Not Calling Back When You Say You Will

United States
May 19, 2009 10:25pm CST
This is something that totally bugs me and I want some opinions from you! I have several male friends who I talk to on the phone, or even some who I have in the past. What is it with men who say "I'll call you right back!", and you don't hear from them again for days? Isn't "right back" within a short time period? One friend even went out of town for several days.......is still gone.....and told me that he would call me when he got there and call me every day he was there. I never asked him to and didn't expect to hear from him while he was gone. I haven't heard from him after 5 days. Why say it if he isn't going to do it? I even asked my son if he did that and he told me he did just to get rid of someone on the phone. Why not just tell them that you have to go or don't want to talk anymore? I don't get the........"I'll call you back", and then not doing it. That is lying and I don't really care for those who lie to me!! What do you think?
2 people like this
16 responses
• United States
20 May 09
My boyfriend does that to me all the time and it drives me nuts! Earlier I called him and he told me I'll call you back, it's been several hours now. I was going to invite him to dinner, but forget it now I've already eaten. I can't say that every person does it just to get rid of the person on the other line, but I'm sure there are some. I wish people wouldn't say it if it's not true either. Although, I know there have been some exceptions where I've said I'll call someone right back because I'm on the other line, but didn't recognize their number and genuinely get busy.
2 people like this
• United States
20 May 09
I almost always question the person and sometimes it is legitimate, but others they think it's just the way things are. I think it is very inconsiterate. When I returned 2 calls to a friend yesterday he was disbelieving that I had called back, BOTH times and I just said, "I call back when I say I will", since he is the worst about NOT calling back. Thanks for the response, hannahandhenry.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
20 May 09
I really couldn't be bothered when the person is going to call me back. They will call when they have the chance. Things do come up as well they might of forgot. It does happen. The only person that really causes me to worry is my fiance. If I don't hear from him when he is working I start to worry. However I know that he is busy so I don't get mad about it. But I will worry till I hear his voice and know that he is ok. I wouldn't sweat the small stuff. There are lots of other things that are much more than a phone call.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
You are right, of course. It is just a bug when they SAY they will call back and don't. Thanks for your comments, nicholejade.
• Canada
21 May 09
Just go about your day and when they call they will call.
@cainam (493)
• Philippines
21 May 09
that's the proof that men are really insensitive and inconsiderate. they don't even care if they will look arrogant. they are nice only when they are courting girls and they will definitely call back even they did'nt promise.. my boyfriend is also like that now. and i don't know how to make him change. i already told him my sentiments but he does'nt care at all.. guys are really hard to handle with.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 May 09
I am 54 years old, been married twice and in a 3 year relationship once. I have 2 men friends, who I would call close friends and I STILL don't understand men. Not at all. I grew up around mostly girls, so that might be part of it, but it is still amazing some of the things they say and do and I think it goes on for life from all that I see. But they say the same thing about women! Maybe it was meant to be this way?? Maybe we really are from different planets? Can't live with them, can't live without them? I don't know.......thanks for your comments, cainam!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
21 May 09
I hate it when people do that. It stinks. I think they are afraid of hurting feelings but don't realize that in the longrun they end up hurting more.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 May 09
These are people who know me better than that! I have other things to do than talk to them, anyway......lol. But tell me the truth and be done with it. I won't miss a call that isn't promised to me!! Thanks for the comments, JenIn TN.
• United States
20 May 09
I think it depends on the person. Some people don't want to talk and don't have the assertiveness to say so. Others are busy and forget to call back. Sometimes people are just jerks and don't call back. I really think it is an individual scenario each time. I can understand your frustration. I too don't like to be lied to, however sometimes it really is that some people are just spacey and forget.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
I think you are probably right, vpapstein. I usually ask to make sure WHY they didn't call when they said they would. If they just say good bye and hang up, there isn't an issue. It's when they say they will that it is an issue! Thanks for your comments.
• Philippines
20 May 09
I guess, men are like that.. Sometimes they just want to get rid of somebody, or just they have to do something else that's really important. There are some instances that some people become lazy answering and calling over the phone. Or else they got too busy everyday. I also do that sometimes, but I didn't mean to. I was tired during the travel, and my mom asked me to call when I arrived. Maybe, just understand them.. And if they call you, just ask them why they didn't call back.. There might be a lot of reasons you can hear, but it's up to you to decide if you will believe them.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
I don't think the question would have come to me if it was just ONE man that has done it to me, but it seems that most who I have talked to do it. I think it happened three different times in a couple of weeks from 3 different men and I got to thinking.......are all men like that?? One of them does it ALL the TIME, as I wrote on another reply, so I am just used to it from him. When I called him back 2 times in the same day, when I said I would, he was surprised to hear from me!! I told him that "I said I would"!! Thanks for your comments cindyjeong!
