HELP! I'm drowning!

@neildc (17254)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
June 30, 2009 9:44am CST
My step-daughter is now in first year of college. Everybody knows it's hard to sent a kid to school, in college, especially now that we are all in crisis. When my wife decides to send her to school, I was so hesitant and told her that we can't afford the expences. But she said that she's expecting financial support from her relatives. But just this time, one the first month of her schooling, I am almost drown of debt, from different people. Will I let her stop going to school or we will just wait for the help to come? Will I let my financial status go down?
3 people like this
10 responses
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I agree with what Jaiho has said. It's great if your family is willing to give you financial support and you should never be ashamed to accept it as long as you give them the same when they need it if you can, but to expect them to shoulder a large burden like paying for your daughter's education might be asking for a lot. Then again, it's kind of not fair to pull your daughter out of school. Is there no financial aid that she could get to help pay? I'm not sure where you live or if that's available there, but that's what's helping me get through school. Another possibility might be asking her to get a part-time job to pay for part of the expenses. It's definitely possible to do (I've got TWO part time jobs and a full college workload) and that might help out a little bit.
2 people like this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Jul 09
Dear phyrre, I heard of some people or organizations who gives aide to students via scholarship grants. But most of them only gives help to excellent students and my DIL is just an average student. To let her work while she goes to school, as in working student, is not fine with me. I am sorry if you get touched by this, but what I want for the kids is concentration. There are lots of people here, that stops schooling when they get to start earning money for themselves. But that is a good idea. And besides, it is in one's personality to take this kind of experience. I may be one to handle that, doing both at the same time, but I cannot see it in her personality. Neil
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
30 Jun 09
HMNN...don't get me wrong my friend...help from relatives for your step-daughter's studies?...why not ask ur wife to look for an extra income/work for her daughter's schooling...it is ok to ask help from relatives,but not to let them shoulder all..unless someone who can afford will voluntarily offer a help.i can understand ur situation,till when you can borrow money from friends and relatives?...and how can u pay ur debts when u alone works for ur living?...sit for a while and think all these...and talk with ur wife..=))
2 people like this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Jul 09
Dear jaiho, That's fine with me, I am used to that kind of advise. But you know, my wife has no time to work, not because she don't want to. But in the house alone, she does most of the chores, from cooking, laundry and baby sitting. We still have a two year old boy and another one who is still in pre-school. We really wanted her to have a job or even a small business. As for now, she accepts orders for cross-stitch, but that doesn't enough, too. This is the reason I looked for extra income, like mylot. I still want some more extra income from online jobs so I can have additional income. Neil
1 person likes this
@cobra1368 (704)
• United States
30 Jun 09
What about student loans? My parents couldn't afford to send me and my brother to college on their own, so I got student loans to be able to go. They paid my interest while I was in school, but that is it. Once I was done, I was responsible for repaying the loans. Your step-daughter qualifies as an adult now. If she wants to go to school and you can't afford it, then she needs to do what is necessary to keep herself in. Federal Stafford loans are typically what are taken out in the U.S. I am still paying on mine, and I will be for quite some time. That is one of the sacrifices you make for a good education.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Jul 09
Dear cobra, You have a very interesting idea. The state you are in really have lots of good things giving your people. But in our country, that is not available. Most of the time, people who have nice job or business can get loans. There are also some financial agencies who offer loans but I cannot also take another one, because I still have some loans to pay. One of the responders mentioned about having a work while she goes to school, as in working student. But I cannot see in my DIL's personality that she can handle that kind of situation. Neil
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 09
That is too bad that school loans are not available where you live. I think she should try to take out a loan to pay for school. If she really wants to go, she needs to do what it takes to keep herself in. Whether that means working while attending school or not, those are sacrifices that adults make in order to further their education. You may not see it in her personality to get a job, but you are eventually going to have to let go and let her make her own mistakes. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. You need to tell her that and tell her that she needs to at least help pay for her schooling. She may not like it, but if she wants to continue to go to school, then you guys need to sit down together and work out a plan that works for both of you. I worked all through college. And I am responsible for my loans as well. She is an adult now, she needs to learn the responsibility of being one. Not everyone in my country is well off enough to have their parents pay for their school. My best friend paid for everything herself. Her parents told her she was on her own as soon as she turned 18. And she is still doing fine today, and she has learned a lot being on her own.
• Italy
30 Jun 09
The other answerers are right! What I can say, in my opinion, is that your daughter have to go to school! By this time, without school, you go nowhere... And so, you have to find a solution, that can be everything, but not your daughter leave school! This is my opinion!!!
1 person likes this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Jul 09
Dear ciccibucci, I understand your position and I respect it. Well, as long as we can handle the situation, she can go to school. But she should also understand my position, I have priorities. My wife and I still have 3 kids younger than her, who also needs my time, care, attention. Neil
1 person likes this
• Italy
2 Jul 09
In my opinion, what is important in this situation is that you don't forbid your daughter to go to school in a prevented manner...
• United States
30 Jun 09
Why don't you and your wife and your step-daughter try to get a job to help pay this off.This is not just some summer trip or anything it is here education.She needs this.
1 person likes this
30 Jun 09
Hi Neil, In this hard time it is so difficult to cope with so many things but in my opinon you should stop her college as she can always go back but I don't really know your situation with your family and your daughter but its a sensible thing to do. Hugs. Tamara
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 09
That just plain ol sucks
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Jul 09
Wow, you really made your first post here on mylot, with that kind of comment, with that kind of idea? If you want to earn what you wish for, that made you join mylot, I advise you to write with good ideas, and not just like that one.
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
2 Jul 09
If I were in your situation right now, I'd have my step-daughter go to college part-time and get a part-time job. With today's economy and everything being so uncertain, we just can't know when things will improve. Going to college part-time with a part-time job will allow her the time to concentrate on her studies, while not causing you debt that you may never get out of. She will also learn the value of money and what it really takes to make it in the world. It will make her appreciate her education even more if she is paying for part of it with the money she earns. Since your wife said that she's expecting help from her relatives, I'd say it's time you saw that financial support. You cannot take on all the responsibility yourself. That is too much for anyone to handle, unless they're making a lot more money than they need. Spending more than you earn will only cause trouble, especially when you have a child who needs medical testing and attention! I'd say your first responsibility is to that baby! His health is more important right now than your step-daughter's education. She can go part-time or put it off a year, at least until you have your baby's health under control. Your wife should be able to understand that. Is your step-daughter's father around? I would say that it is his responsibility to pay for his daughter's education, not yours. I do understand that you want to be able to pay for it, but you can't do everything. Your responsibility is to make sure your children have clothing, shelter, food and medical attention, at least right now. Paying for a college education if you don't have enough money for the necessities is definitely not the right thing to be doing.
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
2 Jul 09
I guess the right thing to do is to find ways on how you can send her to school without being buried in debt. How? Election is coming up so you can ask financial assistance from scholarship programs of politicians and government organizations.The scholl she is into now might offer scholarships or work for tuition programs in her shcool. Do not give up just yet on her. Imagine the emotional stress giving up school may give her.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
oh no, its difficult... i think it would be hurtful to your step daughter if you let her stop going to school, but it will be difficult for you and your family if you continually get drown in debt...support from her relatives? its okay to wait for it if it is sure...but if its not...i don't think so. maybe you can ask your wife to help you regarding this matter, don't let your finances get down coz sooner or later it will affect more of your family... i think it will be better if you enroll her in a cheaper tuition university...i know there are government schools around that offering lower cost of education...and let them understand that that is all you can...and please ask them to cooperate... i wish you will resolved this problem...