Understanding some one's desperation

@TLChimes (4842)
United States
May 23, 2009 2:01pm CST
Another MyLotter didn't see how I could understand someone turning to crime due to the times being tough. Understanding and condoning are not the same thing. I understand desperation. Desperation comes at many points in a persons life and for many reasons. It's how that desperation is handled that makes the difference in people. -Desperate for love.... Going over board to please another person. -Desperate for attention... Telling the boss it's their work instead of the person who really did it. -Desperate for shelter... sleeping under a bridge in the cold of winter. -Desperate for food... stealing a loaf of bread or eating from the dumpster. -Desperate to help a child through the pain... Holding the child's hand as the machine is unplugged. -Desprate for peace.... so you swallow some pills. Desperation and what it causes people to do can be understood. It's even easier if you remember your own times of being desperate. While some acts are just too awful, others make a sort of sense when you think about it from the other person's shoes. Do you try to understand? Have you ever had a moment of desperation? What are your thoughts on desperation?
10 people like this
16 responses
• United States
23 May 09
I dont judge people for having moments of desperation having those moments only proves that they are human just like the rest of us I have had desperate moments i have done things that i am not proud of I have stole things, I have hurt people, I have sold my body in order to feed my daughter I am not proud of having done those things but I did what i HAD to do in order to make it through a rough time
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 May 09
I would never ever judge you for doing what you had to do. I would do it too in a heartbeat to put food on the table or feed my fur babies. Seriously, I would. It's considered unconditional love for your child or pets. Good for you for putting your pride in your pocket for your child.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
You are just the person who knows what I mean. No one has a right to judge you or where you've been because they aren't YOU. I, for one, think you doing what you have to for your daughter makes you a good mom. I know of some who wouldn't know what to do and their child would be put last. THANK YOU for sharing a truth that must be hard. I do appreciate that.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
24 May 09
I have lived desperation and I have learnt that judgement and understanding take too much effort for a lot of people; after all it is easier to see the world in black and white than in the complex shades of helplessness and despair. We are all responsible for our lives, our thought and our actions but there are those times when what life dishes out is beyond our control and we will go to extremes to be accepted by a distant parent, we will sleep under a bridge because there just isn't anywhere else to go, we will steal to feed our family and we may even end it all because it is just too much to bear. Understanding and accepting does mean condoning, it means opening up the mind and the heart to at least try to see the world from another's perspective.
3 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
And more people should try to open their hearts... Well said, my friend, well said.
2 people like this
@yoyozhou (356)
• China
24 May 09
Yes,I can understand one's desperation. During the process of growing up, we all meet difficuties. Failure in work and loosing lovers and friends sometimes make me have no confidence and be lonely. But everytime when I see the sunshine, I will be touched deeply. The world is so beautiful and living is happiness.Then, I can understand others' desperation . Even a criminal has his painfulness. They must experience tremendous suffering so that they lose themselves.They need help.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Yes, they need help... If people would help others more often maybe there would be less desperation.
• United States
23 May 09
I saw that, I was totally like "what?" because indeed, it is wrong, and people should get out of the cycles of fear long before they reach those points of indiscretion and desperation, but you have to have a heart. That person was probably just sheltered or something, because those are typically the people who have no empathy whatsoever. The people that don't understand what it means to not have option or opportunity. To not even know where to look for it, or from whom to ask. Or how to look at the bright side of it and use that, instead of the fear. Good post.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Good to see you responding.... Empathy is a dying art... sad as that is, what's worse is that people don't care.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
23 May 09
Very well put and honestly I think that people have a hard time putting themselves in other peoples shoes and imagining what they would do if they are in that position. Many people do not ever see themselves without a place to live, money to buy food, or formula for your child. You do what you have to do, which at times is not the popular thing to do. I have said it many times, you really do not know what you will do till you are in that position, it is so easy to sit back and judge others and to question what they do but honestly how do you know what you would do, unless you are faced with that problem or situation.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Well said.... thank you for your answer. I think the world would be much better off if people put themselves in other people's place for just a moment. Less petty garbage being thrown around, that's for sure.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
25 May 09
I would think that we all have been in a desperate situation or dealt with something out of desperation before. I know many people who have been to the limits with it and some chose the right choice while others didn't. So far my path of desperation although narrow and wiggly and has mounds they haven't been to high for me to get over with help. We can all understand someone who is in the same boat or similar situation because we all been there a time or two. We just might have took a different course of action that ended in different results.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
People may make different choices but it's that moment before that makes us alike. You would think more folks would understand that.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
25 May 09
Yep,
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
28 May 09
I can tell you that I have been to the point of doing something stupid being desperate for things to be different. I guess the difference between me and alot of these others is I was not pushed over the edge. Things are getting so bad, I think alot of people are becoming more desperate. I think it will get worse as our kids are under more stress than we ever were at their age.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
28 May 09
I think you're right... it's worrisome to see how things have changed and not for the better. Maybe simpler times were actually better then the convenience that comes with a price.
