Should a second marriage be big or small

United States
June 7, 2009 8:49pm CST
I have been thinking about a second marriage and wondering if I should have a big church wedding or a small intimate one with just family and friends. What about just two people running off for a day and getting married in front of the justice of the peace. My first wedding was a very small intimate one with just immediate family members. I didnt even have a wedding dress. So I am thinking would it be wrong to have a beautiful wedding gown with all of the beautiful flowers in a church? I am also 46 years old so I would not be a young bride so to speak. But it would almost be like my first wedding Since I really didnt have that first wedding with a gown and all of the beautiful things that a first wedding would have. Money is an issue too.
6 people like this
28 responses
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
8 Jun 09
It depends on you actually, I guess you've answered your question already. It may also depend on your partner too. How does he perceive your wedding to be so I guess you have to consult him for that one.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. I think I had better get some opinions too from the other half of this equation. smiling! But I am sure he is going to say what ever you want to do is fine with me. Input from a man concerning a wedding is like pulling teeth sometimes! Actually I think sometimes men would rather have their teeth pulled than to go through a wedding! Ha Ha!
2 people like this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
8 Jun 09
LOL!! Well at least you asked his opinion.... Goodluck on your wedding soon.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I think you should go with whatever type of ceremony you want to have. I am engaged and getting married in September (by the way, I'm 49, it will be my 4th (and last LOL) marriage and it will be his 2nd). We have decided that we will have a small ceremony with family and a few close friends. I will be wearing an off white sundress, and fancy flipflops, it will also be an outdoor ceremony. However, we are both firefighters and have a lot of friends and fellow firefighters that would want to be there, so instead of letting it get totally out of hand as far as size of the wedding, we will be having a large reception afterwards for all the friends and family to attend. It will be done in a firefighter theme. The most important part to me is, this will be my last wedding, since I'm lucky enough to be given a second chance with a wonderful man (another discussion lol) and I want my dad to give me away. That is the most important part for both of us, that our parents be there. So, go for whatever type of ceremony you would like to have, and there are plenty of ways to cut costs these days.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for your input. I love your wedding idea it is great! I am just going to think more about it and try to be a little creative too. Good luck with your new marriage I am sure it will be a huge success. Parents are a very important part of being there for sure as well as my daughters and grandson. I do want to have an evening wedding when it is dark with white lights and yes I think I want a wedding gown nothing fancy but something light and pretty. I am starting to think more and more about what I am wanting. Just needed to get started thanks for your input!
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Yes, family is important, not only our parents but my sister as well as his two sisters, and my daughters and granddaughter. I'm not sure if his sisters will be able to attend, we are getting married in Texas and they live around Boston.
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1228)
• United States
8 Jun 09
i think its all really up to you.. if you want a huge weddings, and if you want flowers and gown then DO IT! its all up to you!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. It is really a lot to think about. I am just going to think about it and im sure it will come to me what we both want.
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1228)
• United States
8 Jun 09
im just saying! do you! dont worry about what other people think!!!
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
8 Jun 09
it depends entirely what sort of wedding you want. if you want a big dress and lots of flowers, then why not. just because it's your second wedding doesn't make it a lesser wedding than the first one. anyone that says it should be low key is just bitter.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for you response. I actually think the second wedding means more to me thatn the first, if that is possible. The first wedding I didnt know what I was getting into I was so young and didnt realize a of things. With this one I am older and much wiser. I just want this wedding to be beautiful it has so much meaning to me.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Jun 09
It depends on your comfort level, actually. If money is an issue, you may of course curtail the details and keep it small. But age should never be the factor in enjoying life and if you really want to walk down in a wedding gown, you should just do it. Personal happiness is a big thing...even if its 2nd or 3rd marriage...if you are happy with it and feel like sharing and showing your happiness, just go ahead.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for your response! that is how I feel exactly! I am learning that happiness is most important in my life right now. So I am going to go with the flow see where it leads me. Then I can flow right into that wedding dress and wedding! Might need to lose a little weight along the way too wouldnt hurt me any!
