men!!!!!!!!!!!! men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! men!!!!!!!!!!

It hurts - yes it hurts
@apsara60 (6612)
Israel
May 13, 2009 7:32am CST
Why do men keep looking at other girls or women even when they are with their wives. Are men aware of this fact that how much they are hurting their wives by acting so selfish. Men go crazy for unknown women who do not even care to look at them and treat them like Mr.Nobody while they don't appreciate devotion of their wives who fills their life with comforts and happiness and looks after the whole family. Am I making an issue of this.....or there are other women who agree with me......that it hurts...........
7 people like this
24 responses
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
19 May 09
Hi! Dear! It is a very general or should I say generalized statement. Every man is not like this. The one who has got a strict and strong wife, will dare not see at the other women or girls.........for the fear of being caught............LOL! Your question has a very simple answer - "Opposites attracts each other". Men get attracted towards women and vice versa. However, such is our culture (I am talking about Indian culture) women cannot openly show their feelings for 'another' man, on the other hand, men do not feel afraid while talking about other women or seeing them. A wife feels bad if her husband tells her that the other woman is more beautiful. For a husband, his wife should be the most beautiful person on earth, because she looks after him very carefully. I would like to add that those wives who are not very broad minded will not allow their husbands to have a look at another women. Perhaps, in their hearts of heart, they just feel insecure.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
22 May 09
Blame !blame !blame......why are men blaming women all the time Dpk..... ..If men oogle at other women its 'cos wives are not strict ..well according to Indian culture,when a woman accepts a man as her husband,she sticks to him and will not eye other men........Are you blaming women for this Dpk... ....its nonsense to say that "For a husband, his wife should be the most beautiful person on earth, because she looks after him very carefully. " ......gggrrrr Nari sakthi is not happy with such remarks Dpk...... Dpk what are you getting at?Do you mean to say that a wife should have a belt round her husband's neck and lead him along lest he strays away????Really Dpk I am shocked.......
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
22 May 09
Rose! I am shocked to read your comments on my humble and jovial response. You see, I am not blaming women as a whole. Actually, I am very naive and poor in expressing myself, may be I could not convey in my response, what I might have thought and what I might have wanted to convey. To oogle others or see others (specially opposite gender persons) is very common phenomenon and I do not agree with you that women do not look at other men, they just cannot close their eyes altogether, when there are men around. Likewise, men sees other women, when they are at public place. However, I do agree when certain persons (read men) cross the limit of decency and glare at girls/women, it looks very bad to me. I am not saying that a wife should have a belt to tighten her husband, but if she is broad minded, she should not take it too seriously, if her husband sees other woman, it is a matter of faith and trust between a husband and a wife, I believe. You have every right to disagree with me.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56484)
• Delhi, India
25 May 09
Apsara! I agree with you that giving importance to other women in comparison to one's wife could be very pinching, irrespective of a woman's financial status. Yes, it is difficult to understand a woman, I buy your this argument also. After so many years of my marriage, I'm still trying to understand my better half........LOL!
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
13 May 09
It definitely does make a bad impression Apsara, not only on the wife but also any other onlooker[say if it is even an official meeting between colleagues and one person openly ogles at females this speaks poorly of him.].
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
13 May 09
Yes Kalav ........it is bad manners and really leave bad impression and since it hurts wife, the indirect effects start falling on other things also and problems start in married life....such little things are actually root causes of all dissatisfaction in happy married life.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
13 May 09
Men like this should get wives that would keep ogling and gaping at others.Then it would serve them right.
3 people like this
• India
14 May 09
Completely agree with you, Kalav!! :-D They would understand only if this happens to them as well!!
2 people like this
@elemental69 (1562)
• Ireland
13 May 09
It used to bother me in the beginning when I caught my hubby looking at other women. Now it doesnt bother me as much. Its me he is married to, and me he is at home with in bed every night, and its me and the kids that hes devoted to, and tells me every day that he loves me... What more can I ask for?:-)
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Yes, you are right, but what about the other women, who feels proud at that moment , don't you feel insulted at that time.........only this insult bothers me..........
