The truth about motherhood

@freedomg (1684)
United States
June 14, 2009 9:54am CST
A while back Oprah did a show on this topic and everyone around my neighborhood acted so shocked at some of the things they heard. Of course I live in a subdivision and most of the responses I heard were from the super moms of the PTA and such. I found that when I was truthful about how things are for me that most of them would act disgusted at the idea that I had to skip my shower one morning and that my kids eat the schools breakfast mostly because getting 4 kids dressed and out the door is enough when you aren't a morning person throw in cooking and you're asking for a meltdown. I even was informed that I shouldn't readily admit that one night a week we have leftover night and that means each big kid takes a little kid and warms them up a plate of leftovers from the fridge. This gives me a break and keeps us from wasting food, I don't see what's so horrible. I will admit to skipping a bedtime bath if the kid stayed inside all day every now and then and even using Noggin to help with the 5 year old when I am sick or super bogged down with school work. I'll even admit that I have told my children if they wanted to live to see their next birthday they would get out of my face. I don't hit my kids or say hateful things and I try my best to be sure to tell them I love them at least 5 times a day, even when they don't want to hear it. Especially when they don't want to hear it. Friends might hear and such. So tell me why do so many women feel like it is such a crime to admit that you are not super mom/wife? Any stories of motherhood you would like to share would be great as well, it's time to stop pretending and get real. For those of you who dodn't see the show you can read about it here http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth
7 people like this
24 responses
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
It was never a shame to admit that most of the time we're not able to do all responsibilities as a mother to our kids. I had been a mother of one and I will say that during the time she was stilll living I had many days of skipping bath. Not once but I say its like 3 times in a week. I had so many things on hand plus the special care I should give her since she was very much sick. Many times I serve leftovers to my siblings since their just young ones by then and I am standing as their parent. They go to school without eating breakfast sometimes because I have to take care of my daughter before I can cook a meal. Not able to do things for our children at times is nothing to be ashame off, the reaility is we are just humans and we can only do things 1 at a time. We can only do so much if we have more body and hands.
4 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Wow you really did have your hands full. Yes we are asked to do the work of three people sometimes when we become parents with this I truly do agree. They are worth it though. Thank you for sharing and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jun 09
Thanks for the B.R.
1 person likes this
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Nobodys is perfect so even if I try to be one, it is really impossible. But I am doing my best for my kid. I am giving her the best that I could. Sure there will be times that you will run out of patience but I tried my best not to say anything bad to my kid though sometimes those word slipped thru my mouth. But whenever I scold her, I axplain to her that I got mad because what she did was wrong and I always apologize. But as much as possible I try not to get angry not only with my kid but to everybody. It's just good enough to think that I didn't hert anybody's feelings. I try to be more tolerant and more understanding. If they did me wrong and it's not that big deal, I will just not mind it. I just let them know that it is wrong and that's it. Happy my lotting to you! God bless.
3 people like this
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
And for me, when you are already a mom you will do your best to develop yourself everyday to be better. I never stop on learning and developing my virtues so that I am not only a good mom but a good person as well.
4 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
What a wonderfully healthy way of looking at things. It's so god to hear people admit that we are a work in progress and that as long as you are truly doing the best you can it's o.k. to be imperfect. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
im not a supermom either... i try my best to do what is right for my kids... make them learn things on their own, i seldom help in their homeworks, i only do that when i think it is very hard for them... while i see other parents, they do their kids homeowork... i would spank my kids if need be, when all the other kinds of my disciplining technique dont work, spanking is the last option. i have told them when i've had enough, that they can move out here and stay with their grandparents or aunts if they like... i always do my best to show them i love them, and make them understand how hard it is to be a mom, deaf, no work... and if they do good, behave and be just be good kids, rewards are always there, praises, kisses, hugs...
3 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Very cool. I often have seen people "helping" their kids with their homework when in reality if the kid plays dumb long enough they know the parent will give them the answer. I will walk them through the steps on the hard stuff but they have to keep trying until they get the answer on their own. I tell them they are too smart to be playing dumb. They hate it when I say that because what are they going to say "No I'm not" I don't think so. LOL As for spanking while I am like you in that I do try to use other discipline methods first there are some times it is nececssary to spank, I just watch very carefully not to cross that line between discipline and abuse. As I am sure you do too. Thank you for sharing and have a great day.
