Avoiding arguments

i think you're right with regards to speaking up. what should one walk on eggshells on, if i may say , is how to still have that rational sense in taking things in an impersonal and objective way.

I only avoid an argument when things start to heat up and nobody is listening anymore. If both partners are at the peak of their emotions, its better to stop or both of you will be screaming and only the neighbor is listening... At that point both of them wants to be heard and its useless coz they're both not listening anymore. I usually stopped talking when I feel that my husband keeps on pushing his idea and when he's not listening by then he'll notice that he needs to keep things down and calm down for a while and then we both wait until both of us are ready to settle it. Its easier to settle an argument when both have cooled down. Its not really about winning it, but settling it.

I do think it's important to have open communication in a relationship and not have to walk on egg shells. Yet it's difficult to put into practice for me. I want to avoid a confrontation so I think about whether my issue is important and if I decide it's not that important I keep it to myself. If it's really important and I hold it in, the relationship begins suffering after so many of those issues get buried. Honesty is nice, but it sure can be tough.

what do you mean by walking on Egg Shells? I know that I should keep cool to avoid arguments but somehow or another I can't keep cool and we get the arguments on and on and on, which is bad. I don't like but what to dO?

I feel the same way about arguements if having the arguement gets you anywhere. I won't fight with someone if I feel like I'm beatin my head against a wall though. All that accomplishes is someone getting their feelings hurt so bad that someone says something that they don't mean and can't be taken back. For instance- I went to a concert with my fiance and my best friend about 6 months ago. My fiance and I got separated a few times but my bf and I stayed together. Towards the end of the night I lifted my fiances keys because I wasn't sure how much he had had to drink and I gave them to my frind. I was going to let her decide if he could drive. For whatever reason my firned gave him the keys back. In any case I got to listen to my fiance say mean awful things all the way home- an hour and a half away. HE even threatened to put me out on the side of the road. After that I don't argue with him much anymore. Things are better with us but all I can do is remember the awful things he said and worry about what he will do if he gets that angry again.

There just isn't a way of avoiding arguments. They are an inevitable part of communicating with people. It's a poor way of getting your point across, but with large groups of people or two large characters, they are unavoidable. I find you can avoid conflict by voicing your opinions there and then and not letting things build up inside you. Having said that some people find it inconsiderate if you speak your mind to forcefully. You just can't please all of the people all of the time. The trick seems to me to be forgiving and quick to make up after wards.

Both hubby and me have always been open with each other to the extent that we had fisticuffs on more than one occassion. Both of us believe that keeping quiet is extremely pernicious to the healthy growth of relationships. Of course it has helped that we are of same age, were actually college friends and both quite garrulous when we are in the mood for it. Sometimes my husband does give me the silent treatment and I give it back to him too in my own time, but mostly we are just fighting and making up.

I was in a relationship like that for 3 1/2 years, walking on eggshells, not wanting to cause any drama. And you're right, the relationship didn't last. However, I'm in a relationship now, that either of us could tell the other anything, and it wouldn't really cause an argument, we'd just discuss and resolve whatever the issue is.

I use to agree with this until I lived with my Hubby 24/7 since retirement I don't want to argue. This is him main source of entertainment and I just don't like to get involved, mainly because I have lived with the games people play and I just don't enjoy it anymore.

no i feel that if there is a issue to talk about even if it will result in a argument then you should tlk about it but without shouting. I agree with you that coupples need to be open and communicate every couple argues sometimes its only natural.

Hi bama...I do think that open communication is key in any relationship. If another person cannot be honest with you at all times, then there is something lacking in the relationship. I don't hold my feelings inside when it comes to my true friends and certainly my family. I thought that a co worker was also a friend and opened up to her about how she had hurt my feelings. She just laughed and rolled her eyes. So I don't consider her a friend anymore. Obviously someone who has so little regard for one's feelings has little regard for that person.