1 person likes this
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
8 Jun 09
Hi YaYaMom... actually it really depends especially on financial issues... you know ma'am... it's not about the wedding... it's about the marriage... the exchange of vows as God as the center of your relationship... :) big church weddings aren't an assurance of long term commitment... :)but it's really all up to you... anyways it's your wedding day... your big day... :)
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (31938)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
8 Jun 09
I think that you should have the type of wedding that you would like to have. If you want a big wedding, plan a big wedding. If you want a small wedding, plan a small wedding. It really doesn't matter what others want or think about how large or small a second wedding should be. So long as it's the wedding that you would like to have, then that's all that really matters. You should plan a wedding that you want, and not the type that others want.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. You are so right I deserve the wedding that I never had along with the special things that I want in my wedding. Although money is an issue there are ways to get around the expense. I am lucky that I worked as a florist for 6 years so I know I can make my own flowers. There are lots of ways I believe to cut costs. A beautiful wedding to me doesnt have to be elaborate just beautiful and something special.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jun 09
Money was an issue with my second wedding, as well. He moved to Canada (from the US) and, at the time we got married, he wasn't allowed to work yet. So, I was paying for everything. We decided to get married January 9th. This is an excellent time because it's right after the holidays and literally everything is on sale. We were having a small wedding (about 25 people, family & friends). I chose a black, white and silver wintery theme and the ceremony was a candlelight service. Since you can do your own flowers, that's awesome! I opted out of flowers because of the cost. My sister (as matron of honor) and I carried stemmed glasses that held white pillar candles and I decorated the stems with tiny silk flowers, beads and ribbons that flowed down the front of our dresses (all on sale, post-Christmas). My two daughters were my bridesmaids and for them I purchased large, plain silver christmas ornaments (about 8" across, on clearance too!). I created lace "handles" to slip over their wrists and decorated them with the same flowing ribbons and all - they picked up the candlelight wonderfully. I made pew bows of matching wired ribbon and the church lent me several candle stands. All of our dresses were velvet... me and both daughters in black velvet (yeah I know... got married in black LOL) and my sister's was silver velvet - all on sale after New Year's Eve. The reception dinner was in a historical inn nearby and, since they weren't at all busy at that time of year, they worked with me on a fixed menu - 3 or 4 "all inclusive" meal choices. The cake was gifted by my sister and brother-in-law. I had so many compliments from the people that attended and, by far, it did not break the bank. Unfortunately, no honeymoon travel but I was able to wake up the morning after the wedding with no debts to pay. Have that wedding you always wanted ;) Age doesn't matter... happiness matters. If you plan well, you can have everything you want and not stress over the financial aspect, either. Sincere congratulations to you both!
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thank you so much for your response. Your wedding sounds just beautiful there are so many talented creative people. Your wedding sounds just lovely! I hope that mine will be as lovely too! Happiness I am learning is very important to me as I get older. More inmportant actually than most anything. I am smiling at the black velvet that is a good thing about a second wedding you dont have to wear white!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jun 09
LOL right! Truthfully, I was a little nervous about the black velvet dress... I mean, it was BLACK velvet... It had a very beaded and detailed bodice and was, I thought, really pretty. I just decided that I needed to wear what I felt good in and that was the nicest, best fitting dress I had tried on. So I went with it. Even my mom, who had a tendency to be a REAL traditionalist, loved it. I had thought she'd be my biggest hurdle! Not to mention a January wedding, in Canada, in the ice and snow... the warmth of velvet was actually a bonus
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thanks for response. Well your wedding sounds beautiful plus it was very functional. You can beat that a functional wedding! smiling!
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jun 09
My first wedding was very small. I didnt want to be the center of attention, walking down the aisle. It was quiet with friends and family in my parents back yard. My second marraige, pretty much the same lol, but in my living room. I think its an individual thing. If you want the big tado, go for it. First, second or third. That day is all about you, do what you want I say!! If there is a third for me, which i doubt lol, it will be near the ocean, again, just family and friends
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response! I guess it does depend on what the person wants. The ocean sounds so beautiful!