1 person likes this
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
im not a super mom myself but what i do know is that i try to be real all the time, and i try my best to do my bestest best..well you know what i mean... of course i'm not perfect , at least not all the time, but all i can say is that, no one will care for my kid more than me... no one else... except my for my own mom of course who loves her grandkid so much as much as i do... and i think that's something i have to be proud of for myself. even if no body cares ;)
3 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
You should be proud. Every day you hear horror stories of mothers that give up and walk away rather then do the work and face the fact that they will never be perfect but are the best thing the child could ask for(most of the time). I have been separated from my kids once and it was a living nightmare. I was able to better appreciate that while I wasn't perfect as a mom I was doing pretty good. For the record I was only separated because Florida has some strange DCF policies and I was remodeling the home we lived in . The kids were visiting dad while I did the ceilings but DCF said that until I got all ov the panels replaced it was an unsafe environment. No duhhh that's why they were at their dads' house. Anyhoo I finished the work and DCF got over themselves.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Careful hon. Sounds like you are surrounded by a bunch of Stepford Wives. I'm glad I don't live there. I can't stand people who are pretentious. I'm a "ptsa mom" but I've been guilty of all the things you've mentioned. The women you mentioned are either liars, have housekeepers and PLENTY of help, or their neurotic. PLEASE don't become one of them! lol I'm no super-mom that's for sure, and I readily admit it. I came across a book title and I've been wanting to buy this book, but haven't been able to get it yet. It's called "confessions of a slacker mom" I believe. It's supposed to be pretty funny. You're neighbors really need to lighten up.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
You are right about the women I was talking too. I do not volunteer with the PTA because I can't get along with them, I do my own stuff with the school I am the art teacher for the younger two's classes because the school does not have an art program. It's sad that these women feel like they need to be so fake about their lives a lot of them are military wives with husbands that are in Iraq right now, that can not be easy. Yet they are determined to pretend that they are perfect and that anyone that isn't is not worth their time. I am going to have to look for that book it sounds great, thanks and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@Annie2 (594)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Hm, if most of those women have husbands in Iraq, then perhaps their problem is that in reality, they may be insecure and they are trying to put on a tough front, be stronger than they really need to be, and not let down their guard. If they act all superior to eveyone else, it might make them feel stronger. They are having to face everything on their own, along with missing their husbands and fearing that they may never see their husbands again. Overcompensating because of their insecurities can turn other people off, when really they need people. It's a shame.
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
30 Jun 09
This is true. Even with he support group in the neighborhood(there are a lot of military wives here)there is probably a lot of stuff they have to deal with alone. I know I wouldn't want to be in there place. This may be the reason behind their actions but it does not make it right. I can't say that I'm mad at them now because it only makes me feel bad for them. One for having to deal with this so that we can keep our rights and two for not understanding that by acting all high and mighty they are pushing away a support system that could make their lives so much more bearable. Thank you for bringing this point of view to light. You have a very insightful soul and I am glad you are here.
