Are You "Living In Sin?"

@MegDM123 (145)
United States
July 6, 2009 9:35am CST
I don't like calling it that, but my mother sure does :) I like to use the word "cohabitating", because that is what we are doing. We have pooled our resources, share the responsiblity, and have agreed to be committed to each other and only each other. Basically we have married each other without the legal ramifications. Yes, one day we will marry and have children, but for now we are happy and do not feel like getting in debt to plan a wedding. Some studies/surveys say that those who lived together before they got married are happier and the divorce rate is lower. Other studies/surveys say that couples who have lived together are more likely to divorce. Who knows... But what about you? Are you currently "cohabitating?" Do your family members consider it "a sin"?
2 people like this
20 responses
@Galena (9123)
6 Jul 09
nope. I'm not living in sin. I'm living with the man I love. that is NOT a sin.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jul 09
Is the man you love and is living with your husband; are you married to him?
@Galena (9123)
7 Jul 09
we're getting married in September, after many happy years together. I truly find it shocking that anyone could label our relationship to this point as sinful. love is beautiful. it fills you with light, with peace, with warmth. love is a beautiful thing. love is not a sin.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I feel the exact way! I don't have to be legally bound to a person in order for my lord to save me...BLAH BLAH BLAH!
@sexyposh (576)
• Philippines
6 Jul 09
Maybe it depends on which country or culture you grew up. Like me, in the Philippines, people here are so conservative. Living together before marriage is considered already an adultery, and the neighbors will fiest of gossip about you. Some go out of the elders way. They think that living together is a "testing ground" if you two are really compatible... I'm in a relationship right now, but I stick to what the culture says... We're not living together... hehe:)
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Oh yes, I do believe that it is the culture. My mother is hispanic and a roman catholic, that is why she considers it a sin.
• United States
7 Jul 09
I like our cultural practices when it comes to marriage (of course not the gossip thing there). We are still holding a high standard of morality when it comes to relationship. Here in the USA, they are very loose about it. Living together w/o marriage is very common here; they even seem to make it a practice before getting married. Also even in the church you can see estranged couples sitting together w/ each others' new partner; no big deal to them.
• Kottayam, India
6 Jul 09
It is absolutely adultery, though you can give so many other names to it.All people are sinners by birth, so we cannot blame somebody, look to ourselves and correct.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
WHAT?!?! Are you saying that me and my boyfriend are adulterers because we are not married? With no due disrespect to your culture or preferences, that doesn't make any sense based on the definition of adultery.
• Kottayam, India
6 Jul 09
my Lot is a place where we express, our opinions, or beliefs which may not find suitability to your like or dislike.you are free to chose what ever way you want to live. if i have said something which is hurt your feelings, please forget it.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
6 Jul 09
people are sinners by birth?...which verse from the bible can you read that passage?...whoever told you that we are sinners from birth?...
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Well I guess you could call it that, My fiance and I live with his parents, we share a bedroom (not with his parents!) but we're getting married soon. I don't think anyone really thinks of it as living in sin except for a few of his older relatives, I don't really think my family cares as they aren't as religious as they used to be.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
OOOh, when's the wedding?
1 person likes this
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
It that the two of you making a heart with your arms in your picture? It's a cute pic...
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Oh lol, no that picture I can't take credit for. Found it online, but the idea isn't a bad one! Might do that for the wedding if I think about it. Oh and it's in September 26th, important day for us and birthday's for two people we know!
6 Jul 09
i live with my boyfriend in my mothers house, and she doesnt have a problem with it whatsoever. My own parents both lived togehter for 20 years had my brother and myself. they then decided to get married and 2 years later they were divorced. I dont think i would personally get married, me and my "boyfriend" have been living together for over a year now, we are commited to each other and make decisions together as a married couple would do. we dont need to have a certificate to proove our love for each other.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I feel the same way - We are not intentionally NOT getting married to prove a point, we are just not rushing to get married to make everyone else happy. This is just another paradigm that needs to be pushed...
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Thank you for the clarification on adultery and fornification. I new that the word was not being used right. As for accepting the lord, I have - he has given me the right to choose and I choose to make myself happy. What kind of Lord would want anything other than that?
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
6 Jul 09
legally speaking it is a sin...wedding ceremonies are just formalities for a marriage,but when we say biblically, two people loving each other faithfully and living in harmony with respect is a legal binding in the eyes of the Lord...a replationship becomes a sin when someone committed adultery and betrayed his/her partner...but as long as you stay faithful and live for the rest of your life,it is more decent compared to those married couples but having secret affairs.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Those who live together have made the committment to themselves, and that is all that matters. I agree with you that I would rather be "living in sin" then being a married woman having an affair.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
6 Jul 09
let me correct you my friend...you are not livin in sin...u are just living in without the blessing of any church or civil rites...but it is not considered as a sin....unless u will betray ur partner is it then,u have committed adultery or bigamy even if u are not married legally,but in the eyes of the LOrd...you are sinner then..so stay faithful and never mind the people gossiping around...who can stand infront of you and dare to say...they are more faithful to their partners ...sometimes people who judges others are the most sinful one...
