When you're frustrated...what to do?

@worldwise1 (14887)
United States
July 4, 2009 8:50pm CST
Today has been an emotional one for me, and it has left me feeling very frustrated. I phoned my sister to wish her a happy birthday, and, as usual, she ended up getting on my bad side. I didn't want to yell at her or get into an argument, so I quickly ended the call. The incident succeeded in ruining an otherwise good day for me. My oldest daughter gives me a lot of flack about not calling to check up on her more often, but that is the reason why. We are poles apart on almost every issue, and I've long since given up trying to reason with her. Is there someone in your life who has such an effect on you? What do you do if you can't yell at them? I try to consider that she is ill, but there is a limit to how much I can take.
3 people like this
13 responses
@kruxius (204)
• Portugal
5 Jul 09
I know the solution... Ihat that kinda prolems too and its soo easy to solve. Ok, first you have to trust more on your daughter i can see you are stressed and thats not healthy, dont mess up your daughter calling her over and over just think about anything else she will be just okay! When you are frostrated the best thing you can do is say okay you are right to the person that you want to yell with turn over and go away... take into a quiet place where you can be alone just close your eyes and think on the best moments you had with your wife family kids pets whatever your best moments of yout life breathing deply and deply sitted down on the floor do this for about 2-3 minutes open your eyes go near the person that you where wanting to yell with and if its your daughter just say sorry i love you say this to anyone you can and if its someone else just go there if you did anything wrong say sorry and smile if not just look at and smile!!! This should solve all your problems meditation its the best thing to do to get you on the perfect state of mind!!! Just be happy!!! ;D
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
In my heart I know you are probably right, kruxius, but I am the stubborn type. It is very hard for me to just give in.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hey worldwise~I have that kind of relationship with my own Mother. I love her dearly, but we fight all the time and never agree on anything. She thinks that everything I do or have ever done in my life has been wrong and loves to pick on me and argue with me. I am 56 and she is 78! So when does it ever stop? She constantly yells at me and pushes me to my limit! What am I supposed to do? So we end up fighting and then not speaking for awhile! So I can see where your coming from and don't have an answer for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jul 09
This sounds like my daughter and husband and now it is starting to affect our relationship (mine and my husbands) and I am very frustrated.She lives on our property but she makes the property payment and she owns the trailer that she lives in and yet he is mad at her right now because her grass didn't get mowed the day that he told her to do it and won't talk to her unless he is yelling at her about how irresponsible she is. By the way,she just graduated from high school in June and she is only 18. Her mobile home was paid for by her only and she has bought her own car and pays all of her own bills and she has no health insurance and deals with chronic neurological Lyme disease daily. I think that she is very responsible and it should be up to her when she mowes her grass.They fight so much and I feel caught in the middle and it drives me crazy!!
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Yes, Opal, I can see that you know my situation very well, and I am inclined to agree that there is no real answer here. To carolscash: Your daughter sounds like she is very level-headed and responsible. Tell your hubby to go on any news site and read some of the things that are going on with some young people her age, and I think he will start to appreciate her more.
• United States
6 Jul 09
I tell him that all the time and others tell him that she is a good girl,but for some reason he just seems to still want to be able to be in control of something in her life and this is his way of trying to do that,but he is alienating her and doesn't realize it.
