Do you still make effort to look good after marriage?

@submerryn (1304)
Malaysia
July 8, 2009 9:08am CST
Before I leave the house, I will check myself from head to toe in the mirror ONCE and then I'm off. Mostly I check if the button on my blouse is donned correctly and my pants is not torn or runny. My husband on the other hand, will check himself THREE times before he leave the house. Once in the washroom, another time as he passes the mirror in the dining hall and lastly the mirror near the door. That frustrates the heck out of me. We have been married for 4 years and has a 2 year old toddler boy. Why is he still so vain? Dont get me wrong here. I am happy he is keeping himself well, it's just that it puts too much pressure on me. What if I am no longer attractive? What if I started to gain weight? Being a Stay At Home Mom, it agitates me, knowing that he is outside and meeting people. So I had no choice but do my level best to keep up with my appearance. I watch what I eat. And I try not to look too haggard. But it is hard with household chores and a toddler running everywhere. But a friend once told me, if I want to keep the marriage alive, that is what I need to do. Which husband wants to come home looking at his unattractive and messy wife when he got a whole lots of beauties out there in the working world? Is this so? What about you? Do you keep up with your appearances? Be you the wife or the husband.. I simply need to know...
3 people like this
15 responses
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Looking good for yourself should not stop after you have gotten married. It is not because you are sharing one house that you neglect yourself. Looking good makes you feel good and it builds your self - esteem. Having a great self-esteem all the more makes you contribute to make your marriage work. You do not have to do it just for your husband. Do it for yourself. You owe it to yourself to look good. You cannot give something back if you do not feel good about yourself.
1 person likes this
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
You totally make sense there jules67. You made me realise that all this while I am frustrated is because I am not thinking for myself. I am just thinking, what if here, what if there and all the insecurities is haunting me.
1 person likes this
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 09
Hello jules67, I totally agree with you. To keep ourselves look good is so important. Is is a way to build our self what we call it esteem! Don't just keep yourself good because of your hubs, Merryn!
@vingyan06 (2489)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 09
Merryn, Before I forgot, I tried to share here with you. A friend of mine was a beauty consultant before she got married. After she married and have baby, she became stay at home mom. But every time I visit her, she just has something to surprise me. She keeps herself as good as what she did before married. She is still looks pretty and hot! She put simple make up at home too. HAHA! She told me that her baby will cry if she is not dress up nicely and you see our kids too don't want an ugly mommy! LOL
@kaka135 (13582)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Well, I do not think I change much after marriage. As I am also a working woman, so I always need to dress formally and neatly, this doesn't make any difference before and after marriage. To me, making myself look better isn't pleasing my husband, but pleasing myself. I always think appearance is not very important, but of course at least we need to always look neat and clean. What matters more is the behavior and attitude, I suppose. One important thing is, wives shouldn't nag too much?
1 person likes this
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
That 'wives shouldn't nag too much' just hit me in the face like a jack hammer! Somehow, after reading it over here, it made more sense. My life has been so mundane that I didn't realise what is right or what should not be right. I was a working woman before I became a housewife. So explains why I am sometimes miserable!
1 person likes this
@gingerale (226)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
Thanks for bringing this up. Most of the old mommies I know would say not to be careless. Yes, your friend is right. A woman, especially when she is already married and has kids, should take care of herself. Most Filipino husbands I know would complain if their wives no longer take care of themselves, particularly in their appearance. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to go to the spa or parlor every week. Maybe you may do that at home. Simple things, like doing exercise and putting on clean and proper clothes. Hey, I notice back home that most of the housewives won't bother even to put on their brassieres because they are too busy doing their chores and attending to their children. There had been times when my children were little, I looked so haggard and smelled bad. But time came when I looked at myself in the mirror and realize that I've been neglecting myself. But mind you I never forget to put on the brassieres. I just make it sure that I am clean and presentable enough when the husband gets home. I also started going to the gym once in a while. I also watch what I eat.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Wow, gingerale, you speak like you know me! I sometimes tend not to put on my brassieres too because it limits my movement and all and if I do put them on, it will be those types without underwire and aunty looking ones, you know? haha, i felt so ashamed, like as if you've seen ME that way at home! goodness. haha.
