Life in Big City

@agrim94 (3811)
India
June 5, 2009 9:07am CST
Hi friends, I live in a big city which boasts population of over 16 million people. I just thought what i have learnt in this big city since i came to it few years back and only thing i learnt is that in a crowded bus i can keep sitting on a seat and not offer it to a lady anymore and not feel guilty about it. I dont know if i should feel normal or feel bad about my not feeling guilty about doing this.
4 people like this
18 responses
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
6 Jun 09
I have always lived in the city but my husband grew up in a country town and he agrees that men acting like gentlemen towards the ladies and the ladies acting like ladies ‘has gone out of the window’ as he put it and I agree, it is a sign of the times I am sorry to say and it is a shame. I love the city I live in but keep in mind it is a small one, I have visited Sydney, Melbourne, Rome etc being the large busier cities and I know that they are great places to visit; I would not enjoy living there. The one city I love is London; I worked there for a while but again, not sure I could make it home. I look forward to retiring in the country one day, God willing.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi paula, Yes things have gone out of window and i dont know if it is for better or not but thats the fact. I dont know why it happened but if i try to analise it then i find girls are atleast themselves made men do it.. sometimes when man makes a gesture and a small comment from girl can make him not do it again ever like when i was in 12th and didnt have m y own vehicle i would take a local bus to school and since i boarded it from where the bus starts its journey i usually got a seat. From next stop i know 3 girls would also take the bus as it was going to their school too. And i would always give them my seat. One day i heard them talking that how easy it is for them to come and stand near me and i would give them the seat like a fool. well from next day i didnt offer them my seat but i didnt realize it would build in system and now if i dont offer seat to any female, young, old or kid i wont feel bad and local bus ride can be over 2 hours in delhi.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
6 Jun 09
I can appreciate the way you felt after overhearing those girls on the bus, it is that kind of attitude that has put men off being gentlemen and it is so sad that a nice gesture can't be appreciated but taken advantage of instead, shame on them.
• United States
4 Aug 12
Hi all, I didn't read most of the conversation, but I get the idea. If even one girl is thankful that you gave up your seat, then I'd say it's worth it. Sure women want equality, but they still like chivalry.
@derek_a (10903)
6 Jun 09
I lived in the big city for many years but have moved away now. However, here in the UK, I did notice on buses that most men would give up their seats for a lady. Not all, but most. If there wasn't any other seats, and a lady got on then I would offer her my seat. I guess I just couldn't help myself. I wouldn't feel guilty if I didn't but I would feel rude. I grew up with this rule I guess - - Derek
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi derek, It is nice that people in UK still follow this and it is how it should be. Able bodied men should always give seat to females, aged persons and physically disabled ( now i dont want to start a political right word thing here ) but thats not how it is being done these days out here and i dont know why.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10903)
6 Jun 09
Yes, I agree, getting away from bus travel and society in general is exhibiting cold indifference. Most neighbourhoods seem to have disappeared because people are working most of the time and do not spend time outdoors and meet their neighbours. When I was a kid, during the summer evenings many people would be in their gardens or walking around making conversations with neighbours. That doesn't seem to happen any more, which is sad really. - Derek
• United States
5 Jun 09
I recently moved to a big city. I had never even been in a big city before as I was raised in the south. One of the things I noticed first was the lack of gentlemen in the city. Why would it be true that a man is no longer required to be a gentleman just because there are more people around? I am so sorry that you found this "freedom" from guilt... maybe you will find a sense of chivalry once again!