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Sometimes you just have to let things like that be. My mother and I have issues when we talk. She wants me to move back home and I have no desire to do so. She can be very controlling and we actually get along better if I live several states away. No one in the family realizes this is the case but me so I catch a lot of flack for living so far away. And I try to call my Mom when I can, and sometimes we have okay conversations and sometimes she makes me cry. I just try to do the best I can and not worry about it the rest of the time. And as far as calling your sister goes, my Dad doesn't get along with his sister and hasn't called her in years. If it upsets you to call her, then don't. The phone does work both ways and if she is interested in your well being let her call you for a change.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
You might have just become my best friend, Aurone!Years ago I made the decision to remove all of the toxic people from my life that I reasonably could. Of course, that isn't so easy with relatives, but you can limit the amount of contact you have with them. My sister's illness doesn't give her a free pass any more than mine does. When she was in good health I rarely heard from her for years.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4758)
• United States
6 Jul 09
If she didn't call you in years, then I wouldn't worry about her. I have come to realize that just because people are family does not obligate us to care about them. If they are not good people, sharing genetics with them should not make us suffer their company. We might feel bad about it cause we are supposed to love our family, but I don't think it means we have to unnecessarily suffer their company especially in your case where it actually distresses you to have contact with her.
• United States
5 Jul 09
Unfortunately, I have a few in my life, that know how to push my buttons. My sister is also one of them, and saddly she is my only sister (I have no brothers either). For years I envied her because it seemed like she had 3 perfect kids who did no wrong. The truth is she never shared anything they did wrong, with me. She never wanted anyone to know that they weren't perfect. She was also a person who seemed to get along with everyone, never appeared to have a bad day, always had a smile for everyone. While I was the opposite...I was an open book...always shared my opinions and views with other people, while my sister was very closed mouth. I wasn't afraid to admit that I had weaknesses, while my sister wouldn't dear to display any of hers. So at one time, I believed she was perfect, envied her completely, and thought I was the bad guy all the time. Actually she was either perfect or the biggest phony that I knew. I even spoke about her in counseling one day, stating that I had a perfect sister. Those counseling sessions showed me that she played the role of the "People Pleaser", and that down deep inside, there was a whole other person that wasn't coming thru. Then one day, my sister and I had the opportunity to hash out our differences, and what I found out was totally amazing...I learned from her that she molded herself to be someone different everytime she was with someone different... When she was with one friend, she was one person, and when she was with another friend, she would be what she thought that person wanted her to be like. OMG! How can someone live like that! Therefore, to this day, I really don't know who my sister is...because I don't know if she is actually molding herself to be someone else when she is with me. She also tends to be very controlling..she assumes that I should feel about things the way she does, and doesn't understand why I don't. I could write for hours about her, but I don't think there's enough space. So, yes, I think we all have someone in our family who completely frustrates us. The ony way I cope with it, is to have very little contact with her. I have my own friends, and my own hobbies, I don't depend on her for my happiness. If she calls me, I talk to her, but once we hang up, I let it go and don't get too upset as I used to get. And if it really frustrates me, I call a friend and vent.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Your situation sounds very similar to mine, SweetChariot! My sister is very materialistic; I couldn't care less about material things. She likes to boast about what she has; I have very little, and wouldn't want to boast about it if I had a lot. She doesn't like anyone;I tend to get along well with others. Two peas in a pod we are not. We did get along well a long time ago, before she turned into this stranger that I hardly know anymore. I call to check up on her now and then, and leave it at that.
• United States
6 Jul 09
It sounds like she is very jealous of you because you seem to be happy with very little. Most people who go about bragging about what they have is because they are very insecure people and need to feel accepted somehow. The problem with my sister is that she doesn't tell me anything..lol... she can be going on vacation to a great place, and she will never tell me she's going. Whether or not she feels bad because she didn't ask me to go with her, or she thinks I will be jealous of her...I don't know. She can go out an buy a new car, and I'd never know about it until I saw her in it. She tells me nothing. Maybe she doesn't want to appear that she is bragging, however, I hate being left out of my only sister's life. I would not be jealous...I would like the opportunity to share in my sister's good fortune. But she doesn't allow me to. Everything is a big secret. Thanks for the BR.
