I'm 21 and single ever since. Is that odd?

Philippines
May 20, 2009 9:40am CST
The truth is I don't give any pressure to myself that I should find anyone right now. It's just that a lot of people around me are telling me that I should find a boyfriend right now. They'd say that they can't believe that I've never been in a relationship, and then they would try to interrogate with a million Why's, sometimes even try to question my sexuality (are you lesbian?). I hate it also when they give me unsolicited advice about how i should choose him, why i shouldnt be too picky or something. Sometimes, i become so convinced by them that I pray that I'll meet someone now. Sigh. Well the truth is, I've only accepted a few dates and I'm probably a little picky. But of course, if you'll be choosing someone, you have to at least choose who's best. Well for you, is it strange that i've never had a boyfriend before?
6 people like this
40 responses
• Philippines
21 May 09
I'm 24, SINGLE, and so will that mean I'm strange too? I don't think so.. It's a matter of choice.. You're still young and there are so many things you can do. We always hear people say, we should enjoy our life first before settling down.. And I agree to that. Why let other people pressure you about your love life? So what if you don't have a love life? That doesn't mean you aren't capable of doing things and be happy of what you are doing.. People who are just too focused on their love life instead of enjoying their selves with other important and worthwhile things, are the ones with low self-esteem, that their feelings they can't live without their so called "other half". Don't let this thing get your way, just because other people is pressuring you, you have your own thoughts which I'm sure you're smart enough to decide for yourself.. And being picky and cautious with guys is good.. So keep it up!
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 May 09
thanks for the encouragement smooch! i also agree that right now, i feel happy with myself even if i am single. i will try my best to not get pressured and i will follow your advice and i assure you it's not unsolicited.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
21 May 09
It is nothing odd. In our country there are many who do not find themselves any partner. Parents fix it for them. I am 25 and have no BF. so I don't think its abnormal.It is to happen when to happen.
@modstar (9612)
• Philippines
21 May 09
Lol! That's funny! I had my first girlfriend at the age of 22 and i'm a guy for crying out loud! lol! You really don't have to worry. People around you are just trying to make you appear desperate when you're not. If they've been through relationships then it could mean they experienced heartaches too and that you may not want to experience right? They should have given you the benefit of the doubt like maybe you're just taking your time or relationship is just not a priority right now. There are lots of reasons on why people remain single. Well i think you're attractive and smart so i guess it's just a matter of "short" time when you'll finally have your first boyfriend. No it's not strange. It's perfectly normal.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 09
thanks modstar. that's true sometimes they push me too much until im desperate to believe that being single sucks. it's true that there are lots of reasons why people remain single and thanks for the encouragement.
@modstar (9612)
• Philippines
27 May 09
We're both single but too bad i can't make ligaw to you because you're just too young for me. lol! Just kidding!
@Christoph56 (1508)
• Canada
21 May 09
One of the last girlfriends I had was about 26 years old, and she told me that I was the first real boyfriend that she had. She had dates here and there, she met plenty of guys before, but I was her first real boyfriend. She also broke up with me after 9 months into the relationship, which I didn't mind, it wasn't perfect, but it shows that it's not an unusual thing for a woman to not have a committed boyfriend in her life. When you find one that you really want to be committed to, then you'll want to go for it, until then, you'll be comfortable with the situation you're in. Just keep your eyes peeled, and when you find one you really like, go for it. It's all about learning just who's right, so when you feel comfortable, and truly like someone, just go for it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 May 09
i so totally agree that i have to wait to find the one that i really want to be committed to. until then, i wont get pressured by them. thanks, i loved your response bec. you shared about your girlfriend who first had a boyfriend at about 26.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
21 May 09
No, not strange at all, I never started going out with people until I was around 25-26 years old. The only thing I think you should know is that to never listen to those who haven't really been successful at the field they're talking about. If they themselves are with a boyfriend just for the sake of having one, or because society dictates it's the 'right' thing to do, and if they don't know how to be happy without anyone as their 'partner' or has stuck their self-esteem on relationships rather than themselves, then don't listen to their opinions. You should not for someone nor for love. It shouldn't be something one looks for, it's something one eventually stumbles upon when one is truly ready for it. Be content and happy as a single person, having someone to share that happiness is only a bonus. Remember, it doesn't mean if you don't have a partner you won't truly be happy. If you think it's only through someone that you can truly be happy, then that's a wrong way to think about relationships.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 May 09
thanks laydee. you dated at 25.. thanks for telling this to me you know i also dont get why they pressure me too much, im young and never show signs that im unhappy with being single. just like you said, you dated at around 25, so it means im not abnormal, whew!. i also agree with you that love is more exciting and precious if it is something that you stumble upon. thanks so very much. that was a great response. i learned a lot from it
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
21 May 09
No worries dear, don't let anyone pressure you into something you are not ready for. Who cares what they say? As long as you are comfortable with not having a relationship. You're still young, in fact, I have friend my age (I'm 31) and older who haven't had a relationship SINCE birth. LOL! It will come, believe me, it will....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 May 09
really your friend was 31! i believe you, i know it will happen, so just like you said, i must not let myself feel pressured with it.
