Is beating really necessary to teach children discipline?

@RA2_007 (151)
India
May 22, 2009 12:40am CST
Yesterday I have been going through another discussion here in myLot. It was about domestic violence(actually about husband beating wife). Then I came accross a response which said at one point that sometimes beating becomes necessary to teach discipline like we beat children to teach them discipline. Since then I have been thinking of the validity of this statement. Let us put aside the matter of husbans and wife for now and we will talk about parenting. Question is: Does it really becomes necessary to beat children to teach them discipline? or i think, May be the more accurate question here would be: "Will beating really help to train children to become well disciplined?" What is your opinion about this?
12 people like this
41 responses
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
22 May 09
There's a big difference between beating & discipline. Beating is abuse!
2 people like this
@la_chique (1499)
22 May 09
Well said. Badly chosen word i think from the OP.
@jayrene (2713)
• Philippines
22 May 09
i give punishment to my kids when they do something really bad to teach them a lesson. pain can help sometimes to remind them not to do it again. but i would like to make some definition here, as i dont beat my kids... i spank them. spanking –verb (used with object) to strike (a person, usually a child) with the open hand, a slipper, etc., esp. on the buttocks, as in punishment. v.tr. To slap on the buttocks with a flat object or with the open hand, as for punishment. [i]reference http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/spanking [/i] beating –verb (used with object) to strike violently or forcefully and repeatedly. –noun a stroke or blow. v.tr. To strike repeatedly. To subject to repeated beatings or physical abuse; batter. To punish by hitting or whipping; flog. to strike (a person or animal) repeatedly and injuriously: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beating why did i put this definition? because others think that spanking is beating... i dont think beating will do a child good. disciplining should start early... never tolerate any wrong doing a child does, even when they are still very young. a two year old can already understand when you say no... dont think that its cute to see them doing something wrong and just let them do it, i find other parents are like that here... even if it is wrong they think its "cute", i dont tolerate it on my kids. if at the early age they have already been disciplined well, i think it will never come to a point where a child needs to be beaten to become well disciplined.
1 person likes this
@Philbo (579)
• Canada
22 May 09
Important to understand how intelligent our kids really are. We adults don't give them credit for understanding as much as they do as early as they do. My twin boys absolutely astonished me once. They were less than two years old. Neither could talk beyond Mama and Dada. They were capable of making annoying noises though. We were at church and they were making enough noise during the service that I felt we were disturbing people around us. I took them out into a hall area and was carrying them one in each arm. Walking back and forth keeping them both entertained. For fun I came to a large display with the churches statement of beliefs on it and asked them to point to a certain letter of the alphabet. I had thought they might know a couple of the letters from watching kids shows on TV with their older brother. They blew me away. They knew the whole alphabet with the exception of being able to distinguish between m's and n's. I showed one of my friends and he was equally astonished. These two little guys who could not talk knew the alphabet. They don't have to be very old to know what no means. Don't let them fool you.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
Thank you so much. That was a very nice response. I agree that we should not ignore wrongs done by kids and call it cute. It will encourage them to do more bad things and may result in big problems in future. It may be fine to hit lightly sometimes however i think we must double check that we are in complete control of our temper. I think most of the time just having a very serious look in face is enough to make them understand that they must obey what we are saying. It often help if we look straight into their eyes when we give them an advice.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
And as Philbo said we should never underestimate the ability of our children to understand what we tell them. And we must take care never to laugh at it when our kids do something absurd. Because it may encourage them to keep doing it when they grow up.
@coolmailraj (2461)
• India
22 May 09
No, not at all. The only thing that children require and can teach anything to them is love. I have some people beat their children with sticks and belts as well and it is worse then seeing most horror movies to me. I can't stand violence against anyone and against kids, it is a complete no no.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
22 May 09
yes. Beating is scary for adults too. I belive such cruel punishments will induce a feeling of insecurity or may even cause future psychological problems to the children as they grow up. I think such children will rarely grow up as well disciplined persons.
1 person likes this
• India
22 May 09
I am not concerned about the future of those children but the childhood itself. Once gone it won't come back and a person who has not enjoyed the childhood has already lost a lot.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
22 May 09
so True :-) . child hood is mostly the best days of anyones life. I miss my child hood now :-(
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
23 May 09
Beating is an easy way out. The rationale is that as long as the child feels pain, he will remember why he is being beaten. However, today's kids are very much different from yesterday's. They are now smarter and more delicate, hence going the soft way might work better. Beating will not necessarily teach and discipline the child.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
24 May 09
I have another doubt now. Why are today's children different and delicate from yesterdays? Some people argue this be due to a general difference which came into the attitude of parents and their mild approach to children. Do you think it is true?
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
24 May 09
In my opinion, it is because today's parents are more educated, knowledgeable and affluent and they have fewer children and so they pamper the kids. Kids themselves too have access to information amass.
