Would you report a close family member or friend for child abuse?

@debrakcarey (19924)
United States
June 29, 2009 3:33pm CST
Even if it meant they'd go to prison or loose their kids? Do you think or abuse laws and programs to protect children are adequate and fair? How about the foster care system...is it corrupt? Or are children safer in a foster home if their parents are shown to be unable to care for them? Have you had experience with the foster care system or the child's protection services that were unfair or biased? Should the laws be changed or are they doing the job of keeping kids safe?
2 people like this
7 responses
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jul 09
If it were a clear case of abuse, I wouldn't have a problem with it. And yep the system is at least somewhat corrupt. Too many people get in it for the money and don't do anything for the kids. As for child protective services, my brother tried to adopt his wife's son from a prior relationship. They nixed the adoption because their house was too messy. But the child still lived with them (still does even though he's grown up). What was the point of that?
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
1 Jul 09
I know exactly what you mean...I had a visiting nurse coming in after my fourth son was born...she came in with her nose in the air, sat down and took out a notebook, as we talked she wrote. We discussed some things and then she had to go to the car for something. I sneaked a peak at the notebook left there on the coffee table and was shocked to read that 'mother appears unkempt, children not dressed in day clothes, and house cluttered, messy'. I was livid! When she came back in I asked her to take the notebook and read back to me what I had just read. She wouldn't. I told her she wasn't there to help me...but to spy on me for whatever reasons...and asked her if she had kids. I didn't give her a chance to answer...but went to the door and opened it for her. It was kinda funny...kids were all quiet for a change lined up watching us with big wide eyes. After she left I went in the bathroom and cried....my mother said to me later, what the h*ll did she expect? Four kids under five...at least they were clean and fed. lol Point is...most of the workers are not in a position to be making the caliber of judgments that they do. It is way to subjective....and based mostly on impressions, not facts.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jul 09
If messiness is child abuse, the world is in a heap of trouble! They would have had a field day with the house that I grew up in!!!
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
2 Jul 09
As I've said elsewhere....me and my kids played like we were all kids together. I thought it more importand to spend TIME with them...rather than stand at the sink doing dishes and shushing them out the door. When the house got cleaned, we did it together. I thought of them as people...little and needy...but people. Like I said...their spouses came into marriage not knowing how to cook or clean...and my boys taught them. lol They also are pretty good dads too. Love to play and drive gramma crazy trying to get me down on the floor to wrestle with them all. lol Won't believe me when I say I'm breakable now.
2 people like this
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
3 Aug 09
This is a really good discussion and I know that child abuse is a crime that happens everyday,and it seems that a good part of the time parents,other family members or friends of a child are the ones who are abusing them,and I am sure that different people have different opinions when it comes to reporting a family member or friend for child abuse,I am sure that some people would report them for the sake of the child,and then I am sure that some people would not report them because they would not want to hurt their family member or friend,and I can understand that everyone is different,and that no two people think the same way,since everyone has different ideas,different opinions,and different preferences,and when it comes to me I think child abuse is horrible and that it should be stopped,if I knew a family member or a friend was abusing a child I would report them,even if it meant them going to jail or losing their child,because it would help the child in the long run,and it would teach them that it is not okay to hurt a child,because children are a gift from God and no one should hurt them,have a great day,good luck with your life,and all of your mylotting goals,and Happy Posting.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
4 Aug 09
I would hope it would help the child. I would hope that the abuser learned to stop abusing. Unfortunately those two things are not a given. It often turns out that the foster home is abusive and the abuser learns nothing. We live in a horrible world..we treat our most vulnerable like trash. sorry..in a real bad frame of mind right now. Thank you for responding and happy posting to you too!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Oct 09
I know what you mean you would hope that reporting abuse would help the child or children because children should always come first,and yeah you would hope the abuser would learn the error of his or her ways and try to change,and yeah it sometimes turns out where the Foster Parents are even more abusive then the real parents,and the abusers often never learn from their mistakes,and keep abusing children,and I agree we do live in a horrible world where you can not trust anyone,and where people treat children which are a gift from God like crap,have a great day,good luck with your life,and all of your mylotting goals,and Happy Posting.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Thank you hellcowboy.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jul 09
Nice can of worms you opened here...lol You already know pretty much how i feel about this one.... I would definately report someone for abusing a child family member or not....however my definition of abuse may not be the same as everyone elses.....like for instance what Kate Gosslin did to her daughter recently.....Yes she swatted her on the but for not minding.....and the tabloid pictures of it certainly look sufficiently awful.....and the tabloids went on and on about how the little girl was screaming and crying....well of course she was....but honestly....I am not a fan of jon and kate at all but she did not abuse that child.....it was a swat on the but with her palm....no a life traumatizing experience....should kate have thought first before doing that in front of the whole worl....sure she should have but come on even i swatted my daughter on the but with my hand once or twice.....that ois not child abuse......but you can bet if i saw or knew someone even in my own family was really being abusive in any way to a child i would definately report them.... problem is... our CPS and foster care system is definately messed up!!! And many many children in foster home get abused daily as well physically, sexually, mentally and any other way possible......there are some good foster homes too though dont get me wrong....but its a game of ruellette....you never know what you will get ....and also many many kids in the system get shuffled from foster home to foster home which adds to their problems.....a child who has been abused and already lost their security of family needs a place to heal and be secure and safe not be bounced from home to home for 20 years..... CPS?? I have seen one too many cases where a child is killed by their parents and then we find out cps had been there many times but never removed the child.... I have also seen cps workers go out of their way to help grand parents basically steal kids from their children.....a cps workers main goal is supposed to be to reunite families...to get the kids and parents back together if it is at all possible....granted if it is an abusive situation you cant put the kid back there.....but i have seen personally situations where the parents were not abusive at all but simply had financiall problems and cps has taken the kids and given them to the grand parents and then worked dilligently to make sure they stayed with the grand parents....financial difficulties is NOT a reason to take someones kids away... well i could go on all day about this but i think i'll stop here...
