Adoption

@LeavaoDe (350)
United States
July 4, 2009 6:42pm CST
Good evening my fellow myLotters, I was recently asked if I would ever consider adoption. My response was considered selfish and I don't know why. Maybe you all can help me to better understand it. My answer was I guess two parted. First I would love to have my own children. Children that would carry on the bloodlines of my spouse (someday I'll have :)) and myself. and the second, if I were unable to have children yes I would consider adoption. There are lots of children out there that need loving homes. I know that and am fully aware of that. I know the adoption process is very hard and witness it first hand by couples close to me. My best friend and her husband went through the process of adoption. On two occasions the adoption did not happen and it hurt them dearly. Both situations the mother decided to keep the child. I think that was great but sad and hurtful for them as they were part of the pregency the whole time. (went to appointments etc) On the third shot everything worked out great and now the have a beautiful son. I personally don't know if I could have handled that kind of situation. So if I were unable to have children yes I would adopt. Do you think that my response was selfish? Thank you for reading. Happy myLotting!!
1 person likes this
12 responses
@maximax8 (29050)
• United Kingdom
20 Jul 09
I know a lady that was unable to get pregnant. She and her husband adopted two boys and a girl. The children were 9, 7 and 4 years old. So they were available for adoption being older and a sibling group of 3. I know that there is a ten year waiting for couples wanting to adopt a newborn baby. They like to match couples to a particular child and consider color plus religion seriously. Really I think that is awful because a caring person wanting to adopt would probably want any child that needed a loving home. The poor couple must have disappointed to have missed being able to adopt one baby, then another, because the mothers decided to keep their baby. It was lucky that they got a lovely son on their third attempt. If I adopted I would hope to adopt a child of between 3 and 8 years old, perhaps a girl.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
20 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. I think it's wonderful that she and her husband were able to adopt children that weren't babies. I know a lot of people want to adopt babies and I can understand that. It's wonderful I think because there are so many older children that would love to be adopted into wonderful homes with loving families. :) Happy myLotting!!
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
9 Jul 09
Hello. No I do not feel your response was selfish. I have 5 children of my own but if I wasn't able to have any of course I would adopt. I think adoption is a good thing for those fit to adopt. There are so many children out there in this world needing good homes. I can no longer have children but my fiance wants one so we have discussed the adoption thing. Don't know if it will happen or not but I am open for it.
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
10 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. I hope things work out for you and your fiance. Things will work out the way it suppose to. :) Happy myLotting!!!
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
5 Jul 09
That is far from a selfish response. I would of gave the same answer as yourself. My fiance and I are trying to having a baby now. And it is very hard on both of us. I have PCOS and they told me I can never have children. But we are trying anyway and see where it goes from there. I really do feel for your friends who had to go through 2 processes and not have a child at the end. It is hard as I have seen it so many times with my close friends and some family as well. I really wouldn't worry about what others think about your answer on this. I think alot of people would agree on this with you and know that you are not being selfish.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Hi. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for sharing with us. It's nice to know. Happy myLotting and good luck!
@meliora (54)
• United States
5 Jul 09
I don't think that your response is selfish at all. Whether to adopt or have your own children is entirely a personal choice. It's only natural to want to give birth to a child. Irong t's a part of our instinct, and a very strong instinct indeed. There are many children wanting good homes, yes. But this doesn't mean that you have to adopt one of them instead of having your own. It really is a personal choice.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. I think that it only natural to want to give birth to your own children. You're right that it is a strong instinct indeed. A personal choice that each couple has to make and not lightly. Happy myLotting!!!
@meandmy3 (2228)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Not selfish at all, I think whomever told you that is short sided and thinks of themselves more than they do others. The desire to have your own children is natural and you are willing to adopt if you are unable to conceive a child. What is selfish about that?
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. I don't think it's selfish at all. Happy myLotting!!!
• Philippines
5 Jul 09
Adoption is a good option if you are unable to bear a child and its not a selfish reason. I am also thinking of being single and I will just adopt a child in the future. I used to have a bf, he doesn't want to have a child. He said he wants to adopt a child because he was adopted as well which is also quite good but other women may not seem to agree with that.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. Each person has their own take on adoption. I think that it's great the he wants to adopt because he was adopted. Good luck! Happy myLotting!