• Philippines
11 Sep 09
Hello Ms submerryn. thanks very much for earning me a best response. You need not be ashamed about it. It's just normal for mommies, to neglect ourselves at times because we get so busy with the kids. But let's give ourselves some time. We should always take care and leave something for ourselves too. We have every right to be happy and beautiful in our own way, no matter how. In the Philippines, there is a TV program titled "Day-off." It's a program with sponsors like restaurants, spas, beauty parlors and boutiques. The hosts would pick somebody, a mom or any busy person at work or at home, who seems to have no more time for herself. They would surprise the person by letting her go on "day-off," say, go to the spa, relax and dine (with her family) at an expensive restaurant or go to a recreation center. One of the hosts would then take over that person's duty at the workplace or chores at home. It's really very interesting.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
9 Jul 09
I do, everytime when I go out, I put on pretty clothes and make sure I look good, I look at the mirror before I go out, I still make effort to make sure I look good; I think all the girls like to be pretty no matter if they are single, married or divorced, at least me though, I am married, I still like to be pretty all the time! :-)
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
If I am divorced, I will definitely want to look good, to let my ex-hubs eat his heart out! But come to think of it, better appreciate what I have now and start looking good while I still have this husband. :)
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
I still think we should put effort to look good after marriage because : 1) If we look good, we feel good. If we feel good, everything will be good! 2) We should look great at all time , in case a guest drop by to our house we won't be caught looking like "aunty / ah soh". You wouldn't want the Courier Service Guy, Pizza Man, Water / Electricity Officer to see us in pyjama, unkept hair etc.. that will make us feel bad, right? 3) If we look good, our husband will feel proud too, especially when he is with his friends, colleagues etc. 4) If we self-check to keep ourselves looking good, we won't end up being lazy and transform into "aunty - the typical housewife"
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Iriene, you speak like you are my mail man. Did my mail man complain to you how I look like everyday? LOL. I do go out to accept mails looking like a crazy fellow. Tomorrow, I'll try looking more decent!
@AndrewBoi (369)
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
It is good to look good even how old or what status you are. We should take good care of ourselves. Looking good increases self esteem. But, being vain is another issue.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Agreeable. So right now my mission is to try to look better so that I can feel better too. But people tend to be vain after they've managed to look good! LOL
• Philippines
9 Jul 09
As a wife, I just do prep myself on a simple lipstick and face powder and pony tailed hair. I don't model around like I was a single lady, that is to choose what to wear. Now, i just grab what I think is good to wear and 10 minutes is enough for me, unlike when I was single, it will take me 30 minutes, from dressing to makeup. My hubby is not fuzzy about himself. Just a regular shave is what he do and then comb hair. Nothing so fancy about choosing what to wear. He is too simple and is not conscious about what he would look like outside. Sometimes he just used his hands as his comb, put his clothes and spray a body spray and that's it. He always ask me how much time should he wait for us to go out , he always wants to be in a hurry which I really don't like. But I am also concern with our health, so we take regular vitamins. Although regular cleaning at home is what i consider as an exercise. Since my metabolism is fast, i don't need to burn more calories for the day, else id be hungry and eat a lot, although still not gaining any weight, ahhh frustrating. Anyway, were not that self conscious of what we would look like, what we are so careful about is if we are doing God's will and if we are obeying Him. This is far more important to me and my husband.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
You are the envy of many women out there. You have the metabolic rate of a teenage boy. Boy, how I wish I have at least half of it. Yes, I agree on being healthy. Because, in the long run, health is what we bring into our old age.
@MNRFOLEY (223)
• Australia
9 Jul 09
My husband is the same. He seemed so vain but I guess that's how he is. Anyway Before I got married I promised myself that I will continue to take care of how I look make myself as beautiful as possible not just for my husband but also for me because I owe it to myself and Iwant to feel good about myself even if I already have kids and my own famity and because I want my husband to be proud to be with me when are out in a public place or with our friends. You dont need to feel pressured you only need to make time for yourself too. Have a great day :)
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Oh yes, look good feel good. It's nice for you to want your husband to be proud to be with you. Yes, now that you said it, I want my husband to be proud to bring me out with him too. :)
• India
9 Jul 09
Yeah !! Friend appearance matters a lot in these days because we are always worried that what if any one tells me something seeing at me so appeareance does matters in these days, I know your kid is naughty but he is very pretty and happy to get you guys friend i dont know you properly but 1 thing i wish to say or want to say is that- Always have faith in between you people because tommorrow its between you both and not between the people and you'll let the situation be pressurised be calm and careful and think twice when you react HAPPY MYLOTTING
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
shankarbaddi, your response calm me down. Yes, I will have faith in my marriage, and I will have faith in my husband. Beauty is only skin deep, but to be fair to him, I have to do my best to look my best too. It's for my own good too rite?