@irishidid (8732)
• United States
14 Jun 09
My oldest daughter used to get upset with me because I didn't sound excited enough when she brought a good grade home from school. She always brought home good grades and of course I praised her, but it wasn't a reason to have an all out celebration. I admit after a number of complaints I kind of got ticked off about it. I was always there for her and she didn't lack for attention. Like you, I tell my kids I love them all the time. I don't care who is around to hear it. "I went through hell to have you and by god, I'll say I love you whenever I please! Just be thankful I'm a forgiving person." Okay, call me a mean bad mother but my standard answer for when they say all they've done and how much I owe them is: "I gave birth to you. Top that." I'm there when they need me. If they have a problem they can talk to me without my being judgmental or suspicious (my mother would accuse me of things just for asking a question). I don't coddle them but I treat them fairly.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Yes my older kids used to get offended if I didn't put every "Great kid" bumper sticker they brought home on the car. I would not have a single spot of paint visible if I did. I have explained to my kids that I am proud of them for all of the effort they put into their school work but it is their job so we are not going to throw a party just because they did their job. No one throws Daddy a party for going to work or throws one for me when I've cooked dinner. They under stand this and appreciate the way we look at it even if they do try to get the same rewards some of their friends do sometimes. They have a friend that gets $100 for every A he brings home. I could never afford that and even if I could I wouldn't do that. I also share the ask me anything policy. I have told them that it doesn't matter how embarrassing it is for them to ask or for me to answer I want them to come to me, it's a lot better than them getting some crazy answer from a friend or finding things out through experimentation on their own and getting hurt or worse. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@Annie2 (594)
• United States
24 Jun 09
ha, ha, maybe the parents thought they were pretty safe in saying the child would get $100 per A . . . maybe his/her grades were that bad!
1 person likes this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I never thought of it that way. Could you imagine the look on their faces when the kid went from straight F's to straight A's for the $.That would be too funny.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
24 Jun 09
Motherhood............ Hello friend, I think that you are right to be real with your children. There is nothing wrong with eating leftovers, particularly in light of the fact that there are so many children all around the world that are starving. I think that the moms in your subdivision are just a bunch of fake phonies. They are what alot of us would call wanna-bees..... I've seen the type before, they are plastic from head to toe. While I wouldn't tell my kids to "Get out of my face". I would probably just walk away if they were getting on my nerves or saying things that was a real nuisance. Personally I think that you are doing a great job of teaching them about life. There is nobody that could be a better mother to your children that you can be. I'm not exactly a morning person myself but I get on up and watch over them. As my hubby is the one that cook the breakfast around here. Because he knows that I"m not a morning person. So in closing, you have to do what works best for you and don't worry about the opinions of others......Happy Mylot mom!...
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Thanks for the post and the encouraging words. I do love my kids more than anything in this world and will always give them the very best I have to offer, like most moms out there do. I agree that the fake moms around here are only fooling themselves and have to be miserable trying to keep the show up 24/7. I feel bad for them in a way because they never get to relax and just be themselves because keeping up the image takes so much work and they still don't get to spend any real time with their kids, you know the people they are supposed to be doing all of that stuff for. Thanks again for the post and happy mylotting.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
18 Jun 09
I was wanting to follow your link and read up on the piece you mentioned but it would not load for me. I will try again later.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Sorry about that. Here is another link http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth If it still doesn't load and you want to read it you can go to Oprah.com and put "The truth about Motherhood" into the search bar and it will be the first one you get.
1 person likes this