@hartnsoul (558)
• Philippines
5 Jul 09
Adoption is quite a sensitive topic. Reading your post, I don't feel your response was selfish. You were simply articulating the pros and cons of adoption. If your able to bear your own bloodline, its a blessing. But if biologically you cannot, adoption would be a noble way for you and for the child you will be adopting. But of course, that child belongs to another who might in time find ways to be reunited. Bottom line, in considering adoption, make sure that you and your spouse are in agreement and when you do adopt somebody, treat that person like your own and simply have an open mind to other possibilities. If our biological children are loans from God, same with the adopted ones. right?
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thank you for commenting. I agree with you that everyone (you and your spouse) have to be in agreement and that the child should be treated as your own. Because really they are. :) You are absolutely right! Children are a blessing that must be treasured, blood or not! Happy myLotting!!!
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
5 Jul 09
You are not being selfish for considering adoption! I think that would be a wonderful idea! Like you said there are lots of children out there that are up for adoption! More people,who want to adopt, should try adopting children instead of a baby all the time! There are alot of wonderful chidren out there looking for loving homes! Anyway 19 and a half years ago I had a son I gave up for adoption. My life was a mess the father was a jerk and more of a mess then me! I didn't do an open adoption because I it wasn't gor me! I went through an adoption agency. I know I did the right thing and never regreted it! There are to many teenage girls that keep their babies when the babies would be better off being put for adoption! That is my opinion and I love hearing when peole do adopt! It is a good thing to do!
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. Yes adopting is a good thing. Sometimes its for the better. We'll have to wait and see. :) Happy myLotting!!!
@Glow1971 (354)
• Spain
5 Jul 09
No, I don't see how you response was selfish. It's all about personal preference and what you want and feel comfortable with. Congratulations to your friends for hanging on 3 times and finally got what they wanted..a beautiful son. I too would prefer my own children but if i couldn't have any, then I too would consider adopting and yes there are many children out there who need to be adopted but noone can force you to adopt. Again, it's all about what you want.. :)
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thanks for commenting. You're right that it is a personal preference and on top of that it is a decision that must be made together. Happy myLotting!!!
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
5 Jul 09
I don't see why your response was selfish at all. Perhaps they were hoping you would say yes to adoption, not just saying yes if it was absolutely the last resort? But no one can force you to want to adopt if you don't want to and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to, as long as you don't want to for the right reasons. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have your own children instead of adopting. :) Me, personally, I've already told my hubby that we can have a couple of children that share our genes, but we want about 5 children, so I said I'll give birth to the first few or whatever, but after that I want us to adopt. My father adopted me when he married my mother and if it hadn't been for him I never would've had a father and I'm very grateful for that and I know first hand how adoption can affect a child's life and I want to pass that on. My hubby was resistant at first, but after we discussed it he's ok with it, as long as we can give birth to a few and adopt at least one. ^_^ Best of both worlds, I think.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi. Thank you for commenting. I am not opposed to adopting I would like to have someone to carry and share our genes. I have friends that have been adopted and they love the fact that they were adopted. Someday maybe I will be able to adopt. I don't know if it'll be possible but it is an option for me. Like you and your husband discussed it first, I think that is great and a must. While it is an option for me the decision has to be made together. :) Happy myLotting!!!
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
5 Jul 09
absolutely, that is if i could afford it. my hubbys sister and her hubby have adopted two little girls from china and they are very sweet. lily is 6 and jasmine is 2 and of course, they have a much better life than in the orphanage where they were. however, that being said, it cost them about $20,000 to bring both of the girls to canada, not a cheap venture for sure.
1 person likes this
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi thanks for commenting. I agree that it is a better life than in an orphanage and if you can afford it. Happy myLotting!!!
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
4 Jul 09
No, I do not see your response as selfish. Adoption is a very personal decision that couples make and can generally depend on the circumstances, for instance they cannot have children of their own. I think adoption is somewhat like abortion, no one truly knows what they would do until the time comes and people just love to argue these two subjects
@LeavaoDe (350)
• United States
4 Jul 09
Hi thanks for commenting. You're right that it is a very personal decision. People do love to argue about both subjects. Each is a personal decision and no matter how much they explain it there will always be opposition to what is decided. Happy myLotting!!!