Your Not My Parents...

@twoey68 (13651)
United States
June 29, 2009 8:25am CST
Recently I read a news article about a guy (in his 30’s) who thought he was adopted. He insisted that there were inconsistencies in his parents account of his birth and he felt he looked an awful lot like a missing toddler. He went so far as to contact the parents of the missing child and even became friends with their daughter (thinking he was her brother), they eventually got the FBI involved and they agreed to do DNA testing to prove one way or the other if he was the missing child. Turns out he isn’t. His mother passed away years ago but his dad and siblings are really upset that he did this. His dad assured him that he wasn’t adopted or stolen but he wouldn’t believe him. This whole thing got me thinking. I think I’d be pretty ticked off if I spent my whole life raising, caring for and nurturing a child and then they decided they weren’t mine after all or that I stole them. It would be like a slap in the face. I understand we all sometimes feel like we don’t fit in our families but it would still hurt. I can’t imagine going to the extreme of involving the FBI and accusing my parents of stealing me. I can’t imagine what this guy was thinking. I think it’s really important to tell kids the truth about being adopted and accept that they may someday want to learn about their birth families. Hiding it seems to make it worse. How would you feel if your child grew up and decided you weren’t really their parent? What if they accused you of stealing them? Would you tell your child if they were adopted or try to hide it from them? How would you feel if someone came out of the blue claiming to be your long lost child only to find out they weren’t? [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
15 people like this
41 responses
• United States
29 Jun 09
What an absolutely crazy world we live in. As soon as I started to read this I felt almost angry so I can imagine how that family felt. What a horrible thing to do to the parents who raised you. I wonder, just wonder, if he was treated differently in order for him to act this way, you know? Maybe there is another side to the story we don't know. I find it awfully strange he would go to those extremes with the FBI for something minor. Makes you kinda go, hmm, hmm, hmm.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
29 Jun 09
His father did say that he'd always been kind of a loner and didn't get along with his siblings but still... I understood that the FBI got involved b/c he claimed to be the missing child who'd been kidnapped back in the late 70's. Still it would be harsh on the family to have the FBI hauling you in for questioning. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jun 09
Really strange. I hope the news keeps up with the story, I'd like to hear more about it. I see what you're saying about the FBI now, gotcha. Still must have been devastating to both families. I wonder if he's a bit mental and no one is picking up on it.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Hate to say it but after the day I've had if one of my kids put me through that I would tell them 'fine go to who ever you think is your parent' and three of them I would actually say 'I can assure you if I had stolen you from someone else I would have returned you a long time ago' Having 'kid' issues today and am pretty annoyed - think I'm tired of being a parent and sick of being 'abused'... not pyhsically but emotionally I've had it.
2 people like this
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
29 Jun 09
If i had adopted a child i would tell them as soon as i was sure that they would be able to understand it. i believe that children have a right to know. I would also understand that some day they might want to find out who their biological parents are. I would not try to hide something like this from them. If one of my children did what that man did, I would be hurt beyond anything.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
29 Jun 09
What about adoptive parents who are not honest about the adoption? If some one is adopted as an infant, or very young child they may not remember another family, other than perhaps feeling 'different'. Does the child still have a right to know who his or her family is? It is possible that that has happened here. I would wonder what information this man had, or didn't have, that made him think he was not from his family. Perhaps there were no family pictures of him until he was 3 or 4?
@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
29 Jun 09
The parents of adoptive children that do not tell them. they are the ones that will have to deal with the consequences when the children find out. I do not know the details with the man that you are talking about. but you stated that the father told him he was not stolen or adopted. dna test will prove that. Like it proved he was not the stolen child.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I think he should have the DNA tests done, just to end the story one way or the other. Even though his mother is deceased, DNA could be compared to his brothers and/or sisters. I hope he's getting it done, although we'll probably never know.
