How to help your kid not to cry when you leave them in school?

@Niah1976 (733)
Philippines
June 22, 2009 11:28am CST
My 4 yrs old daughter started schooling last week. On her first day in school, she didn't try when I stepped out of the classroom. But on the second day and the following day she cries whenever I will go out of the room. I already explained toher that school is the place where everybody learns new things and she should enjoy that. She always wanna go home with me. Maybe she just got carried away because some of her classmates are crying.But I Told her that it's not right to cry. Yesterday, I kinda running out of patience on explaining to her over and over again that school is a safe place and it is where she could make a lot of friends but she don't wanna listen.
3 people like this
17 responses
@shaggin (37844)
• United States
22 Jun 09
That is sad that you are telling your daughter that crying is not ok. There is nothing wrong with crying it is a normal reaction for a child who is scared. At 4 years old I think that children are still very little to be going to school. I am assuming you mean that she is going to preschool because children don't go to kindergarten until they are 5. Even at 5 some children are simply not ready. My daughter could have gone to school at 4 and kept right up with what the children were learning that were older the her. I know when she goes to school in a few months that she will do fine but I've never been apart from her so I dread it. If my child was crying that she didnt want to go to school I would not make her. I know some parents send their children to preschool so they don't have to pay for a babysitting since most pre-k classes are free. I'm not saying you are a bad parent but maybe you just don't realize how your child feels. I hated school. I went to kindergarten 3 days after turning 5. So I was the youngest child in my grade. I really was to young emotionally to go to school but since I was at the cut off it was my time to go to school. My mother should have kept me back until the next year before sending me to school as it affected me all through my school years that I just wasent ready. My mother didnt know any better. I would get through the morning up until lunch time then I would cry every day at recess. I felt it was to long that I had to go to school. It was from 8:30 in the morning to 3pm. When I went to preschool it was only for 3 hours so I was fine with that but full days were just to much.
1 person likes this
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
She is in kindergarden already. Studying in her school is not free. It is real expensive school. I t is only 2 hrs a day. She is interested to go to school but she wants me to stay with her during the entire class but we're not allowed to stay that long. The principal said that they should learn to be independent. She stops crying after few minutes. And when I fetch her she is already smiling showing me the stars her teachers gave her.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 09
My DD's babysitter had a child who would cry when her Mom dropped her off. Never cried when Dad dropped her off. She bawled and cried only around her mom. Mom admitted that to keep her quiet at school and it made mom feel guilty and she would always try to make up for it by bringing her a toy or a treat or something. There was one day that the little girl did this and I had to stay and help the babysitter with something for my DD. Mom dropped kid off. Kid cried. Less than 5 minutes after she pulled out of the driveway she would stop and start playing with her friends laughing and having fun. I finally got in touuch with the mother and asked her to pull her car out of the driveway but peek into the window in the front where her DD couldn't see her. Sure enough, the crying stopped and the kid's free toys stopped coming too.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (37844)
• United States
25 Jun 09
I have children that I babysit who do the same thing. They cry for literally 2 minutes if that when their parents drop them off. The parents feel bad leaving their children since they cry but they always stop crying once the parents are out the door. Its like they say out of sight out of mind. That is a great idea that you had the parents pull out of the driveway and then peek in the windows to reassure the parents that the children stop crying soon after. I bet that made them feel so much better about having to leave their children with you. I don't know if the parents would be able to peek in the windows like that without the children seeing them but its a good idea.
1 person likes this
@geniustiger (1699)
• Philippines
25 Jun 09
Thats the attitude of some kids like that. You just try and try to let her know why you leave her in the classroom. At first it is the scenario specially to those kids so close with mom or dad .They did not want to be apart from their parents because that is her influence at home. Always at the side of mom/dad she really enjoy the company ahd she thinks she will be lonely. Give some interesting idea not to cry in the school. You cite some rewarding interst that will allow her to approve not to cry anymorein school.