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
9 Jul 09
My feelings after raising five children and helping raise 13 grandchildren is quite like yours. I used swats too...only after making sure that they knew what they had done wrong, and then never in anger. When a child is very young it can save their lives to know that dangerous behavior is followed by a swat. At that age, words fail to convey the importance of some things. I feel it is abusive to allow a child to control the lives of their parents. Children crave and need structure and discipline. It is like a protective fence around them. Training a child to control his/her behavior is necessary. Some have said spanking makes them learn that violence is acceptable. this is true ONLY if it is used in anger. The saying...this hurts me more than it hurts you... is true and my kids often saw me cry after spanking them. One of my sons asked me why I WAS crying, he'd gotten the whipping (only the term used - not reality) I told him that it made me very sad to see him have to struggle with right and wrong. That I wished he'd stayed innocent of wrong doing all his life. He got the point. The trouble that the people often see with corporal discipline is that they do not see it being used as a way to mold a child's heart in the direction of repentance. They see it used as a form of 'punishment' not discipline...the making of followers (as in the term disciple) If a parent has the attitude of PUNISHMENT it will tend to make more rebellion and lead to anger and violence in the child. If a parent teaches and backs up that teaching with a physical reminder that the teachings are to be followed...and plenty of love and acceptance as well, spanking is not harmful to the psyche. AS for the child protective services....human error in judgment and human laziness and ineptitude keep even the best of laws from working as they should. I have often said...you can't make laws that MAKE people live right, right living and right governing come from within the human spirit...the law is only as good as the people enforcing it.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I want to say it's so good to be friends with you here...more like actually being face to face...and learn more about each other! Thanks for stopping by and please return again.
• United States
9 Jul 09
Thanks Debra...I joined here a while back but never really used it ...babygirl told me to start checking it out so i did and it is actually better than i thought....and its nice to see so many people on here from that other site we use...its kinda like home...lol
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I have and I would do it again. My sister, she did not deserve to have children yet she was blessed with three that she did not take care of, abused and neglected. thank goodness the state finally listened to me and removed them from her care.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I am glad they are safe now. Do you live in a city or rural area? Sometimes it matters. You said finally...how long did it take? I do agree with reporting btw...just don't like how the system lets kids down so much once the report is made.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
30 Jun 09
At the time I lived in a city in the South. It took some time, I started reporting her when the first one was born, they took them away when he was nine years old. Nine years of abuse, nine years of being treated bad. We did what we could tried to take them , tried to get her to let them live with us etc.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
9 Jul 09
Without a second thought once I know the male is corrupt. Why on earth would I protect my father or brother. They are big men who know that it is wrong to molest a child. too many people try to protect the adul and get the child to shut up. Abuse should never be swept under the carpet. Foster care systems are inadequate and needs strictor regulations but they are also very helpful. I have no personal experience with any of those agencies.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I agree with you whole heartedly. I posted this discussion because our society as a whole does not agree, or there wouldn't be so many children abused and neglected.
@tchalla (19)
• United States
8 Jul 09
They are not adequate or fair. You could be taking that child out of the frying pan and into the fire. But yes i would report. I'll take that chance. I know the child is being abused where it is, so it could be the same or alot better off somewhere else.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Yes, that sounds logical. I've heard such horror stories of foster care. Ever read 'A Child Called It' ?
@dodo19 (32873)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
30 Jun 09
Yes, I would report them to the authorities. Child abuse is wrong, very wrong. All that children are really asking for is for love, support, and protection. They don't deserve to be abused and/or neglected. It's just not right to do this to children, or anyone for that matter. Personally, I just don't understand how people could do this to their children. I just don't.
@debrakcarey (19924)
• United States
30 Jun 09
In my search for healing....I learned that most abusers were abused themselves. I DON'T feel this is an excuse...but it helps to know there is possibly a reason for their being abusive...for me as a survivor.