@katsmeow1213 (29044)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Crazy story! My husband is adopted, and he was told from birth the truth about his life. He's in his 30's now and has no desire to find his bio family. His sister is also adopted, from a different family, and so far as I know she also has no desire to find her family. When I learned my husband was adopted (which he told me before we even started dating) I was curious about it, and to this day I'd like to know more about his biological family, but it doesn't bother him. My oldest son's father isn't in the picture, never has been, and I'm honest with him. I've told him everything he wants to know about his father. When I was a child I would sometimes wish I had been switched at birth and really belonged to a rich family. Doesn't every kid have thoughts like that now and then?
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
29 Jun 09
In my husbands birth family, he was one of four children taken away by the state and adopted into other families. When he was old enough to look, the agency that took the children maintained that the parents were deceased. A newpaper reporter took an interest in the story and was able to track down all of the missing family members and the birth family. Of the original 4, three chose to be 'found' and were able to meet their biological parents and brothers and sisters. One chose not to be 'found', and that's her right. Of the 3 (my husband was one), all of them loved their adopted families and chose to stay with them. However they all got to know and love their natural families too. It became more of an enrichment to their lives rather than a substitution.
• United States
29 Jun 09
I am not a mother and I never will be. I think there is more to this story. I can't help think that the son was given a reason to feel like an outsider and he took it to the next level. I can't shake the feeling that he wasn't the favorite of the family. If I were a mom and one of my sons really thought he was adopted, I would have taken him to get DNA tests.There wouldn't need the FBI.I assume I would be so angry and when the tests came back , I would never forget it.I am not parent material
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
29 Jun 09
You have a point...perhaps if the father had just insisted on the DNA test to put an end to the guys questions it would have been resolved but who knows. Maybe the guy wouldn't have believed the test results. It sounds to me like the guy was really unhappy in the family and just wanted a new one. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
2 people like this
@scififan43 (2440)
• United States
3 Jul 09
That was a very intersting sitation. If I had an adopted child, I think once he or she became of age that I would let them know of there true origans. I feel that they have the right to know and what cirustances that broght them to adotion. Now as to what this other person did, that was just crazy. what was this guy thinking I am not sure. as for someone claiming to be a long lost child, well i have never had that problem so far but I would deal with it when it happmens
1 person likes this
@roberten (3131)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Oh my, twoey, I just don't know what I would do but I do know I would be terribly hurt. My first reaction is to help them pack their bags and then help them out the door but that was only a momentary thought. I would be crushed, I would absolutely be crushed.
• United States
30 Jun 09
I have to agree with you. I too would be very ticked off and hurt if my child went to all that trouble to try and prove that I was not his/her mother and what is even worst to more or less say I was a kidnapper. To think he was adopted is one this but to think he was a missing child what else could it mean but insinuate I was a kidnapper.....shame on him!
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
30 Jun 09
t seems nothing in this world is right.when the kid thinks he is not their child, nobody can help. But its the world.it goes on and on.I would have felt hurt. In case of adopted kids, the parents must tell.
1 person likes this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Have you got the link to the news article? Well, my friend, there are some parents that don't tell the truth. Now, why wouldn't they be able to tell his birth story correctly? What did he think he was out of place? The only thing would be to tell the truth. If the child is adopted then that's the thing you have to say. Now, if this man was having so many doubts why didn't he order a paternity test with his mom and dad? That would calm his fears. Pablo
1 person likes this
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
30 Jun 09
wow, that guy must have something wrong in his mind or something. he have hurt two families, first his very own and the other one is the family that had lost a child, he brought them false hope. if i am the parent of that guy id sure be really really hurt and angry... the one that i have taken care of and have loved all those years would think something like that, its really serious, i may disown him. if i will adopt a child, id tell him or her by the time he can understand, i'd tell it to child early, so when he or she grows up he knows the truth and there will be no blaming or whatever. if i have lost a child and after years, there will come to me and claim that he or she is my lost one, id ask for a dna to be really sure. it would be the first thing that i'd do, get dna.