@jziakhan (702)
• Pakistan
25 Jun 09
well, I remeber my first days at childhood, I got over the mom thing, and that only happened, because I made friends, and i had a best friend at that time too, that made me couragous, and made me realize that I wasnt alone, and that everything would be okay, because my parents would come right away when it was time for them to pick me up, so thats basically how i got over my fear of pre-school and then i wasnt afraid anymore,
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 09
Niah- She's probably doing so because she witnessed her friends crying and probably getting attention for their crying. Explain to her the night before that there is going to be no fussing. You're going to walk her to her room, say good bye, and leave and that you'll pick her up at the end of the day. If you want to go the extrinsic route offer her a prize for not crying and being good all day. Maybe a shared icecream at the end of the day or such. Eventually she'll out grow the crying and begin to focus on going to school. Good luck and Namaste-Anora
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Yes, I did offer her an ice cream if she won't cry this morning but she still cried. But I can't say no to her so we bought an ice cream before going home.
• United States
23 Jun 09
Niah- Then I would just go with the more direct approach. Tell her that she's a big girl and big girls go to school. Tell her that you'll say goodbye, tell her you love her, but that you won't stay. Each morning though she'll cry simply go through the routine of goodbyes, a quick kiss, and then leave. Don't give in to hanging around because she's crying. Eventually she'll work it out for herself and the crying will end. Pretty soon she'll get to the point that she doesn't want to leave school lol. It's a growing phase that all children go through. It will end soon. Namaste-Anora
• Canada
23 Jun 09
Anora is absolutely right. This is what I would do too. Often they copy what they see everyone else doing. As soon as they get used to it and realize its fun, they wont want to go home..As long as she knows you love her and she knows you will return for her, she will be OK.
1 person likes this
@roger30 (40)
• United States
23 Jun 09
My 5 years old started schooling last weeek. On her first day in school, she didn't try when i stepped out of the classroom. But on the second day and the following dayshe cries whenever i will go out of the room. I already explained toher tha school is the place where everybodylearns new things
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Hey, are you okay? You just repeat what I said. Anyways, thanks for your time
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
24 Jun 09
This person repeats lines from discussions in all his responses--he did it to me too
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
26 Jun 09
I though he is making fun of me.
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
23 Jun 09
At 4 years of age school is not about learning but playing (they learn while play), so tell her that she is going to have fun and play lots of games and have lots of friends to play with. Crying is ok never tell your child that its not, she will feel worse if you do. See if she can have something that she likes with her eg. fav toy or dress. Stay with her if you can that really helps.
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Actually, I really wanna stay with her for at least 2 weeks but the principal is not allowing parents to stay in the classroom or even outside the classroom. She is a bright kid. I hope and pray that she will soon be comfortable in school. Thanks for your response.
• Australia
24 Jun 09
to be honest that sucks not been able to comfort your child, at my sons school we can stay for as long as we want anh he is in prep he is 6 years old.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
22 Jun 09
BLESS HER HEART, I'm sure seeing the other kids crying has what got her started. My youngest son use to do that when i had to leave him w/a babysitter. I would call back when i got to work & she'd say he had stopped it before i got around the corner good. It is hard on them. OFFER her a reward when u pick her up if she want cry when u leave. That might give her an incentive not to cry when u leave. IT COULD BE AS SIMPLE AS ONE OF HER FAVES FOR DINNER OR JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING SPECIAL LIKE A WALK AT NIGHT OR WHATEVER WILL WORK. Good luck, i hope she soon stops doing that, please be patient w/her.
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
Oh yeah, I am really stretching my patience with her. I told her that if she don't cry, I'll buy her chocolate ice cream but she still cried. But I don't have an option but to buy her an ice cream when I see her smiling at me when I fetched her this afternoon. I always tell her that she is there to learn a lot more things and she can play there, too. She understands what i'm saying, it's just that she can't help not to cry when her classmates started crying. But I always pray for her to be comfortable and happy in the classroom. It is only 2 hrs. a day anyway. But the good thing is that she remembers her lessons well. Thanks for your response! Happy my lotting to you!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Maybe they'll all get use to it & quit crying soon. I hope so for both your sakes.
