My hubby will be leaving :(

@ersmommy1 (12600)
United States
June 15, 2009 9:54am CST
He has to go to Chicago for his certification courses. He has to do this every other year to keep current. It is a necessity for his job. But it is awful. We hate it. I worry about the long drive for him there and back. Nights are the worst. I will have the kids with me in the bedroom. My daughter doesn't sleep well when daddy goes. We just MISS him. Does your spouse or SO have to do any traveling for their job? Do you?
4 people like this
16 responses
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
16 Jun 09
How long will he be gone for? My husband has recently started having to travel for his job. And when I say travel, I mean more than 2 hours drive one way. The last time he had to go just over 600 miles. Thankfully he was only gone for 4 days, but it was a long 4 days, just the same. As it is he has another trip coming up. Not quite as far, but still close to the same area and this time he's supposed to be gone a month! This will be the first time we've been apart for so long in the past 17 years that we've been together. My kids and I are going to go nuts without him!
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Hmm, I can think of plenty of things to do. And no, none of it would involve you. Don't worry, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth. You sound like a bitter old coot. Go play with yourself. Apparently you need it.
@sacmom (14315)
• United States
17 Jun 09
First off, I am a woman, not a "dude". Secondly you need to learn to treat people with respect. This is a public site and if you have nothing nice, or at the very least civil to say, then move on to the next discussion. Unlike you, I don't bash people...unless I am provoked. I've been a member of this site for a lot longer than you have. And anyone that knows me on here knows I don't start fights on here. Now leave me alone, before I report you for breaking the guidelines.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 09
Hello sacmom! My first reply would be, “Don’t feed the Trolls.” Angolerio seems to have some problems. I’ve already seen his lack of empathy in an earlier post in this discussion thread. Now, for the more apt reply, I’m sorry to hear about the new travel. I hope does not become a common thing. It certainly seems like you understand where the original poster is coming from. I feel for you that your husband is going to be gone for a month. A good daddy is missed by his children and his wife. I hope you children can bear the time without too much discord over it. Perhaps the wonders of the internet can help and someone can send or receive videos? As far as angoleiro’s response to your post. The guy seems to be snide, snotty, and seriously lacking in the ability to empathize. If he has a wife, I’m sure she would rather have your husband than him. Not to be snotty myself, but if angoleiro’s behavior to his wife matches the snide reply to you, I’m sure she’s in a living hell. I would advise angoleiro to work on his people skills, but with people like angoleiro advice seems to be most often pointless. I agree with your assessment that angoleiro is bitter sounding. It is hard to hear or read such negative attitudes and not get a little defensive. I hope I can convey to you that allowing angoleiro to affect you is giving him more respect than he deserves. Some people have difficulties with normal conversation, but are still easily able to participate in arguments. This is called “trolling” and for some people it takes the place of social interaction. The idea is very similar to how a child who is being ignored by his parents or feels he is being ignored by his parents will intentionally misbehave to get their attention. Negative attention being seen as preferable to no attention at all. I find it interesting to introspect on angoleiro’s psychology which sees your avatar image (woman) and reads your userid (containing the appellation “mom”) and reads your post referencing your husband and then replies with “Dude.” Dude being a masculine term, it seems a bit inexplicable. In the same paragraph he expresses being confused by what you are clearly saying. This implies a lack of reading comprehension, perhaps, but more likely again demonstrates a failure to possess an adequate “Theory of Mind.” By this I mean and understanding that other minds are different from our own and have different knowledge, experiences, feelings, and responses. His mind seems challenged when asked to formulate a model of your mind in order to understand the implications of your response. Angoleiro, she said that you are an unpleasant person who is beneath her. Her comment was a rebuke and rebuff of your rudeness, indicating disgust for your insensitivity. While you expressed happiness that you are not her husband, her pointed rebuttal is that she is doubly glad not to be married to someone who is insensitive, inflammatory, and rude. She finishes with a comment that you should take care of your own personal needs in the privacy of your own house. Insinuating a circumstance where a good bit of hand lotion and a few paper towels might be of some assistance. The implication is that with an attitude such as yours, she has a hard time imagining that you could secure a female participant for such an act. It really wasn’t that hard to understand. In angoleiro’s response he claims that he’s being “polite enough.” This is exactly the problem expressed several times. Angeoliero is not only not being polite, he is .. in fact.. being the opposite of polite. He is being rude. Pointedly so. He did not, actually, mention anything about getting consoling subsequent to his response in which he implies this is what he “politely” said. He peppers his commentary with other negative and inflammatory verbiage and, in a surprising twist, implies that you are seeing the world as glass half-full. As a counter point, angoleiro has displayed by his words a pervasive negativity, looking at life with an initial reaction of displeasure and annoyance. Angoleiro then goes on with an interesting psychological turnabout. If one looks closely, it seems as if some fragment of angoleiro’s mind is attacking himself. “You are shallow, you like to complain. You think it gives you powers because you feel somewhat powerless.” This, in a nutshell, adequately explains and pigeon-holes angoleiro’s pervasive negativity. His own mind knows why he is doing this “trolling” and foists it on other targets as a way to launder his self-hated. The comment on needing consoling now becomes explainable in this light. Angoleiro needs consoling. He knows this. At least, some fragment of his mind.. perhaps the best fragment.. knows this. Being unable or unwilling to admit such weaknesses in himself, he turns them around and projects them onto other people.
