Will it drive you crazy if your husband keeps secrets from you?

@ibelle09 (157)
China
May 10, 2009 9:55am CST
My friend has been upset these days. She found a folded paper in her husband's wallet, but when she wanted to open it, her husband took it away quickly. His behavior made my friend suspect that there must be something in the paper , which her husband didn't want her to know.That drives my friend very crazy, and she says she is very sad that her husband keeps secrets from her. I think it's OK that husband and wife keep some secrets from each other, as long as those secrets are not harmful. What about you?
3 people like this
16 responses
@russso (1701)
• Philippines
10 May 09
I'm not married. I was trying to put myself in your friend's situation. I would feel bad if my husband's keeping secrets from me. I mean, right now, I am in a relationship and I seriously would not like it if my boyfriend's keeping something from me. Whatever the reason is behind a particular secret, I would want to be there for that person... Unless he is trying to get me a present or he's trying to organize something for me. Lol. That's a different story.
@ibelle09 (157)
• China
10 May 09
Haha, girls always think the same. I do agree that it's OK if my husband keeps a secret that he wants to buy me a present or give me any surprise. I like this kind of secret. But if the secret is something else, I think I will try to find it out or ask him directly. :D
@russso (1701)
• Philippines
10 May 09
Attagirl :D
@jeanena (1616)
• Bucklin, Kansas
11 May 09
I have been in the same boat as your friend , it doesn't feel good. The paper in my hubby's wallet was a gals phone number. I was lucky in the respect that he hadn't ever called her. I went to the source and called the number.He had gotten it at a bar when him and one of our friends was there for an evening.She said she figured when she didn't hear from him he was likely married or seeing someone. He said he took it because it made him feel like he was attractive to someone after being married so long. anyway I understand what she is feeling.
@ibelle09 (157)
• China
11 May 09
Hey, your husband is so cool. No wonder you feel worried. But my friend's husband is not so attactive, i think. I was told that he never kept secrets from her. This time, it is weird. That's why drives her crazy. She decides to ask him directly, or she can't fall asleep at night. My!
@pickoy (734)
• Philippines
11 May 09
Sometimes it can be frustrating to let it out of him but you can't force him to tell you anything if he doesn't wish it. In times like this, I just let it go, coz there are stuff I also don't choose to tell him, not that its harmful by any cause. Example, when I lend my mom some money, I don't need to tell him that, and its not harmful as well coz its my money. But there are partners who seemingly want to know everything, every move, it will definitely drive both of you crazy and sometimes lead to unnecessary arguments or petty quarrels. We trust each other, and if there's something he doesn't want to tell me, i give him time, maybe he'll go around next time, but I just ignore it if I feel that its not going to cause us any trouble.
@ibelle09 (157)
• China
11 May 09
So i guess you two are a very happy couple, for you trust each other. Yeah, i can't agree with you more. If i always think about the secret that my honey keeps, i will be crazy. Luckily, i am not the one who always bears the unhappy thought in mind. If my husband doesn'twant to tell me, then i will let it go. Maybe i will find some way to figure it out, but if i can't, i forget it. Of course, no secrets between spouses will be much better, i think. :)
@Maryam27 (412)
• Pakistan
10 May 09
We can understand and comment that it is OK but the person going through the situation might feel it awkward, as you just told us that your friend's husband literally grabbed the piece of paper from her, I don't think any of us would like this kinda behavior from our spouses. It's odd and awkward. I guess your friend has the right to get upset about it.
@ibelle09 (157)
• China
11 May 09
Yet, and her husband hasn't told her what is in the paper yet. So i told her to find out the paper when he left the wallet with her. The idea seems a little crazy. But this is what advice i can give her. I hope that there is some surprise in the paper.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
22 May 09
Will it drive you crazy? I agree with you. I think that it's best for husbands and wives to both have a few secrets that they keep to their selves. If everything is told their is no mystery. Most men like a challenge and they also love a good mystery so yes I would have to say go on and keep a few secrets and don't let the other spouse know a thing.
