When liife turns out the other way around
By lucky_witch
@lucky_witch (2707)
Philippines
May 18, 2009 11:22am CST
Its been a while... whenever I feel down and there's nobody I can talk to... mylot is the first place I go.
WE moved in our province a year ago with my second husband and my kids. I thogh tht this is the end of my problem, but I was wrong.
I am working full time online, and my earning is good... much better than my husband. I am happy that I am able to help him... but my problem is majority of work is mine while he blogs. I am even the one who paid for the hosting.
I know sometimes I am being too hard, to push him to spend more time working than blogging. But nothing happens...
I want to have a child with him, but he said he was not yet ready financially. I would understand that if I see him working, but he spends 14 hours in front of computer and only work for 2 hours. the rest, is for blogging, commenting, etc. I am the one who is forced to work hard and pay all the bills.
Tonight is my deadline. I m working hard to earn since he keeps on complaining that his pc is slow, so I told him that we will upgrade. But earlier this evening, he "drink" with my cousin and when I called him so that he will start helping me, what he did was sleep.
I got mad. I work from morning to night, instead of taking care of my kids personally... just to keep up with our expenses, while he seem not to see that its his responsibility to work. I am only here to help him. He then told me "then break up with me!" Ok, then get out of my house I said. I get so physical and hurt him with a slap... and he too. I thought he'd kill me out of anger. He pin me down in the bed while holding my neck, twice or trice. He hold my hair and pin me down. This is the first time it happened.
Now, I feel everything fall down. The last thing that I am expecting from him is hurting me. I may understand that it is because he was under the influence of alcohol, but I am really lost.
I got mad I know. Can he blame me? I want a child... and he cant give it because he's not yet ready. But he's blogging getting no profit from it but the friends praising him. What about our living? I'm growing tired... and I need an opinion
4 people like this
17 responses
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
19 May 09
he should find a job, not online
he might be frustrated because he doesn't get it and yet you earn more than he does
don't let him take advantage of your hard work
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
19 May 09
just need to add
I think you need to talk someone about divorce
either he is frustrated not getting a job or he is lazy manipulating you
he is not supposed to be violent and if you have kids they might also be in danger too
do your best to protect yourself, the kids and your hard earned money for now
make sure that on top of divorce, you can also get restraining order
he was violent to you, he could do worse than just hurting you next time
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
18 May 09
you poor girl.
i'm not gonna sit here and slag on your husband,but what i will say from experience is once they stop paying their portion of the bills,they usually don't change.
and usually get aggressive when you say "hey,i'm strugging here".
i personally would break it off.if you're gonna be paying everything anyway,
why have him around,especially if he has shown he can turn violent?
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
18 May 09
This is he worst night i had my entire life. I like to think of the idea that I am giving him enough time. He is a good man, but doesnt know responsibility. He once said that it is because he felt that I can do it on my own. That whether he is here or not, I will eat, since I got a job. I get the point, but I believe that it is not my fault that I earn, and he doesn't. If i dont work, and he wont work... what will we eat? I cant gamble.... I have kids.
I am thinking of leaving him... but i dont know how to explain this to my kids and family. He is very dear to my kids.
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
24 May 09
Hun I wish I could say that things would get better..but somethings that I have been through in my life would tell me that they wont get better...I hate to hear that he hit you...If he is not wanting to put his part in on the work and you are pulling all the weight and paying everything then most likly he will not change until you really put a foot down or you are heading out the door...I wish you the best of luck and do hope things work out and he wakes up and smells the coffee.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
24 May 09
Oh dear, you poor little soul...please, please, do not fall pregnant to him...that would be a serious mistake. Your problems would increase dreadfully. As for him hurting you, that is just wrong and he should leave. It is obvious his true feelings for you came out while he was under the influence. He does not care for you or for the marriage, that is glaringly obvious. It is wrong for him to behave as he is on many levels and obviously you would be better off without him in my humble opinion. I'm sorry if this hurts you but the sooner you face the truth the better things will become. It will be a hard and a sad time for you but as things are, they will only get worse...good luck.
@rb200406 (1824)
• India
5 Jun 09
The problem u r facing is not a new one & many women all over the world faces it.It i lack of sense of responsibility of some men .While being angry & physical is not a solution, what u need is to talk & talk straight with your husband.After all there is responsibilty of your children on u.Dont go for having a child if your man don't want it.
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
19 May 09
I am really feeling bad to hear your story, especially the physical abuse. Verbal arguments are okay, but hitting spouse is ridiculous. In my opinion, you can resolve the problem yourself, as only you have to find out whether you can stay with this person or not. First try to find the solution amicably, if that doesn't work and still you want to stay with him, then you can consult a professional for that matter. Hope this will work out for you.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
19 May 09
I think I would be upset about it also since he only works for two hours as it is also. How would he ever be ready financially?