@mjhicks (319)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Just 50 years ago mom's didn't have to be "super mom's" Mom was just super if she made sure her children were healthy, clean, went to school, did their homework, brushed their teeth and had good manners. There was no PTA, science projects, school carnival to bake 100 cup cakes for, scoccer practice, dance lessons, music lessons etc to get to. There was also no I-Pod, game systems, computers, gotta have latest clothing brands. Children wore their sibling's hand me downs, ate leftovers without question and only got new clothes for their birthday or Christmas and were thankful they had something new. Mom's had extended family to help with raising children. I wore my brothers hand-me-downs or home made clothes my grandmother made on her foot peddle sewing machine. I don't remember shopping for new clothes till I was 6 and entering first grade then it was only one or two dresses at the start of each new school year. Birthdays in our house were not held at Chuck-E-Cheese and gifts were focused on things we needed rather then gadgets or latest fashions. I had one birthday party when I turned 10. Other then that my mom would fix my favorite meal and we would have home made birthday cake for dessert. In my late teen years my parents would take me out for a nice meal at a restaurant and shopping for just one new outfit from JCPenny. If we wanted something special we had to earn all or most of the money by doing chores at home or small jobs for the neighbors. I gave my own children what they needed and very little of what they wanted. Our house didn't have cable TV, internet or cell phones. All the TV's in the house were cast offs from other people..... still are. My daughter didn't get a cell phone till she was 16 and even then it was a prepaid one given to her by a family friend who felt she needed one for safety. We gave a limited amount towards her phone as rewards for doing chores or getting good grades, other then that she had to buy her own minutes. My son was hard on shoes, dragging his feet and wearing holes in them before he outgrew them. When he wanted some special shoes with an athlete's name on them I told him if he could keep a pair of shoes in good shape till he outgrew them we would pay half the cost of the special sneekers he wanted. He was a fast grower especially his feet so he he needed new shoes quite often but most of the time they would wear out even faster. It took him two years to figure out how to not tear up his shoes. We kept our word and helped buy one pair of $100 shoes.... He found out they looked good but didn't get to enjoy them long as he out grew them in just a few months and didn't hold up much better then cheeper brands anyway....... He soon asked if he could have an extra pare of Payless shoes instead of one pair of fancy ones. They had daily chores and helped fix meals. I was more generous then my parents when it came to birthdays but because we instilled good values in them and they understood the value of a dollar they didn't ask for anything extravagant or asked for $ towards something special and saved up for it. I took advantage of the school breakfast and they helped serve breakfast at school to get seconds. Not because we couldn't afford to feed them but they liked having breakfast with their friends. This was one way to get them moving and out the door on time. Once when my son was in 2nd grade and outgrowing his clothes faster then we could buy new and because he was growing so fast he would get hungry and was always eating. He would sneek biscuits or fruit into his back pack and eat in the classroom. A teacher at the school thought something must be wrong at home just because he had tight fitting clothes and was bringing food with him. We got a home visit from DPCFS.... Our home was a bit cluttered but clean. Fridge and cupboards full of food.... and new clothing bought for my son just two weeks before with the tags still on as he had a growth spurt right after we bought them and we were going to return them for a larger size..... No they didn't always get a full bath everyday but were required to wash up and brush their teeth everyday. When they came home from school that day they told me the social worker had been at the school too. She got the same accounting of daily life from my children and gave me a call the next day to tell me keep up the good work and wished all her calls turned out to be false alarms and closed the case. Hat's off to mom's who struggle to give their children what they need. My children are grown now 19 & 22 years old. They spend their money wisely and are happy to refurbish a second had item rather then pay full price for new.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Thank you for sharing your story. We are very similar in some ways. I only dobirthday parties for 10, 13, 16, and 18 and those are all at home and I do all of the cooking (no store bought cakes for $30 Geesh)We gave our older two prepaid cell phones and they let the minutes run out so they were out of luck, my daughter gave hers away deciding it wasn't that important. Happy mylotting
1 person likes this
15 Jun 09
I had four kids with little more than a year between them. Mums with only one or two kids don't realise that having four isn't four times the work of one, it is 10 times the work. Mine went to bed without baths. i would go for a few days without a shower - although i did wash the "important bits". Sometimes I wouldn't be able to find time to wash my hair for over a week. Sometimes I would be sorting clean wahing on the bed of an evening and wake up in the morning still dressed and lying on top of the pile! Breakfast sometimes would be jam tarts from a pack to save on time - I reckoned it was much the same ingredients as jam on toast. One trick is to put yesterdays white socks on inside out to make them look clean! Don't worry - you are a normal Mum. read "the sixty minute mother" by rob parsons (you can find a copy at amazon.com or amazon.co.uk) It will make you both laugh and cry with the joy of knowing you are not alone
