A difficult situation

@mcat19 (1358)
United States
June 29, 2009 7:00pm CST
My roommate's mom is dying. She has stopped eating, taking meds, doing exercise or anything that could make her better. She had abdominal surgery for a burst abscess and now has a colostomy bag. She isn't in pain; she has just given up. We go to visit a few times a week. She talks to us and sleeps; her husband cries. I sometimes hold her hand, sometimes talk to her. It's very very hard to watch. She is very weak, frail and thin. We lift her head so that she can take sips of ginger ale or to turn her pillows. She weighs nothing at all. Her family is coming to see her, too. She asks every one to pray that she can leave soon.
4 people like this
15 responses
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
30 Jun 09
that is very sad, that she's given up and is wanting to die is really hard on the people that love her, I guess tho she cares more that she is suffering than the suffering she's causing them. Its hard on everyone around her, not just her family, because people like you care about her, and you care about your roommate.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I think she's just tired and has no quality of life. It is very sad, but we are respecting her feelings.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
30 Jun 09
No, I really do understand, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
30 Jun 09
That is sad. She must be depressed. Have they brought in a phychologist? My good friend has colon cancer and a colostomy, plus walks with a cane and she is a fighter, living life to the fullest. She said that there is no way she will give up. She needs to talk to people who have been where she is and have survived, too. I will pray for her, if you can PM me her full name, I will also put her on a few prayer chains.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
A psychiatric social worker talked to her. She is not depressed and strong willed and of sound mind. This is just what she has decided to do. We are respecting her wishes and just spending time with her and making her as comfortable as we can.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I am glad that she is not depressed but I will still pray.
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
30 Jun 09
This is a difficult situation watching someone you hold dear give up and die. I will keep her in my prayers and thoughts. As long as she is not in pain I guess that is the most important thing. I think if I were in her situation I would at least eat and take my meds. I take care of people with all different types of ailments. I don't know what to advise here. Give it to God and pray for the best.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
She says she's not hungry and food has no taste. She does take teeny sips of ginger ale and had teeny bits of green Jello the other day.
• India
30 Jun 09
this can be one of those really helpless situations one can be in. my grandpa was on bed for 3 yrs like this and it was extremely sad.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
It's very hard; you're right. But we want to obey her wishes.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
30 Jun 09
It sounds as if she is near the end of her time here. All anyone can do is make her as comfortable as possible. I'm sorry to hear this. I know it is a really difficult thing to watch someone go through this.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thank you. You are very kind.
• Philippines
30 Jun 09
I think we need to pray for her speedy recovery.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
You can, but she isn't going to get better. If she isn't eating or taking meds, this is unlikely to be the outcome. She wants to die. We are respecting her wishes.
• United States
30 Jun 09
All you can do is be there for your roommate and your roommates family cause if your roommates mom does go then your roommate is going to need a really good friend to be there and you let your roommate that your there for her no matter what if you need any more advice i can help i went through alot of these i am sure alot of people has good luck hope everything turns out ok.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thank you so much. I try to be there for here. That's all I can do right now.
• India
30 Jun 09
I am really sorry to hear about your roommate;s mom and how she must be feeling. It is def a very difficult time for her now and i am really glad she has someone as sweet as you to be around her. At this time all she needs is good people around her and prayers. I will def pray that she is peaceful and that your friend takes it well. Please ask her to keep her strenght and faith, God bless
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thank you for your wishes and prayers. Sometimes all we can do is pray. It really helps.
30 Jun 09
Hi mcat19, I am so sorry to hear that your roomate's mum is very ill, I will pray for all of you for healing and strenght to cope with it all. Tamara
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thank you so much for your understanding. Yes, it is very hard for all of us. We appreciate your prayers so very much.
• India
30 Jun 09
Why dont you admit her in hospital. It might be that she is depressed and thats why she is not eating.If you admit her in hospital, she will atleast be able live in stead of dying of food
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
She is in a care center, similar to a hospital. A psychiatric social worker has seen her and talked to her. She is not depressed at all. She is of sound mind and strong willed. We have to respect her decision. It is not up to anyone but her. Thank you for your concern.
@hartnsoul (558)
• Philippines
30 Jun 09
That is indeed a very hard situation. I will include her mom and her family in my prayers. I may not know them but I believe that the Lord is working within them. God bless.
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thank you so much.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
1 Jul 09
I am very sorry for you, your roommate and his family. It must be agonising to watch a loved one slowly dwindle away. I read that you said she is not suffering from depression and that she is ready to go. It is a shame but I guess her wishes have to be respected; it is just tough for the people around her. All I can say is that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
1 Jul 09
I am so sorry and I really hate to hear that. I hope that her mom is at peace with what she is about to go through and your friend also. It is very hard to let someone go. I lost my dad when I was 12 years old. I miss him alot but at least he is at peace and no more pain.
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
30 Jun 09
That is so sad. I wonder why she has lost the will to live. I can only imagine the number of questions that are running through your heads. I suppose that if she has truly given up, all that any of you can do is make her as comfortable as possible and be there to comfort her and her husband. Sometimes, a person just knows that there time is nearing and gives up. Other times, people lose the will to fight thinking that they and everyone else is better off with them gone. Whatever the case may be, it sounds like she is too far gone to come back without medical intervention. That will likely not happen unless her husband insists on it. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I cannot imagine how hard this is for all of you.
• United States
30 Jun 09
I am sorry to hear about the situation I am not sure what advice you are looking for I think you should make her time the best she can and honor her wishes it sounds as it is terminal not something she will get over I believe when it is your time people know perhaps it is just her time so cherish whatever time you can and give her whatever comfort one can get Good Luck