2 people like this
• Ireland
14 May 09
Yes I understand that.... But what about you?? Do you not feel good when another man looks or smiles at you? :-)
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
well I am from India, and we indians girls are told that it is sin to look at another man if you have a husband, so I never think about these things. I wonder why same rule does ot apply to indian men.....
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
13 May 09
It's just rude and disrespectful. My husband is pretty good about it in my presence. He does look but never lustfully or in any way that would degrade me or the women.
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
I will say your husband is really intelligent. If all men will behave properly atleast when they are with their wives.....things would be really much better. This little smartness can bring lot of peace but if only men will have some control on their flirting eyes............Thanks for your reply and have a great day.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
14 May 09
He is intelligent, indeed.... also respectful and caring.
@amirev777 (2820)
• India
14 May 09
hi i know that it hurts-and what u say is applicable to most men-their roving eyes will alwayz be on look out for some other pretty attactive woman, even when they have their own wife/gurl friend sitting next to it.but for most men it is just 'time pass'-just an 'eye candy'-it does not mean that guy is totally besotted by that woman so much so that he is ever ready to drop his pants and jump into bed with her.there have been times when i have caught my gurl staring at some good looking men, whom she has evn complimented on my face-so u shud just take this in ur stride untill u find out that ur partner has been fully unfaithful to u.
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
15 May 09
I agree with you that men do it for time pass....men are men, but for a girlfriend or wife to act this way does not sound good, unless she is trying to teach a lesson to her guy or she has decided to be unfaithful.......usually we don't here such matters with respect to girls.....but there are always rare cases.....Thanks for your reply amirev. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@roanne05 (1292)
• Oman
14 May 09
for me, as long as my boyfriend / future husband is just STARING it is okey with me. but if he goes beyond that, it would be adifferent story all together. lets face it, they are just admiring and as long as they are your's and only your's nothing to fear or get upset about. i see that all men are like that. they will not be a man if they are not... wel, that only for me.
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
yeah you are right roanne, but the other lady who is being unnecessarily admired by your man, surely things she is superior to you.....can you take that.....I cannot.......but I will have to.....because men are fools when it comes to women and they bring problems....but intelligent wife will not let problems enter her house.....right
1 person likes this
@moujha (86)
• Mauritius
13 May 09
Well, man is born for woman and vice versa. Imagine a husband walking with wife on the streets and a hot sexy girl passes, don't you think the man will have a glance. But that doesn't mean they don't love their wife. I believe if all women dress up properly and walk, then the problem of husbands glancing at other woman would be solved. Because most of time, it is the physical beauty of a woman that attracts a man.
2 people like this
@mayka123 (10806)
• India
19 May 09
Yes Aps you are right!!!