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
20 May 09
What is it with guys and doing that?! They ALL do it! My husband does that, albeit not frequently. Usually, his excuse is that he gets sidetracked at work or something and then forgets (he is out of town a lot on business). He also does that at night when he gets back to his hotel room. He'll be doing work, and then look at the clock, and by then it is too late to call. I know what some of you might be thinking. He isn't having an affair. This happens pretty rarely. He calls me usually about twice a day, every day that he is on the road. But I have had boyfriends and male friends who have repeatedly done that to me, and me and my best friend get on the phone to complain about it! She has that problem currently with her boyfriend! I think guys are hardwired to forget things they promise. They have a one-track mind, and once that train goes off-rail, they can't get it back on. Also, I think some of them aren't as dumb as they like to pretend they are when you ask them to do something for you! I ask my husband to do something as simple as dust, and he acts like he has never even heard of that in his life! "Where is the duster? What do you use to wipe the wooden furniture? How much lemon oil do you put on the cloth?" I mean, COME ON!!! Use your freakin' brain!!
• United States
20 May 09
They can be good at the dumb act,and I think it's because they think you are just going to say that you will just do it yourself.......teenagers do the same thing!! We lose patience with them and just do it ourselves rather than walk them through it, but good point. In their minds they haven't done anything wrong when they've forgotten to call, that is what is aggravating to me! Not that I think it is the worst thing in the world,but don't say it if you aren't doing it!! Thanks for the comments, cobra!
• United States
20 May 09
Oh i hate that and it makes me mad considering you should do what you say your going to do. But its not just males though Females do it as well so cant point the finger at just males. Males just happen to be the worst ones at it.LOL...Usually when they dont call back when they say they are and then finally decide to call back i dont answer the phone and let them figure it out for themself and usually when i dont answer they'll call about 5 times in a row or until i answer and i avoid there calls heck if you can do that stuff to me im going to make you suffer for doing it LOL.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
I'm usually pissed and want to let them know that I am so I asnwer to tell them about themselves. But usually it isn't until the next day, or with this one friend it can be weeks later.........I've gotten used to him and KNOW that HE isn't calling back so I don't even count on it!! haha Thanks for the response, ProudMommy22. I know it's a manthing!! lol
• Philippines
20 May 09
True some people particularly men do that, i admit i too have done that in the past but very seldom. As for the "why" factor this is just my theory but i guess us men when we are stuck in that situation the first thing that comes into mind is "I'll Call Your Back in a short while" excuse, but of course if that person had an valid excuse then he/she should just said it in the first place rather than lying. some people call it "white lie" bottom line it has the word "lie" in it. I am not defending my gender as a guy or anything but truth be told i do that and also i forget easily and dont call back until that person calls me again , i dont deny this because its true. they've gotten mad at me sometimes thats why i try to avoid that phrase as much as posible and if i did say it , i make sure that i do call back within the period.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
You sound like an honest guy to me! I understand that we all forget now and then, but when it becomes a habit, it's a bad habit that needs to be broken!! Thanks for your comments, Jhawkins!
• United States
20 May 09
My situation is alittle different because it's with my female friend, but she is so bad at saying "I'll call you right back" or I'll call you this day or whatever time she gives" and she never calls back when she says. I asked her once why she does it and she said that she gets busy. I told her then don't tell me that your going to call abck, just say talk with you later!! She once told me I'll call you right back and it was 3 weeks later!!! I have realized thats who she is and I let her call me. I don't bother with thinking that I will hear from her anytime soon when we hang up. I have chalked it up to when she gets around to it fine, but I'm not waiting around to take her call. I would talk to your friend and tell him that it bothers you and that next to just say "bye talk to you later" Hopefully he gets it! LOL Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
He knows that I will have something to say to him AND he is the one who mentioned calling me in the first place and did say that "I know how you are"! It just mystifies me that he KNOWS how I am and still hasn't called. I'm not really sweating it, but it sure is not cool to me! Thanks for your comments, lilmomof2!
@angemac23 (2006)
• Canada
20 May 09
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. When I say I will call someone at a certain time, I ALWAYS call them at that time or try to call them as close as possible to that time. Therefore I feel that I deserve the same respect. My time is important and if someone says they are going to call me, I wait for them to call. When they don't call, it is a waste of my precious time and it makes it seem like that person doesn't care about me or how I feel. I try not to hang out with inconsiderate people. Lie is too precious too cling on to people who only care about themselves!
