He wants to take her out of the state!

@lilybug (21182)
United States
June 1, 2009 8:58pm CST
When I picked my daughter up from her father a few hours ago he informed me that he might be going to Louisiana for a family reunion this summer sometime and if he does go he wants to take Lily with him. They would be taking a train. Now, I am fine with her spending almost a week with him this past week, but she was only a 5 minute drive away then. I am not sure I am ok with the out of the state trip. I am not sure what to say about it. Would you want to let your child leave the state with a non custodial parent? Even for a few days?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@amybrezik (2123)
• United States
2 Jun 09
How old is Lily? I would be ok with it, because my dad was the non-custodial parent, and I had to fly by myself to see him, starting at age 5. My kids are 4 and 6 and if their dad wanted to take them out of state for a few days, I would be ok with it as long as I knew the information about where he would be and who he would be with. At least he is trying to be a part of her life, and include her in her family stuff. That is something my dad never did.
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
2 Jun 09
She is 2. He has been really trying lately with her. I guess it would just be weird having her that far away.
@amybrezik (2123)
• United States
2 Jun 09
I can understand being nervous if she is only 2. I probably would be too. If you think you can trust him, then I think it would be ok. I don't know what kind f dad he is, but having him want to spend time with her is a good thing.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Yes I would, He has a right to be with her and his family, plus you are really keeping this from her as well, She has a right to know her extended family. After all would you take her out of state????He is her father.
• United States
2 Jun 09
Donating sperm doesn't make anyone a father, and doesn't automatically give him the right to travel with the child. Trust should be built first, no matter what his relation is to the child.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
3 Jun 09
apparently he has a relationship with the child and there is some level of trust as he just had her for an entire week.
• United States
2 Jun 09
my husband has no custody and no set visitation with his daughter. the judge left it up to him and his ex to set 'reasonable visitation.' she wont even let him leave the city she lives in(even though we live in a different one) when he takes her. she can trust him, she just wants to make it hard for him. my advice is to just go with your gut on this. a parents intuition is usually correct on things like this.
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
2 Jun 09
We have no visitation set up either. I am sure she would have a good time, but it still weirds me out a little.
@ersmommy1 (12605)
• United States
14 Jun 09
If it were me, I'd tell him to wait until she is a bit older. 2 is pretty young. But then again people are forever telling me how over protective I am.
@carolscash (9504)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Do you trust him to take her and bring her back? I would say that the two of you probably get along fairly well since he asked without just taking her and then I see that you have no court ordered visitation. If you trust him and if he is responsible and able to care for her, then I say let her go.
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I would let your daughter go with him if you feel you can trust him. She does have a right to meet her extended family on her father's side. I can understand why you would be very nervous and worry about her. If you let her go of course he will give you all the information about where they will be and tell him that you have to talk to your daughter every night to make sure that she's ok and you can hear her voice. Good luck :-)
• United States
3 Jun 09
As long as you trust the father then i would think it would be ok. It really comes down to how much you trust him and how much you want him to be a part of your childs life. If i were you i would talk to the father and express to him my concerns and go from there.
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
2 Jun 09
That's a tough one. How long does he plan to be gone? I know you must be very uncomfortable with this, since your daughter is so young. If you decide to let her go, be sure to get all phone numbers where she will be. When my son was younger his father did not take him out of state. He barely came on week ends. You know her father and how responsible he is or isn't, so I think you should base your decision on that. To answer your question, I do not think I would have wanted my ex husband to take my son out of state, because knowing him, he would have had someone else look after him, while he did his own thing.
@singlemommy (2953)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Well, honestly, I think it depends on who he is as a father and only you know this. If you don't think that she would be fine then I would say no. I can totally understand how you feel. I know my son's father isn't in his life and even if he was, he wouldn't be taking my son anywhere, not even up the street. But my circumstances with his father are different than most circumstances. You can't help how you feel though, this is your child and you are only doing what any mother would do and that is trying to protect your baby girl.
@maximax8 (27049)
2 Jun 09
I have a friend that is divorced and he has a son. At the time I met that friend of mine his son was 7 years old. His ex-wife lived about 5 miles from him. He used to see his son every weekend. He took his son on a weeks vacation to Turkey when his son was 10 years old. I think you must think carefully about if Lily would be fine taking the train to Louisiana with her father. I wonder how old Lily is. It might be best to talk about any concerns you have with her father. If you end up saying no then you shouldn't feel bad about that. The USA is huge and out of state would be a worry for many Americans. Good luck.
@katsmeow1213 (28707)
• United States
2 Jun 09
It depends on how much you trust him. I have no idea what it's like to be in that position, my oldest son's father hasn't even met him! I'd let my husband take my kids out of town, but I married him so of course I trust him and know he'd keep the kids safe. I'd still worry about them though. Personally, I'd say go for it. Let him take her. I think it's great he's showing so much interest in her, and it's great that she has a chance to meet her extended family.