1 person likes this
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
15 Jun 09
My husband travels a lot. Last year, he spent more nights in a hotel than he did at home in his own bed. I only saw him about once every six weeks or so. I won't lie, it sucked. But we don't have any kids yet or anything, so if he has to travel, I'm glad he's getting it out of the way now. He is planning on using all this time as leverage for when we have kids, telling his work that he has more than paid his dues and would like some projects close to home.
• United States
17 Jun 09
I would expect that it is quite hard on you to have your husband travel that much. I am glad that it seems that you still have a healthy relationship. One hopes that, when you decide to have kids, that he’s able to work closer to home. Daddies are important, or at least I think so in my own humble opinion. The responses to your post seemed a little, odd. I guess, the pattern of speech/writing is a little off. I seem to pick up a lack of empathy, perhaps some aggression. I’m left wondering if the “voice” of the responder should be interpreted as male of female? I’m initially guessing male. Angolerio seems to expresses a lack of empathy. Missing the spouse doesn’t seem to be something which personally affects this person. He addresses that it would be worse if the spouse weren’t employed, which isn’t exactly what is under discussion. That seems to be expressing a certain defensiveness. It would lead one to at least consider that Andgoleiro would feel irritated by a spouse who loved Andgoleiro and wished for them to be present. As if the emotional needs of others would be an irritant instead of a balm. It may be that Angoleiro has autism or aspergers and emotionally connecting with others is a special challenge. Given the last line of his response, I infer that it is a notion to be entertained that Angoleiro works from home as an “underwritier” of some sort and was irritated by the emotional needs of others in the house for attention. Working from home comes with those problems, Angoliero. The person who is privileged with the option of working from home is expected to be able to deal with the distractions that result.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 09
LOL, I thought it was a little strange too. I thought maybe I had missed something! It IS hard for him to be gone all the time, especially because we're trying to conceive children, and most practical people understand that both parties have to be present for that to happen. Immaculate conception or having the mailman's baby are not options for me! I do believe the role of Daddy is important, and my husband is ready for that role. He is doing all the traveling now, so that when I finally have our first child, he can go to his boss and show him all the time away from home he's had, which will hopefully give him more pull to be able to be home more for his family. That is what he is banking on anyway. We're doing fine. He is on a mission to get me pregnant, so no complaints here!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29044)
• United States
15 Jun 09
A few years ago my husband had to go to Conneticut to get GM certified. He was gone from Sunday till the following Saturday. He rode down with another co-worker. What was hardest is that he couldn't even call that much. He didn't have a cell phone, so he could only call from his room, and he had a roommate who was almost always in the room. So he kept the calls rather short and definitly not very detailed because he didn't like the roommate listening to the conversation. The GM's do have to take a yearly trip, each year it's somewhere different. Sometimes it's Texas, or Florida, or somewhere like that. Thankfully he was never a GM at the time they had to take the trip, and now he's no longer a GM. He's never flown and would be terrified to, and I'm not crazy about having him go on these trips.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jun 09
And what do you know about my life or my husband? Absolutely nothing. Is it not possible that my husband is just shy and doesn't think the whole world needs to know his business? Why do you have to go reading into something that isn't there? I guess your life is just that sad you don't have anything better to do but try to anazlyze every detail about someone else's life when you don't even know the story. How many kids do I have, how long have I been married? If you don't even know that much, then you have no right to try to tell me what's wrong with me, my husband, my marriage... Get your own life and keep your nose out of mine!