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
7 Jul 09
I agree - Somepeople need the blessing of the church. My boyfriend and do not. My mother does wish we would get married in a church with a priest, but that is not what we want. And that is really what's it about. I know that may sound selfish, but that is how we feel.
@Courtom (288)
• Canada
6 Jul 09
My family members would not consider it a sin, though we are not religious. I also believe that the general consensus of people in my country, town, area would not believe it to be either. I live in Canada. I accept peoples beliefs though I do not adopt them for my own. I do not judge people, as they should not judge me. I think life is life and it should be lived not bound by guidelines, restrictions, religion. Everything changes. Especially in these harsh economical times. I think what you are doing is for the best interest of you two. I believe that living with someone before marriage is very important. Marriage is just a legal contract, and for some a religious one under the eyes of their god. I am sure that religious people think that their god can see them and their true intentions. As long as your heart and head is in the right direction, you shouldn't worry. I respect everyones views, opinions and beliefs. I do not preach to anyone, as they should not preach to you.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Thank you. Don't get me wrong, moving in together is a big step just like getting legally married. It was not a step we took lightly. I agree with you that you should live with someone before you get married because you need to know them on a different level first. We have been living together since January '08 and it has been great so far. I know that we will get married, but I don't know if I could have said that if we hadn't had this special time together.
@Courtom (288)
• Canada
6 Jul 09
you are in every way a perfect example of what living with someone can do for a couple. I take marriage seriously, and would never marry someone without knowing them inside and out, that includes living with them. You learn a lot about someone, from chores, to how much they sleep, to sharing finances, etc. Also, I think it is smart to not want to put yourselves in debt. I am sure you have a saving fund for the big day, if not, It is a good idea to start one. Plus, if there is no rush, you can take time with planning. I know a couple who are living together in a tiny basement apartment, both saving every penny they have. they plan to get married after they buy a house, love is exciting!
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Exactly what we are doing. We want the "big day" to be a celebration, not a big debt that will follow us for along time.
• United States
7 Jul 09
Ok, in my own personal opionion, here goes: Surveys are done by part of the people, and most of those "don't" read the Bible. Now, if you were actually concerned about the matter, and not spending a lot of money, then a simple ceremony, would be sufficient. Many people that already live together simply go before a Justice of the Peace, and a ceremony is preformed. You are married without all the added expense. I mean, honestly, you are not going to have a bridal shower after being together for so long anyway, are you? And, there are just lots of things to look at here. You have agreed to put your thoughts into words and tell each other that it's permanent, so..why not make a choice, and make it in writing? I saw a woman here recently, that never got married to her man, even though they lived together for years. When he went through a stroke, she had NO say so, over anything. The family took over, and even now, she has no say so, over anything...even the house she lives in.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
That is an extremely sad situation. I don't have an issue with marriage. The only outrage I have shown was being called an adulterer - which was corrected by another lotter (THANKS :)). I just wanted to know whether or not people consider living together being a sin? I take it that you do feel like is a sin. Which is fine - I don't.
• United States
8 Jul 09
I did not say that i don't approve of what you are doing! That is your business. You ask for an opionion, and in all honesty, i gave mine. I lived in sin for years, so i have no reason to judge you on anything. We are all sinners, but i do believe in marriage between two people who plan on spending their lives together. To me, it just makes sense.
@eileenleyva (10984)
• Philippines
7 Jul 09
Hi MegDM123, your mother's terminology sounds hurting because it speaks of the truth. That is as far as my faith would tell me. As to the legal part, every citizen is bound by law and the option not to obey it is not lawful. As to the relationship lasting a lifetime, no amount of divorce studies can say if a marriage can last. It takes two people in love unconditionally to live a lifetime for each other. The finances is a never ending issue. The point is, if you two are of legal age and are in love, why don't you live life rightly instead of defying the norms of good conduct. Cohabitation is a term attempting to make the situation decent. Why not marriage which will settle everything honorably.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Why is it that I have to follow societies norms to "live life rightly"? Rules are different than norms. I follow the rules - I pay taxes, don't speed, don't rob or murder. Is that not enough for "THE LORD?" Why do I have to be straight or skinny or rich or married? I don't - that is why I can make this choice. I can understand how you have either been raised differently or believe differently, and I appreciate that. My mother doesn't completely agree. But as my mother, she just wants me happy, and she see that I am. That is what is the most important - not what society thinks of me or others who are cohabitating.
@eileenleyva (10984)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
But meg, there is an adage that goes "No man is an island. No man stands alone." That is why social science had defined the norms and rules of society, so that we could have order and live rightly. Imagine if all of us insist that the choices we make pervade the land. Then there would be anarchy. The laws which we instituted for he benefit of one and all would not matter anymore. That is why we must go the extra mile to the right thing, to make our world a better place to live in.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
7 Jul 09
before yes, my parents do not mind but some people do comment about us living in "fornication" lol but i do not care...the hell i am happy with him plus the fact that we are happier than other couples that we see who married in church but end up fighting or having arguments all the time...