• United States
20 May 09
Thank you! I don't feel like I am getting all bent out of shape! And for someone who isn't particularly fond of the phone to begin with. I appreciate your comments!
@zhdy89 (304)
• China
20 May 09
Say and can not do,it is better not to say.Last week,when I gave my high school best friend a call,she did not have access at that time.An hour later,she called back,told me she has a little bit to do and would call me back at night.The result is a week passed,I have not received her phone again.I am really very disappointed!Remembered in the "Mondern English" there is a sentence"I'll call you right back!"it actually means "I do not have the space or I do not want to take your call!"When I look at this program,the control of some of the practices of life,appears to be the case,of course,it does not mean all.Indeed there are still some of my friends,they said"I'll call you right back!",in less than five minutes to call back. Therefore,the same words,different people use different terms that represent different meanings.It is often said that"those who do not intend to,and the listener interested."If you really do not like your friends said"I'll call you right back!"and do not give you phone,rememeber to tell them you hate this kind of behavior. I also do not like the behavior,and they were not worthy being cared such a person.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
I have accepted this from one friend since I've some to realize that he does it ALL the time. But the other told ME he would call and added that he "knew how I was", since earlier in our friendship, I did say something to him about NOT calling me. I still haven't heard and have not figured it out and am just going to figure that I am not important enough for him to have called and what he is doing is too busy and/or more important than talking to me!! IF he decides to call when he gets back, if he hasn't come home yet, I will ask why the talk of calling and then not doing it. He already knows that I don't like it and mentioned it himself, when I wasn't expecting him to call in the first place!! Makes no sense to me. Thanks for your input, which makes sense, zhdy!!
@dianmelydia (2272)
• Indonesia
20 May 09
There's two option for those words. First, that person is busy and then he say that words to continue the conversation later. Second, is like what occured with you. I think if that person never call you again, perhaps he's busy right the moment. But if after a week period of time he didn't call you, it's possibly he said those words to kindly avoiding you. You can think if he said "Don't call me again" or "I don't want to talk with you again", how's your feelings? It could be put you two into enemy. But it depends on his last sound. If he sounded kindly, i think you'd better call him and ask him how's his life going. And you'll find the truth of his previous words whether he forgot to call you back or he really want to avoiding you. Good luck and have a nice day. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
You are right, but he left to go out of town and I am not sure when he was returning and he was unsure when he was returning. I also did not know when he would be busy with the things he was doing. He is one of those people who would tell me right up front, I do think, since we know each other very well. AND he did take me to lunch before leaving, unless it was a "goodbye" lunch, perhaps? Thank you for your comments, dianmelydia.
@fergus (820)
• Ireland
20 May 09
Hi well i read your discussion and you seem ok to me so i don,t think its you running them away. I don,t say that i just say well i have to go i don,t have time to talk to you all day i have a life. It does the job for me but its funny i don,t hear from them again never haha. Some people just don,t have the time to talk and they feel thats a way out just to say i will call you back is better than what i say. all the best.Ps you can ring me anytime just let me know when your calling so i can be out.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
Thanks, fergus, I'll just talk to your answer machine or voice mail!! The thing is I am not one for talking on the phone much to begin with AND the one who is gone got me talking to him earlier this year. Next time there is heavy breathing on your phone, it's me! lol Thanks for the comments, anyway!!
• United States
20 May 09
Hello, Well I personally think that it's messed up of your friend to say one thing and do another. Although I have done it a lot with my friends and ex boyfriends, even to my sisters lol. When I used to say I'll call them back without ever doing it, they just would call me and say ' hey, you said you'd call back'. Then I'd go, 'sorry, I fell asleep'. Haha, it hardly ever pissed them off. Maybe you should confront your friend and tell that person you don't like it when he does that. = )
• United States
20 May 09
The one who hasn't called WILL hear from me and the funny thing is, he said to me that he knows how I am!! Guess he forgot how I am!! I don't let him get away with not calling, but since he is away and I don't know his schedule, I am not going to try to call him. He could be back home for all I know since he didn't know for sure how long he was going to be gone. The thing with him is that we talk every day, otherwise!! Thanks for your comments.........I also don't always call back but usually because I forget!
• Canada
20 May 09
When someone tells me they will call me back, I'll ask them when, even if they say they'll call me "right back." I am not going to sit around and wait for osmeone unless they let me know EXACTLY when they are going to call me back, at which time I will be available, but I am not going to wait before or after. As for me, I always tell people exactly when I am going to call back, and then I stick with it.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 May 09
Guess that would be the best way to go, but I NEVER sit around and wait for anyone to call me back, especially men, since I've learned that I might be waiting for days, or even weeks!! I'll have to ask when from now on! Thanks for the response and the idea.