• Malaysia
23 May 09
Yes. I think beating does help in educating children but of course u have to know the limits, everything has a limit right? Children tend to become spoiled when u just scold them without beating them a bit. Parents should be more strict with the children
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
yes everything has a limit :-). Thank you for sharing. and by the way the strictness should have limit too. They must not feel caged. Or else they will keep thinking how to get free.
• Malaysia
23 May 09
yeah.Everything must have a limit
@kiran8 (15362)
• Mangalore, India
22 May 09
Hi, you are right t question . I think it is absolute nonsense to say that sometimes it is necessary to beat children or wife or whoever to discipline them. It is nothing but physical abuse . Children respond to love and understanding more than blows and sharp words. I have 3 children and I have never beaten them. we have had arguments and sharp words exchanged between us at times ( very few times), but I have never felt the need to beat them to make them well disciplined when they were younger...I have never felt the need to dominate them or control them at any stage.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
there is no need to dominate. But if there is no one to control them at all wont they put themselves in some trouble?
@kiran8 (15362)
• Mangalore, India
23 May 09
They are bound to get into troubles and be mischievous , that is what is growing all about, if you have the patience to explain things to them and be a little patient, I feel that one can control children with words alone, there is absolutely no need to beat them at all..
@nashlix (186)
• Singapore
22 May 09
i am for beating a child to discipline him although i do not agree with the word "beating", rather i prefer the word "caning". however, we should differentiate between abuse and disciplinary caning. abuse should be discouraged and the latter should be a way of growing up. there is a thin line between both. force cannot be so hard during canings that it will hurt the child but should be hard enough to make him or her remember the lesson. after the caning, the disciplinarian should take the initiative to explain to the child why he or she s being punished. that will then complete the whole process of punishment, deterrence and rehabilitation.
1 person likes this
• India
22 May 09
don't you take what would these steps cause to the creativity of a child?.. a sense of being free makes a person more energetic,active,sincere,responsible,and developer..
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@RA2_007 (151)
• India
22 May 09
thanx for reminding that word here nashlix. Okey when dealing with disciplinery action on children the word caning is always used. But I have seen school teachers who resort to canning on every situations and call themselves strict and well disciplined. I belive there exist far more effective ways to teach that does not necessarily include pain as a stimulant.
@krajibg (11940)
• Guwahati, India
22 May 09
No way. If one has resorted to beating the children to bring them down to discipline, he is a great failure. Corporal punishment if repeatedly rendered they build up greater resistance and they become more unruly as they are not afraid of beating for beating does not cause them pain as it were. The best way to handle the children carefully. reading their mind and tastes and interests as they keep on changing we could easily teach our children discipline without letting them feel that they are being taught something in a way or the other.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
22 May 09
thank u for response. i agree with u.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
22 May 09
I think the most important point to ponder here is that children always learn most of their behavioral traits from their parents. And speaking about discipline one of most important good manners required in a person is believed to be patience. If we loose our patience while dealing with our children and resort to beating for correcting them then actually we will be teaching them violence and impatience instead of good manners or discipline, am I right?
@tashakau (132)
• Canada
28 May 09
I really do not spanking or beating your child will help them in the futur. I also wrote a discussion on this topic and some mylot members have written me that they were beaten when they were young and they are okay. Yes maybe you are okay but imagine you were not beaten and if you did something wrong your punishement fitted the crime that you did and your parents spoke to you about what you did, why it was wrong and what you should do next time. I have two children and I never layed a hand on them and I do not plan to. I do not agree with spanking, often parents spank their child because they want to let their frustration out!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
28 May 09
I also agree that spanking or beating your child will help them in the future. I still feel that beating just instills fear in a child. You really don't want that for your children. I also feel that the beating could be a sign of letting out frustrations instead of dealing with it in a more justifiable manner.
23 May 09
We have discussed this on a number of occasions but my answer is always the same. Some parents find that they need to use violence on their children. When this happens, however mild or hard that violence is, it is a failure on the part of the parent. It is bad parenting. People who habitually hit their children are simply not suitable to be parents and should have never had children
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
24 May 09
Alright. I agree that similar discussions have raised around here many times. However I still believe methods of disciplining children is worth discussing again and again. Thank you for joining the discussion maidangela :-) Habitually beating children is surely child abuse and really to be considered a social issue. But many people will hesitate to interfere even when happening in front of their eyes considering that it is their family matter. I can not really blame those who prefer not to involve in such issues, because probably they also received lot of beating in childhood and believes that it is OK for someone to beat their child. It is a matter of social awareness. I think some programs must be conducted to provide basic awareness among parents regarding parenting, child psychology, and child rights.
• Philippines
23 May 09
I don't think so. I haven't beaten by my parents. When they were disciplining us the only explain, they maybe angry sometimes but they explain to us the disadvantage of our mistakes. I know by explaining children will realize their mistake and learned from it, because from my experience I learned from it. I just listen carefully to my parents, I forcefully absorbed the thinking that they are the parents and parents only do everything that is good for their child. Somehow, beating can be controlled, the tension leads to beating, if the parents should think first before hurting their child.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
thanks so much for sharing your ideas or parenting. I see that you got them from your parents mostly and you are probably going to transfer it on to your children. That is how good parenting helps develop a better society with good tolerance. Lack of mutual tolerance in people is surely one of biggest problems in the world.
