I can't be your mommy!

@SKLOTS (21)
United States
June 1, 2009 3:24pm CST
It suddenly dawned on me that my husband needs alot more "mothering" than I can give him. I mean I've heard of mama boys, but what does it mean when they need you to be their mother figure? I guess this question is for all the experienced wives out there in mylot land. Where does one draw the line, when it comes to "mothering" your husband?
6 responses
@joeydy (10)
• United States
1 Jun 09
I am male married for 19 years, I have had this same issue since growing up, for some reason, I view woman as mother figures, I told my wife before marriage and it has been a battle for us, was it always this way for your husband or is it something recent?, I think maybe it stemmed for me as a lack of psyical touch growing up, as my mom was never a touchy type person, not sure . so i view my wife as that figure in intiminte settings. it sure be can very complex, so i am not sure where you two draw the line, it can be a very hard thing for a man to admit, Joe
@SKLOTS (21)
• United States
1 Jun 09
We've only been living together as a married couple for about 4 months. So, we are still in the sdjustment period. figuring out a balance living together. It's seems so hard to change myself for him. I know he didnt get much attention growing up, so it may come from his childhood. He struggles with this need to get more attention from me and I struggle to give that much attention all the time.
1 person likes this
• India
12 Jun 09
I really couldn’t understand the drawing line part…I mean I know most men need a woman to take care of them throughout their entire lives…and like every ‘good’ wife I have been doing all the household part and cooking and cleaning and washing his clothes…so where do I draw the line? Is he asking for anything more apart from what most usual husbands ask for and most wives do without giving it much thought?
• China
3 Jun 09
i think the reason why he hope you could be him "mother figure",may be it is a problem for him habit,for me,my hubby was doted by him mother all the time,so it is hard to avoid keeping him lazy habit when we married,i also often scream out and complain and cry for him lazy,may be situation is getting better but also couldn't meet my taste,we just only change their bad habit slowly.
@jen_barre (104)
• United States
2 Jun 09
I think the line needs to be drawn quickly and a very DARK line at that! These things never turn out great, YOU have needs as a person too. You have physical and emotional needs that will soon become overshadowed by his if you are not careful. If this is a new relationship, or at least still a fresh relationship I would sit down and talk to him immediately and tell him that this is not your role nor are you willing to take on that role. Set up some sort of cue like "ur doing it again!" when he turns to you for his "mothering" needs. As women I think we tend to nurture and are comfortable in that role, but it is a slippery slope, and can soon become a source of resentment.
@UK_Shree (3604)
1 Jun 09
I think that most men in one way or another do need to be mothered. It's probably because men are programmed that way. I am sure all men out there are not like this, but most guys do need to be taken 'care' of in some way. Me personally I wouldn't like it if a guy depended on me for everything but I do find it endearing if I am needed for certain things, it's kinda cute even.
• United States
1 Jun 09
I use to be married to someone for 18 years who wanted to be mothered. This became very difficult when we had children because your time has to be split up between children and they need you, not your husband to be mothered! I was definitely a wife who kept the house clean and cooked homemade meals but there has to be a line drawn. You are not his mother. How can you develop as a woman if he can't be a man. Most mothering hungry men are immature. That is what I found out but it took me years to come to that point since I was a young bride. But I got very tired mothering his every need. You are a wife to him, not a mother. If he wants his momma, send him home!