your noises and everything about you I miss you, yeap, I really do. I woke this morning, seeing the world just the same With people carrying smile on their face With the sun shining as bright as it used to be, I suppose the insignificant world didn't know that you're gone. too late. i know. i should have tried on writing a poem for him, even once. but i didn't. i was so angry. what's happening?? i don't know. i don't understand what's happening! yet, no matter how my friends make me understand, no matter how they enlighten me, no matter what they say, i cannot understand anything. not a single explanation from them. all i know, sadness is beyond measure. and there is no enough words of comfort. so shut up! i won't listen and i don't want to listen with everything, everything that the empty world is offering. it has been a year since he passed away. yet, i can not believe that he's gone. questions like when is enough enough used to bewilder me. but not now. i think i have found the answer. it is already enough the moment you live in the presence of God. sometimes I wonder, what could have life that awaits me if he's still around. but why live with the past right? God has better plans for me, I know. He might have move away, but I promise I won't go away. Instead, live with what I have now. I don't really want to admit that im starting to accept that he's gone, so as I am writing this blog at this moment, water wells my eyes, my breath intesifies. my heart sinks. but i need to hold back. be strong. coz with the guidance of our Almighty God, my family and spiritual friends, i am living my life now with so much hopes. and regaining my passion with writing which had bloomed and died because of that guy. have i mentioned that i miss that guy? i missed him. i am missing him. certainly, i'll be missing him. with a smile, maycLip
2 responses
@modstar (9610)
• Philippines
15 May 09
Ok, i skipped some lines. lol! I hope you forgive me. lol! You write pretty well. Well i guess people come and go and we just don't realize their worth until they're gone. That's the way it is. If it's not then i guess the word "miss" will not be an entry in any dictionaries our there. The fact that he is enjoying writing for you and you loving it is a pretty good favor for him. Who would have thought he'd be gone early?
@attente (987)
• Philippines
15 May 09
haha! is it too long? my apology! it's ok that you skipped some lines, as the first commenter said it's the longest post he had ever read/seen here in mylot. hehe anyway, you're right. no one have thought that he would leave that soon. thus, as you have the people you love around you, be happy and live the most out of it. tell them you love them, no one knows, that would be the last right? at least they know. have a blessed life! thanks for reading my entry!^^
1 person likes this
@modstar (9610)
• Philippines
15 May 09
Lol! Nah, i was just kidding of course i've read it entirely! I've read longer Manny Pacquiao articles last week! lol! Well, i'm too shy to say i love you especially to family members but i'm making efforts in showing them that i do through actions. I won't ask if the guy is your boyfriend or not because i would again be told that it's none of my business. lol!
@attente (987)
• Philippines
15 May 09
haha! so you didn't really mean it! thanks! weee.! :D are you a filipino? cheers for pacquiao! :) the guy's not my boyfriend, he's my fiance! haha! lol. it's not a joke. :)
• Philippines
8 May 09
Wow! This is the longest discussion I have ever seen.
@attente (987)
• Philippines
9 May 09
thanks for reading my entry. it is just that i feel like writing last night. :)