• United States
19 Jun 09
Obviously you know nothing about Mylot either, because you aren't going to be paid for this ridiculous cr@p, and most of us are not here just to earn a penny like you are. If you're that concerned about money, get a job.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I'm sorry to hear that. My husband has had some jobs in the past where he had to go out of town too and I hated it. I am so glad that he does not have to do that anymore. I miss him when he is gone too.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 09
Hate is a perfectly fine word if that expresses the feelings one has. It is commonly used in conversation to imply something that we “dislike strongly” to a degree that “dislike strongly” seems too emotional distant and absent of the feelings we are trying to express. Man: “Dear, I’ve decided to date my secretary.” Woman: “I dislike you strongly.” Right.
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
15 Jun 09
How long will he be gone? No, my husband is home every night he doesn't travel far when he works. I worked two weeks in another state without my hubby he stayed home but it was good to get a break. I love getting little breaks from him and him from me. We need them I feel. Most times I will go to my mom for a over night up to a week and help her when I can. Not everyone likes or enjoys the breaks, but since I don't get out but once or twice a month I crave the need to get away and do something different from my day to day tasks.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Thanks angoleiro, I appreciate that you liked what I said.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Wow that is so crazy! My husband just left for Chicago yesterday! He works as a welder here in pennsylvania. A bunch of guys from his job are getting sent out to the airport in chicago to repair some water tanks under the runway. It is about 10 hrs from us. He will be gone till friday evening. I know how you feel. It isn't too bad, but it is weird him not being here. this is the first time in the 8 years we have been married that we have been apart for more than one night. The only night we ever spend apart is the night before deer season. He goes and stays at his great aunts house because they hunt there in the morning. I'm nervous about him being gone but we are doing ok so far. I worry about him because we are pretty simple country out here and haven't been in such a big city. But he is with 4 or 5 other guys from work so I guess he can't get into too much trouble.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jun 09
Ha! Being with 4 of 5 other guys from work actually seems rather like it opens up the opportunity for trouble instead of the other way around. :) Kidding :)
2 people like this
@daliaj (5689)
• India
16 Jun 09
I am sorry for you and the daughter. I am also going through the same situation. I am in India and my husband is in America. He has gone there as a part of his work. I have applied for my visa to go with him, but it is taking some time. It is very difficult for me to be alone in hostel. I miss him a lot, I am waiting for the day my visa will be reay and I can join with him in Iowa.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Jun 09
That's really a sad news, but don't be too upset. After all, he is going to Chicago for his certification courses which must be of great importance to him. Without that certification, he may be likely to lose many chances of being promoted or other. Though I'm not married yet, I can fully understand your feelings. It will cause great hardship. But persevere and you'll get through the hard times. Good luck to you and your kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
In a way, I feel bad for wives who's husbands are away, but the trick is to just keep yourself busy. Clean up the house, read books or magazines... just do whatever it takes to keep yourself busy.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 09
My husband has went away a few times. I really don't worry about it or get bothered. I don't get much alone time and try to enjoy that aspect of it. Now, if he was military or something like that I'd probably be pretty worried. Those guys are gone for over a year sometimes, and sometimes they don't even make it home to thier wives and babies. I'm glad he didn't chose that option.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Mine doesn't have to go, but I have a relative that does. I hope that it does not cause as much of commotion as it does with them. They have trust issues and it really puts a strain on the marriage. How long does he have to go for? Hopefully not long.
1 person likes this
• Finland
15 Jun 09
I'm sorry for u :/ Well my girlfriend has joined army here in finland and she'll leave there on july 13th and I'm pretty sure I'll mis her like heck!
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
15 Jun 09
Hello ersmommy. It is true that it is more difficult for either the hubby or the wife when one is away on business or working or studying somewhere else. It makes life much more convenient to have both parties in a family. But anyway, you know that your hubby is just away for some time, I am sure that you can manage it well together with your little daughter, who can be of some help to you and your little son, although I see how hard it can be when your hubby is away from some time because of his certification courses. Take care, my dear friend.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
15 Jun 09
Hello ersmommy. It is true that it is more difficult for either the hubby or the wife when one is away on business or working or studying somewhere else. It makes life much more convenient to have both parties in a family. But anyway, you know that your hubby is just away for some time, I am sure that you can manage it well together with your little daughter, who can be of some help to you and your little son, although I see how hard it can be when your hubby is away from some time because of his certification courses. Take care, my dear friend.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15415)
• United States
15 Jun 09
My hubby never left me home for a trip to travel since his company has cut down travelling a lot to save the expenses, they mostly do conference now. I think I would be worried and upset if he needs to go for a trip becaus eI would be home alone and worry about if he is safe, if he is fed good etc. And I'm sure I would be very sad without him for period.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
18 Jun 09
It is bad. But from childhood we have grown up with my dad being out on toor at least 15-20 days a month. So we got adjusted with it.