@punlonnjack (1309)
• United States
13 May 09
ive been married 8 years.this used to bother me but know i just make my own comments when he says something like wow she has a nice butt.i say yes she has junk in her trunk. i make jokes all the time so he doesnt seem to have interest after that.lol now if he was to be disrespectful like his friend is to his wife that would be different.but he doesnt do that.his friend will come right out and say i would love to '''' her to his wife.she has acually slapped his face for that.i would do the same.but men have wondering eye and as long as my husband doesnt disrepect me to the point his friend does im ok with it.its a natural thing with men, dont take it personally.im sure you have seen attractive men but dont say anything.i do exspectially if i am somewhere with my sister ill say' wow he is sexy.doesnt mean i would leave my husband.but i aggree i wish men where a bit more discreet about it.i know it hurts but try to remember hes going home with you tonight.now if he has cheated before or you are worried he will cheat.that is a different discussion all together. hope that helped:)
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
13 May 09
hi punlonnjack.....Thanks for your reply. Actually, as far as I know my hubby, he has no guts to go much further than staring like a fool....lol. Most men have no intention more than staring in free, I am aware of this....But why don't men behave like a gentlemen........what is the use of all the education and good culture, if you don't know how to earn respect in society.......only this hurts me. A man deserves respect from women only if he keeps his level of dignity in eyes of his wife. Husband will be respected if he is respectful and not just because he is a husband.......we are not living in 16th century.......lol
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
14 May 09
Hi Aps dear.......Good to have you back after a long time......And what a discussion.....There are some facts of life which we cannot change and which we have to accept...And one of them is that OPPOSITES ATTRACT...But in a true marriage I dont believe this will become a real issue.Very often the husbands tend to take his wife for granted and fail to express his love or appreciation of her love and devotion....This does not mean that he is unhappy with her or doesnt love her.It is only when the husband strays away from his wife and openly tries to oogle or make a pass at another's wife that things will get out of hand.....I believe if a woman understands her husband well,there is no need for her to get hurt if he doesnt oepenly express his love and devotion to her.The very fact that he does not stray or make passes at other women is ample sign of his devotion to her.There are many things unsaid in marriages dear.It is up to each wife to assess and act in a mature manner rather than spending all her life in self pity and unnecessary jealousy.In this case if the wife stops acting jealous and try to share jokes and comments with her husband,at other's wives,it will lighten up the situation and clear unneccessary misconceptions........After all this is what Nari sakthi is all about.....
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Excellent answer my dear Rose.....it looks like you quietly slipped in from the back door of my heart and made all the inquiries and then wrote the exact words... Your are right Rose.....may be jealousy is the root cause of my frustration....because I have nothing serious against my hubby ( I love him) but I cannot bear that some stranger lady suddenly feels at the top of the world just because my husband gave her more attention...., why should she feel superior, when I know that I am perfect.....only this makes me angry.....lol. Also let me tell you, I try hard to ignore all this and try hard not to start this subject with my hubby, but I cannot have dual personality, unless and until I speak out my frustration and clear my conscious I cannot breath, and that is how many times I spoil my weekends....but now that I spoke this out here on mylot and read different opinions,I think I will give less importance to this situation next time.......Thanks to all of you.
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
14 May 09
ah so I guessed right ,this is not just a general discussion...But Aps dear,stop behaving like a 16 year old.I am sure your husband has already seen the child in you and behaving like this to tease you and he must be secretly enjoying your behaviour.Well after remaining married for so long ,what more can one expect...ppppppsssssst...let me tell you something dear.I think its high time you turned the table on him.Next time you see a lovely chick, ,make some nice remarks about her appearance to your hubby and even offer to buy him a pair of binoculars so that his eyes need not pop out of his face................and see the change in his behaviour.......
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
15 May 09
ha ha ha.........nice tip Rose, but I am not going to try it....... kahi lene ke dene padh gaye toh, if he accpeted my offer, then I cannot even complain......... Then I will have to borrow nari shakti from you
@betlynfrnds (1628)
• United States
13 May 09
You're not making an issue out of this at all. I think that ever since Adam's rib was taken to make Eve, some men think that every woman owes them something.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
OK may be I am making an issue, but let me clear certain point....... God looked at Adam and he knew man was too weak to bear what God was planning for future. God loved Adam (I am sure God is male), and did not want to make man suffer, so he decided to make women and to save himself from guilt, he gave first and last pain to man by removing his rib. After that he made woman and gave her all the pain and suffering and torching from men.......God knew man could not bear pain of child birth so he gave it to women, because only women can be beautiful, delicate and at the same time....strong to bear pain and face every critical situation of life....... so you see not only men but even God owes a lot to women........I hope you agree.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
14 May 09
I do agree with you Aps...Infact coming to Adam and Eve its said God first made man as a specimen.Then he took one of his ribs and created woman as the better version covering all the flaws that were there in his specimen............Most men will find it hard to accept and digest this,but we women are more receptive to such observations......and rightly so too...........
