Do you try to control others?
May 17, 2009 8:16pm CST
We all know what it’s like to want to be in control. In some ways, exerting control is important and necessary. For example, we have every right to be in control of our own bodies and our own lives. Taking control in these cases is empowering and right. Controlling behavior in the negative sense comes from a tendency to reach beyond our own boundaries and into the lives of others. Many people do this with the thought that they are helping. This can happen with parents who are still trying to force their grown children into behaving in ways that they find acceptable. It can also happen when people try to control their partners’ behavior. When we have control issues, we will see that in one or more areas of our life, we feel the need to interfere with what is happening rather than just allowing events to unfold. Most of us have at least one situation or relationship in which we try to exert control. This often happens because someone’s behavior makes us uncomfortable. We may feel it makes us look bad, or it embarrasses us. For example, if your best friend tends to drink too much, you might spend an entire party just trying to prevent her from doing so. This is different from directly confronting her about the problem and allowing her to decide what she should do. Controlling behavior generally goes hand in hand with an unwillingness to be direct about what we want, as well as an inability to let go and let people live their own lives. If you are the one that is controlling, it’s probably because you literally feel as if you are out of control and that scares you. It is hard sometimes to allow others to be who they are, especially if we feel we know what’s best for them and we see them making choices we wouldn’t make. However, if we are to be respectful and truly loving, we have to let people go, trusting that they will find their own way in their own time and understanding that it is their life to live. Just reminding ourselves that the only life we have to live is our own is the first step to letting go.
• United States
18 May 09
Yes, we cannot control other people, places, or things. The only things we can control are our own actions and reactions. I have long ago given up trying to control people in relationships. What for? What a waste of time and energy! I am far better of putting that energy towards doing something positive in my own life. :-)
24 May 09
I have never wanted to control anyone nor to be controlled by anyone.I have always resenetd people who try to control others as I think this is evil and stops only short of slavery.I believe in doing to others as I would have done to me.The thing is control and power are very addictive and like the sayng goes "absolute power corrupts absolutely " This is why I believe that persons who aer in power need to be very humble otherwise this may get to their head.This is a great discussion
• United States
23 May 09
Pose- I think the first thing to realize is that we have no control. We have no control over anything, it's an imagined entity. We do have the power to make choices, but the need to be "in control" of ourselves, others, and so forth is a dangerous path to tread. One of the problems along life's journey is that when people feel the need to "be in control" be it of themselves or others, they tend to become motivated by fear, and can become very self-destructive, avoiding the path to enlightenment. A good example is Lucas's creation of Anakin Skywalker. Here is a boy that tried to "control" everything around him, and it only got worse as time progressed. So led by fear, and a need to be "in control", he unfortunately loosed control and those he loves and cares for. There is a real life lesson to be learned from this character. When we surrender control, we often find we live at peace. Namaste-Anora
23 May 09
Hi Anora, Thank you for commenting. I agree trying to be in control is a dangerous path to thread. We have choices but each person must choose for themselves. I am not not familiar Anakin Skywalker but I can imagine what the outcome would be in such a situation. Blessings.
18 May 09
I try to control situations, but always have my reasons. My husband was used to people trying to control him, and by the time he married me he thought I was rather oberbearing, but somehow our instincts brought us together. After a while he watched my examples, and understood why I tended to control situations...because somehow I knew what I was doing, and I always had reasons. Finances is one area where I like to be in control. My father taught me everything he knows about handling money, and if there is a true financial genious out there, it is my father. Hubby noticed how I never had problems, was never taken advantage of, and could strech a few dollars farther than anyone could imagine. He also saw how good I was with my timing, how when I said "we need to go now" it meant "the bus is going to be infront of our apartment the second we put our feet on the sidewalk if we leave the house now (in five minutes, in 10 minutes, in time I learned how long it took him to get ready to go somewhere. I already knew how long it would take me), and now we are pretty much in sync when it comes to my timing. He knows I am not "in control" because I have issues, I take control only when I absolutely and completely know what I am doing.