How do you deal with the unexpected death of a friend?
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
United States
May 28, 2009 11:19am CST
How do you deal with an unexpected death? How do you react to the news that a close friend has suddenly passed away?
People die all the time. Some from serious diseases, some from old age, some because of their occupation. These deaths, while still tragic to those left behind to mourn and grieve can (to some extent) be expected.
If you are in the military and stationed in a war zone, one could expect that you may die due to your occupation.
If you have cancer and the treatments don't seem to be working for you, one could expect that you may die due to your disease.
If you are elderly, people are going to expect that sooner or later your clock is going to stop ticking.
You still grieve and mourn the loss of your loved one but their passing doesn't or shouldn't come as a surprise.
I want to know how you deal with that surprise....the shock of a young person, a friend of yours, someone you know and love, suddenly being gone.
I'm obviously not dealing well. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I have no appetite. I haven't even shed a single tear. I think I am still in shock, or maybe I think if I don't react to it, it doesn't make it real. I don't know. Can anyone tell me how I should act once the shock wears off?
A friend of mine, and of many of yours, Bellaofchaos, passed away yesterday afternoon at a local hospital. I can't believe she's gone.
10 people like this
11 responses
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
28 May 09
*tears are streaming down my face*
I'm just too shocked right now.
Finding it difficult to form words.
*sobs*
OMG! THIS IS AWFUL!
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 May 09
I'm still in shock. Even talking to sparks doesn't make it real to me. Even when I see her at the viewing it isn't going to be real to me because her evil mother is having her hair curled and a ton of make up put on her and sticking her in a dress. All things Bella would have hated.
4 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
28 May 09
Yeah, it won't really be bella in the casket, then, will it?
Blasted relatives! Why do they gotta do stuff like that? It just isn't right, but we have no control over it.
So, we'll just have to remember bella as she was to us. BEAUTIFUL inside and out, 110%.
I LOVE YOU BELLA!
*sobs*
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hey Annie......................I'm getting a pic of bella's beautiful blue eyes. That's where her heart lived. I'll send you a copy...........
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
You go into shock. You reach out immediately for their closest friend. You cry. You curse God, and you cry some more.
And then you come here and write about it................
4 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 May 09
Yes. That is exactly what I did. Well except for the friend part because aside from me, he is at work. Still cursing though.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
I know what you mean about it still not feeling real................
I'm going to be a basket case for a long time I think. Strange that an online connection can come to mean so much and to hurt so horribly when severed..........
4 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
29 May 09
She was misdiagnosed by the doctors in the emergency room 3 times and ended up dying when her heart stopped during an emergency surgery to remove a clot.
2 people like this
@PrarieStyle (2486)
• United States
28 May 09
Oh that's terrible. I'm going to miss seeing her here.
I have no idea how to deal with something like this. I have never had anyone that close to me die before.
We all deal with things like this differently anyway.
2 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
29 May 09
In the back of our minds we are always prepared to lose a parent or grandparent, they are older than us and the fact that they will die someday is a reality. Losing a friend, a friend who is so young and was taken so suddenly from your life, is entirely different - there is no way to prepare for that terrible reality.
1 person likes this
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
28 May 09
Bella? That sent a cold chill down my spine. I'm so sorry, she was a very dear person.
I was all ready to respond to this but knowing the person I don't have words here.
3 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
28 May 09
I am so very sorry to learn of her passing, and I am really sorry for your pain, I know you two were close.
There is no way that you "should" behave, we all cope with this type of devastating loss in our own ways. I think what you are feeling now is a "normal" reaction to a most un-normal event.
I have lost friends who were way too young and who were torn from this life in a sudden and shocking manner and have felt some of the things you describe. I'm sure you are in shock right now and must feel as if some vital piece of your being is suddenly missing.
the only thing I can advise is to try to take things as they come, and allow your feelings to do whatever it is they need to do to work themselves out, whether it's crying, screaming, laughing about the good times you've shared, or feeling like an emotionless zombie for a while, all of these things are normal.
I am truly sorry to see that Bella is gone, she was a wonderful person and I am so sad for you and her family.
I wish I had something more comforting to say, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I will be missing Bellaofchaos.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
29 May 09
Now I got the savages song from Pocahontas stuck in my head. My boys turned 7 and 8 this week and Missy's girls I stole are 6 and 7.
