Why r all girls so same and why do they always hurt guys?

India
July 15, 2009 1:09pm CST
I know this would lead to a lot of controversies, but yet i need this answer from my my heart. I know even we guys hurt u girls. I have always been hurt and even today. So please help me understand the true reasons why girls r so similar in their ways, words, thoughts and even keep hurting guys. Maybe that could prevent the misconceptions if there is any towards girls. I respect u all. But remember it hurts very much from the position where u girls have left me. I am not blaming anyone. Just expressing my pain.
5 people like this
28 responses
@babblu14 (66)
• India
16 Jul 09
hii hollowheart this is srisruthimk.This is my new id as my other account is not working.I like your question but oe thing you should understand girls dont intentionally hurt guys.There is always a famous saying men are from mars and women are from venus.If you get a chance try to read this book.men and women have deifferent characters and mannerisms but what makes them stay together is their love for each other and art of adjusting.If this is not proper then both of you will get hurt and the relationship may break.So it is not a guy or a gals mistake alone to hurt.It just so happens by misunderstanding. Have you ever asked your gal what she expects from you?.generally gals have lot of expectations from their partner which most of them dont come true.At the same time gals dont hurt when their partner takes care of them and supports them.First try understanding each other.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Hi Srishruti i am so happy to speak to u again. I missed u a lot. I tried to get in touch, but didnt het responses. Thanks for coming back. i really think i should read that book, may be it could help. Actually u know what the problem is somewhere else. She is my company HR. When i accepted her as a friend i was still just an employee for her and by the time i fell in love with her, she has accepted me as a good friend, but not yet a close friend with whom she could express or discuss anything. I dont blame her. Unfortunately i have proposed her 3 times and she liked it. She appreciated it, but also rejected me all the 3 times. I may be wrong, but i feel that she is the right one. May be i should just stay at this condition till she begins to love me and then we can proceed further together. What do u feel? I s that good to do? In the mean time i will try to communicate more to her to try and be a better and closer friend atleast.
• India
16 Jul 09
forgot herrr
• India
16 Jul 09
if u want o be happy be her happy
• United States
15 Jul 09
Not trying to be rude in this post, but just coming in and saying "why are girls mean to me" is a bit lame. Next time you go out with someone don't fall in love on the first date. If you have a good time, and yet she won't answer your calls that realize it is over and MOVE ON!!! To me you sound like a guy who falls in love on the first date and starts telling his parents he found "The One" after the second date. Maybe it is not the girls, maybe you have to high of expectations of your relationships.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Jul 09
Its very true that i have very high expectations of all relations and everything. Well i used to fall in love too easily. But i have become a bit more patient. Unfortunately its not just love. Even i have the same problem in friendship. No one talks to me till i talk to them. So i feel that they are not my friend in reality. I dont know what to do.
• United States
15 Jul 09
Look be social man, when you talk to people do you say weird things?? Realize that sometimes you have to be the first to start conversations. Now if your "friends" are ignoring you, then MAKE NEW FRIENDS!!! Join a club or something. Figure out your interests and find people who share those. Don't try to be cool, be yourself. And Stop the self pity, no one wants to be around a person who thinks he is always a victim.
• India
15 Jul 09
What u say is right, but then everyone reacting the same is something that i really dont understand. Having to a start a conversation with friends sometimes is fine, but not always even after being friends more 3 yrs now. This has been happening since childhood, so joining a club wouldnt help. I am sure of that. Now immagine this pain accumulated over the last 30 yrs now. More over i just dont know anyone who shares the same interests or atleast no one has shared anything about them. They say i am not that close for them to share.
