Should husband lets the wife manage his salary?

@paying (123)
Singapore
July 1, 2009 1:08am CST
I'm single bread winner, to make my wife feel secure financially (used to work before), I bank in my salary to her account. Every month she will give me some money for my personal needs and to pay utilities,phone,cable tv, cards bills, children school fees. But the problem if she is not in good mood, she will delay the transferring money to me or reduced the amount and caused delay in bills payment and I got stuck with late charges and piled up bills carry forward to next month. Looking forward your experience from both side Man & Woman. Thanks.
3 people like this
18 responses
@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
Well, I do think that it's best to talk to her about this issue. I do think that it's good that you bank in your salary to her account to make her feel secure. However, I do think that it's not right for her to transfer the money late to you and cause the family to have additional late payment charges. I mean women may have their mood swings, but you have to make her understand that the importance of paying the bills on time so as not to incur additional charges for the family. I will say that you may want to work out an agreement with her that when you bank in your salary, it will be after deduction of the bills amount and money for your personal needs. This may be a better solution for all. At least, you will not have to worry about delayed bill payments and late charges. For my case, both of us are working right now. My husband bank in his salary in his account, but I can access his account anytime. There's a time that he had asked me to manage his account by surrendering his atm card to me, but it didn't work in the end, as he's sometimes asked by his company to buy things first and then claim the money later... I'm fine with the current arrangements for now...
@paying (123)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
Thanks, your case similar as mine in early days. I thinks once the woman works and earn some income, she shouldn't quit the job. Every woman like to have their own income for their own needs eg: shopping.My wife, she used to work and the income all for her personal needs. Since day 1 of married, my account is joint with hers and all my saving transfered to her personal account. But when she stop working, she lost her personal income and she feel stupid if have to depend on me and asked me. Yes it is joint account but psychology is not hers. When the saving on her account depleted she become worry,in fact when I got a bonus I share part of it with her. She ever told me she want to see regular income bank in to her account and if I care to her there is no reason for me not to bank in my salary to her. I feel pity & sad for her and immediately I asked my company to bank in to her account except my company expenses / reimbursement bank in to my joint account.
@gcorp09 (940)
• Singapore
3 Jul 09
Okay, I understand your situation. Well, it seems that you did not really like her to quit her job. Just curious, is there any reason why she quit her job? From what I see from your description, she seems to mind a lot on this loss of income. Have you ever thought that it may be better for her to resume working, at least some part-time working, so that she will at least get some income to spend for herself? You may want to talk to her about this possibility too...
@paying (123)
• Singapore
6 Jul 09
Classic reason got kids, looking after the kids. But once yoou stop working for years, it is not easy to re-enter the workforce. For woman to giving up the career need mentally to be prepared.
@srganesh (6349)
• India
1 Jul 09
You are an ideal husband and your wife is not an ideal wife.You are too good to surrender all your salary and get what she allots for you.But given this freedom,she should spare everything at the right time.her moods should not spoil things.Learning her nature,it is high time,you have to take back your powers.Just plan the budget and give her money for household duties alone and pay all the bills yourself.have some money for your pocket alone and save some money without her knowledge.That will be good for your future.Cheers!
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
I expected the guy will give this answer. The word "without her knowledge" is a big problem. I did have some saving with intention one day will give to her as present when reach certain amount. But when she notice I have extra money without her knowledge, she though I'm going to hide some money. Now I can't buy some gift for her and she is not happy :-(
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
hehehe...i think you are right paying! if you save some for yourself "without her knowledge" it might lead you to a trouble...coz even if you have good intention in doing so...she will still think that you are not honest to her and you are hiding something from her aside from the money...hehehe well its the sad truth! for some atleast...
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
Honesty in relationship is important. But my father told me don't be always too honest to your partner. Yeah, canot give her a nice surprised gift :-(
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
aw! you are a good husband i think. its good that you surrender your salary to your wife every payday...but i think delaying the bill payments just because she is not in the mood is something that needs attention...tell her that its a waste of money if she delay the payment with all those late charges... i suggest that, you talk to her and if possible, before you deposit the money in her account, what if you deduct first that amount that's needed to pay the bills? like in my situation, my husband gave me my share in his income and since he has a fixed salary, we make a plan ahead, we have an understanding that he will just give me this specific amount to be used at home and for me...he already deducted his allowance until the next payday...when it comes to bills, well i have the power over it and i save for it...and his role is to add some when i get short in the budget! so, if you are the one who's paying the bills, it would be better if you took it off right away before you give the money to your wife...but talk to her about it before you do it... i hope you will resolve this problem...