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I want to thank you for the book sugestion I will make a point to look it up. I love you way of looking at jam tarts, my breakfast rationalitaztion wasnif the pizza was fine for dinner why wouldn't it be fine for breakfast. LOL I nearly wet my pants imagining the look on your face when you woke up on the laundry. I've been there when you wake up and realize you never made it to the bed and you are in the strangest places, a little disorienting isn't it. Thank you for sharing and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
My girls love to eat school breakfast because they get to eat with their frineds before the class's begin. If you've never been to the school during breakfast time, you've seen that it's usually filled with other kids who's parents let them eat at school .Wether they pay for it or it's free lunch due to low income. It doesn't matter, they're eating food!!! That's like compairing expensive shoes to cheaper shoes. As long as you're not letting your kid go barefot then what difference does it make? Is it some sort of status symbol to the "perfect mothers" that their kids get their breakfast at home? That is completely ridiculous. I have three daughters and it takes a lot of water for all three of them to bath daily so they get baths every other day too and if they haven't gone outside and got muddy or something then i don't make it a big deal if they skip a bath. Those mothers you're referring to are probably not that special either and only claim to be perfect to try to out do each other or just so they can make you feel bad so they'll feel better. I'd stay as far away from that type as possible. I'm sure your children don't love you any less than those other mothers' kids love them. Isn't that what's most important? That your children do get food, love and shelter whether it meets the onld lady down the roads standards or not. :)
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
You know in Florida the school breakfast is free and the teachers ask us to send the kids in for it because the more kids eating breakfast there the more money the school will get the next year. So I figure I'm not lazy I'm helping the school LOL.YO are right in the basic needs and that kids don't usually care about brands( until they turn into teenagers) and if they do care about brands it's because the parent taught them to. Even Katt Williams talks about teaching his son that he can run just as fast in the no name shoes as he can in the name brand ones and by choosing the no names he can get the bat man, the spider man, and the light ups. I love seeing some one in Hollywood with all of that money talking about that stuff and teaching his son real world lessons. As for the baths I think every other day is just fine in fact them being all girls would probably landed some of them in the tub at the same time. They could splash and play together. You sound like you are doing a great job and should be proud. Thanks or sharing.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
15 Jun 09
"Super-moms" aren't telling the whole truth. I don't care who they are or what they claim, they're ALL human and humans will go into overload or meltdown if they try to do too much for too long. They're either in denial or they simply want everyone to think that they're super-human and can do it all... WITH a smile on their faces! Well, either that or they're androids! The part about these self-proclaimed "super moms" that scares me so badly is that they are creating bigger-than-life expectations for their children! If their children grow up and realize they can't do it all, the way Mom did, they'll feel like failures! I think it's much healthier, for the moms and for the kids, if mothers can show their children that they are NOT infallible! You should read a book written by Erma Bombeck entitled, "Life is What Happens When You're Busy Making Other Plans." It's hysterically funny and SO TRUE! There's also a video, a one-hour "standup" (actually he sits through most of it) by Bill Cosby entitled "Bill Cosby, Himself" which shows parenthood like it REALLY is. And it, too, is hysterically funny. When I first saw it, my kids were young and I could identify so well with everything he was saying! Most of this show is about parenthood and it made me feel so darned NORMAL! LOL We had "leftover night", too. We also had "pizza night", usually Friday, the night after "leftover night". When I was working full-time, pizza night was not just a treat for the kids, it was a treat for me for making it through another week. I pretty much had to do it all by myself and it was HARD! Working, raising a family, cleaning, cooking, taking time for YOU, spending time with hubby and, especially if you're going to school yourself, it's enough to drive a person insane if they feel they HAVE to be perfect! Apparently, those neighbors of yours who act so shocked when you're honest with them don't have much of a life for themselves; they're too busy being "perfect". You're quite normal, freedom!
