can you listen even if some0ne's talking nonsense?

@cainam (493)
Philippines
June 22, 2009 4:56am CST
i have a friend who keeps on talking even she does'nt have any sense at all. i just pitty her coz i think that noone can listen to her but me as her friend.. most of the time i just stare at her blankly when she's talking and i nod to pretend to her that i'm listening.. but sometimes i just can't take it anymore and hang upthe phone or makes some excuses to leave her. i feel bad after that and realize that i should not do that anymore.maybe it would be a forever pretention..i can't help her to her problems but listen.
3 people like this
18 responses
• Indonesia
25 Jun 09
Yes, we must be her friend in whatever situation. A listener has a great possibility to be a psychiatrist.
• Jamaica
23 Jun 09
"The is changed and all that once was is now lost!" She's your friend, remember? They are not always going to do things you approve of but the friendship should worth something. Compromise sometimes and just listen and other times when you're not in the mood, just say it, she/he will love you for it. Don't think you're not helping when you're listening, 'cause you are, Sometimes people don't need an opinion, just an ear and other times your advice may make the world of difference, that's what friends are for. Yes, I have a friend that at times he tells unnecessary lies and I just listen and knod to myself and other times I let him know that he's lying. It hurts, I know but, he knows I mean him good and he thanks me from time to time for being honest and sometimes he hates me for it and says that I'm unbearable. But, that's life, love and war.
@zzyw87 (1260)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
It is a lose-lose situation. When you tell her, it could lead to a fight. She could get offended. If you don't tell her, it's like you are torturing yourself. You will also somehow feel guilty. If it was me, when I really really cannot take it anymore, I will tell her frankly but kindly. If she gets offended or hurt, I will feel sad of course but at least I know I was honest and a true friend to be able to tell her directly.
@mama_bear (1124)
• Canada
23 Jun 09
no i cannot abide stupidness and nonsense. if someone is talking crap then i tell them as much or challenge them, ask them to quantify what they are saying and then correct them if need be. if not your friends then who. i would like to think that if i had some foolish misguided notion about something that my friends would be able to tell me so. i do actually have friends who challenge the statements that i make sometimes. personally i have an aversion to nonsense and cannot waste time listening, unless i want to make some kind of point. if it is someone obnoxious then i do it to put them in their place.
• United States
23 Jun 09
it helps to listen. so just listening will be good and nice to do. :)
• China
23 Jun 09
Hi, cainam. I understand your feeling. I once had a friend who behaved just like your friend. Whatever she spoke, it's nonsense. It even made me doubt whether she had a fairly low I.Q. At first, I did the same as you did. When she's speaking, I pretended to be interested and sometimes even poured out rubbish myself which made me feel like an idiot. In the end, I couldn't bear it anymore. I persuaded myself that what I'd was good for her. I wrote her a letter, telling her my thoughts and made her believe that other friends had the same idea. Of course, she's outraged when reading the letter, and didn't contact me for several days. But one day, she asked me to go out and apologized to me for her misunderstanding of my good intention. After that, she began to behave in a sensible way. I know it's hard and even cruel to tell a friend directly that what she's talking about is nothing but nonsense. My suggestion is you can tell her in a mild way, either face to face or through a letter or a short message. I'm sure your friend will understand it.
• Indonesia
23 Jun 09
it's good if we could respect some one tell something to us. just give them our attention. if their story is nonsense, thought that the story is just a folktale maybe become alternative to take care your relationship
@o0jopak0o (6407)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
yes im also like that one. i always talk nonesense. Just let your friend know that sometimes you don't know what she's talking about. maybe she's talking in a different language so you don't understand it ^^ or you need some hearing aid ^^
@Bebs08 (10689)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Well, if she is my best friend, I will keepon asking questions about the topi she is talking about and lead her to make her to a point where her topic will have sense at all. That's what I am doing to friends whom I feel they are talking nonsense. I will keep on asking questions until they get to the point where they will make sense. But if only a mere acquaintance? I will not listen. I will excuse myself because it will just waste my time. But for a friend, I will help her so that she make will sense.