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I am worried that this will happen to me. My daughter will be starting school this year. Before I would say she wasn't but now that hubby's hours have been cut I think she will be able to get in. I'm a little excited but its like I don't want my baby to go. I might even cry more then she does. I'm not good with change and she has been home with me for the past 4 years now I have to let her go even if its just for a couple of hours. She is clingy and now she is getting where she doesn't even want to stay with my mom when i have some place to go. She gets in her moods but I know once she makes friends which seems to come easy for her she will be fine.
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
The truth is that I feel lonelier than my kid because I want us to be together all the time. I don't want her to go to school but of course, I have to send her to school. Maybe she is feeling the same way that I do. But I never tell her that i am sad because she might not want to go to school anymore and just stay home woth me. I am really afraid because I know I am starting to lose her because she will soon grow up and find friends and have new interests in life. If I could only turn back the hands of time, I want her to be just a baby that I cuddle in my arms.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
It takes awhile for kids to get acquianted with a new enviroment. Parents need to be there on the first day so that they can assure her that everything will be fine. A mother too has to very well explain to the child what school is all about, who her teacher is and who are her classmates. Assure your kid that you will be outside watching her. By then, on the first day, she has made some new friends.On the second day, you can ask the kid if it is ok that she'll be left alone and just come back when school is finish. Just be true to your word.
• India
23 Jun 09
ya it may take some time for her to get familiar with the school, it may take some time... after some days she will automatically get familiar and will stop crying.. so if she cryie then its normal... every children do that at the beginning..
@Jakywoo (102)
• China
23 Jun 09
Actually,I think it is an experience that everu child will have.And cry is a children nature.But if you want to stop his or her cry,encourage is a good way.
@buitzh (76)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
well i am glad that my daughter doesn't cry when she is left. but there are few students do that. i could share some thoughts regarding this. i see kids at this age do have dependency to their parents. since they are left at house for the time they learn to walk and talk. all they knew is that their life is always and had been in a corner of their home. school is a different environment and people. though it takes time to adjut by them to accept that school is part of their life now. yes it is a good thing that the child should be told some good things about school and school is a good place to stay. make some stories to make her listen why she should stay school. but as a parent one should surrender their children by the teacher and the school so they would learn how to accept their sorroundings without parent's presence. let them feel how school is important and how loved the school is for them. eventually they will adjust day by day. :)
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
23 Jun 09
my daughter used to be like that when she was in kinder 1, i guess she felt lonely at first because she still did not make friends and she got used to being at home iwth me always...but it was good because their teacher whenever she sees kids crying she would take and hug the kids and i could leave and my kid would not see me leaving the room. But iw ould often tell her that i will come back after class and she will eventually meet friends. it was hard for me to see her cry and sad but afterwards it got better.
• Indonesia
23 Jun 09
always take care of him/her. make she/he believe on your word. give them their favorite candy and their own toys. it will help you when they grow up
@dozhou (326)
• United States
22 Jun 09
The reason your daughter crying at school is that she is not familiar with the new environment. The best way to do it is to let her familiar with the school as soon as possible. For example, if she had several friends there, everything would be better. To attain this aim, you can invite other kids to your home to have a party. Anyway, time could solve this kind of problem
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
22 Jun 09
She is still a baby really and telling her not to cry is like telling the sun not to shine especially if the kids areund her are crying for their moms too. May be she's not really ready for school and shouldn't be pushed into going. If a child isn't mature enough they won't learn any thing any way. As an example my graddaufghter was ready to learn to read at age 4 but doing the same thing with my grandson at the same age was a waste of time. Even at 5 he wasn't ready. I spent a year trying to teach him his sounds but not until he was 6 was he ready to learn to read and boy did he take off reading when he was ready. At the age of 4 what they really want and need is their mommy.
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I would not tell her it is not right to cry, just reassure her that mommy will be back to pick her up and that she is going to have so much fun with her new friends. She more than likely stops crying within minutes of you leaving.. Build school up to her, talk about her friends, even have play dates with her friends at your home some. You are doing the right thing by taking here there.