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi, Thanks for the response and i dont know how much the big city is responsible for it. may be everyone here has different attittude. Girls here ( those who you dont know) think you are a fool and would laugh at your back if you give them seat in bus ..i heard it myself. I have even seen men happily sitting on seats reserved for ladies ( we got minimum 4 seat in every bus which are meant for ladies only) while woman standing. Also i have seen girls taking unreserved seats first when bus starts and nearly all seats are empty thus giving men a cause for complaint that they should take the reserved seats first but they dont and then the females from next stop try to seat on those seats when bus is full. I think females too have a hugh hand in killing chivalry
• United States
6 Jun 09
You are absolutely right! I think that what used to be called "common" consideration isn't the same either. There was a day when everyone would have been looking out for each other whether we knew each other or not. Now we live so much with this, "So what" attitude! I really do understand what you are saying.... we ladies do not make it easy for men to be gentlemen to begin with! Sorry.. :(
@mysdianait (64068)
• Italy
5 Jun 09
Hi agrim! If you hadn't used a bus for a long while then I can understand your shock. Years ago it was the 'done thing' for a man to offer a seat to a lady when she was standing but indeed times have changed an awful lot, and not always for the best. Women wanted equality and it seems they think they got it but that means equality in everything - including standing in a bus. It's the same here though my town is smaller. Women ar not treated differently nowadays like they were years ago. It's a sign of the times and nothing to do with a big city. It's all over. A woman carrying a baby would be a different situation but a woman or a man with only one seat would be that whoever gets it first gets to keep it.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi mysdianait, Yes been quite a long since i took a bus ride. I think it is so this way. Yes one of the reason that chivalry is dying is that when ever i did this , my female friends would say how they would like to treat. Also may be when i was in 12th class and had come to city that year only.. i would always give my seat and since the girls who would take bus on next stand knew i would give seat they would come and stand near me and one day i over heard them laughing about it how easy it is to go stand near him and like a fool he would give his seat.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64068)
• Italy
6 Jun 09
It's a good job not all girls are like those that you overheard
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I DON'T THINK IT makes any difference where u live, u should never fail to be a gentleman.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
5 Jun 09
yes i know , may be in a big city ladies have stopped being ladies and forgot the word thank you. may be this kind of behaviour makes gentleman forget about gentleness. I initially did gave seat to ladies and yet to hear once thanks. Though it whouldnt be the reason but it can be. Another one can be that girls always talk about equality here and would laugh at me when they know i gave seat to a lady and a big lecture how they would like to be treated as equal.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
5 Jun 09
IF they didn't show any appreciation i can see why u quit. I certainly would appreciate u doing that. Everything can be carried too far & sometimes i think women have done themselves in w/some of it. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
I just remembered vividly the first time I came in to the city. I was still twelve years old at that time. Everything is wonderful in the city. When time unfolds...the magic fades replace with the reality that life in the city is a matter of survival.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi reckon, thanks for the response and yes city is wonderful i dont disagree but it is very hard work in city and since my city never sleep and u can find a lot of traffic at even 2 AM but life is pretty hard and hard life make you forget lots of principles.
@pansy45 (156)
• Indonesia
6 Jun 09
i think you should feeling guilty,,what you were do is wrong you should offer your seat it caused you are a man,,you more stronger than her..and i hope it can be your learn in the next day,wwhen you're in the same situation again
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi pansy , I might be stronger than her but hmm isnt it always weak who request the stronger ones. I dont think it is done thing in the city where girls laugh at your back for offering them seat.
@MisterPlus (1917)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
It is Ok. People in the big city are very busy. Life is so fast. Everyone is moving too fast and even things move fast too. I know how tiring and yet exciting it is to be in a big city. Women I guess to those places are used to hard work too and they don't ask attention like offering a seat in a bus.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi misterplus , Thanks for the response and yes life is fast but woman in big cities though may say anything but would like all the advantages of being a female . They would want same pay but would want far too less work then guys. They wont go out in scorching sun and would want to be in Air conditioned rooms if there is a guy in office who would be asked to do it. SO i dont think they dont want special attention or used to hard work, atleast not here.
• India
6 Jun 09
Here in Calcutta we have seats reserved for the ladies, so guys can have a clear conscience. But no, you should not feel guilty about it simply coz the moment you stand up in a crowded bus, you really create more commotion for others who are already standing and sweating and have no place to move. I have experienced this myself...some guy just standing up to offer his seat to a lady, the lady sits down in comfort and we just have to jostle for more space! However, it would be nice if you do offer a seat to an old lady or a pregnant lady...its really very risky to travel in a crowded bus when one is pregnant...however, sometimes I think why only guys are expected to make such getures...I have seldom seen any lady stand up and offer her seat to another pregnant lady
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi sudipta, Thanks for your response and i do look forward to your response. You are right about no female giving seat to pregnant lady who should get it first or physically disabled person. We too have the reserved seats in Delhi for them. But the problem is when bus starts and lots of seats are empty the girls would look for the unreserved seats and this cause a lot of tension as next stop when bus is full new girls would get in bus and then they would look for reserved seats when the male messengers mind because the girls on non reserved seats cud have sat on the reserved seats when they were empty but they chose to not sit on them and thus force men to stand up so now conductors in bus say that once bus leave first stop the reservation ends and anyone can sit on them.