Maybe I'm overreacting but NO THEY CAN NOT PLAY TWISTER!!!
:)
You kids can't be any worst than mine.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
11 Jun 09
Cyn, I hope you are feeling a bit better now, I have told myself that Missy will always be in our Hearts no one can take her away from there
But I know you 2 where very close and that it will hit you hard
Hugs to you and I really hope that you are a bit better
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
29 May 09
OMG Cyn, neither can I! Bellaofchaos was so much a part of this forum...I enjoyed her wacky discussions and enjoyed her sense of humour. Though I have never met her (like all my friends here) she was quite a regular and I kind of got used to seeing her avatar around...how did this happen? And this is a shock Cyn...without knowing each other personally, mylot has brought some of us quite close, we are kind of used to loggin in and seeing this and this person around and feeling that everbody is here so its OK...and suddenly I'll never be seeing Bella's avatar any more! What happened?
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
30 May 09
'misdiagnosed'...*sigh* that same sinking feeling of medical negligence...keep talking to us, whatever, but dont go into a shell.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
29 May 09
She was misdiagnosed by the doctors in the emergency room 3 times and ended up dying when her heart stopped during an emergency surgery to remove a clot.
It isn't going to be the same around here without her.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
29 May 09
Cyn sweety it does sound as though you are still in shock and who can blame you? Missy was a wonderful person and I know that you 2 were so close and that she loved you terribly, I am struggling with this news so I can only imagine the pain that you are in sweety. Main thing is no one can tell you how you should feel, act or react, that is different for each and every one of us and all I can say is that you just have to do whatever you need to to get you through this. Please, please try and look after yourself though as your kids need you and I am sure that you will be there for Missys too! You are all in my heart and prayers and I send you all the love that you need. Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
30 May 09
Oh Cyn honey I just wish there was more that I could do. Missy sure touched a lot of hearts and I know she changed me for the better in many ways - she just couldn't give me any energy , I think she used all that herself. You need me you shout out honey, even if it is just to listen or to vent on whatever - you hear? Hugs and Love xxx
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
29 May 09
Thank you so much mummy. It is very comforting to me to be here on the lot getting support from all of the friends I have made thanks to Missy.
Missy is how I ended up here. Missy is the reason I have people like you and Sparks and P1ke in my life.
Thank you for being there.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
30 May 09
Hi cynical, I don't even know how to start. I don't know why
our paths never crossed because I was a friend of Bellas. My
heart breaks for you and her family and for all those who
knew her and loved her so very much. There are no words to
say that will take the pain away from all those who will miss
her so much. I understand that you are hurting and are having
a hard time right now in dealing with your feelings. You know
that you have friends her that will be here for you always as
we will remember Bella and keep her in our hearts and keep
her family in our prayers and do whatever we can to help. I
understand that you are in shock right now and that you will
need your friends in the days that follow and know that we
will be here for you without question. We loved Bella and will
do whatever we can to help you and her family get through this.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Please accept
my deepest condolences and remember that you have us all to
lean on in the days to come. Love, Opal/Leslie
1 person likes this
@coolcoder (2018)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's passing. My condolences go out to her family, you, and anyone else who knew her.
I know exactly how this feels. I lost one of the few people I would trust with my life last March, but I didn't find out about it until May, when I looked in my MySpace mail for the first time in a long time. I was shocked first...then I cried...then I fell into a state of shock again...and even now I still can't believe he's gone. It hurts even more whenever a song by one of the 80s hair bands plays on the radio, because that's a big thing that Pete and I had in common.
There's no set time limit as to how long a person grieves. It's different with everyone; people deal with it in their own way, in their own time. God bless.
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
10 Jul 09
I'm sorry for your loss, coolcoder. I can sympathize - I left my home town 13 years ago and really never looked back, I recently found a lot of old friends on facebook and we've all been putting up old pics of our friends. I noticed one pic of a dear friend of mine was marked with R.I.P. so I asked what happened, and only found out the other day, that my friend was killed on September 11, 2001, he was in Tower One. Although I hadn't seen him in close to 20 years, and he was gone for almost 8 years before I found out, the shock of it all hit me kind of hard, and I did shed some tears for my friend. He was a really nice guy.
Another person I will think of too when those 80s songs play.