@celticeagle (121017)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Jul 09
Usually it is the other way around. The kids call to see how the parent is. If she is ill that may be part of the frustration she is feeling. Just hug her and tell her to shush. She needs to have some respect whether she feels you should have called more or not. No reason for you to reason with her. Just tell her how it is. If doesn't like it that is just a shame.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
If only that would work, celticeagle!She is even more stubborn than I am, if you can believe that!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (121017)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jul 09
Oh come on! Someone more stubborn than you! Find that very hard to believe. Haha
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Hi Worldwise. These are what I call "negative people" and I think we all know a number of them. Like you, I try to keep contact to a minimum, since some of the ones I know are people I do love. When the conversation goes badly, then yes, I cut it short. To keep it from ruining my day, I try to quickly get involved in something I enjoy, and realize that by hanging onto the bad mood, I am letting a negative person frustrate me even more! Karen
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
That's great advice, Peaceful, and I think I should take you up on it.
@meliora (54)
• United States
5 Jul 09
Well, firstly. Agree to disagree with those in your life that you don't mesh with on every issue. You don't love them and want them in your life based on the fact that they agree with you on everything, you love them for them. Try your best to remember that. Another thing you can do to brighten your day or refresh yourself is to play a song that you like, and sit down and listen to it. For the minutes that the song is playing, don't worry about anything and tell yourself that you don't have to do or think about anything. It helps.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I am far from the kind of person who wants everyone to agree with me, meliora. In fact I go out of my way to avoid people most of the time simply because I do not need all of the drama that people love so much.
• India
5 Jul 09
This is depends upon the environment where ur sister is and in which situation she is in. Try to put your self in her shoes and think about her. As u will be knowing ur sister very well, her charecter, mentality and her nature as everyone is different from others. You concentrate on happiness joy and harmony and also about yourself.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
My sister is in a very good place, pallalegend. She is better off than I am, but we are total opposites in almost everything.
• Philippines
5 Jul 09
I become frustrated when I do not accomplish my goals. I become sad and when it really bad. I don't like to go out to a party. I may better to be alone. Then, I read magazines, books or watch movies at home. Then, when I am already back at my own self. I am cheerful and usually like to chat with my friends. I do not like to disturb my friends or family when I have my own problem. I solve it by myself and if it is really troubles me. Then, it is only the time I consult the advices of my older sister or with my mother. I do not yell when angry, but will sulk only in silence and never talk with the person whom I am angry. But, I am easy to forgive and will never like to put too much hatred. It is bad to my health, and instead on focusing on the anger. I divert myself to be busy and more productive toward my work.
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@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I usually don't have a problem getting along with anyone, neelianoscet, but it is different when it comes to my sister. I think that she wants something from me that I am unable to give. I do love her, but I just cannot take too much of her.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
5 Jul 09
That happenes to me in my life also. I do not contact alot of my family either because of it. I wish them well but do not have time for the crap either. I do not want to yell at them either so I just avoid them.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
6 Jul 09
My daughter finally saw reason, stephcjh, and said that she now understands why I prefer to spend so much time on my computer rather than socializing with the family.
@Archie0 (4669)
28 Sep 09
[i]Hello worldwise i am too frustrated today, its really hurting me in very bad terms.For me life feels a burden now, i feel that it is enough to live here i cannot react on my frustration because i am so much so very much become lame that i dont know how and what to react on it. I feel that i am lost somewhere in times where i cannot see my present and my past its all blurred up.Just so much blurred up[/i]
• United States
21 Sep 09
If there were a person who pushes my buttons Every time we meet, I would avoid them. In fact the relationship would have to end. I have a very bad temper and I don't want to lose it every day so i avoid the triggers. Is there any subject you and your daughter can agree on? if so, I would just stick to it and avoid all the rest. The same with your sister. But if there isn't? Then just keep yor distance.
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
9 Jul 09
Your post made me think about an ongoing situation I have that is frustrating and stressful. I have asked the powers that be to remove the problem but I think I will ask for the wisdom and courage to deal with it instead. I hope tp get a result soon because my quality of life suffers from this problem and as a result my happiness and equilibrium are out of sorts. I feel your frustration my friend.