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Thank you Rose for making ignorant men aware of this fact, no matter they digest it or not, the fact remains fact..I agree with every word of yours. Thanks for your support.....yes and again........nari shakti ki jai!!!!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (23693)
• India
14 May 09
Hi Apsara, I am happy to see you around after a long time. How are you? Hope you are doing well. Let me ask one question to you dear. Do you think we can control this activity of men? No, if the wives are making an issue on the above subject then they will do the same but make sure that wife is not noticing. I think it is an inborn habit and they can’t change the same. I know there is possessiveness in between husband and wife and I support the same because it is essential for a strong married life (but the possessiveness should be upto a certain extent and won’t harm the relationship). I think most of the wives are not bothered much on this action (looking on other females) because they know that it won’t harm in any way and of course they well understand that they can’t change this attitude.
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Hi sreekala, nice to see you too.....how are you..... Yeah you are right.......men will never change specially in this particular case, as we women are irresistible for them..... Yeah I have also decided not to argue on this subject hereafter....as there is no use of wasting time, energy and health.......and these shameless hubbies are later on going to come back to us and pamper us because they know only we can give them what they want........Thanks for your reply and have a great day...
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
22 May 09
Hi Sree Nice reply u have to accept some weaknesses of other genders and sure i like ur reply Keep it up
1 person likes this
• United States
13 May 09
Men mean no harm for the most part... Hey when my husband says a girl is hot I just go back at him with a guy I think is hot... We actually made a deal once.. We have a celebrity "to do" list (yes it means exactly what you think) and we both said that if either of us ever got a chance at any of the people on them the other would say okay and let them go at it! It will never be any chance of it happening but when he started saying things like that and looking, mostly around his male friends, and I just turned the tables on him. He knows it bothers me but its a guy thing..... Now I just let it go... I know he is not gonna cheat and I know I look at guys... I am just a little bit less obvious about it... It is human nature to look and to have desires that doesnt mean the man or woman is gonna follow through... Its normal and it is healthy...
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
13 May 09
Yes friend, that is what we all women do....just let it go......but it makes me angry that the woman who notices man staring at him, must be thinking that she is definitely better than his wife and that is why he is attracted towards her. Now that is really insulting.....this is what hurts....though we know our hubbies have no intention to insult us.....but that girl definitely has something to boost about.....
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Now if we will go into details of judging whether men really mean what they say, then we can go on writing books after books.....lets leave it here........in the end we accept them a they are....so...lets both have a nice day....
@hanah87 (1846)
• Malaysia
26 May 09
I think this kind of men is a not have intelligent and feeling or emotion.They just think for their fun only.I would like to say and suggest how about if you say and do like what he do to you and see his reaction.I think he will feel sad and ashame too.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
26 May 09
Yes, but you know women will not bring herself to such a lower level and that is why she has earned her dignified position in this world. I think every man will realise his mistake some day and will himself learn to behave.....Lets keep the hope.....Thanks for your reply.
• United States
19 May 09
I guess I'm very lucky that my man doesn't do such things like that. He has never drooled over another female or said anything about how great or how hot another woman looks in front of me. I mentioned it to him before how I'm glad he's not like that and he said " I know better to do anything like that to you, you would punch me if I did!"..lol.. I think if a guy is smart then he shouldn't say these types of things around his wife or girlfriend because if he values their relationship their is no such need to act like this not unless he's naturally a cruel jerk .I have broken up with guy's before because they made comments out loud to me about how great some other woman looks, I find it disrespectful & immature when a man does this to his woman. Your not making a issue out of it, your right, it is hurtful sometimes and when your guy does this to you , if he does this to you again, you should do it to him and give him a taste of his own medicine and say " Wow, look at that guy, he's sexy and hott!!".. See how it makes him feel seeing you drool over some strange random guy..
