Treating our children the way the world will treat them

@ruperto (1552)
Philippines
June 5, 2009 9:48am CST
There is a suggested model that we treat our children the same way the world will treat them e.g. no special favors Do you think it will work? Do you see exceptions to this suggestion?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
5 Jun 09
The world treats you like cr@p. Are they suggesting we treat our kids like cr@p? I think we need to prepare them for the world, yes. We need to explain the harsh realities of the world. But, home is supposed to be where you go to feel safe. It's where you go to get away from the world. Why would we not let our kids feel safe and protected at home. The truth is...home is also a part of the word. Mom's and dad's, brothers and sisters have mood swings. They have issues. We don't need a model to tell us what to do, we just need more common sense at home AND out there in the "real world".
1 person likes this
@ruperto (1552)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
thanks for your explanation. It is very useful. I agree that it's a really cr@ppy world out there. Perhaps they are just concerned with the preparations our kids can make to either avoid or prevail above the harsh world.. just a thought. thanks again for the insights. Cheers.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I think that as a society we tend to go to far one way or the other. We recently went through a generation in which the children are going to have a sence of entitlement, every child made the team, every child got a trophy, you did not keep score in little league games as there is no loser or winner. Now society is starting to say, hey that is not right, there are losers in the world and children need to learn this so we are moving back to teaching children the harsh lessons of life, after all you do not always get what you want in life and there will be failures etc. I think that it is important that we teach our children that you are not always going to win, get the trophies, etc, but we have to do it in a manner that we are not harming our kids either. There needs to be a happy medium... what that is I have no idea.
@ruperto (1552)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
thanks for the response MeAndMy3 :) I agree, there seems to be a lot less attractive ways to observe and learn from "times of failure." Isn't it interesting that the personality development books refer to "positively reacting to failure" each time we fail. Perhaps, for one, we can let them watch inspiring movies that suit their age? just a thought Cheers
@GADHISUNU (2164)
• India
6 Jun 09
Perhaps this is the right way to get them ready for life. This is how my parents brought me up. I saw in the course of my childhood and early adulthood. some, not many though, flaws in the method of my parents, and therefore wanted to take some steps to avoid just those actions that would hurt or mar the childrens' self-confidence and self-image. Because, I felt, due to certain statements my Dad esp. and my mom inadvertently made in my childhood, had left deep impressions in my mind and I had to fight the feelings of confidence or inadequacy due elaborate philosophical self-analyses to get "in shape". A lot of time was spent in this activity that could be mistaken for daydreaming or fantasying! I thought I would avoid these very pitfalls, while bringing up my own children. I do not know if Nature/God designs some features into every being born, to put them through the fire that try as you may, as a parent, you will not be able to avoid for your children those things that happened to you. Or it may come to pass that what you planned elaborately, was not the things that are bothering your children at all. Inherently, and despite your stupendous efforts to build confidence, you could find your children lacking it and you need to keep consciously working at it. This is a great pain. We want the confidence to get built silently and without goading or explicitly rubbing it in, but you are often called upon to do that very thing.
@GADHISUNU (2164)
• India
6 Jun 09
In fact one of the most beautiful quotes I love to recall on gifting to our children is: [B] Fill the bucket of self-esteem of your child so much to the brim that it remains full or even overflowing how many ever number of holes that this harsh world would drill into it.[/B] I wanted to make this quote as the last paragraph of my post but missed it. Hence this addendum.
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@ruperto (1552)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
thanks for the insights Gadhisunu. Isn't it amazing how our children may be very different from us? It seems to be a real challenge for us parents to lead our children in certain way of life when "what they are inside" is still emerging. Perhaps the real challenge is to identify, at a very early, what our child's inclinations are... Perhaps it would take a lot of patience and kindness to gradually build their self-confidence as they interact with the real world. It would be ideal if our children would open up as needed and discuss their difficulties. I recall as a young person I would try to learn things the hard way... I would try to solve my problems without asking anyone for help. NowI realize that it was not a good practice... making things more difficult than they really are. But then again it seemed to prepare me better for the real world... .. a real world where most problems are left unsolved and "kept in view"; hoping to one day find a solution... btw, I like your quote. I think we can all use an "extra supply of self-confidence." Perhaps when adversity gets in the way as we seek to deliver for our selves and our families, we could always use the firm confidence to get things done. I like the saying from Khalil Gibran: "You may seek to become like them (your children) but seek not that they become like you... " What do you think? :) Cheers.
• India
7 Jun 09
Yes, I think we should, if not treat, but at least teach our children how the world will treat them. In fact, this is one of the regular discussions between my son and me. He'll be 10 soon and I am just letting him go a little. He comes back with lot of complaints and tales of neglect, which I dont encourage...rather I teach him how he should have responded, how he cant expect other people to treat him special...sometimes, how he has to stick to his ground...not compromise etc.
@ruperto (1552)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
thanks for you insights. Perhaps on one extreme, a child may have very little help from adults while on the other extreme, a child may be pampered with others doing everything for him (the child) Perhaps the great challenge is in encouraging our children to learn to do more new things for themselves. I think a child's "comfort zone" dictates which tasks s/he would accept to take on... Perhaps if our children's friends are giving a positive example, parenting would be eased a bit. What do you think? Cheers.
@hanah87 (1846)
• Malaysia
5 Jun 09
Child is easy to teach and like a clean clothes.They will learn and catch everything we teach because they have good memory and dont know nothing.They also believe adult as their keeper.
@ruperto (1552)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
thanks for the response, Hanah. I agree, children are very enjoyable to raise when they are obedient. Cheers