@nehaagra (849)
• Singapore
9 Jul 09
I am also a SAHM, and yep i totally agree , with all the household chores to do, and taking care of a toddler, we tend to have less time for ourselves .For me too normally at home, i stay as comfortable as i can, from clothes, to hairs n all, But when we go out in the evenings, i do take care to dress up fully, even if we are going for a walk... And he feels very happy.. And moreover taking care of ourselves makes us more happier than any one else, do do take care of your diet n your dressing..
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Yep, I do believe if I have a better figure, clothes will look better on me. So from now onwards, before I even think of beautifying myself, I better go on a better diet and do more excercise, meaning running after the little one more so that I can burn more calories! Then, once I'm trimmer, I might want to look for some new clothes to wear for outings. :)
• China
9 Jul 09
i have been making effort to look good after marriage,although i knew some old-timey woman wouldn't make up themselves when they have been married especially had their baby,but i never have this idea,i would keep myself look good forever,i dont mean to spend too much money on garment or makeup,but at least i dont allow myself to look messy or unattractive.
@haiershen (1084)
• China
9 Jul 09
Thank you for you discussion,i think this is a very good discussion,i'm not married,but i like we should make effort to look better as usual,at least weared it very comfortable and confidences.though,when a womam have a family, they always spend all of the time for hubby or sons.pls don't forgot youself, take care of yourself.it is very important.good luck & have a nice day!
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Before having my son, it's easy to take care of myself. Back then, my husband and I took care of each other, making and helping each other to look better. But when my son arrives, the whole focus is on him, we kinda get side-tracked, or should I say, I got side-tracked. I wish you the best when you do get married and have children and hope you'll remain beautiful forever!
@esp2_mayn (135)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
Very hard to look nice when your wadrobe is limited!!! hahaha... Limited because it has been ages since I shopped and limited becuase with a toddler, cannot wear too low cut shirts, skirts are out of the question, and better get into comfy, can run fast shoes!!! But then....I am not a makeup person or a dressy person.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
Totally agree on the cant wear too low cut shirts part. skirts, i have not wore them for ages now. It's hard to put comfort and style together. If I need to wear a dinner dress, my husband will have to take over the boy!
• United States
8 Jul 09
As I write this, I am sitting on the couch eating potato chips, wearing no makeup and an old T-shirt. Yes, it is hard to keep up your appearance and keep the house clean when you are a SAHM mom. Most of the time I go with the "casual mom" style. Very casual clothes, hair in a ponytail, etc. But whenever I leave the house I have on makeup, nice clothes, maybe some funky shoes. My husband has seen me both ways, of course, and he does appreciate when I put on some lip gloss or go the extra mile. But he also appreciates that I look after the kids and keep the house neat. I think you have to find a personal balance. Do you want to spend all of your time looking at yourself in the mirror or are there other things that command your attention, like kids? Do you have enough confidence in your marriage to know that one day in sweatpants isn't going to end it all? I do.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
I love your confidence in your marriage cheekysuze. I wish I have the same confidence too. I know my husband loves me but as I see myself degrading, my self-esteem somewhat degrade too. Therefore, I need to relook at my routine and try to slot in some personal care grooming time in there too. :)
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I m SAHM too...to keep myself look good, I m going for healthy diet,eat more fruits and vege,cut down on meat intake. Too bad I relly dun hav time to do exercise. Taking care my boy is part of my daily exercise too.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
9 Jul 09
I understand when you say taking care of your boy is part of your daily exercise. Chasing after them help you to lose all those extra calories, dont they? It's good that you are descipline enough to still watch what you eat and all. For me, as exhaustion kicks in, I tend to take in mor carbs and calories. I need to relook my life!