@derek_a (10902)
23 May 09
As I child I never really had a beating, but I did get the odd slap or two that I probably deserved. I didn't like it at the time, but I soon got over it and never once thought my parents were wrong for doing it, because they had my own interests at heart. I don't think beating a child is the correct way to go about things and as as therapist I have known this to make a child even more misbehaved. We are all really just children, with people of my age occupying a older body, and if we experience the full impact of our actions, then that can provide the discipline to behave correctly. It is through our own mistakes that we learn empathy for others I believe.. - Derek
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
A good point there. Thanks for putting down your thoughts for ur Derek. The parent's personality does have great influence on how the child's personality develops.
@psyche49f (2512)
• Philippines
23 May 09
I'm not an advocate of physical punishments on children--in fact, I believe more on developmental discipline, or a discipline program which is started as early as day one after the baby is born. Parents should be conscious to teach children what's right and wrong as early as 3 months or so to avoid difficult problem children in the future. Induction or explanation will usually work, and the kind of relationship the child has on the parents will have an effect later on in life. Usually, parents are reactive--they deal with their children only when there is already a problem. But proactive parents should already nurture their children's will, form their decision-making and sense of responsibility to prevent future problems. An ounce of prevention is greater than a pound of cure, is a motto that applies to this case.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
thanks so much for your enlightening response. :-)
@pxm204192 (160)
• China
23 May 09
oh,it is the neccessity for the parents to beat their children for discipline.it is very difficult for answering such as this question like this.i think we can analyze the special situation of meeting things.we should not use the beat children to solve the education our children.as our children are very young,and they are not knowledge very much, you can use the threaten them with their heart.they can withdraw for doing wrong things,and you can do litte energy to regular them.as they are older, they know much than the before,they can educate them,and explain the simly reason for them,they can understand the true reason for certain rules for their experience.this is the best education way for them,i think.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
thanks for responding pxm. It is true children know little when they are young. But we must take care we are not underestimating our children.
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
23 May 09
When I was a child,my mon often beat me.At that time,I hated the behavior.Why she could beat me? Just because an adult?It was unfair I thought. Now I can understand my mom.If she didn't punish me in this way, I wouldn't correct my bad habit. As a child, it is easy to believe something and do something wrong. Somethimes adults can not explain something like a friend.Sometimes they are too young to understand life. When they can't get what they want,they will cry and lose their temper.Then how can you do? If it is no use to say something to clam down them,will you give them what they want or punish them? My mom beat me.Now I can understand her. But I think beating is the last way to teach children.If you have other effective way to teach children,just don't do that because afer all,beating is a crude behavior.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
Thanks for sharing yoyozhou. I remember a saying now, "By the time we realize our parents where right, We will have a child who begins to think that we are wrong" :-)
• United States
22 May 09
no i think you to talk to your and take away their possessions
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
I am sorry. I dont understand. Take away their possessions??
@FlaKNMB (831)
• United States
22 May 09
No, I don't think beating will teach anyone or thing - child, spouse, pet - anything positive. In fact, here in the United States, it is illegal to beat anyone and you will be arrested for such behavior. That's not to say children don't need a spanking from time to time, BUT there is a HUGE difference between beating and spanking.
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
thank you for sharing your thoughts.
• Germany
22 May 09
Yeah, We need to beat to teach some disciplines. But we should not hurt our children in the name of discipline. At the same time we should not release our personal anger while beating.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
Thank you for that response. Lets not go in to the word meaning of beating while relating bobby's response. I think bobby only mean spanking or popping with the word beating. Beating without any anger can rarely cross any limits after all. I also like to share a thought here. If you are mentally stressed with some other issue in life when you see or know your kid doing something awful then it will be better you don't deal with the kid at that time. Because chances are high you will loose temper. It will be better to ask someone else to deal with the kid if there is someone around to help.
@Hedwig (285)
• China
22 May 09
I don't think that beating is necessory to teach children discipline. Yes, in this world, we have to accept discipline no matter where we are , thus, it is important to let children know the discipline and abide by it. However, there are other ways than beating to do it. Besides, I consider that beating is some kind of violation to human rights. Children are too young to realize their right, but that doesnt mean we can use this advantage over them. What's more? In my opinion, beating may bring some side effects sometimes. Some children will resent their parents and may act in the exactly the opposite way due to reversal mind.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
Yes, but in most cases people loose their temper. May be the stress of their everyday life influence their reaction even when dealing with children.
• United States
22 May 09
Beating a child trains them to hit. Training a child to become well disciplined takes discipline. Hitting is about as undisciplined as it gets.
1 person likes this
@RA2_007 (151)
• India
23 May 09
thanks for the thought. I agree.Being undisciplined in yourself and demanding your children to be disciplined it simply extreme nonsense :-)