Why people go sooner then they should

@suspenseful (40316)
Canada
June 27, 2009 5:00pm CST
Why is it that people try to persuade retired folks and older people to down size, get rid of their stuff? Is it do they expect them to not live that long? And do the old people expect that the young people expect them to not live as long and make sure they do not take care of themselves so they die sooner? Sometimes I get that impression. When we returned from our stay at the Motel, some of the food in the freezer section had been thrown away and I had no idea who did it, except it was the food stuffs that are recommended for people who have or will get diabetes, nuts, that is almonds, walnuts, sesame seeds, plus avocado paste, green beans, ginger, and some pumpkin seeds. Now they had not touched the chinese frozen vegetables (that I can eat )but they also left the mixed vegetables and I cannot eat cooked carrots or they have too high a glycemic index. And I heard about my father-in-law told he could not eat this, nor that, and so he cheated, his diabetes got worse and he died younger then he should. Then there is the "clear out most of your stuff" that is get rid of the furniture, books, cookware, etc. because there is just two or you now. I am sure that all of you people who have been retired have been told that they do not need the big house anymore, that they can live in an apartment or a senior apartment that is much smaller and many of the momentos and things they have accumulated cannot fit. And with people living into their 80s, is it a wonder that some do not take care of themselves as well because I can see living with less for five or so years, but not another 20 years. There is only so much traveling one can do. Now I am not talking just about the freezer side by my side by side freezer-refrigerator, I am talking about the tendency that once you reach a certain age or in a certain situation you are not supposed to need as much. That could include, you do not need to take night courses, you do not need a cell phone, you do not need a new car, you do not need because well you will not be around much longer. Well for a person up there, when they downsize, move into an apartment, sell their stuff, or give it away, they are saying "I will not be on this Earth much longer." and they want it to be their decision not yours. So if your mother or grandmother is now a widow, or your father or grandfather is not a widower, or if they are up there and are retired, let them make the decision, because if you tell them that they should down size they may get a little more careless, and pay less attention to their health and perhaps your words will persuade them that they should be leaving this earthly toil sooner then they were meant to be.
3 people like this
7 responses
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
27 Jun 09
Not one of us recommened to mom, she chose to move when she did. Now, moving over to the health care center wasn't her idea, but she was just no longer able to take care of herself. I was there for most of the day, but she wasn't able to get down to the dining room easily at night, so it was becoming a problem for her. Even with me going over and helping her shower Monday thru Saturday, fixing breakfast and lunch those days too and staying with her most of Monday thru Friday, she just couldn't do it any more. We have some of her stuff in her room at the health care center, including her own pictures in her space (she even took the pictures herself.) We didn't want her to have to go there, but it was obvious that it was time. She has gone down a lot since she got there, but they say its stroke related dementia.
3 people like this
@ElicBxn (60763)
• United States
29 Jun 09
well, since I personally figure I'm going in a major stroke, I'm not worrying too much about it, just worried about the cats...
@dragon54u (31607)
• United States
27 Jun 09
That attitude has always puzzled me. I never saw it in my own family--except for my dad's side, his brother and sister wanted their mom to get rid of things so that THEY could have them, mostly antiques and valuable things. It's wrong to tell someone what to do. On the other hand, children worry about their parents falling down stairs or not being close to neighbors in case they need help. Senior homes seem to reduce their fears but I think that should be up to the older person. My son, who is 21, is already telling me that I'll live with him when I'm old--hell, no! I love him but I want to be independent! Still, it's great to know that he wants me. Old people need to stick up for themselves and younger people need to respect their wishes. I would never tell my mom to get rid of her stuff, I think she'd give me what-for if I tried.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
28 Jun 09
My husband is 2 and a half years younger then I, he was born in 1946, and me in 1943, and he said that soon as he retired (and he retired at 60, that he wanted to move into a senior's apartment because something would go wrong. The trouble is that he could not have done so, he would have had to go into an extended care home and since he was dying by inches and not all at once, he would have been there for so many years. So when someone says to older people, downsize and move to an apartment, I do not know if they are talking to someone in their 60s, or 80s;. An
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (96668)
• Marion, Kansas
28 Jun 09
Hey, I hear a couple of things going on here. You wonder about your food disappearing, and it makes me wonder as well, only I wonder if someone took it, because all the things you named are so yummy. It may have been some kind of a thief got in while the work was going on. The other thing I hear you asking is if we push people into early graves by aggravating them. I hope that is not true. Your father in law, however, made a stubborn bull headed choice. I have known lots of people who continued to flourish into their nineties, eating what they chose, singing in choir, bowling in leagues, opening new businesses and learning about computers. We need to take a stand for ourself.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
28 Jun 09
Any one that does that to their parent shouldnt have parents I tried my best to keep my mom out of a home but I live 500 miles away and the other 2 took it up to put her in an assistant living home which she wanted to do herself . I didnt ever know why but daddy had been gone for years. I tired to ge ther to come live with us. nope didnt happen my brother tried nope it didnt happen my sis sort of tried but nope didnt happen. Then we had to get house ready to sale for she was and is paying this high payment for the place she is!.MOre than what her SS check is Now the market has failed we have a neice in the house. But we 3 kids went thru and chose some of what we wanted. thre rest my brother has in his basement and garage. that we will get when mom passes. But in no way did we tell her that she had to pick this damn place its what she wanted. !
2 people like this
@peavey (16317)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I don't know... I'm getting to that age, and I want to downsize because so many of the things I've accumulated no longer interest me and they take too much of my time to clean or care for. I KNOW my time is limited and want to make the most of it. Now, about needing to take night classes or having a cell phone, if anyone told me I didn't need those things, I'd just tell them to go fly a kite. It's really no one else's business, no matter who they are, as long as they're not paying for them!
@Darkwing (21588)
28 Jun 09
I think it's more a case of cutting them off from their memories, and I would never do that. My brother in law and sister live in the same house as my Mum, but she has her own "living" space. He's retired now, and they often go on holidays or breaks leaving my Mum on her own. He's constantly nagging her to get rid of stuff and it breaks my heart that she has to part with stuff that holds memories of her and my deceased Dad; and also of our childhood. My Mum is 84 now, and hardly ever goes anywhere or does anything special... it's as if she's waiting to leave us, and be with my Dad again. My son and daughter in law often invite her to come to dinner on a Sunday, when I go, which is a nice break for her, and my other sister takes her away for caravan breaks, which she enjoys immensely. She can't get about as much as she used to, but I feel she's lost without some of the memories she cherished. She feels that part of her life has gone, so why bother with the rest of it. We should care more for our elderly relatives. I will always have surplus crockery, cutlery, pans and glassware because my kids, I know, will always visit me. Brightest Blessings, my friend.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
28 Jun 09
I have actually never heard of this. I always got after my mom to get rid of stuff but not because she had not much longer to live. It was because she had a tendency to have so so much stuff that she hung onto that her apartment required so much more work to keep organized and clean. I am one that just does not hang on to or collect stuff. I just don't see the point in having tons of books that you've already read and will never read again. I don't see the point in all the knick knacks that need constant dusting to look nice. I would say this to anyone of any age. It had nothing to do with her age. When my dad passed, we did convince my mom to downsize to an apartment but that was mainly for financial reasons. Since she was content with all her possessions that she didn't use, I really didn't bug her too much about them. What I did notice was that at the end of her life, she started on her own doling out various items to me and my daughters. That signified to me that SHE knew her time was coming.