• Canada
9 Jun 09
I love the ocean, I am so attracted to it. It calls to me lol. I live about an hour away from it and get there every chance I get. I hope to live in Vancouver one day so I can look out over my terrace with my morning coffee and just take it all in
@miui70 (149)
• India
8 Jun 09
marriages should never be big, because one doesn't know whether he or she will be marrying again
• United States
8 Jun 09
thanks for your response. I do see were you are coming from. I have seen huge weddings and in months they are divorced. When my daughter got married there were three friends that got married at the same time had the huge weddings and on of them within four months the marriage had already dissolved. So they had this big huge wedding that didnt last but four months so I have seen it happen. I also of heard of these big beautiful weddings that thousands of dollars have spend on them and they didnt last. So I do know that happens. I dont plan on having that big of wedding. I just want the wedding dress.
@vivasuzi (4125)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Well obviously you have to know what you are getting into. Too many brides get caught up in the "wedding" and don't focus on the future marriage. In my wedding we went all out (without going broke though) b/c we know this is the one and only marraige for us.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
8 Jun 09
Whoa!!! Since money is not an issue to you, then go ahead, have big wedding. You said that you didn't even have a wedding dress on your first. Now is the time to go and look for that beautiful dress you want. You deserve it girl!!! If it will make you happy then go for it. Congratulations and best wishes !!!!
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thank you for your response. Well I am on a tight budget, but if I do this far enough in advance make payments on a dress if I have to that will work. I am not in a big hurry and I can do a little bit along the way. thank you for your congradulations! I cant wait to try on dresses its so exciting!
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
9 Jun 09
Oh, I read it wrongly about the money thing. Well you can try to work within your budget. The most important thing is that you want this union blessed by getting married. So be happy , it is your day and just the same....Congratulations and Best Wishes.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Should a second marriage be big or small? Hello YayaMom, if I were you I would definitely have the nice wedding. You know, the one that you've dreamed about. Even if money is an issue you can still make it very nice. You could have it done in a church and be sure to get the beautiful white gown that you want. There are so many nice gowns out there today that don't really cost a lot. I really don't think that age is a factor, these days it's like you should really just do whatever you feel like you want to do. Nobody will judge you and I just think that you ought to go for it and have a really nice time. If money is truly a big factor you could always save up for it. After saving a year or two you will be able to afford a decent wedding. If I were getting married again I would do it up big since I've never had that type of wedding before. Well this year will be my 21 year anniversary to the same guy. Maybe I will have a nice intimate celebration.Hey thanks for the idea! Well good luck to you and I wish you all the best. Be sure and let family members help out if they want to with cooking and decorations. I think it's more special when family members do take part in the wedding. But you must be careful not to allow them to take over, lols.
• United States
9 Jun 09
Hello city Chic thanks for your input. I will let family help I am going to need it for sure! Makes it fun if you have your family there helping. I do plan on waiting another year or so before the wedding because like you said it will give me time to work along on it and that will help me financailly. I might want them to take over by the time it gets here HaHa!
@jen_barre (104)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I've never been a fan of big weddings so I would have to say that I am a little biased - I would say a smaller wedding would be what is expected, but it's your life so do whatever it is that makes you happy!
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. You are the first one who has said that a small wedding would be expected. I had that thought all along myself. So I am thinking that a small wedding but with my beautiful gown. I can still have all of my lovely things I want just in a smaller wedding. I am actually leaning more towards that. thanks for your input!
@hi2rashid (153)
• India
8 Jun 09
when we marry first time we wll celebrate it as big one. due to wrong understandings and other reasons we marry another girl. but this time we should try to marry in grand becoz the world should know we a re marry 'ng a good girl now.
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. I agree totally with you! Being older and wiser the second time around I for sure know what I want.
@vivasuzi (4125)
• United States
8 Jun 09
It's fine to do a big wedding if you really want it, I see no reason why not. However, out of consideration for the guests it may be nice to say "no gifts please" in the invite or something like that just because some people will be irked thinking of buying a second wedding gift. A good one liner I've seen is "Your Presence is Present enough" Also, don't go overboard if you can't afford it. You can have a big wedding with lots of guests and still stick to a budget. Decide how much you are willing to spend before you even start planning.
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. I love the idea about the no gifts. That is a great idea. Actually I dont need any gifts since I have most everything for my home and so does he. Mixing the two together we will have plenty. And the idea about have a budget set to start with is a great idea too! thanks for your good ideas!