@derek_a (10874)
•
19 May 09
In my experience as a therapist over many years, I have seen both women and men who have been in violent to their partners. It is in my discipline to never give advice but to let the client work out for themselves what to do. I would recommend that you both need support and assistance from a professional as on-line, nobody can really know your exact circumstances. It is all very well for me to say that you should separate, but there may be other issues.
You really need to assess for yourself if he is going to hit you again, or if he is going to try and change.
If you don't think he will change, then you need to decide whether or not you are prepared to stay with a violent man who won't try and support you financially. If he will change, then you will probably stay and make it work.
It takes both of you to work on improving your relationship. One person cannot change another if the other person does not want to change.
Another alternative is to separate and stay separate until he promises that both of you will get help in sorting things out. But get him working on sorting things out before you get back together.
It is all something that you really have to work out for yourselves. When both people in a relationship work together and are honest with each other, that relationship can be strong. In order for it to be strong, physical violence should never come from either partner.. Hope this helps. 
- Derek
- Derek
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
19 May 09
I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but leave him while you can. He is going to get more abusive the minute you mentions about money or have kids or about getting a proper job. I really hate irresponsible men as such and I think that he can find a worthwhile job but it is totally in him on wanting or not. There are other women who would love to have their men settled and a bit slowing down, but this one is totally lagging and it got me angry reading that he has to make you slog from day to night just to earn some and then he got angry. If he did it while unconscious, he should have apologized profusely, or did he. Is this the first time that he has resonated to violence. Do take extra care, my friend and if he is still like this, please do leave him for good. You are better off without him. Unless he is willing to change for the sake of your love.
@maikarumike (458)
• Malaysia
19 May 09
Sometimes life do not go the way you want it to be and indeed life is full of challenges that we must face and overcome in order for us to be a better person. If life has no ups and downs and it has no problems will our life be good?i dont think so anyway....so sometimes when bad things come your way just face it and say this is just a minor problem for each problem becomes big when we think it as a big problem.
@Hedwig (283)
• China
19 May 09
Sorry for your suffering.
Your husband seemed to be a person with bad temper. I can't judge him too strictly because I barely know him. If you still love him, it's your call to give him another chance or not. However, I don't think that another fight would do any help. Maybe you can leave him for some time. Without your company and your nearnings, he will realize your importance to him sooner or later. If he still does nothing at all to save your relation, just dump him, he doesn't worth it. You can live on your own better without him. Bless you!
@always_natalia (444)
• Indonesia
19 May 09
Dear Lucky Witch, I'm sorry to say this, but I think you need to find another man that you can really count on. Not only you can count on financially but also mentally and physically. From what you wrote, I think he has abused you physically and I think that is NOT good at all.
I believe that a good man will protect her woman, either physically and verbally.
When he starts to hurt you and says bad things about you, I think you should leave him as soon as possible, before something worse happen.
@nirmalsaurabh (205)
• India
19 May 09
hmm really a tough one..dear if u love ur hubby and u r sure dat ur hubby loves den try to avoid these misunderstandings..as u told..ur hubby is mad for blogging n getting nothing den make a deal with him..tel him dat u r giving a minimum amount of time for blogging ..in dis time if he get something from blogging u will not interupt him..but if still got nothing..den tell him d fact dat without efforts,labour..u cant get money so easily..even u need something to survive atleast..
n forget the thing dat u r d only paying one in house..its time to keep ur relationship strong..together u can share,love and earn money dat make ur life succesful..
n a small fact dat tel him to etleast take care of kids while blogging coz dats d he can do atleast sitting on his pc..
dnt wory al things will get fine
hope for d best
take every positive step..dnt think y should i bend down towards him..thnk dat if i bend down today den only u can have a perfetc tommorow n just try to win ur hubby's heart with ur love and care..
try to give best of ur effort but dont expect from him to respond..
thing wil change definately..
god bless
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
18 May 09
I am so very sorry for your troubles. Physical abuse by either of you is not good. Its not something that either of you should put up with, it does go both ways. I hope this is an isolated incident and this kind of thing doesn't happen anymore. It sounds like its time for both of you to sit down together and have a heart to heart talk. Is your relationship worth fixing and working on? If it is that both of you need to figure out what you are going to do. All couples do run into problems, its how you handle them that counts. I do wish you all the best.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
18 May 09
all I can say is that the rolls that you 2 have need to be turned around he should be paying the bills.
and if he is to lazy to do it I wouldnt want a kid by him! you have kids be satisfied.
And if he is hurting you get him out of the house and fast before this gets way out of hand and it can I know.
and even if he is drinking that is no excuse to hurt you! good luck my friend!
