Are you a good counsellor or advicer?

@mhethess (380)
Philippines
June 12, 2009 7:52pm CST
Hello everybody, have you been asked for any advice or opinions, are you good on it or having a hard time? I have encountered my friend's problem and she is very dear to me. She had been very choosy during her younger days that was why she married a little bit older, according to her she must be wise in choosing a partner now they were married for eleven years in that eleven long years she is the one who is only working and her husband stays at home doing nothing according to her, the husband sleeps, eats, plays, eats and sleeps. The husband don't even bother to do some household chores. According to the husband why do he need to earn money his parents provided them with enough money and they have their own big house. Even the education of their only child is already settled for they have the educational plan fully paid. According to the husband the household chores are for woman not for man. My friend loves his husband but she was tired of working and doing all the household chores. She tries to explain to her husband but they will only end up into discussions. She really needs help and if she keeps on seeking my opinion I don't know what to say, if you were on my position what will you advice her? Thanks please help.
2 people like this
6 responses
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
I sometimes do give sound advice. It actually depends on the situation or if I already read something about the problem. I tend to give as an advice exactly what the authors told their reader in their books. Your friends problem is almost the same as my aunt's. They've been together since college. My uncle got a job immediately after graduation. My aunt got pregnant on her mid twenties so they got married. Their house was given by my grandfather while their car was from my uncles parent. It seemed like life's so easy for both of them. They could even travel abroad all expenses paid by my uncle's parents and sibling while their pocket money came from my grandfather. Their life is like that for sometime, always depending on the people around them. My uncle even had another woman when he was laid off from job. So its my aunt who worked for her family while my uncle stayed at home doing nothing. He only goes up when he feels to and don't even bother feed his kids. All he does was chatting through the computer or texting. His relationship with the other woman still goes on. My cousins knew that they have a useless father because they see that it is only their mom providing for the family, taking care of all their needs before and after her shift. My aunt didn't do anything, she just cried and prayed to God for her husband to be enlightened. And after several years still nothing happened. We loved our aunt very much so we convinced just to leave her useless husband and think what will be good for her and my cousins. But she never listened to us. She sticked with her husband who still doing nothing. Not looking for a new job or even take care of the needs of their children. My cousins are now growing having grudge to their father. We just let them tell us their stories about how mad they are to their father but there is nothing we could do. It is their mom who can decide for them.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21671)
• Canada
14 Jun 09
Hi mhethess, Giving advice to another is something that we have to be careful about. My friends and family often ask my advice but I give it lots of thought before answering. Ultimately, it has to be your friend herself who makes the decision. My advice would be to listen to your friend and ask questions that will make her think for herself, in this way she will eventually make her decision but will be thankful for having such a good friend. Apparently, the husband was raised to think the way that he does, and probably sees nothng wrong with it. We are all here for a purpose and no matter how much money one has there is always somthing that one can do. There is a right way to handle this situation but your friend alone can find that way. I can assure you of only one thing, the answer does not lie in getting angry and fighting, there is a better way. Blessings.
@sublime03 (1811)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
I have always been the person that my friends to go to for advice. I do not give out advices that I do not believe on and even if its the opposite of what they want to hear I share my thoughts because I want the best for them. With regards to your friends concern, I believe that the husband is full of himself. Many times when a person grows up with alot of money they do not see other things but mainly focuses on money. I have that same debate with my loved one that just because his mom took care of the household that I will solely take care of everything in the house when we get our own. I explained that just because his parents went through that, I am going to do the same. Not!
• United States
13 Jun 09
I have been asked for advice by many friends and feel I good a good job handling it. I really feel that the husband is definately taking advantage of her in this situation. It is not setting a good example for any children that may become involved in thier family. They see mom doing everything, and well, it's just okay for daddy to sit on his butt and let her. For a boy that would show them that it's absolutely okay to be that lazy and disrespectful to thier family. For a girl, that is what they'd look for in a relationship later in life. Nobody wants that. It really doesn't matter who has the man genitals when it comes to cleaning... My advice.. If he's not going to do it, don't you dare do it for him. Believe me, the moment hes out of dishes or needs clean underwear he'll figure out how to scrub a dish or run a washer. If one person works and the other doesn't the one not working needs to do the housework, period. Besides, whether they have a house or not does not mean he shouldn't work. Maybe it gives him a little more of a chance to find something he actually enjoys then some people have, but eventually that money they have now could disappear for what ever emergency that bites him in the butt. I say she flat out goes on what I call "wife strike!" No cleaning, no cooking, no fun stuff. It will get the messege across.
@Ithink (8420)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I guess I am in a way, or at least others think I am. I just answer with my heart and tell them what I think. I also tell them I cant make it happen the way I think it will but in most cases it does. As for your friend until she decides she is tired of this kind of life there is nothing anyone can really do. I would ask her, if this is the way she wants to live the rest of her life. If the answer is no well then she has to decide that and leave and make a new life for herself. Another thing is I dont think this guy loves her, not really as if he did he would want to make her happy and obviously that would be by getting off his lazy butt! I dont think that is asking for to much at all and if he does well my answer would be.. Bye bye!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
13 Jun 09
Hi mhethess! I don't know if I'm a good advisor or not..lol..I just try to answer people honestly and to the best of my ability. I also always tell them that is my opinion and it may not work for everyone. I am very honest and about your situation..I'm thinking it is a tough one. If it were me..I would not advise your friend on this one..you have to let her make this life choice or if it fails..no matter what she chooses..it could be blamed on you. You should be there to listen and be her shoulder to cry on but as far as advice..I would not give it. If she decides to change her life...it has to be on her. Sometimes we have a hard time because we want to help our friends. I was in a situation like this at one point. I give my opinion and it resulted in losing my friend eventually. Be careful with this one.