Would you get the DNA test done or would you leave it alone?

If he wants to know that's fine. Does he want to hurt the child? The child thinks of him as Dad. The mother probably won't let him have anything to do with the child once the child support stops and the courts won't either, obviously if he's not the dad. Maybe he should confront the mother first. Maybe a little threat of a DNA test would have her reduce the payments or he wouldn't have to pay while he is keeping the kids for a couple weeks out of the month. It depends on why he is doing the DNA test as to how he should do it. Maybe take the test without anyone knowing and after he finds out the results he could confront the mother, after her answer go to a lawyer and then have to go to a doctor for the test to be legal. It really depends on what he wants. Does he not want any contact with the child? He needs to be careful how he approaches it. Before doing anything the home DNA kit might be best and then decide what to do if anything.

Both parents have to give a blood sample along with the child in question. Even if it were possible he'd still have to get the kid to agree. In the best case scenario he does a swab, do you really think that will hold up in court? The judge is more likely to say that since he didn't do anything when he first suspected it, then he accepted the child as his. He's willing to damage a ten year old emotionally for $280 a month?

What an awful situation but you must have the test done,how the child will feel must be handled properly,who on earth is the father of this poor child,the mother must find him and tell him to support her.your poor partner what a terrible place to be,loving the child he thought was his own but now saying to this child you are on your own.The others can have stuff, but because of an accident of birth you cannot have what the others are getting.Once the test is done it might be his child.So you will have to continue to support this poor child.I feel sorry for the child the mess adults can make is paid for by the children.the childs mother should get her act together and take a part time job to pay for this herself.My heart goes out to you as well,what a mess.Good luck in sorting it all out.

Hi, This is a very tricky situation & should be considered at great length. The little girl regardless of biological origin is his daughter. She does not know any different & is it really worth damaging her emotionally? She may not wish to continue a relationship with him if he puts her through it. She may well cut him off at a later date. I'm sure your boyfriend regards her as a daughter, loves her as a daugther and would do anything to protect her. If he just wants to put his mind at rest, do the swab but if it's just not to pay the money, you need to do it by the book or the ex will dispute it and make it even more ugly than it needs to be. Times are hard for everyone and you sound like a wonderful family!! You are a very caring person, this shows as you have posted this here. It's a difficult subject. Write down all the pro's & con's, consider the worst cons, e.g how is this little girl going to feel? Her life could be ripped to shreds in a matter of minutes. I know full well your BF most likely wouldn't treat her any differently but she would always know he questioned it regardless of the outcome. It also opens up all sorts of questions if your BF isn't the daddy, who is, how can she find him and so on!! It is so awful that she cheated in the first place with absolutely no regard for anybody else and the possible outcomes!! You need to focus on which is more important, the little girl or the money?? My eldest is from a previous relationship. I found out about the pregnancy after I had split up from her dad. Needless to say I found myself in a similar situation however I got the information about the DNA tests, how much where etc & told him, if he doubted to go and get a test but he was paying. He wasn't short of the money but never did set it up. He paid me unofficial child support every week straight into my bank, so I could not later dispute it but when I entered into another relationship 5 years later, the money stopped. I haven't bothered him for it and he hasn't bothered me but my eldest never knew him the last time she saw him she was 9 months old. She's now 10!! Sorry about the ramble!! I hope things work out for you & your family All the best Mrsl x x

I don't know that it would be that simple to get the child support dropped. If you are going to do a dna test you have to make sure that it is one that would be recognized by the court. those diy home tests might not qualify. he needs to go back to court and have the support adjusted because of the amount of time they spend in your home. if she is harassing him for money, he can also bring this issue up in court. i know from experience that men get screwed but at least put up a fight. you or your husband might mention to her that if she does not start to back off you will request a dna test. mind you, it can be pricey to do a court ordered test. $400 is average cost for one. but in the long run if she turns out to be not his biological child it is worth it. good luck.

This DNA test needs to be done hunni. You 2 should not be paying for a child that may or may not be his!! i know its a hard decision and it seems like you are going through alot! If ypou get one from the internet then make sure its atleast 95-97% accurate! Obviously you would be better off not paying for the child. I think it will be best going behind her back to do it as it would cause conflict and she may not agree to it!! Good luck and let us know how it goes!!!!

I would talk him into doing the test. Try not to let the daughter know what's going on. Tell her she's being tested for something else. Keep it from the mother until you get the results. He will still be her Daddy just not her Father. If she is not his child he needs to get the child support dropped.

Someone I knew went through something simialr. He was raising a kid that wasn't his and when they broke up, he had to paid child support. It was later revealed, by the mom, he was the father. he went to court and the court said he had assumed the role of father and still had to pay child support until the child turned 18. So, he still might have to if he's not the father, but has been there for 10 years assuming the role, and if he wants any type of contact with her.

I'd do Da NA test on my kids even if I thought they were mine. You can never trust anyone. Everyone lies about something and that's why this great technology was invented.

I would do the DNA test, but with the mothers consent, no matter how much she b*tched about it. He has the right to know if that is his child or if she isn't. And if she isn't, there is no reason for her to be supporting her. Of course, the only downside is going to be the girls feelings. Especially if she is his child. She may be "well, you didn't want me to be your child." Of course, at this age, she may very well feel he doesn't love her. But as she gets older, she should be able to understnad the reasons for him doing it. Tough call sweetheart, I hope you guys make the best decision for your family.

WOW, that is a toughie. I can understand his wanting to know, but he must consider the feelings of his daughter. She is 10...she wouldn't understand and the hurt it could cause... I wouldn't do a home test DNA as you can't be sure of their reliability. I also wouldn't do it secretly, that could cause even bigger problems. If he is determined to do this, despite his daughter's well being, he better be prepared to shell out money for a therapist for this little girl. Whatever you decide to do, please consider that poor little girl.She is the real victim here. Good luck to you. I hope you can resolve this with minimal pain.