It is better not to start. This is better for me. Cooling your head and trying not to speak is much better for me than to start up a heated argument which will never benefit me. It does not matter for me if i am the one who is right. Sometimes, what is important is to hear out more than speaking. I tend to listen more and speak less. In this way i am able to understand a person better specially my husband. We do talk less and hear more on each other. In this way we better understand and end up a fight easily. It is natural to have fights in a relationship. But we know how to draw the line in terms of this. Being patient is better and taming our tongue is really important. So to avoid arguments, all that i have mentioned is really important in a relationship.

when im still married, i just keep quite everytime we have problem. I just ignore the problem and let it go but now when im looking back, i think if i open the communication and tell my ex husband what the problem are, maybe were still together. if maybe i tell him what i feel, my fear, my jealousy and my goals maybe my married is still intact. But now im different everytime i have problem with people, i tell them straight what i feel. But with my mom, i do it differently because she is too old, i just keep quite every time we have conflict.

Ya, i'd say that sometimes it depends on the situation, whether to hold the feelings inside first or to oepn it up and discuss with the other half. It's actually not a good time to talk or discuss when two of the people are not in good mood, probably they just won't listen to each other's explaination. So, in that situation, it will be best to hold the issue and discuss later when the 'heat' goes down. When it's the time suitable to talk, then it's the time both have to be open and communicate.

My boyfriend and I are trying hard to avoid arguements. We make a point to voice our opinions and say things when we feel it instead of letting it all build up and then explode on each other. We talk about our opinions and respect each other for it and don't put the other's ideas to the back burner or anything.

Without question communication is critical to a successful relationship. When you do not air issues you are in effect saying you are okay with what ever the other person has to say. I am very guilty of this and try my best to keep away from arguments. This is in spite of the fact I can see it is not the right approach. In my first marriage I could not express myself when it needed to be done and it cost me. She told me at one point that we have been married for all these years and yet I feel like I don't really know you. My feeling inside, which I expressed to her at the time, was I just could not understand why she felt that way. I felt like I was like an open book. But in retrospect I see I was anything but. I tried to avoid confrontation and in so doing did not let her know what I felt about anything I knew would lead to an argument. I am married again and I fear have not completely learned my lesson yet. But I am working on it and I would advise anyone reading this that if you recognize this in your relationship please try to begin to change it. It takes both of you but it can be done and is sooooo important.

i think communication definitely needs to be kept open but i think more times than not it is not. when u don't let what's bothering u out it just grows & grows. alot of people are just not easy to talk to. sometimes i'm not myself. i am stubborn as a mule but at least i admit it.

Yes I think so as well, as long as it is not hurtful as some people can be really hurtful when trying to lat someone know how they feel. So as long as it is in a proctive way then yes.

Balance... like with anything. I pick my battles. I have a house full of people with issues...I have to pick important things to worry about. I let a lot go that I wouldn't from a "normal" person because I know there isn't the same intent when the members of my house handle things badly. I also know that how I handle things is a model for the rest. I'm teaching my special needs husband as much as I am the kids. It's tough if I'm not feeling well and stuff falls out of my mouth without hitting my brain first. Being honest doesn't always have to lead to an argument. You can respectfully say what needs to be said or find a way to show how you feel. My husband was being mean on the phone. I told him that the next time he did that, I wouldn't take his calls. I grounded him for 15 minutes from calling me. It worked when I took his next call he had calmed down and we hadn't needed to fight. I got home and calmly, in passing, reminded him that I won't fight over the phone and I won't listen to him when he does it. It brought it home to him in a way he could understand. No yelling or fighting from my side at all. BUT each person needs to be handled in their own way. What works for one person might not for another. Use honesty but in away the partner, child, or who ever, can understand.

I used to think like that, as I like my hubby knows exactly how I feel. But the truth is when both of us have very different point of view on an issue, it probably can put us to a flight and we may not probably agree with other, what if we both keep trying to persuade the other to believe what we believe on? My hubby does very well, he is a person who always avoid confrontation and hold his feelings and issues inside when argument is about to start, but that doesn't mean he will hold it forever. He will talk to me later when I am calm down a bit. I learnt it a lots from him, he is indeed a very good person and I know what patience can make us better in our marriage. Sometimes, hold down our feelings for a while and let's us rethink about the issue, maybe we will have different feelings and at least we did not say something bad to the other and makes thing worst. So I try to keep my feelings for a while but at the end I will tell him this, I still learn it and hope I can hold my feelings for longer period of time, then we can communicate in a better atmosphere and always the results come out better than I thought it would be.