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
23 May 09
ha ha ha.....thanks for you tip cassandralynn.......I will try to do that, but to tell you the truth....don't feel like making such nice comments for men..., because only wife knows if his hubby is really sexy and hot or not.....because many times what we see is not what it is........lol.....hope you got my point.....Thanks for your reply have a nice day.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
14 May 09
men? lol it is their nature to do so, i used to be bothered by my husband doing thatt, when a lady with a nice butt or nice face passing by he would comment like how pretty she is or how sexy she and how i got flabby..actually i got hut and still is hurting but i have been eventually moving on and keeping those out of my mind. plus men are men they will always do that because some are insensitive by nature! lol and i came to realize there is no point in arguing about it because i am who i am and he cant do anytthing to change me and he married me the way i am now, hthere are physical changes when i gave birth but then i am who i am! so he better get used to it...plus i am the mother of his kids so i know he loves me for who i am, iut might not be always smooth but i know he loves me even at times he gives comments. i am getting used to it now...
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
you are right jazel.....marriage is a sacred commitment and very Strong bound.....if only we women can over come our jealous nature.....things would be much better......I am trying...., Thanks for your reply and have a nice day.
@mimuche (163)
• Canada
14 May 09
My mother always tells me "Be the apple on top of the tree." Men seem to have been born with wandering eyes and they take pride in achieving something that might seem impossible, maybe because their ego needs it. Back to my mother's saying, when a man can not have someone like you they will do anything for it, but once they get that apple they will not be satisfied but rather go back at the tree and look for the next apple on top of the tree. So ladies, embrace your intelligence and beauty and you will always be that apple on top of the tree.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Your mother is very much right mimuche.........men are never satisfied...the more they get the more they want. Also the saying "grass on the other side seems to be more green", fits for men very well.......because they always think women other than their wife are always better, but they don't know that husband of that other women is also thinking the same...... crazy men.....
@queennee (189)
• Philippines
14 May 09
hello apsara,men are like that..they cant avoid looking on somebody(i mean girls).when my husband and i are not married yet,i feel mad everytime she look at other woman,and when i confront him,he will just simply say "theres nothing wrong with it,im just looking at her".not thinking that it hurts us everytime they do that.but things change when wer'e married,he never do that anymore,looks like he's contented with me and he's over with it,lucky for me huh!? heheheh! have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Ha ha ha......queennee what makes you feel that after marriage things will change.......married men are worse than bachelors.........because they know the taste of forbidden fruit.. so they become more greedy..anyway, I wish you a very happy married life.
@tracy_d (76)
• India
14 May 09
I agree with most people here that men have no "other" intentions than to just appreciate the physical beauty around them, and its most of the time harmless. However when a woman does that (not that they generally do), its not accepted!! Why this discrimination? If you ever find your man ogling at others, point out to some attractive guy deliberately and mention how handsome he is. That should get your man a little back on track!!
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Thank for the tip dear.......I will surely try that......... Have a nice day.
• China
14 May 09
Everyone like beauties,I like to look at other preety girls or women with my boyfriend even talk about ti with him.It's funny for us.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Thanks for your reply. Enjoy
@eponiine (141)
• United States
14 May 09
I'm sorry, yes it is hurtful. I'm not sure how much they realise it, but it's strange how in my experience, men seem to be just as jealous as women. They don't want you to talk to other guys, they want to know where you go, etc (though at some point this becomes controlling and abusive, and that's another issue altogether). Yet somehow, they can't seem to understand that we get jealous too and feel the same way! Sometimes I think our feelings of jealousy about it are emotional while there's are more about wanting to possess us, but that may just be a bitter female perspective, or the result of knowing too many controlling guys. People will always find others attractive, even if they're married, but I think most men, no matter how attractive they find some stranger, would not actually want to leave their wife or girlfriend for her. They surely love her more than some random girl on the street and that at least is a comforting point. Assuming you're speaking from experience, you should try talking to your husband if you feel really upset about it and tell him how you feel; maybe he didn't realise how obvious it was and how much it hurts you.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
14 May 09
Thank you eponiine for such an understanding and caring reply. I spoke to my hubby and it was my first and last argument with him on this topic.......and here after I will ignore such situations, because it brings nothing but depression and spoil peace at home....so I will now think from brain and not from heart.....Have a nice day.