@jellymonty (2358)
5 Jun 09
I love living in a big city! especially London.. well the crowded bus isn't pleasant but I do enjoy the city life as you have access to all commodities.. Its tough to live in a city and you have to be willing to learn new things and adjust to the lifestyle.. I'm sorry you've had it rough but don't give up yet.. city life is great!
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
hi jelly monty, Thanks for the response, and no i m not giving up living in a big city, rather i am hooked to it now so i know i wont ever go back to my village as there is nothing for me to do except take a tractor and go to farms which i dont think is my cup of tea. I was just saying how much the city has changed me.
• United States
5 Jun 09
Agrim- I've lived in both urban, rural, and cities and I have to say I prefer rural life myself as well. Though, I have to say the city offers a great deal of things that at times I miss the ease of. In living in the big city I hardly had to use a car to get around, saving me a huge expense on gas. I could go to shows, museums and so forth with very little effort. The city offered a flavor that you don't find outside of it, and even though it was hustle and bustle, there was something unique about it. I can understand though the need for space. Now, I'm very comfortable in seeking out a rural life away from people so I can have my space and quiet. Namaste-Anora
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi anora, I am from rural background. I have spent my first 18 years of life driving tractors and playing in dirt and i was quite comfortable. Yes i know i am not sophisticated like big city groomed Richi Richs but i was doing fine and had to migrate to this city because there is no good higher education of the quality that this city has near my village or in towns near my village. Unfortunately in India all the facilities are centered around big cities and nothing around villages. Now i dont think i would return to my village. Even though this city has fulfilled my dreams with which i came to this city and in return it took a heavy toll on my personality.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I bet you've learned a lot more than that. If you went away for a time and came back you would see how much you know about living in a large city. I know nothing about living like that, and it would be very difficult for me to live there.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi savypat, Thanks for the response. Yes i have learnt more than not giving seat, i have learnt to not speak out where i am not required, i have learnt to not to stand for a cause and lots of other things too. Though this city gave me everything i desired for and fulfilled all my dreams with what i came to it but it took too high a price in terms of change of my attitude.
@amylan (191)
• France
5 Jun 09
I could imagine your puzzling over the moral issues. Life in big modern cities used to be characteristiced by the sense of being isolated from people around you. I have the similar experience of this kind of indifference and solitude. Sometimes I don't think it's because the lack of polite gestures, but the incapability of feeling others, especially those elder people in need. It's so kind that you keep a sensitive mind as well as a sense of self-discplining.
@faisai (1140)
• Hong Kong
5 Jun 09
I am sorry to hear that the only thing you remember learnt in the city is this kind of thing. I sincerely hope that you actually have learnt more but you just chose to talk about this only to say that you are so disguise of people like this. Otherwise, the time you have spent in the city is just lost.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
5 Jun 09
Ofcourse i have leant a lot like being careful and quite a few things too but today i had to travel by bus for a short distance as my vehicle was taken away by my friend and i dont know why i did not give my seat to a lady and top of it i didnt feel bad at that time and later on when i got down from bus i felt bad.
1 person likes this
15 Dec 12
Though the life in Big City is very lucrative, most of citizen of big city are practical and self oriented. Therefore, don't feel guilty.
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
31 May 11
In the first place, the ladies shouldn't be on the bus when they know it is full already and shouldn't expect men to offer seats for them. I thought women and men have the same human rights and I think they both deserve to seat! People in the city are always on the go, lives a stressful life and worry a lot. People can't find time to appreciate his surroundings..who does when you can only see the pollution. What I learned in the big city is that you can't trust anybody much more if they are strangers. You should always be on guard and be conscious of people around you.
• Australia
7 Jun 09
I do not believe that guilt should ever power good manners: they should come from your view of yourself as a respectful person, considerate of the needs and feelings of others.
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Hey agrim! I still don't think that not offering your seat on a crowded bus to a lady is proper! No matter where you live it is still the right thing to do to offer your seat to a lady or to someone that is older than you! That is just the way that it should be! How would you feel if your mother or father were to get on a crowded bus and they had to stand up the whole way? It is only polite and proper to offer someone who is older than yourself or a lady your seat in any country! And if you don't then you should feel guilty!