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
First of all you are so right. By acting as if they are perfect and that anyone that isn't is a failure they are setting their poor kids up for nervous breakdowns. There is one mom here that I see doing this because her daughter is so focused on being perfect she can be found jogging 3 times a day and her mom will call her home to do work outs if she is over my house for too long. I'm a big girl and the rumor is that she thinks I am teaching her daughter bad habits. I am also the mom that her daughter comes to with questions because she doesn't feel she can go to her mom. It's sad.I am careful of which ones I answer(I don't want to get sued) but I let her know that she is normal and being average is fine, and that even her "super perfect" mom struggles and makes mistakes. Secondly thank you for the book I will have to look for it. I have seen the Bill Cosby stand up you mentioned and you are right that it is so right on target. Though he nearly got me killed when I was younger, I tried the "I'm sick and tired" bit on my mom and she didn't think it was funny. My little brother loved it though, little twit laughed for ever while I stared at the wall. LOL Thanks again for posting and for sharing your thoughts.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
Good Lord... Sounds like nobody works in your neighborhood. And sounds like the Moms in your neighborhood need a dose of good old fashioned southern smarta$$! I despise pretentious people. We watch Noggin alot in my house, and always have, and my six year old is a 'Terriffic Kid.' I work weekends, and I know their Daddy tries, but they don't get a bath every night on a weekend. He just don't worry bout it :) We don't eat home cookin' every day, but we do eat good, even if it's takeout. I think people should stop listening to the "experts" and stop trying to be supermom or 'bombshells' and just enjoy their kids... have fun with them, see what they really enjoy doing or eating, and most of all... stop judging parental abilities based on how exhausted we are after a day with them. Just chill :)
2 people like this
@MisterPlus (1917)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
I am not a mother but I act like a mother to my only nephew. My sister work at night as a call center agent and I am responsible for my only nephew at times his mother is out for work. I can say that my sister is a loving mom and she is the best mom in the whole world. She works hard for her child's education and future and she even manages to take care of her child when she is home.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Awww I hope you tell her that too. It sounds like your sister is a really great mom and is also lucky to have such a great sister. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Jun 09
My philosophy in life is to flow along with the tide with just the basics intact. For that, I have to mix and match schedules, food, clothes, study time, bath time, TV time…everything. Each mother to me is a supermom if she manages to bring up her child/children as a basically good human being with the right values towards society. I don’t care if your children have skipped bath or take school breakfast…even my son would skip bath sometimes, take coupons for the school cafeteria, eat leftovers (in any case, I cook in bulk for at least 2 days, saves food, fuel and time), not have super shiny white uniform (like they show on TV) and such…and here you are talking of 4 kids! I also do not care if my house is a little dirty midweek, if the books are strewn, the cushions haywire…I don’t have any help at home and to me, more important is serving homecooked food (not frozen or takeaways), studies completed and some time to sit and relax with the family. I am not asking for help from anybody so I don’t really care whether people label me a supermom or a failure.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
You have a great philosophy and I think that it sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be. Anyone that labels a mother that is doing everything they can is just trying to make themselves feel better. I cook in bulk too sometimes but mine is often because my favorite recipes are either my grandmothers, often written for church potlucks and I always cook too much because I have trouble with figuring out what 1/4 of a smidgen is, or I get them from the Duggars website (tater tot casserole rocks and will feed my family of 7 for 2 dinners under $10 YAY). Keep up the great job and thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
15 Jun 09
I did happen to catch that show and that's funny because I am almost never watching tv but my daughter had it on and it caught my attention. Some of the stuff was a little over the top but I think we all could relate. I raised 4 and I know how tough it can be to find time and energy and set priorities. I've never been one of those "super moms" and actually never tried to be. I am who I am. I'm not perfect. No one is and those super moms that look their noses down at others...they aren't for real. I just don't buy it. There is no way that they have never said something in anger that they didn't mean or cut corners somewhere to find a little time for themselves. Either that or they have an awful lot of help. There is nothing wrong with left overs and no kid ever was harmed by missing a bath. We all say things in anger that we don't mean and I imagine every mom has missed a shower or two or maybe more. I wouldn't even want to give the impression to my girls that it is normal to be that perfect. You know that inside these women are hating their lives.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
You are right, and the sad part is that by trying to be so perfect or at least give off that image I thin k they are missing out on a lot of the best parts of motherhood. If I spent the time it took to keep the house perfect all of the time I would not have the time to play dress up with my 5 year old or watch Jackie Chan Adventures with my 9 year old and they really love doing those things and I think that they will remember that a lot more than mommy keeping a spotless house. I even play rock band ( I suck at the drums but do great on vocals)with all 4 and they love it. There was a saying I saw when I first had my older two that said "The floor will still be sticky in 20 minutes but you will only have a 5 year old in your lap for this one moment in time". I have kept that a as reminder of what my priorities should be.Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
I feel your pain. LOL. I am a single mother of 4. The kids don't get a bath every night. Like you said, if they are inside, what's the point? I have used the phrase "I gave you life, I can take it away." I don't cook breakfast, we will either pick something up on the way to school, or they will eat it there. My house is a cluttered mess. My two older children (12 and 8) help out tremendously with my two youngest (1 1/2 and 12 weeks). I don't know if there is actually a mom out there that can "do it all". If so, I would really like to know how she does it. I think that it is in actualilty a bunch of bored women trying to outdo the other bored women by stretching the truth a little bit to make themselves feel better about their own lives.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
OMG you find time to get on the computer with a 12 week old.That is really impressive. When my kids where that little I was asleep a lot so you are doing really well. Having the older kids help I think is good for them anyways, it teaches them the life skills they are going to need when they are on their own later. I know one of my sons kids that cooks dinner for his family a lot and loves doing it. Some people think he shouldn't have to do that but I think he is going to be a great hubby one day and maybe even a world famous chef because he does do this. Had his mom not started having him cook at this age he may have never discovered how much he enjoyed it and then the world would have been cheated of an opportunity to have his talented cooking in it. I know he makes better pancakes then I do. I agree to that these woman are probably bored and just playing I can top you because of it.