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
30 Jun 09
I think this man should be ashamed of himself for starting this about his own parents. I mean I am sure they would have told him the truth if he had been adopted instead of him getting the FBI involved and starting a big upset like he did.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Pretty sure I wouldnt like it. Alto I asked my dad one if my mom had adopted me. as we were so much differnt me and my mom. I knew I was daddys but I just didnt think I belonged to my mom. Dont know why I thought this up only thing Ican think of we just never thought alike guess I was more like my dad. But I wouldnt go as far as going to FBI or find some one else for a mom . But I did go through all kinds of papers that I thought they had hid.
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7715)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I think that this guy obviously overstepped the lines of propriety. You don't just go around accusing people, especially your parents, of kidnapping you. At least, you don't without some serious DNA evidence. I wouldn't. I wonder what was really going on in his head that he wanted to be this other missing person. I'm sure there's something deep seated there, but the post doesn't go into it. I hope he sought therapy, and I hope no one was really hurt by his actions (although I doubt that).
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (105222)
• United States
30 Jun 09
My experience is with distant relatives who adopted. They had a birthday celebration every year and a family day celebration every year. I thought that was great. I would wonder if my child was mentally ill if he decided I was not his mom.
• United States
29 Jun 09
I heard about that guy. I think he's got a screw loose or something. If you don't like your family then agree to disagree and don't spend alot of time with them. I've experienced something similar but as the child being dissed by the family. My half sisters accused my mom of having an affair on my dad & therefore I"m not related to them ect ect. But it's funny I look exactly like one of my half sisters and like my dad... how could that be then???? But they've made several accusations over the years on various things. According to my mo they've disliked me since I was concieved as I was taking their dad away from them and have been bitter ever since. Sad huh?
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I think that it's odd this man did this, all over inconsistencies in his birth. There's naturally going to be some sort of inconsistency with the fact that the viewpoint of the birth will be different for the woman and for the man. Also other family members who were present may have their own story to tell. Also, you've got to think of those who like to glorify a story to a certain extent, even if it makes the story a bit false. He seemed to have hurt his family and rock the world of a family that he didn't even know. I couldn't begin to imagine how that you would feel like, but I'm sure it wouldn't feel good. I wonder if the guy is still in contact with the family of the missing toddler, or if he's stopped contacting them because he's ashamed or embarrassed.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Yeah, I read about him, one sick puppy. I can't immagine what was so wrong about his bio family that he went looking for another one. And to go approach that other family and just bring back the loss they had all those years ago.
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
29 Jun 09
If it were me as the mother - I'd be horribly offended and hurt and really dissapointed in my child that I adopted and loved and cared for and supported their entire lives if they said that they wanted to find their "real" mom or parents. Just giving birth, doesn't make you a mom. I was the mom in every single way 100% except I didn't have the s*ex or give birth - neither of which make syou a mother. All I did made me the mother and for the child in every single way, shape and form, and to say "that's not good enough, I want to find the one that gave me away"...sorry that is totally disgusting. IF I was a child with adopted parents... I'd think the same thing in reverse... the woman that gave birth to me didn't want me or couldn't keep me... whatever the reason... so why should I go back and dredge all that up for her and most likely make me miserable to realize what I was put through.. all the chaning of custody and such. This woman has been the only mother I have known...and she has been the best mother anyone could ever have... why would I want anything different? Why would I want to dredge up the past that is probably not very kind? and why would I want to disrespect the woman that didn't give birth to me, but loved me with all her heart and soul, while the one that did give birth gave me away? If she gave me away cause she couldn't support me, going back now will only make her feel bad and I'd just be dredging up sad feelings and times for her, so just let it be.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27564)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Wow..I would be devastated if one of mine accused me of that and claimed not to be mine. He must have really felt like he was different. That is a toughy. On one hand you want to keep it from them and on the other..they really should be aware. There are a lot of things that should be considered such as medical issues and such. I think I would tell them. I think I would explain it as your real parents couldn't take care of you and I wanted to very much. I guess I would go with the flow on other questions they might have.
1 person likes this