I know one of my sons is lying to me.

@pillusch (1149)
Mexico
June 5, 2009 9:14am CST
I can see it in the corner of his eyes, and he knows that I know, so what now? He is 13, is going to be gone for the night, a sleepover with some friends, and I would like to call him every 10 minutes or so to make sure he is alright. He obviously doesn’t like the idea, so I lay low. I hardly call him when he’s out, but I would like to have the OPTION to call him if necessary. He doesn’t like that either…… He says his cell doesn’t have any credits, so I send him some, but they mysteriously disappear. He’s in a shopping mall, and it appears the phone doesn’t work in shopping malls. Weird!
6 people like this
24 responses
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
11 Jun 09
Your son is probably afraid that you will know he is lying. But he is already a teenager and you full well know how they are keeping things a secret.I suggest that you will talk to him in a calm manner and gain his trust once more.
@dismalgrin (2470)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I am sorry that you have to deal with this. It won't hurt your child to have his privalages taken from him. Don't let him go to sleepovers, take away his phone. Phones don't work in shopping malls most of the time, but he is 13 and I think that 13 is both too young for a cell phone... and too young to be running around like a ... well a teenager. These are privalages that need to be earned in time, not suddenly added to him because he has reached a certain age. He needs to earn your trust, and it sounds like that hasn't happened yet. So, start back at square one and make him earn the privilage of being a teenager.
@rdadey (484)
• Canada
8 Jun 09
I was the same as him when I was that age. I lied and did things that hurt my parents. I hope that he doesn't get into trouble, I did and I wish I had that time back. Perhaps you should take him on a day trip somewhere and have a heart to heart with him. Explain to him that you are worried he may be led astray by friends and find out how he feels. Hopefully he will open up a little and talk about himself.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
7 Jun 09
He probably is lying; he 13 and I know I used to lie to my parents at that age. For me, the lies didn’t have anything to do with bad stuff; they were just useful so I could keep my reputation with my friends. I wouldn’t have liked calling home every 10 minutes! Why not once every hour or two? I would say his friends are probably giving him a hard time about having to call home. You can compromise; he can call less frequently and you can drop him off and pick him up. I remember, although it was a real long time ago (LOL), that being a teenager is not the easiest; you are so close to becoming an adults and a lack the vision that comes with adulthood.
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
7 Jun 09
As a mom myself, I'm a worry wart. My kids never go anywhere unless I take them, meet and talk to the parents. If I want to call my kids, I will do so, I could care less if they don't like it. With so many things wrong with this world today, my kids could easily go missing. Now as being a 13 year old at one point, it's not fun being out with friends to have my parents call me all the time to check up on me. Everyone around me, would call me mamma's girl. When I was 13, I could be outside without my parents and not worry about some sicko taking me away. So for this situation, I would sit him down and explain to him. If he wants to keep the cell phone, he better be available when you call him. That's the main reason he has the phone in the first place. If his phone stops working in a mall, which can happen, doesn't mean that it does with all the wifi hot spots. As a parent in this situation, I would drop him off or wait until he's picked up, after making sure I got the housing information. Then I would wait 30 minutes to an hour and drive by there to see if he's there. That's just me though.
@ladygator (3469)
• United States
7 Jun 09
That is a tough one. I also have a son that age and he lies to me on a regular basis. Some things I just let go and get him about it later, others I get after him repeatedly reminding him of inconsistancies in what he says. I know he will lie. I lied to my parents when I was young. I use every opportunity to teach a lesson about lying, respect, honesty worthiness. It is a tough age and until my son grows out of this phase, I believe it will continue to be difficult. But one thing, if I believe he is lying about to many things and especially big things then he has to stay home. I just dont let him go beyond our yard or the park in the back of our house.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Don't you know 13 years requires a declaration of war. You need allies, contact other parents, especially the ones where sleep overs are to take place, find out how supervised these are. Don't you remember being 13? There is so much trouble out there that young men can get into and if you feel he's lying, he is. How easy is it for each boy to say the sleep over is at another's home and then go, lord, only knows where, but you can bet it's somewhere you don't want him to be. Many times children challenge the parents and a part of them wants you to care enough to go to the effort to protect them. Good luck
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
6 Jun 09
You have many responses, I think the best think is to follow your heart and if you are not comfortable with the sleepover just pick him up and tell him he can go places as long as you are able to get in touch with him whenever you want, after all you pay for this convenience. Good luck.
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Come on! Your 13 year old child has a cell phone. One that, no doubt you pay for. And he won't take your calls? Who's the parent here? Children let on the loose get into all kinds of trouble. Parents must guide their children. Take charge.
@agrim94 (3811)
• India
6 Jun 09
Hi, Well these are kids these days and they grow up so fast. He is starting his teen age and calling every 10 mins by dad is surely is a big downthing for the kid. it is not that he want to lie but he would be embarrassed in front og friends that his dad is always calling. the credits u sent would be soon consumed if someother friend called. It is not that he is doing something bad but he has to have his psace in front of friends and probably girls there too where he must be trying to impress them by showing how much he has grown up. may be call from you time and again in front of them make things hard for him so it would be better if you tell him to call you twice or thrice a night , so he would when he can get away from crowd. This is my personal opinion and since i am not a dad so i can be 100% wrong.
