New Friend Wants to Buy A House Together

United States
June 20, 2009 4:40am CST
I have a new friend that wants to go in on a house together. Only thing is, I am not comfortable with him quite yet, as we really don't know each other. what if I get stuck with the bill? I have a VA Home loan, and I met him through Nami, the National Alliance for Mental Illness, as we are both bipolar. We are also sick of living where we are at. He doesn't want to move to California to start a new care-team for the condition he has. What about what I want? I just had my break 3 months ago, and I think we are m oving towards real estate too fast. I am unsure. What if he is using me for my VA Home loan and for other reasons I don't know about? Yet what if he is legit? Somebody please help, I don't know what to do.
3 people like this
5 responses
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
20 Jun 09
I know my BF for over 2 and a half years. I would not do it. It is like getting married. DO you want to marry this guy? Are you prepared to give up everything you have to be with him forever? If so, go ahead and buy the house. If not, wait until you do feel comfortable about it. If he cannot wait for you to feel comfortable, he is not worth it. To me, that would mean he does not love you enough and is selfish. You could also buy the house in your own name, without his name. If it does not work out, you still have the house. On the other hand if you put the house on his name, you could leave when ever you want. Personally I would not buy a house together. Unless the guy had a good job and was willing to take responsibility. (Something I personally never found in my life. No offense guys. hahaha!) So, I guess it is up to you. Whatever you choose, I wish you luck. Take care, and be careful.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 09
I just met this guy less than 2 months ago, I think maybe he is desparate to get out of the living situation with his mom and grandmother. HE doesn't work, but collects ssi. He runs Nami groups and gives presentations at an intervention place where I go to groups and get therapy. That's about it. I am not perfect either, but I don't think we are on such buddy-buddy grounds to even consider such a thing. And I have little interest in him romantically. I don't think I'm going to do it, and I don't want to get stuck with the aftermath if something should go down. I don't know.
2 people like this
@Margajoe (4720)
• Germany
22 Jun 09
Well then, don't do it. Sounds to me like you are making a good decision. I will never start with a man that has not got a job ever again! Believe me, it is very hard.
@katsalot1 (1619)
20 Jun 09
Sharing a house together is a big thing. I think it would be a bad idea to share a house with someone you haven't known for long - it's a big commitment that might be difficult to get out of. See if you can leave it for a while longer, and see if you are still friends with him.
• United States
20 Jun 09
I think you are right on this one, katsalot1, because I barely know this guy. I don't think I am ready for such a big committment. I don't even know anything about real estate. All I know is the government is giving a $ 7, 500.00 back to people who buy foreclosed homes. But I would be losing money in the long run, because I would no longer have my precious Va Home Loan. He does seem like an okay guy, but I also agree it is important to see in 6 months if we are still friends. By then, we will know each other a bit more.
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
22 Jun 09
you don't even know his financial condition owing a house together means you are both responsible for mortgage and house bills if he ever loses income or become too sick to help pay mortgage it will all goes down on you unless you can afford a lawyer to make some kind of agreement between you and this guy, just buy the house for yourself and don't let him move in with you before you are certain he will help pay for the house
• United States
22 Jun 09
You are right, LittleMel, I don't know his financial condition. It's kind of like going into a business deal blind and I am not going to do it, so no worries. Thank you for your response. I am interested in buying a house with my Va home Loan, though, but right now, I'd like to see if I can graduate with my Ma from school. Then maybe.. First things first, right? I'd also like to try and get my license back, for a few years agoI botched up with a dui. I went through the therapy, am stillgoing to therapy for bipolar now. So, as you can see, my record isn't perfect, but I am in a program to clean up my finances. I would like to learn more about buying a house. Have any information?
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
23 Jun 09
before we bought our house, we went to get pre approved mortgage first, to see how much house price we can get. then we do the house search. we have to also consider lawyer's fee (for signing the house purchase etc), taxes, land transfer fee, monthly insurance (they call it mortgage insurance. if you die, your child or beneficiary doesn't have to pay for the remaining house mortgage) then there is also monthly maintenance fee (this one is optional, unless it's very old house or not in the best condition at the time you are buying it). also it's safe to have a house inspector (before you buy the house. he will inspect the house and point out things need fixing, safety issues etc. this way you know how much more money you will have to spend on top of purchase price). Not sure about the US, but that's pretty much what we did before getting the house we are in. the hardest thing was to get pre approved mortgage. banks here don't give loans or mortgage easy. there is no help from govt. to buy a house. it's pretty much 'buy what you can afford. if you can't afford it but you want it, you'll get high interest rate' anyway best of luck. hope you can sort things out and get a house.
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
20 Jun 09
NO, Not just NO, but HE11 NO!!! Run away (or push him far away) I agree, he's just trying to get in on your VA home loan.
• United States
22 Jun 09
I spoke up to him yesterday, and he said he understood. Good. That's a thing i earned through 4 years of living the Army lifestyle everyday, you know? I am not giving that up.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
22 Jun 09
You go GIRL! I'm glad you brought that Army training to bear and told him NO!
@lelin1123 (15644)
• Puerto Rico
22 Jun 09
You really answered the question already. You really don't know this guy and you really don't trust him because you really don't know him. You both are bipolar which people live with everyday and are functional people has long as they take their medication. However, I believe if you know in your heart and soul that you are not comfortable with him and your not sure if he is using you for your VA Home Loan your answer is right there - "DON'T DO IT"!
• United States
22 Jun 09
Thank you for your response lelin1123! You are right, I already did answer the question, guess I just needed to hear someone else verbalize it besides me.