• United States
25 May 09
i cant think of any times of desperation in my life (i have a horrible memory but im sure everyone has had some at one point or another.. just cant think of one right now) but i am the type that can see all sides of everything.. even if i dont agree with them i can understand most of the time why people do things.. now if its something senseless like a horrible murder etc i dont even try to understand it but just mistakes or bad judgement i can usually figure out a way of relating and understanding and try to not be judgmental
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Horrible things like murder are a different subject... a lot of times that is just greed or some other emotion. I hate child killers who blame it on something like their past. Other things I try hard to put myself in their place and see it from their view.
• United States
24 May 09
I couldn't have said it better myself and I won't even try. When you talk to people you can almost hear those that have experienced desperation and who has not. I am talking about "serious" if not life threatening desperation. Survival desperation. When you have experienced this kind of desperation, it seems you automatically empathies with the other person and want to "fix" it. Obviously we can't fix it all. But we can, as you say, understand and have compasion. Maybe give a little consideration and leaniacy for their plight. I am afraid there is going to be a lot more desperation befor relief. I also don't think people are aware of just how bad things can get befor the changes being implemented today can and will make a difference. I am scared that because relief will not be perceived immediately, people will start loosing faith in the changes and do an about face.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
I'm afraid you're right... it will only get worse before it gets better.
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
24 May 09
I understand what you are saying and how you can understand but still not condone this. Many of us who were middle class before these tough times never thought we would be without our houses or cars, never thought we would wonder when we would get our next good meal, and some of us who have experienced these losses and struggles might become desperate enough to do anything to survive. I'm not there yet but I sure can understand why some might be.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Yep.... these times are teaching people a lot of lessons they never expected to have to learn. Let's hope that you never have to get that low.... I'll keep you in my thoughts.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
24 May 09
If someone can actually say they don't see how a person could turn to crime during these trying times then they've never been desperate. Most of us have been in a bad way and have thought about doing that's against the law but haven't done it and there's others who've been so desperate that they did do the crime. To have been there and either did or did not do the crime are the ones who will understand. Not everybody was born with a silver spoon in their mouths or even had that security blanket of sorts. Lucky for those who have and still have it but most of us don't have the security.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
I was told it is "just an excuse" and to me there is more then just making an excuse to some issues. People who don't take the time to think it through must never have known that pain of desperation.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
24 May 09
Hi TLChimes, Another good discussion, thanks. You are right of course, understanding and condoning are not the same thing. I too understand and I think that anyone would who was in the situation. The old saying, never condemn a person until you have walked a mile in his shoes is still true today - and for everyone. I do not condone what a murderer does but I understand that something in his/her life caused him/her to become the person that he/she is today. It may be hard for some of us to swallow but had we lived the exact same life up to the time of the murder, it is almost certain we would have done the same thing. If one is born into a loving, caring middle class family, don't compare yourself with someone born on the street, not knowing a father and rarely seeing a sober mother. I know all criminals don't come from such circumstances but it gives an idea of what I mean here. Remember too, no matter what the circumstances, we are not that person and therefore can never know exactly what's happening with them. I feel that is why we are told not to judge another. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Pose, I wish more people were as open to life as you are. I see so many people who just don't understand nor do they try to. Empathy, and it's cousins, are all dying from lack of use.
@GardenGerty (102516)
• United States
23 May 09
I think if a person speaks honestly we have all had desperation, and handled it differently. Yes, there is a difference between understanding, sympathy, empathy, and condoning. I sometimes feel like I understand too much.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Yep... I know just what you mean. And balancing all those things is what I TRY to do but I think too many people are wrapped up in themselves to see other people's point.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
23 May 09
I have had many moments of desperation, myself. I understand how people can turn to crime when they are desperate. Granted, most criminals don't have a sick child at home waiting for medicine like in the movies but there are some people desperate to take care of their children and they've reached the end of their rope. Just because we empathize with the criminal doesn't mean we condone the crime. I think if people had a bit more moments of desperation themselves--real desperation, not just wondering whether to pay the credit card or buy gas this month--they might understand a bit more. The problem with our government is that our elected leaders have known very few moments of desperation in their ivory towers--and that's why our justice is so skewed and insane.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
25 May 09
Agreed.... totally! People who have never walked certain roads have no reason to think they know about that road, but they should at least try to understand it.
@sulynsi (2836)
• Canada
24 May 09
Desperate to make a point, to be heard...so make a post on myLot. Good luck with that!
• United States
24 May 09
what?
1 person likes this
• India
1 Jun 09
Hello my friend TLChimes Ji, As you say, he is very true that disperation is a part and parcel of our life. It is 'night' . But it does not mean people do not resolve them and come out in flying colors. My hubby remembers when he was teen ager, once he wanted to commit sucide,but next moment controls and thinks, it is most cowardy act. If one understands and provides soothing words to others, disperation will fly away. It is only question of understanding others. May God bless You and have a great time.