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
6 Jun 09
You are right he is lying to you but this is not unusual at that age. As far as the sleep over is concerned please confirm it with a parent of the other kid. If possible meet the parent at their house and make sure the sleep over is supervised. Call him one time in the evening and call that house the next morning to make sure he is there. When he goes out other times make sure he shows you his cell phone and ascertain there are sufficient credits on it for him to call you. Ask him if he prefers to call home at a certain time, if he says yes make sure he does. Tell him you worry about him and you have no interest in snooping but you need to establish trust between the two of you and you need to know that he is safe. Good luck.
@olydove (1209)
• United States
6 Jun 09
I'm guessing since your profile says you live in the D.F. that that is where he is as well. I agree very much with what poetrypose said and I would also like to add this. I have a son that will be 14 in July, he has just recently started staying over night at friends house in fact tonight is the second time. My son for the most part is a good kid, gets good grades and all the other kids parents tell me he is very respectful so I really don't worry too much when he goes out, but we have a few rules and if he doesn't follow those rules he just don't go out period! Now in the D.F. it's even more dangerous than it is here crime level is higher, and well you live there so you know what it's like. Here's what I do with my boy.. 1: When he goes out he is to call me ( this takes away the embarrassment of me calling him ) let's say he leaves at 5 p.m. he is to call me no later than 7 p.m. If I say he is to be home at 8 he is to be home at 8! 2: If he's at a sleep over I talk with the other kid's parents and find out what the plans are, if they will be in the house the whole time or plan on taking the kids somewhere. 3: My son calls me right before going to bed and then before 10 a.m. the next day ( I know the kids like to stay up late so I give him time to sleep in ) I must say this strategy has been working well. I give him the trust and freedom he wants ( to an extent ) and as long as he is being responsible and keeping in contact with me then it's fine,.. if he " forgets " to call me and is more than 15 minutes late on a call then he doesn't go out the next time. Not once has he missed a call yet ;)! Keyword is yet LOL I know the day will come. As our children grow we must grow with them. Yes your sons minutes disappear because well he's a teen they can chat up phone minutes quicker than we can blink. As for the phone not working in the mall mmm well it depends on what kind of phone and who the provider is.. if it's a cheapo phone then it probably doesn't work inside the mall.. so test it out take him to the mall to go buy a shirt or something and have a plan with someone else to call his cell while you are in the mall. Anyhow as said try having him call you at set times, and let him know that he is to respect those times otherwise he doesn't go out for a couple of days,.. etc.. and tell him he still needs to make sure his phone has some minutes because " If you have an emergency you might need to get ahold of him to let him know what's going on" I find when I word things a little different it works much better ;) Good luck.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Whenever my girls stayed at someone's home, I had to have the phone # of the parents. I would call the parents and confirm the plans. Calling his cell phone every 10 mins. won't do anything other than upset him and maybe embarrass him in front of his friends. Even if he picks up, it won't assure you really that he is where he is telling you he is. Good luck. Teen years are fun aren't they?
@pansy45 (156)
• Indonesia
6 Jun 09
you are too much worry with your children.he need sometime to be alone.it will teach him to grew up,to learn something new,wheter it's good or not',it'll be a experience to him,,you also ever young too,,i think you knew that.
• India
6 Jun 09
I think you should lie low for some more time. I remember the time when I was that age...acting big and expecting mom to show me that respect, which of course she did't. This is not the age to understand parental worries, rather you embarass him the more you call him. As a mother, I can relate to your worries, but first you must earn his trust...so dont call him until and unless its really important. You may just call once to see if everything's OK...if they are home (wherever that sleepover is) and after that leave it to the boys to enjoy themselves. I think if you dont call him every 10mins for some days or weeks maybe, he would be more forthcoming to receive your calls.
@mhethess (380)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
Hi pillusch, We are just concerned parents and we don't want anything happen to our children. I don't know why some children doesn't want their parents to check where they are and what are they doing. Try to have a heart to heart talk with your son, let him realize that you love him so much that you don't want anything bad will happen to him. Let him know that you trusted him and he must be responsible in every action he will take. And explain to him that you just want his whereabouts so that you can have peace. I have a suggestion, why don't you try to invite you child's friend and have their sleepover in your place and try to be friendly, talk to them sing, play, watch movie with them.
• United States
5 Jun 09
For all of you parents, there are websites specifically tailored to us that we can get each other's opinins on this kind of thing as well. For the mothers there is http://www.cafemom.com and for all of us dads there is http://www.dailydad.com both are exceptional recources for parents. I personally don't have any teenagers yet so my advice would be more speculation than anything but I wanted to put the parental social networking sites out there for any interested.
@vnrsudhan (1514)
• India
5 Jun 09
hi pillusch, i just want to tell you one thing.young children especially teens like your son don't like to be watched or disturbed by their parents,they just like to spend time with their friends.if you have trust on your son,you won't ring him often,to ask what he is doing,so trust him and let him have a sleepover without any disturbance,he will be just fine.
@shav9292 (928)
• India
5 Jun 09
i am not a father yet,just 19........but i will tell you what my father would have done.suppose i am that son,then he would wait for some time,think about it...and a very fine morning he would ask me to come with him for a walk or go to the beach or something like that.........only the two of us.he would walk for sometime and then start his magic talk.no force at all,he would melt me in his emotional talk just like that.the father son relationship can break any habit.just a tip for ya!!!!!! at the end of the day......god is the one who pulls all the strings.so have faith in god.
@tonyllenium (6266)
• Italy
5 Jun 09
Eeheh..yes probably he is laying about this fact but i think sometimes is normal when you are 13 to lay towards their parents about little things...the important is that when he is not say you the truth is about really little or not important things..