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
But why can't you tell her straight that she is talking nonsense if you feel like she is really saying rubbish? If you think that your friend is not making sense at all, then speak out in a nice way not to offend her but to help her. By the way, in what way did your friend become nonsense? does she keep on repeating the same stories again and again? if so, then in a nice way tell her that in order to not waste time, it is better to speak of things which will improve both of your lives. Sometimes listening is good, but in a long run that if you keep on listening the same thing over and over again, then change the channel and tell your friend straight that you know already what she is saying and suggest things much more important by diverting the conversation to something else. In that way, you have the control over the conversation and not just nod at her at all times because you knew already about that topic.
• United States
22 Jun 09
I listen as long as I can. My friend is like this also. When I can't listen anymore, I make a comment on what she has said then make an attempt to chang the subject. Sometimes it works and sometime it dosn't. She is my roommate as well, so if all else fails, I ask her if she wants to use my computer for a while. That never fails but sometimes works too well. She dosn't get off for hours and its in my room. LOL Good luck and let me know what you find works.
• Malaysia
22 Jun 09
Well,sometimes it is hard to stand and listen to them but sometimes we are able to do so.It would indeed be rude to just walk away just like that but at the same time it would be so unpleasant to stay and listen.Sometimes we need to say things directly to them sot hey can understand things.We also need to tell that person about that problem because if we don't do it in a nice way today someone somewhere will do it in a hard way.
@aikhong (664)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 09
Hi, i think i share the same experience as yours too. I alos have a friend, who likes to talk a lot too, but most of the time she is talking too much and out of the topics. As friends, all of us already know that's her personality and will just try to 'entertain' her. However, sometimes we will really feel bored and cannot stand to pretend to listen to her anymore, Then we will start to talk about other topics to distract herk, haha. Ya, i think it is quite pathetic too for a person like this who i think is too lonely and hardly have a friend who can really listen to what she wants to say. We've tried to discuss with her and persuade her to do something to change, but we failed. Seems like this is her characteristics and we will just let it be. Perhaps she will realise it someday in future, somehow, but i hope that at time it's still not too late for her.
@unuzzz (1274)
• Indonesia
22 Jun 09
Hi cainam, In my case, I got lots of such friends talking nonsense.. Hahaa I had hard times to deal with them, loLz There's this friend who keep complaining about everything around him, like why starbucks charged such a high price for their coffees while he can get a cheap coffee sachet.. He kept talking and talking, and after that he ordered a cup of starbucks.. Silly I think.. LoLz Good luck to you, hahaa XD
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
22 Jun 09
Well a good friend is someone who listens to your songs and tells you when your singing out of tune.. Why don't you tell the truth that sometimes she's talking non-sense rather than pretend the rest of your life listening to her. It's even more hurtful on her part if she notices you're just pretending. Now about your question.. Of course, I will listen to a friend even if it's nonsense. But if it's getting out of hand, like becoming annoying already, I will tell her the truth. Maybe tell her in a funny way so it's less hurtful and so that she won't get embarrassed at me. Ciao!
@med889 (5958)
22 Jun 09
I have a friend who asked me 13 times in one day about the subject I am studying and I felt so sick which is bad to feel about her, but later I had to tell her that she has already asked me the same question 13 times the day so she said that she forgot and I had to tell her that she is maybe stressed up which got her a bit angry but I could not do the contrary as she keeps on talking things about people we see on the road and she narrates many wrong things about her so I had to finally tell her what I think about the way she speaks about people we do not know. Now she is a bit distant with me. She is seen nowadays with another girl so better for her as she has found someone else to talk to.
@Sandra1952 (6052)
• Spain
22 Jun 09
You need to tell her - that is really being a friend to her. Besides, conversation is a two way thing - you need to take part, not just sit with a glazed look on your face. Start a conversation like, 'Do you ever wonder if others think you're talking rubbish? I do, and it worries me to think that people may not want to talk to me because they think I can't hold a proper conversation.' Take it from there. If she comes out with another load of rubbish, I'd be inclined to be brutal, and say, 'Can you grow mushrooms in your mouth, because you seem to come out with a lot of ****?' I've tried this, and it works. The person was angry for a while, but at least they started to think before they spoke.
@diamania (7037)
• Netherlands
22 Jun 09
It's normal to just nod a bit but don't stare in the blank otherwise she might discover you don't give a damn about what she says and she gets mad at you. At a certain point you could tell her she's talking nonsense, but first give her little signals and if that doesn't help tell her! There is nothing above honesty.