• United States
21 May 09
Hi, Im 21, and dont have a girlfrien either. I have no real erge to have one at this point. Out of all of the ones i've had before, none of them lasted (as you can tell) and some of them i really wanted to last. So one day after me and my last girlfriend broke up about a year ago, i said "im never gonna let myself feel this crappy again." lol and ever since then i have never had another girlfriend. its weird that one girl can make you feel so good and then turn around and make you feel worse than you ever felt before...and every time i think it just hurts more and more....so im done with girls for a while. (not saying im going to try guys or anything) but for now i feel fine, happy and all that without a girlfriend. even though i do miss some stuff, i dont miss feeling as bad as i once did. have fun.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 09
hi buck giants, that's true, relationships are not all perfect but they should be a source of happiness and not misery. well, im sure that not all girls are like youre old girlfriend. anyway,i think we should both agree just like what the other mylotters said that we should wait until the time comes for us to meet someone to make us happy. thanks for responding
@babyorchid (1739)
• China
21 May 09
hey, kukaisiton, i dont think 21 is old to get a bf. u r still so young, it's good in a relationship,but if u have lots other important things to handle, then u'd better think over urself, can u handle ,can u share lots time with ur bf..if not, i think u'd better pay attention to other important things. about bf, to get someone u love and love u is a hard thing.never try to get a bf by random just in order to let others shut up, u will meet ur Mr, right , just be patient, and if u meet someone u really apperiate , be brave, dont miss this chance..and its not strange at all by having no bf before at ur age.. best wishes too u ..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 09
hi baby orchid,. its true, at this point in my life there's too much to handle. so i agree when you said that at this time i should think about what my priorities are. thanks for encouraging me to become patient and not to rush things up. thanks again!
@AmbiePam (48678)
• United States
21 May 09
No, it isn't strange. It's hard to not let peer pressure get to you. I remember a doctor of mine (a doctor!) asking me if I had a boyfriend and was sexually active (he was going to do a pap smear). I told him no, and you know what he said? He asked me if maybe did I not like men and liked women! Seriously, he was asking me if I was a lesbian, just how people have insinuated that to you. Of course having a boyfriend does not mean you have to be sexually active, but that is certainly what is implied now days. You'll know when the time is right to go out with a guy. And don't ever think you're too picky. You deserve a guy who is wonderful to you. And you know, I've found being friends with a guy first, before anything romantic is implied, can turn into something quite unexpected. It's nice to have a romantic relationship with a guy when you've been friends first. So you're not odd even though a lot of people would say so. But who wants to be like a lot of people? Being different is what makes a person special.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 May 09
hey ambiepam, youre story was funny. i hate it too when they judge you just because you dont date someone. it's even more stupid if they call you lesbian just bec. you said that you dont have a boyfriend. i agree that we should be able to pick/choose someone who's best for us. and thanks for saying that i deserve someone wonderful and that im special for being different. i will totally go by your advice that it's nice to be friends first with a guy before it turns into something romantic.
• United States
20 May 09
Be true to yourself. Don't forget when you are ready to find someone you will. Who made the stupid rule that you have to be in a relationship? If you are happy with the people you have surrounded yourself with you don't need anything else. Maybe your friends who are telling you that you need a boyfriend are just jealous that they are not comfortable in being "alone". No you are not strange I believe that you are probably more well adjusted than your dating friend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 May 09
it's true, being single doesnt mean that i (or other people) am unhappy. thank you for encouraging me and telling me that i am probably more well adjusted than they are. maybe i am. thanks again!
@russso (1701)
• Philippines
20 May 09
I don't find it strange. It's your choice :) I know that you're not given any pressure, but if it does get to that point, please don't be. You don't really have to look for a boyfriend. He'll just come when you least expect it. Enjoy the journey and stay happy.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 May 09
i also believe that we make our own choices. thanks so much for the encouragement.