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
Thank for your opinion and sharing experience. I'm not that good husband.If i 'm good, should be able to manage this situation like your hubby. When she stop working, I did not make any plan to let my wife become the custodian of my income amd how to manage it. I just want to make her feel secure to see some money flow to her account without make her aware its not all hers. Since day 1 of married I'm the one who always settle the bills, and her salary was for her. The situation change when she is not working, I thinks she has difficulty to adjust and to see the fact that almost 40% of it will flow back to me.
@ckyera (17262)
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
ah okay...i think she will not learn if she will not experience doing the budget at home...i mean i think you should involve her in paying the bills so that she'll understand that its not easy! its true that after stopping going to work its really somehow difficult to adjust when it comes to money matters but again...you can still do something...talk to her nicely and make her understand the situation and maybe you can do some adjustments in budgeting at house... i don't know...i hope that she have a broad and open mind to understand your situation and the difficulty in budgeting and of course of paying bills... :-)
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
My wife opinion the husband is responsible with house hold expenses,She look after the children. I like shames coment on what his dad did. See whether can train her, may be let her see this mylot.
@med889 (5958)
1 Jul 09
This is not good because I believe that the one who works hard has a right over his own money and he is the one to be able to better decide what he wants to do, being responsible is very good, paying bills and so on is a proof of that but waiting when will you get money to buy something important with your own money is not so appreciable.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
oops, this comment should come from guys, interesting. Hmm, I can learn how the other woman thinking. Thanks med.
@agv0419 (3030)
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
It is important to discuss this problem with your wife. It is up to the couple whom of them are going to handle the finances. You are a good husband because you let your wife to handle your salary. I think you should also talk to your wife that you need to pay your bills in time or if she allow you to handle your salary.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
Thanks Agv, I won't take it back from her, but try to explain her carefully on the longterm impact. Mylotters give me a lot of feedback.
@bird123 (10344)
• United States
2 Jul 09
Doesn't sound like good management to me. Do you have 6 month to a year's living expenses saved up in case someone loses their job???? Managing money takes some work. A lot of men let their wives do this for that reason. In a marriage, both should be involved in the management of money.After all, both are responsible for it.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
Nope. The man responsible for this. If doesn't works, means he couldn't manage properly. If this is a corporate world, the CEO made a wrong step and miss managed. Now, his duty to fix it may be need to call consultant to advise him. This forum is one of my step to fix it. Thanks for your comment.
• Philippines
4 Aug 11
I can relate to everything towards the discussion in relation to managing finances.It is somehow a difficult at first on how to solve the conundrum of how to manage the budgeting of the expenses and bills because my husband is the one who handle his atm. I am currently working and my salary is already arranged for food,gas,some bills if the money he has is not sufficient to pay the rest..i will be the one to take over.My only concern is,at first,right after our wedding..he gave me his atm and for me since it was my first time to experience it(bec in my life when i was still single and even had a serious relationship i never encounter such thing that my bf will give me or entrusted his finaces to me cuz we are not husband and wife,and it is a different situation now) and have the chance upon to keep it with me and hand me over his money,atm and the fact that I am his wife I think have the right..but lately he took it from me it is just because i withrew a little money to spend for my personal use and food without informing him first he never trust me anymore.I just thought at first that thre's no need to tell him before I will do that cuz he know for a fact that time I am out of budget...for my allowance and for our needs to be sustained.I was just so sad that our common friend told me that the reason why he is not giving me his atm it's because I might give my family part of our money..well it is just came from our friend's mouth I haven't confronted yet my husband about that,I don't how to say or ask him if it's true,he might be suprised cuz he is nice to my family..well,i will give him the benefit of the doubt.just now I asked my husband that he should give his atm and trust me in budgeting the money we have bec.as a wife and future mother of his kids I need to learn on how to ,staring now.I was so aggravated before but not telling him i felt that way because he don't trust me.I don't know....you know what your wife is lucky because you trust her.you talk to her,he will understand everything most especially it is a money matter.you can deduct your allowance but informed her and asked right away that she should give you money to pay bills..or let her manage the bills and asked if you need something she should give it to you.that is what i am doing whenever my husband hand me over the money and asked if he need something i will just give him enough he should spend for something..i feel so important and resposible...good luck..