1 person likes this
@ezekiel71 (132)
• United States
15 Jun 09
hi there, i have 21month old son and for me he is already a handful. I am not a morning person too, since my son wakes up early like his dad, his dad always wakes me up so i can make my son a breakfast and tells me that at least wake up when my son woke up, but what i do is ill let my son watch cartoon channels in our room (he moves into our bed as soon as he wakes up) until im fully awake and ready to make breakfast. With one son i have and i already feel like im always occupied how much more of 4 kids that you have. Kids learn from what they see we do and not from what we say. Being a mom is a full time job and our only consolation we get is see them well taken care of and their hugs and kisses knowing they appreciate what we are doing for them.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
Do not feel bad about having him watch cartoons while you wake up. I learned very early on that if I tried to cook as soon as they got up I tend to burn breakfast or even one time I got the cereal box and the box of teddy grahams confused and the kids got to eat teddy grahams with milk for breakfast. They loved it. I felt like the worst mom when I woke up enough to realize what I did but the kids just thought I was the coolest mom in the world. At 21 months you have your hands very full and with him being the only one you are mom and best friend. Helpful hint though do not play hide and seek with him just yet, they get into very small places and when you can't find him you will give your self a heart attack. I learned that one the hard way when my oldest discovered he could fit into the linen closet shelves, for 30 minutes I was terrified.He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
I used to think my mother was super mom because she used to work two jobs and she always managed to do a lot of things for us, but as I got older I saw things in a completely different way. She left my grandmother to take care of us, and my grandmother cooked, cleaned, and did just about everything. I would hope to be that way for my kids, but I know that I might not be. No mother or father is perfect, in fact, most parents are always doing other things and they cannot afford everything for their child. You are by no means a bad mother, you just get tired. All parents get worn out, it is only natural. I know I would if I were a mom.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
It is very refreshing to hear a woman that is not a mother recognizing so much of the reality of motherhood, this will make you a great mother when your time comes. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jun 09
Nobody is the perfect mom or wife. Those women are just too self indulgent or snobby to admit it. We all have our good days and our bad. Plus, it's hard with one kid. You have 4. Mom's who can have that many happy healthy kids deserve a metal. I about pull my hair out sometimes with one. I do my best to do whatever I can for my family, but we just can't do everything. Having a break every once in a while is needed. If not for them, for you. The happiest parents and kids haven't lost themselves in the situation. You can't neglect yourself as a person, it will just become too much.
2 people like this
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 09
While the metal comment is greatly appreciated I think you are selling yourself short. By having only one you not only have to be Mom but you also get to be their only playmate unless you run from play date to play date. You are doing good to only be pulling your out sometimes. You are also right about not losing your self. I admit I found a thrift store that sells all of their cloths at .25 cents a piece and that is where I buy most of my cloths but my hubby noticed how cranky I was getting wearing worn out bras that slip and slide on my. I am now under orders to buy a new bra every six months because cranky mom = unhappy family. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this