80s people's marriage

@youless (90498)
Guangzhou, China
June 24, 2009 9:30pm CST
Lately my colleague told me a thing about her friend's marriage. They had been boyfriends and girlfriends for 11 years. After they got married, they couldn't stand each other and they divorced no more than 1 month. I was shocked to hear that. They had dated with each other for 11 years and it's not a short time. Why their marriage failed so fast? Hard to believe. Why not they gave each other more time to adjust to each other after marriage? This is 80s people's marriage.
6 people like this
17 responses
@vivianchen (2648)
• China
25 Jun 09
I understand the 80's meaning. That means people who bron after 1980. I was born after 1980's. And i believe what you friend told you is a ture story. Because marriage and just being boyfriend girlfriend are different. Once you got married, there is a family things, you have to cook, clean the house, take care of parents, if you have a baby, raise a baby too. That is a lot of responsiblities, 80's kid are bad at taking responsibilities, or should we should most of them afraid of taking resopnsibility.
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jun 09
I hope you will be the exception
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 09
I disagree 100%! I was born in '82 and have a house of my own. My girlfriend lives with me and is basically like a marriage. I work 50-60 hrs a week, take care of my house, clean, dishes, laundry, etc. I have been responsible since the age of about 12 and haven't had a break from it since....and can see I won't ever have one until the days I cannot take care of myself...
2 people like this
25 Jun 09
I am also an 80's child and married at the beginning of last year - being married is nod ifferent in one way to being boyfriend /girlfriend unless of course you see marriage as a different way of life as before we married we lived together and kept a home and that suddenly hasn't started becuase we got married as we were used to that already!!
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 09
It doesn't surprise me at all. Everything changes once you are married. That's why I will never marry. I prefer to be happy. For me, as soon as I become his wife, I would have to change the way I look at everything. And I would have to start doing things I never want to start doing. I guess this couple thought they knew each other well enough that their marriage would be different. They were wrong.
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jun 09
The marriage is quite different than dating. It needs to be much more understanding, responsible and considerate.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Jun 09
That's it. I don't have the patience to make it work.
2 people like this
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
27 Jun 09
wedding - marriage,relationship
They are into a relationship for eleven years. They decided that it's about time to get married. Unfortunately their married life only last for one month...I don't get it. I think they are more happier when they are not married. The funny thing is that marriage should be the thing that will bind them forever but sad to say that it's the very thing that drove them apart. This is another sad love story...
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Jun 09
In fact I don't understand it, too. 11 years isn't a short time and it's long enough to understand each other well.
1 person likes this
@jheLaichie (4439)
• Philippines
26 Jun 09
we cannot really tell who we could live with for the rest of our lives. though they have been together for avery very long time already, but maybe because of that long years of courtship and relationship, trigger the couples true knowing of who they really am and leave them still not knowing each other better. longer relationships doesnt mean you already know your partner all too well. we dont know their reasons, but i hope that is what they think is the best for them both. jhelai
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Jun 09
But it's sad that they gave up so soon.
1 person likes this
@haiershen (1084)
• China
26 Jun 09
i do agree with Larish, divorce happened to a lot of people and it doesn't matter what year couples are born,i'm a 80s people,when i hear that story i'm shocked,fall in love for 11 years,it is such a long time appeared in 80s,nowadays,80s people often have many girfriends/boyfriends before marriage,they are very busy and often working in a small circle, so they don't spead more time to each other,seveal month ago, they are break down,today, they are friends and tomorrow they are nothing at all or they are normal friend,because of this,they don't know which one is the best for her/him, so they are endless to looking for real love,however,they maybe not belived that there is no real love in the world.due to they often saw love in the tv and novel,so they don't want to gave up. in you story,divorced no more than 1 month, also not often appeared. one month they don't have enough time to know each other clearly,perhapss there is some misunderstanding between them.on the other hard,if they divorced, they can be know each other clearly and they will feel happeness,why not? it is another way for them.good luck!
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
Perhaps they learned from it and be serious to the next relationship.
1 person likes this
@gxyywhyzy (450)
• China
26 Jun 09
I understand the meanings that you said.nowdays the divorced rate is becoming more and more high.most of cases is that fast marriage is due to fast divorce.they have not realised what they really want from each other.they could not endure much more responsibilities.
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
Yeah. Last year there are many couples got married, but some of them already got divorced, sad to say.
1 person likes this
@larish (2195)
• Philippines
26 Jun 09
Divorce happens to a lot of people and I think it doesn't matter what year couples are born. It is still important that you have the patience and open mindedness of your significant other. Duration of being together does not guaranteed that the relatuinship will work, it still depend on the couple if they want to sustain it or not.
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
I agree with you.
1 person likes this
• China
25 Jun 09
Hey, i do not think so as you.Not all the 80s people's marriage are like your friend's. Maybe there are some given flaw that our 80s people have, that maybe imperious, unmanly,but we should see their good point.
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
But it's true that the divorce rate increases.