@abanerji (1026)
• India
20 May 09
i don't think it is strange that you don't have a boy friend... well, it is simple that you have not yet found your Mr. right and thus you are waiting for him to come into your life. it is not important that when you get into a relationship, important is that how long you can carry on a relationship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 09
yes. that's what i want in a relationship too, that's why maybe im waiting for so long. i agree that what matters is how long the relationship will carry on and how stable it could become. thanks for strengthening my decision to wait.
• Philippines
20 May 09
Well, I am on the shoe. lol. I am 25 right now and my friend told me that we are single since birth. I think it is not strange at all for being a single at your age. With the career the you are trying to achieve and some friends around you. You'll be alright. The right person will come and you might not even notice it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 09
Hello fellow nbsb. That's true, at 21 im trying so hard to keep up with how fast my career changes. being single keeps me somehow free from some relationships that could probably be affected by that. thank you for helping me on this issue.
@anneshirley (1517)
• Philippines
20 May 09
Tell you girl, I am 26 and I've never had a boyfriend! In my department, I am the sole lonely girl since everyone's married and they made it their business to find a boyfriend for me! It was annoying at first really but now, I think they are humorous. They are more worried than I am and I appreciate their effort. We are not really hopeless case. The fact that you didn't have a boyfriend till now only means that you value yourself so much that when you found the "one", you want him to be the "only one". Don't think about it so much. Love will find you for sure. I believe that myself and I am not too far away from it now. He's here already, I am just checking if he's really the one. Anyway, what you're experiencing now is just a quarter life crisis. It will pass soon and you'll become more mature about relationship. Just keep your faith and don't just grab anybody because you will be the one to suffer in the end.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 09
maybe it is a quarter life crisis and my friends (like your friends) are aggravating the situation. maybe they're just wishing the best for us. And I totally agree when you said that when making choices in the person to have a relationshp with , we make sure that he is the right "one". thanks for letting me know that someone has the same experience as I have.
@spalladino (17926)
• United States
20 May 09
No, it's not strange and don't let anyone make you feel that you need to be in a relationship in order to be happy. You're still young, you still have things to do and you're still growing and changing. The person you are today is not the person you will be five years from now. So, good for you for waiting! I didn't wait. I was married for the first time at 19 years old and that marriage lasted less than 2 years. You will meet the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with when you're supposed to meet him. In the meantime, focus on you and tell your friends to MYOB (mind your own business).
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 09
thanks so much for sharing your experience about your first marriage. it's just hard to handle the peer pressure sometimes but as you said waiting is my best option. as for you, i wish you all the best in life.
@dsharat (456)
• India
21 May 09
No!There is nothing odd in being single.Living without a boy friend/girl friend is always a better choice.Even I'm single but not ready to mingle with any one.I have seen that,people who are committed are always annoyed with their partner.Its very important to maintain the relationship with out any knots/breaks in the middle.People who are single can be carefree.No problems what so ever,no phone calls,no need to say "I Love You" all the time..etc.,etc.,If you want to commit yourself to any one,then choose him so that he meets all your requirement.Do not take any decisions because your friends criticize you for being single...
1 person likes this
@guia10 (139)
• Philippines
21 May 09
It's not strange that you still haven't met the right guy...besides, i believe the right man will come at the right time. It's okay to be choosy - and why not? if it's someone you wanna spend the rest of your life with, you really need to make the right choices. However, many believe that you learn as you go...it doesn't hurt to try a relationship or two...just don't give it all right away...love takes time. it's not something you will feel by just looking or being with the person. it will develop and grow as you gradually get to know the person. as they say, a whole lifetime is really not enough to fully know a person. :D
1 person likes this
@pals101 (2011)
• Philippines
21 May 09
No its not strange for a girl, its not nice for someone especially if you're a girl and you get to a relationship easily, they term it as "easy girl". You're still young enjoy your teenage days, i know someday you will find the right guy for you. A guy who would love and care for you for the rest of your life.. So keep up and keep smiling..^_^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 09
Not at all. Having a relationship is not a requirement for being a complete being. This is not strange as we have our own preference, and we opt to follow our paths. You are only 21! That is a relatively young age... so, no rush. Learn from other people and build a meaningful relationship with minimal errors and hurt. Good day!
20 May 09
Hi Kukaiston, Don't worry what other people are saying, you are still very young and there is plenty of time to me someone and fall in in love, you will know it when you meet the right one but at the moment just be yourself and be happy, its not your friends life, its yours, I met my hubby at the age of 27, but that is just me so you'll meet someone all in good time, I wouldn't worry too much about it, just enjoy life. Tamara
1 person likes this