@daliaj (5689)
• India
7 Jul 09
You are a very nice husband and your wife is very lucky to have. This is what most of the husbands never do regardless of the factor that the wife is working or not. Most of the wives doesn't know what is the salary or bank balance of their husband. It seems you have a good family life. Instead of putting the money in your wife's account, you can create a combined account and deposit the money there. In my country most of the women are not working. So, some husbands (not many of them)create joint accounts and deposit their earnings. That is good because the wift will feel secure and happy. Otherwise she will feel her life is wasted for working at home, cooking and cleaning for the husband and kids.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
7 Jul 09
Thanks Dalia, creating a joint account is a good things I did this also but not good enough for our case. I read an article that even in US in 1950's-1960's the family situation was similar like some countries in Asia, where woman stay at home looking after the kids & husband. The wife has a trust on the husband that he will look after her & kids. And interestingly it was teach in the US school something like home economic subject. If you have this mind set, as a woman you don't have to know and you won't interested in your husband income. My late mother never know how much was my father income and she didn't bother. My father will ensure the income is enough for the family if necessary he will take another job or look for other source of income. But in presence day,my wife look at my father as a stingy husband. :(
@geniustiger (1699)
• Philippines
4 Jul 09
In my knowledge from marrying during the seminar in church and after marriage the priest will say that the wife should be the one to be a treasurer in the family. For the husband will work to sustain his family until forever. But sometimes it depends upon you both who will manage it smoothly. You can talk of it privately whose the best from both of you will hold it. In my experienced I am the one managing it. My hubby remits his income during payday. We decided it that I will be. It depends upon you.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
4 Jul 09
This is actually what I want. The wife is responsible to manage the family account and the husband to remit accordingly and ensure sufficient. The issue she never want to take this role.It is not easy because you need to balance between expenses & income. If she did this, it will make my life easier and she lost the power. As i mentioned above, I can survive without allowance from my wife and it won't make me worry about her. I think she look at me as "outsider" not part of the family. She never 'realized' by doing this as 'punishment' to me will impact to family in long term. And she knows that I will do everything to protect the family.
@mjmlagat (3171)
• Philippines
4 Jul 09
WoW! it's so wonderful of you to do that, your wife must be very happy. seldom these days that husband's have that notion of making their wives feel secure by financial assurance. but anyways, that's some kind of issue you have there, you need to discuss the matter seriously with your wife..she must be very considerate about it since you have showed her enough to make her feel loved.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
4 Jul 09
Since she stop working, money never been enough no matter how much I earn. Yes, its make her feel secure but in other way it become her power. There are 2 things that I've concern / worry in this marriage life: Money & Job. Worry that I'm not able to look after the family. If something that make her not happy she will play this card. She know that I love her & family very much and I wanted to take care of them well. And I will frustrated if I don;t have any income to support the family (pay bills etc). I'm kind of person can sacrifice myself for her & family. Let say, if she is the one who manage the family expenses even tough she delay or stop my allowance, I won't worry so much because I know she has more than enough money for family expenses, Looks strange our relationship?
@iamsolucky (1243)
• Philippines
4 Jul 09
Im married but i dont ask how much my husband makes, he knows i am also working well and have stable work. We just share paying expenses but most of the times he is the one who cash out. I dont have a problem on it since i also bank my salary for the two of us. We havent face angry conversation regarding money yet, but im hoping it wont be a serious problem in near future. Happy mylotting and smile always!
@paying (123)
• Singapore
4 Jul 09
It is not must for both to know the detail how much he or she earn. OF course the man will be the main player to take care the family expenses and if required the partner can help to contribute. Thanks.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
3 Jul 09
I do not think that it's right that she does this because she's in a bad mood. I can understand that being in a bad mood can make you do some crazy things though, so I am not doubting her reasonings. I think though that you should have her give the money on a certain day and keep it to be given on that day so as to be on a schedule, so when she does get mad she may more likely give you the money. Do you think that she could be upset that she is no longer working and feels bad and doesn't feel as if you or the children appreciate all she does? Maybe you could ask her if she'd like to work part time or something of the sort, bringing it up without upsetting her. My fiance and I have already decided that our money is our money, whether one or both of us is working we'll each have access to the money and neither will give money for this or that, but will tell "hey I want this, or hey I need that!". Most likely we'll be doing our shopping together as is as I don't drive, so everything that I buy he'll know of. We're trying to set up a reasonable system, or I think we will once we're required to be responsible for ourselves. I appreciate this discussion, it's very good.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
4 Jul 09
Thanks cowgirl, Pre-agreement prior to married or stay together is important to have common understanding.We have lack on this area. Trust definitely needed but we need to anticipate others like bad mood swing too.
• Malaysia
3 Jul 09
no. if she's on time with managing your bills then i guess it is ok. but clearly she's not. so i guess you split the responsibility. some she take care some you take charge of. let see how it goes.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
3 Jul 09
I don't mind to received very little allowance from her as long as she take part on all the household expenses/bills. Ah, sometimes she is very childish. I impress with all of lotters wise comment, you are much younger than my wife. Thanks.