@cassaleo (32)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Hi, I think that it would be really cool to have a decent sized wedding for the second time around. It doesn't have to be a whole lot of people there to have something really nice for your 2nd time around. I know alot of people who do not have the big wedding and all. So at the end of the day its up to you, but there are so many sites out there that can help you have really cheap budget weddings and they look like a million bucks! I take notes on a few of them and look at what other people do. I am all about doing stuff myself, so they all give me ideas. I think the idea is really cute that you are thinking of doing something different. Then again, going to elope is cute too. Think you don't have to invite anyone. You can take a nice cruise and you only have to worry about what you pay for each other! It sounds really romantic!
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. So many good ideas here! I am like you I want to do most of it myself except for the food if I decide I want to have food. My daughter makes cakes so I know that part will be covered. And I can do all of the flowers. The more I can do myself with help of the family the better and cheaper it will be. I do believe that you can have a beautiful wedding without spending a small fortune. I have never been on a cruise. I almost went on one one time with some friends but we in the end didnt go. I do get car sick so I am not sure a cruise would be so good for me because I am afraid I would be sick most of the time. HaHa!
• United States
8 Jun 09
My first wedding I had the beautiful dress, tons of guests, the big beautiful cake...the whole nine. I think ultimately it's really up to the two of you what you want and what you can afford. My new beau and I, while we aren't at the marriage stage yet, have talked about it. If/when we get married this will be his first marriage. As far as your budget goes. If the two of you decide you want a traditional wedding, there are ways to have a beautiful, but economical, wedding. There's a lot of places corners can be cut. For instance, my wedding dress, I went to a warehouse and bought it off the rack. It was $200. After it was all said and done, alterations, the veil, and the tiara, it was under $600, and even that could be done more economically. I had my veil special made and I had them do my alterations. If you could find a independent seamstress in your town, they probably wouldn't charge as much as a shop would. There's always $99 sales at David's Bridal, too. We made all of our center pieces for the tables at the reception and a majority of the stuff we bought at the dollar store. I would say in all, our wedding was probably around $3,000-$5,000. So, with that in mind, only you know what your budget is like, but it is possible to have a beautiful wedding without spending thousands and thousands of dollars!
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. For my youngest daughters wedding that is about what was spent 5,000. I made short cuts for her because I worked in a flower shop for 6 years. So I did know how to make flower Bougeuts. It was a beautiful wedding. So I know I can come up with some short cuts price wise on things. I think the hardest part is going to be where to have it. The rest will fall in place.
• United States
8 Jun 09
it's a wedding and you're the bride. You can have absolutely whatever you wish. It is about what makes you happy above everything else. If you're more comfortable with a small gathering I'd do it at a pretty location outfoors with flowers trees maybe even a beach. Wear whatever makes you feel prettiest. A long flowing gown or a pretty cocktail dress. Go crazy and just make sure you have fun and the smile never leaves your face. A wedding is one of the best days of a girl's life, no matter how many times or how old you are.
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. I know that this will be my last wedding so I want it to be special. That is a good idea about getting married on the beach. Actually that was one of my ideas getting married on the beach. Since I live in Illinois. We really dont have beaches, but we do have beautiful lakes with sand beaches. And I do want a long flowing gown with flowers. I will be thinking of all of the wonderful ideas that I have gotten on mylot.
@youless (90090)
• Guangzhou, China
8 Jun 09
It sounds like that you are eager to have a big wedding ceremony. You can talk with your spouse about this issue. A small wedding ceremony can be sweet, but a big wedding ceremony may be much more unforgettable. If you feel like having a big one, then just go for it. As you know, we won't get married many times in our lives. Just make it to be impressive. I love China
• United States
9 Jun 09
Thanks for your response. I am undecided on the big or small wedding. I do know that I want a beautiful dress and with white lights and lots of candles. This will be my last wedding for sure if anything happens to this marriage I wont be getting married again. So This one will be it.
• Malaysia
8 Jun 09
You should have gown for this second tie since you missed it on first time. Even though your age is 46, but i can bet you you will still pretty and happy with gown on you. Just go ahead and wear your gown. Do what you think that will make you happy. :-)
• United States
8 Jun 09
Thank you for your response. I think I will make a lovely bride smiling! I will go ahead and wear a gown and I will do what makes me happy thank you!