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
And when I do get married, it wont' be in a church. I want to get married on the beach...barefoot with the sand in my toes!
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
wow cute hehe.. goodluck!
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
6 Jul 09
I have been living with my fiance for over 3 years. We haven't been engaged that long but we still were living together. I honestly don't see the big deal about this. I am happy. He is happy and really isn't that the only thing that matters? If someone in my family don't like it well that is their own opinion and really I couldn't care if you like what I am doing or not. My fiance and I are happy and that is how we are going to stay.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
His family is fine with it, as are mine - now. At the beginning my mother was having a HUGE problem with it, but she sees that we are still happy are are being mature about every decision to be made, so she is calming down every day. But we are happy and that is all that matters...
• Canada
7 Jul 09
That's all that matters then. Good luck to both of you.
• India
7 Jul 09
You mean you are living together? Well, whether it is a sin or not depends on where you live and the mind set of the people around you. Here, in India, it is definitely a sin. LOL!! I guess according to most religious people, it is a sin. But, it definitely isn't a sin, according to me. ;) Cheers and happy Mylotting
@Galena (9123)
7 Jul 09
in my religion love is not considered sinful, but beautiful.
@candy2306 (577)
• India
7 Jul 09
I don't think living with your boy/girl friend is called 'Living in Sin'. I think an individual's responsible rise when they are living together. Managing the home the food and laundry and dicipline of love is what every couple learn. I agree with the divorce rate being lower for those who lived together before marriage. Parents worry for the other part of when a couple don't get along and face break-up!
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I agree that this has kinda been like "practice." We have been living together for a year and a half and I can see being with him for the rest of my life. And when we do get married, we will already have everything all settled like you said - the managing of the home and finances.
@dexterous21 (1180)
• Philippines
7 Jul 09
I can't call it a sin because it depends on your culture. In other countries, it is acceptable in the society to live together without getting married yet. People must not tell it as a sin it's because we definitely don't have standards if one's action is bad or good. It is our point of view. I think it is worst if you too get married and later you will get divorced. I have a boyfriend and I want us to stay together because we both live alone in the city but because of cultural preferences we don't do it.
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
8 Jul 09
That brings up a good point... Isn't divorce a sin?
@mrakobesie (1246)
• United States
6 Jul 09
I live with my boyfriend for a few month now, we both know that this is it, we are meant to be. we don't really care about getting married, but my mum keeps on saying that we live in sin. I explained to her that first people didn't get married per say, they fell in love and stayed together, all animals do it. besides, marriage is not the same as before, centuries ago, if you got married you are going to stay married for the rest of your life, so marriage was important, now people get married and then get divorced a year later, so what's the point really? she agreed with me, but couple of weeks later she started talking about wedding again. I'm tired of fighting with her about it, but i insist on not getting married because thick headedness runs in my family lol
@MegDM123 (145)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Good for you, it should be about what you guys want, not to fit into society or to make others happy. I agree completely!
@nrn2003 (670)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I wont "LIVE IN SIN" so to speak. I will not move in with someone until I am married. I just think that whats the point of getting married if you move in with someone. I am looking forward to getting married and having a life together with my husband. I just dont want to do that until we get married. All my sisters have, but for me I just am more independent and feel its better for me to do things on my own until i am married.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
I don't agree your belief about marriage but I respect it because you have the right to do it, even it is sin in the eyes of God. Cohabitation without the ceremony of marriage is a sin, in the eyes of God, and sin before my eyes. Perhaps surveys outcomes is right about divorce but this is not a legal sentiment of God. If really a christian and believe in God, I think if you don't know about this my friend. If you really respect about your creators purpose on us. You must know the important and the sanctity of marriage, if that so you don't have to worry about the outcomes of your relationship in entering marriage settlement... You have negative believe about the divinity of marriage, my friend. I think you need to eliminate that presumption for not destroying God's will and purpose to humanity...Believe in God, Fear of God, Respect its commandments is the answer for a good relationship that last forever...
• United States
7 Jul 09
i am living with my boyfriend/fiancee & have been for almost 6 years. we are not young kids; both in our 50's. when he first moved in here, my mother wasn't happy about it. she got over it.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
7 Jul 09
no, i never do that... i come from a very conservative family and my parents will never allow me to do that... unless i am already legally married, there is no way they will allow me to stay under the same roof... it is also against the culture in my country... take care and have a nice day...
• United States
6 Jul 09
I am also 'living in sin'. My mother would have a cow if she knew, its one of the reasons her and I don't speak anymore. I have been married twice, and we do really good until we get married...and then its miserable. My man and I now are very happy. We have talked about marriage, and decided if we ever tie the knot we will do it in a country where the marriage won't be legal in the US...neither of us want to go through another divorce. I am happier not being married...and not living with the guilt that was ALWAYS dumped on my with another failed marriage.