1 person likes this
@Archie0 (4669)
25 Jun 09
This is something strange, they were in love for 11 years then where did that love go immediately after marriage.These days people have become so much proud of themselves that we dont think we need anyone and can live our lifes well.but actually we need to understand things and relations wel this is really strange to see that they broke the pure relation just in one month.
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
You are right.
1 person likes this
@nzalheart (2352)
• India
25 Jun 09
Hello youless!!! Well the story you described really seems to be amazing. I wonder why they got divorced in one months when they have already lived the love life together for 11 years. That is really mystic. I hope you there are happy with the relationship with unmarried life. May be this shows how undefinite the heart of people are. We can't say what change when.... Happy mylotting...
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
Yes, it doesn't make a sense but it's true.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
25 Jun 09
i am sad to hear such stories of failed marriage...i am also a 80's baby but i think it has nothing to do with it... i think they are not ready for the commitment of being married...yes maybe they enjoy each others company for 11 years because when you are still bf/gf...responsibilities are not like when you are married! it has a very big difference! its just sad that they easily gave up their marriage and don't give it a chance...i think its just a matter of adjustment...or maybe they just don't value their marriage that much...
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
I think you are already mature
@tundeemma (896)
• South Africa
25 Jun 09
One of the problems that couples face is that they tend to spend much time on courtship periods and they might have known much of each other and that could make their marriage boring, courtship years often make eventual marriage boring when the courtship is too long, though long courtship years has its advantages but i think courtship should not be more than 6 months to 1 year
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
I think they need to give each other some time to adjust to each other.
@preethaanju (3000)
• India
25 Jun 09
Most marriages breakdown not because of incompatibility, but because of the unwillingness of both the partners to compromise. To be mere friends before marriage, for any number of years is not quite the same as living as married couples. Responsiblities increase. Challenges or problems that were ingored as insignificant and minor before marriage become serious issues after marriage. So the ulimated solution to this is compromising from both sides and not being egoistic.
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jun 09
It is sad.
1 person likes this
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
25 Jun 09
wow, that is really sad. I agree that they should have given each other more time to adjust. Nowadays, people view divorce as the easiest solution to a marriage that is in trouble, but that should never be the case. The commitment that was made at the altar is for a lifetime not only when things are going smoothly. I think it entirely depends on the couple, though I am not an 80s person, I was born 1979.. I guess they didn't really know each other that well and they only found out when they got married. I wonder how they were able to keep the relationship for so long and not really get to know each other that well. Its a lot different with marriage, responsibilities and finances are shared, not like when people are just boyfriends and girlfriends.
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jun 09
It is a relationship for 11 years. But it can be broken so soon. Signing...
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19075)
• United States
25 Jun 09
what do you mean by 80's? people involved where 80 years old? or the story is back from 1980? sorry to be confused. If they are 80 years old I can easy understand it...maybe they have less patience and no time left for adjustment...
2 people like this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Jun 09
No I mean the people who were born in 80s, namely from 1980-1989.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
25 Jun 09
youless, I would like to add here that this sad story just does not occur with the 80s people but it involves all the parties who does not understand about true commitment where people just take things and people for granted. Forgetting that romance and communication does not end on the day of marriage, work on the relationship by learning, accommodating and ever evolving with every situations and conflicts. For love is very much alive and constantly evolving, as Oprah once quoted: "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. " I just felt sad for the both of them here, where they have not realized that it took them so long to come to terms that their differences cannot accommodate the both of them. They just did not realize how much they have lost and worst, deceived each other all this while. 11 years, how many of us can really afford to loose 11 years just like that. Anyway, we cannot really speak for the both of them and know what has happened between the both of them. However, one fact remains and that is, their union is broken to a stage beyond repair. I just hope that they will learn from this and that something good will happen for their forthcoming years. Take care.
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Jun 09
But it seems that the generation like my parents have a stronger marriage. Perhaps they really know how to cherish each other.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
26 Jun 09
youless, I think there are many factors to consider and one fact cannot be denied that the world is very different from the days of our parents. In the past, women are more suppressed and does not have the same speaking rights as the women of today. And this is just one of the factors here, where women are no longer afraid to speak out and strike out. So, like everyone says times have changed and it certainly has, with our lives as well. Cheerio.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
26 Jun 09
P.S. I thought I'd like to share a song by B J Thomas called Whatever Happened To Old Fashioned Love. I am sorry that I could not find it being sung by him but I suppose Susan Mccann did not disappoint here. (OH! She is a lady, if you catch what I mean) http://play.9sky.com/t_357766/
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (34994)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Personally I think that is the problem with people living together and then getting married. Things change when you are married as it becomes a committment you have to work on, and different types of things are required more in a marriage as well. From a Christian stand point I feel that people should get Married when ready and give it a shot instead of living together for yrs. then try to make it work. Because when you do it the old fashioned way and learn to work at it things will be so much better for them all.
1 person likes this
@youless (90498)
• Guangzhou, China
4 Sep 09
I agree with you.