Why did I kill my mother
By gunjanpri
@gunjanpri (603)
India
June 3, 2009 7:19am CST
People say mother is the most preceious treasure on this earth, but I know I have killed her. When she called up I started explaining my job responsibilities. When she wanted me to call, I told her I was busy, despite knowing that she could live an extra breath if I called her daily. I was trying to balance my budget deficit, when she was struggling in the hospital. My friends advised me do not do anything beyond your capacity. I do not blame them, they all knew my economic crisis. But I narrowed down my capacity for my mother...I told her that I had no money. I told her that I am sending money but I did not and paid my loans. By the time the family could manage some amount, it was too late, while my account had that money which I would have sent her in time, but I did not. Its me who really killed her. Its me who convinced her that there was nothing left to invest in her treatment. Its me who lied to her. I am the betrayer. I had told her that I would take care of her for the whole life. I had promised her that I would die without her. But see she is no more and I am still alive, eating and breathing. Do you think i have not killed her? Couldn't I save her somehow?
3 people like this
7 responses
@thenextnoel (396)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
What was her illness gunjanpri? You have to find the courage to forgive yourself now. Things won't change if you sulk about the past that's gone. remember: there are still people who are alive who need you so the regrets you had with your mother should not be in vain; take lessons from them and apply them to the people you care about who are still living. Ask for forgiveness from your mother if you feel you have done her wrong (she'll hear you even if you won't get an answer) and most importantly, learn to forgive yourself.I hope you get through this struggling period in life.
2 people like this
@sujaysen (594)
• India
4 Jun 09
We all have to go while we came into this world. Mother is the only person which cannot compare with any other person in this world. You have tried to save her but you think you had failed. Actually it is an sentimental issue. We cannot do anything beyond our capacity. But after any mishaps we regret that we could do something more than what we can do. Though it is very hard to forget this situation, but time waits for none. So, go through your daily life normally and look for the future. Try to believe that while you loved your sweet mother extremely, definitely she is lying in the heaven with lot of peace and she is blessing all of you from there.
@deltax (287)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
You are not to blame for what happened to your mother. And you are not a betrayer. But you shouldn't have lied to your mother. You should have told her the truth about not having money to help her. You know, and we all know that mothers always understand. It won't hurt her. What will, is the promise that you made that wasn't meant to be delivered in the first place.
Maybe next time, you'll know your priorities. Many do live with little money, and many live without, but still get around. If you lose it, there are always ways to find it. But if you lose your loved ones, there's no way of getting them back.
For now, let's just pray for your mom. She's happy now, and I know she's taken good care of by our Lord.
@Mikaela_taz25 (1842)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
That's a very sad story but people simply just die. your mother must have been very special to you and nice. your friends are right, you can't help her beyond your capacity, and what's the point of sending money if there's nothing to save or prevent her from dying, you'll loose a lot of money and probably your way of living. you mother would probably wanted to die, for you to move on and have a happy life, my condolences. 
.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
Do not feel guilty, you did not kill her, it is not a daughter's responsibility to finance a parent / parents thought we have this feeling that we must help the because it is our responsibility or something..but then you also have reasons, like what you have said, you do not have any money..or your money is not enough. Your mother is not mad at you, one way or another she might have understood you. we all love them, i love my mom but i usually admit to her that when it comes to financial things i may be incapacitated to help her, i also do not have that much. just pray for peace and enlightetnment.
1 person likes this
@Archie0 (5636)
•
3 Jun 09
Well ofcourse yes a mother is one who is divine \, she is like that god which we long to see but we never realise that he is our hearts.i Cam\n DIE for my mom, but she says that if possible she will cut her heart and give it to me if a\sometimes i need it...Every mother on this earth is precious, as i think your mother needed your love and support and not your mother.when your mother could give you birth and grow you today at your level where you are, then she had that capacity to handle herself too but she needed your love and support and till the end she starved for it..but as you cu\oudlnt realise it now there is nothing that you can do..They say there are few things in life which you can mend if you do some mistake but there are very few and precious people on r\earth and in our life that if we loose once we cannot do anything not even simplest thing to do right what we did wrongf with them because she is not there to see what you do for her..well all we can do now is pray for her soul to rest in peace...
1 person likes this
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
4 Jun 09
Hello Gunjan
You are just 24 years of age and it is very sorry to know that your mother is not with you any more.First of all i pray that may her soul rest in peace.
She was not seeking financial gains from you as it appears from your post.She just wanted to spend some precious time with her young daughter.
Are you married or live distantly from your parents house?If you are married then we can understand that you have your own financial responsibilities but if you are not married then i think ,sorry if it appears harsh to you,you should have helped your mother so that she could survive.Debts could be repaid later but once lost human life can never be found again.
I am not blaming you but it was just wrong decisions towards certain choices.You made me cry
You made me cry