@Rollo1 (16685)
• Boston, Massachusetts
11 May 09
There are some secrets that we keep from everyone, these are private thoughts that go on in our heads and are not part of our real lives. We all have passing thoughts we would be embarrassed or ashamed to have everyone know about. But in this situation it sounds like a dangerous secret. Sure there is a possibility that what is written on the paper is a surprise for her or has nothing whatsoever to do with their relationship. Still, the wife should tell him that she is bothered by it and he should tell her why he does not want her to read it. Unless he does that, she will be forever haunted by doubts. Eventually, even if this was an innocent piece of paper, those doubts will destroy the marriage. If he is not open with her about this, she will become more suspicious as time goes on and see reasons for suspicion even where none exist. There is no trust where there are secrets. Without trust, there is no hope for the survival of the relationship. She should go to him right away, tell him how she feels. He should be honest, and if he has no destructive secret, he should be smart enough to show her the paper and allay her fears. His openness and honesty will nip her doubts in the bud and this will end the problem. If he doesn't, this could end the marriage in time.
@pavan4568 (122)
• India
11 May 09
I think when you are in a relationship, partner will expect to be open and not like anything to be hidden and thats what makes a relationship with a girl/boy very special and thats why you are in a relationship with a person since you are close to your partner and like to share every thing which you might regret sharing with some one else. So, when its not happening this way, i can understand your friends feelings it really hurts but your friend can let her husband know that so that atleast he will come to know that particular incident made her unhappy and will make sure he wont do it again and if its happening for the first time then there should be some reason behind it which you can discuss with him calmly but if its happening every time then iam sorry to say there is a serious problem.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
11 May 09
hahahah i was that paranoid before as well, whenever i could sense he is hiding something i do my best to find out about it to the point at times it hurts me. but i just cant bear it if he is hiding something. but it changed, he's been telling me where he goes and what he does..so i am not worried but then i know there sitll things he keep as a secret so i still respect him for it.
@angemac23 (2005)
• Canada
11 May 09
Yes it would bother me if my husband or boyfriend kept a secret from me because I never keep secrets and it would make him look guilty! I would try very hard to find out what he was keeping a secret until I found out!
@eddify (413)
• Pakistan
11 May 09
I am not sure how u fel about it , but my hubby never kept any secrets from me. I know all his girl friends, past and present. But u know when u know everything you are more angry as u will always think oh he must have done this to her as well. Or may e he shared this with all the others as well. So if he is not talkign its good. Coz when u know you fight more and then situations change.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
11 May 09
I don't like it too if my husband keeps secrets from me. I know it is not supposed to be a big issue and that it should be okay to keep little secrets from each other. But sometimes, I won't be able to help feeling not only sad but also hurt or annoyed. I may even feel suspicious. Of course, I want my husband not to keep any secrets from me completely. If he has nothing to hide anyway or if he has not done anything wrong, why should he not tell me?
• Philippines
10 May 09
If what's written on the paper is a surprise plan for her birthday party or their anniversary, then I think she should not be sad, instead be thankful. Yet, if what's written on it is 'someone' else's phone number, then it's alarming. It's ok to keep secrets once in a while. Husband and wives are still individuals. Yet, I cannot state this one as effective as other married persons because I am still not yet a wife. I guess it helped, though.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
10 May 09
Hi i think you are right about it.there are some secrets which should be kept away from the spouse not because you are cheating on him/her just because you care about them and there are quite a few things in the world which creats trouble in the relationship.so i am agree with you...
@geniustiger (1699)
• Philippines
10 May 09
Im not comfortable if my husband do it to me. I will not stop asking what is the hidden treasure of that folded paper; until then that he will tell everything.Couple should share whatever it is , cause it will be a way to quarrel.
@nrn2003 (670)
• United States
10 May 09
I dont like secrets at all. I think that they are unhealthy for a relationship. no matter what the secret is, it will hurt the relationship because it causes trust issues between the two involved. Unless itis something that will be a surprise to the other member like a gift or osmething like that. but it is best for a relationship to be upfront and honest at all times sot hat there is nothing to worry about between the two of you.
• India
10 May 09
i think this is not a big issue bcz in each and every home we will face that thing...both of us they want to maintain some secrets they have trust on each other then only the both of them can live happily otherwise some misunderstandings between them this sometime this leads to many bad situations also so tell ur frd to ask her husband about that paper .what is in that ...if he is not interest to sy leave him don't say anything wait for some day surely one day he will say about that thing ..wait for that day ......don't misunderstand each other ust trust him that's it ......but don't totally depend on him....