Forgetting the hurtful feelings

@bamakelly (5194)
United States
June 4, 2009 7:49am CST
Have you ever had a good friend that you were close to but you weren't really able to confide in them about too much for fear of being judged? How do you deal with a good friend that spends time with you and seems to appreciate your company but does not seem to want to hear your problems? I would also like to know that if you are having a great friendship with someone should it entail sharing personal problem? Or do you think that some things are too personal even to share it with a very good friend. I was just wondering as to where you should draw that line?
2 people like this
15 responses
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
4 Jun 09
I have had friend who used to tell me her problems but whenever I tried to share mine with her, she was not ready for it. I liked her company but since she used to behave in such a way that she is the saddest and unluckiest person in this world. That was why I stopped talking to her. Even she was saying sometime that I shoudl share my problems with her but I didn't as I knew that at the end, she will compare it with hers and tell me, "Your problem is nothing compared to mine." I am not a friend of her now days.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31631)
• United States
4 Jun 09
There are different kinds of friends. Some are buddies you like to go shopping with and just escape everything, have a good time. Others run deeper, you really care about each other and would give her or him the shirt off your back and vice versa. Still others are just work acquaintances but fun to have lunch with, etc. It's up to you to recognize the difference in your friends and treat each friend as your relationship dictates. The ones we can confide in with no fear and yet still have fun with are the most valuable and irreplaceable!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I think everyone needs a friend they can confide in. Things kept inside of you tend to fester & grow bigger when u can't talk about them to someone. As u know i'm sure u have to have trust in that person. PEOPLE who do not want to take the time to listen to you but want u to listen to them are very selfish people. I don't want friends like that not close friends. ONCE u can see people for what they are it will be easier on u to chosse somone to confide in. I'M a good listener if u ever need me.
2 people like this
@jessi0887 (2794)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I have only one good friend who I tell pratically everything. Even then though there are some things that I dont tell her. I have dark secrets that no one knows about me and prefer to just barry it and forget it. It prevents me from like you say being judged a whole different way. I also get afraid to tell her things. Sometimes I often just post hear when I feel I have no one else to talk to.
2 people like this
@savypat (20246)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I am an honest person so when asked I will give you a honest answer even if I think it might not be what you want to hear. If I think you will not like the answer, I'll ask you first if you really want to know what I think? Most of my friends are not of the same political party as me. So politics are not something I will discuss with them, they are not going to change to my way of thinking and I am not going to change to theirs so why even talk about it. People jus get upset for no reason.
• United States
4 Jun 09
There is very little I don't share with a good friend. I have two good friends who share their problems with me and I share with them and I can't think of anything too personal since they aren't judgmental. If a friend doesn't want to hear my problems, that's okay. We'll just have a casual friendship. I don't know where to draw the line -- maybe because of what a very good friend has shared with me, I feel honored that she trusted me enough to bare her soul, and I can do the same with her.
1 person likes this
@vnrsudhan (1514)
• India
4 Jun 09
hi bamakelly, i have a lot of friends,but i have only 3 best friends who are trustworthy and i to who i can say anything personal,they too look at me in the same way.if ever had a friend like you said i would definetly lose him soon.i don't like to have friends who re with me just for they want some company.
• United States
9 Jun 09
Kelly- I've experienced that a few times in my life, and it was always very aggrevating. I had one person who was a taker, and they always took more then they gave. And if you'd try to explain it to them they would make excuses for their behavior, or worse yet say "You just didn't understand me", etc. The victim mentality is something I still do not understand, nor have a taste for. So, for me, if a person becomes a leech I simply walk away. I don't need parasites in my life. I know that sounds harsh, but I think the illustration helps to better understand what this type of "friend" can do for you. Now, on that note, if you truly feel that you can be a "counselor" and do all the listening, never sharing your own point of view, and that this is somehow beneficial for you and this other person I'd say carry on with what you are doing. I mean, sometimes people just need people to litsen to them, and if you can be that person without negative effect to your own soul you are in a good position to help heal that person. Namaste-Anora
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
thats why we call them friends, they are there to share your happiness and your low point of your life/problems. They are called friends because you can share even your darkest secret., that we share to our so called bestfriend. With your first concern, did you know that your fear are coming from your inner self. Your afraid to be judged, because. you also do that. You judge your friends. So you have to know where your fear are coming from. And i think friends are not judging you, they are telling what you dont see but they can see, and they trying to let you see the situation. if they are really judging then they are not you friends. Avoid them because it will not be good for you. Your second question, again you have to asked yourself. Is it everytime i talked to them, i always talk about my problems, my obstacle, my trials. then if not, avoid them again because they are not good friends. They are friends who will left you in the air once your in a darkest moment The first part of this is the answer to your 3rd questions.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
5 Jun 09
it was like this for me. My so called friend used to tell his problems to me. He always wanted me to solve them. But never took any pain in sharing mine.
@mkchaves (533)
• Canada
5 Jun 09
i have a cousin who I tell everything to. She gives me truthful advice and what she thinks of the situation and I've got 3 great friends whom i tell also my problems without the fear of being rejected or judged. I am blessed with good friends. And I'm pretty sure I will do the same thing to them if they happen to have a major problem. They have been those people who really knows what I've been through. :) Thanks Guys! thanks for this discussion, made me realized how blessed I am with great friends.
@check23 (448)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
Trust is important in friendship so if you trust each other then you can tell whatever it is. Judging you is possible but if your friend is a true friend then he/she will tell you how he/she feels about it.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
We have close dear trusted friend but still I think there are still few personal things we don't want to share with them. There are however which we also share depending on how personal things that we must keep for ourselves just to avoid little problems in the future. If you think however that your friend is really worth to be trusted it now depends upon you. Talking to someone especially to a friend and sharing them our problems make us feel better sometimes.
@macel19 (202)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
I have few good friends but I can only say that I have only one friend whom I can share some of my problem with. I am very comfortable of sharing my personal problems with my bestfriend. He is really a good listener, he knows me exactly when I just need someone who will listen to me. But, there are some problems that I kept it for myself. Sometimes i just share my problem just to express my dissapointments in life and I am not really expecting an adviced. Most of the time I just want to have someone who will listen to me without judging me and I found it with my bestfriend since higschool.Although, they said that friendship is sharing, there are still issues that I think would be best if I just keep it for myself. I know that frienship is more than the trust of someone, thinking that something will not harm us. The value that i found in friendship is ofetn the result of a friend demonstarting on a consistent basis. I believed that my bestfriend wants the best for me.He is like a borther to me. I am thinking that there are people who comes along our way for a season as friends and there are people who will stay for a lifetime. I just dont give seasonal people lifetime responsibility when it comes to my welfare.
@abanerji (1026)
• India
4 Jun 09
i have put up a simmilar discussion about such a friend. i am carrying on well with this freind who is not much concerned about me. for me i am quite a reserved person and very rarely discuss my problems with anyone. i tend to keep my problems to myself. but when it comes to others, people tend to talk about their problems and after discussing they also feel lighter from within. i feel the freindship where one is not interested in the other person is not exactly friendship. people tend to share problems with friends and there is no harm in sharing problems if the other person is trustworthy and interested in finding out some solution or just to stand by you in your distress. there is no need to draw a line if the person whom you are sharing your problem with would not let out the secret to others. still i sometimes feel, that there are certain problems which cannot be solved by an outsider and are very domestic. such things can be kept to yourself. you may only discuss them with friend if you feel suffocated.