@Ritchelle (3797)
• Philippines
2 Jul 09
as for your question as the title of your discussion my answer is yes, the man should let his wife know of his salary. why not? i thought there are no secrets to a marriage. unless you're donald trump or bill gates you can go like, "honey, i'm not so sure about all of my salary but i'd give a call to my accountant and i'd let you know soon." as for the bills piling up your wife would also suffer the interest piling up and that means less (although i know not significant decrease) in her shopping money. let her. although if you've grown up with no late bill payments like me it may start a fight. but unless you have a notice already then let her delay your money. she would also suffer the consequences anyway.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
In the short term she won't suffer, because she control the cash.Her cash flow never disturb. But in long term, yes both of us will suffer the bank will chase us, the utilities, phone will terminated by the the time may be too late. I've warned my wife on this scenario hope will open her mind. Thanks.
@kmaram (2535)
• Philippines
2 Jul 09
Well i am currently staying at home and my hubby is the one who works for our living. I am glad that he gives me everything of his salary. He just keep something for himself because he was working abroad. But more of his salary was given to me. I am the one who managed all expenses here and i am glad that he trust me. That's why we are still here even he works miles away from us the word "trust" .. Anyway about your problem i dont think its proper for her to act like that. Maybe you should talk about this matter because this is not normal, better talk to her now before its to late. I think thats the best way to do for now. Well goodluck to you, i hope your problem will be solve as soon as possible. Keep on posting good discussion and happy mylotting
@paying (123)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
Wow, he is very lucky to have some one who willing to manage family account. He just work to earn more money for you :-) I've a trust on her, when the things happened I always remind her that I trust her very much to be the custodian of my salary. Thanks.
• Philippines
1 Jul 09
Funny?? but it seems that i do the same to my hubby too since he also give me his salary. well, i dunno about men but most women are better suit in budgeting to almost every daily needs than men. but regarding to that situation, i don't think she should put her own personal matters involving financial obligation. meaning, it's not fair for her to delay giving simply because of that reason. but the advice that was given earlier about paying bills first before giving it to your wife is a good one too. better talk to her first.
@paying (123)
• Singapore
2 Jul 09
It is direct transfer from my company to her account. Actually, I prefer her to put aside for house hold expenses first and just give me a bit for my personal expenses the rest for hers.But this is not her type. Thanks.
• India
1 Jul 09
As i am still a student and unmarried. but according to me, for a good relationship understanding between the couple is very important, especially about financial matters. so i think u should talk to your wife seriously and it is better toopen a joint account
@paying (123)
• Singapore
1 Jul 09
Hmm interesting. My account is joint account, her account is single. She can see mine but I can't see hers. You are right before start the marriage don't hesitate to discuss or set a rule on financial matter especially if only one person working. thanks.
@RitterSport (2452)
• Germany
24 Jun 11
hi paying its understandable that it annoys you when you have unnecessary charges as your wife does not pay the bills in time. We are married now for 6 years and I am the main breadwinner as my husband is disabled. We budgeted before we got married, everyone of us kept his and her own checking account and we set up as to who pays what. As I earn I manage the bigger part of our income and thats totally okay with my husband. In general I think the one who is more cautious with spending money should handle it.
@flmora (1)
• Japan
24 Jun 11
Hello "paying", Did you solve your problem with your wife, from 2 years ago? Are you guys still married? I just read our post and thought Why don't you receive the salary yourself, deduct the amount needed for personal expense and bills, then give her the amount left. Anyway, I think your wife should handle paying bills, since she is a housewife after all. In my case both me and my husband work full time. But I have always paid for every expense in the house. I earn more than he does, so my salary is enough to cover all expenses. We had a conversation about this once, and he says money in my account is our money, so we can spend it whenever we need to. Until now I just didn't bother asking him for money, and paid for rent, food, kid's school expenses...etc, because everything is paid from my account or credit card. However now, I am pregnant and my maternity leave starts soon. Also I am not sure if I will go back to work again. So he will probably be the only one working from now on. I am not used to ask money from my husband, but I told him to start giving me all his salary. He said, tell me how much you need and for what, then I will bring you whatever the amount you need. I am just so angry and frustrated, because I feel very financially insecure, and don't want to beg him for money just because I am pregnant and can't work. Do you or does anyone think he should give me the total amount? After all this time I paid for everything I never imagined I would be in this situation. I know of course he will give me whatever I ask for, but why do I have to ask for every little expense. I know money in his account is our money, but I want to have direct access to it. If you have solved your problem with your wife, and from a man's point of view, please give me some advice. Thanks.
• Philippines
30 Jun 10
It is ok to let the wife manage the family's money, actually that should be the proper way since women are better in budgeting than men (I'm speaking in general) Maybe you should be more kinder to your wife so she will always be in good mood, therefore will give you enough or more than what you need, or maybe try to have a second income so if there are shadowy times you have the fall back. Try to visit http://asecondincome.net/ this site will give you fresh ideas on how to earn extra or maybe double your present income.