• United States
16 Jul 09
I use to say that all girl were the same too.. but then i meet my girlfriend, and i would have to say that not all girls are the same. You just have to go with the bad ones and the ones that hurt you to get to the one that will put you above anything and never hurt you.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Hey Brandon, i am so happy that u ultimately have found the girl who is different and loves u so much. I am also going down the same road. But my heart is stuck with her now and i just dont want to move out. I want to wait and rectify till she becomes different and loves me and then move on together. Do u think that would be possible. She is my HR and she says that i have become a good friend from just an employee. Though i proposed her for marriage and love 3 times, i still want to go back to the levels of friendship again and start coming up together.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jul 09
One more comment hollow heart and then I will butt out of your conversation. When a woman tells you that you can only be friends it is time too back away. Women do not want to hurt anyone so this is how they do it. If they have a romantic interest in you you will know full well that they do. But once you are put in the friend category it is time to move on. The more you try to convince her that you would be right together the worse it will be and the more you will guarantee that she will run away. Your feelings for her do not have to be shared by her if she doesn't feel it. The more you try to convince her she is wrong the worse it will be. There are a lot of women out there. Go find the one that will love you back. Get on several dating sites and go from there. It works well if you know what to do.
• United States
16 Jul 09
There are some things that really need to be said on this subject. Guys, you honestly think that girls are out to make your life hell? If that's the case then you really need a wake up call. You have to think back, on what you are doing, not doing, saying, and treating your female before you go off and make these assumptions. When a woman goes into a relationship that she feels safe and loved in, then everything will move on pretty smoothly, but when something is done or said then that's then the fighting starts and the acusing begins. I was put in this very position. My fiancee and I used to fight like school kids. He would get mad at every little thing that I did, and make a big deal out of nothing on most occasions. Even when I didn't do anything wrong, I still was the one he blamed first, or came to first. He drives me insane when he starts up, and has had me living in fear that he was going to leave me over something that I didn't even mean to or didn't even do for that matter; but I love him with all my heart and every time we got into a fight, even when we broke up, we still proved our love by working things out and promising to be there for each other when it happened again. You have to really watch what you say or how you act around your girl until you know her really well. I have seen this many times, where a guy gets with a girl and he thinks he knows all about them, so he treats her like they've been together for all their lives. This can cause serious conflict because not knowing what her soft spots are, and then hitting them, that can cause her to fly off the handle or to get hurt. When a woman feels threatened or cornered, she will normally try to save herself and get out of that position that she was put in. If there's something that you think she's doing wrong, or something that you may be doing wrong, then rather than breaking up, you both should talk it through and try to make things work. Getting to know the other is the key to a great relationship, it's best to take things slow and be patient.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Hi, i am really sorry to hear about the fights and issues between u and ur faincee. well i am not blaming the girl or anyone actually, but have actually felt hurt always. So thought to clarify my doubt before fixing it in my mind. But its really grt the way u all have come around to my rescue and to show me thre right road. Ya its true that i dont know much about her yet, though i love her. And she has been careful and slow. So there was a frequency mismatch and i felt hurt. But we have not faught at all. She was very gentle. And only after i strted the discussion i have been able to see the faults in me. I was wrong. But couldnt see them earlier and was blaming her. Now i have also told her sorry, though i guess she is not too happy about it. i will talk to her and try and sort it out by being completely honest. I accept my mistakes. And would make the rest go real slow till we r in the same line.
@devmitra (274)
• India
16 Jul 09
Helo.I think you are suffering from inferiority complex,somewhere or the other.You have to shed any such feelings,if you do have any and try to be a little more communicative.You can expect answers only when you ask a question and so is the case with discussion and conversations.You have to express yourself in a firm and bold way,so that the person before you also responds.all the best.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Hi Devmitra. U as an indian woman has understood the indian women so well and me too an indian guy. So i appreciate that. Yes communication is indeed important. We r doing that. I am just trying understand how to come back on the track to rectify on anything that went wrong. Afterall more fingers are pointing to me as to be fault.
• India
16 Jul 09
girls have been made beautiful by god .thos thing has been taken into advantage by girls and they become proudy.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Hhahaha... maybe. But i dont blame her for this. Maybe i am wrong somewhere too.
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
I think everyone hurts others one way or the other. I have been hurt by many people, even my own family but the person who most hurts me is myself. Whenever I think of the people who hurt me, I am hurting myself by the thought. They hurt me one time and I hurt myself many times by recalling how they hurt me.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
U r right. I am hurting myself more. Maybe she didnt hurt me, just because my expectations didnt meet, i got hurt, or i hurt myself and blamed her.
@Archie0 (4676)
15 Jul 09
Well i think you getting it all wrong here.Its not always the girls who do it i guess.I have been hurt, and it was a guy.my sister and my friends were hurt and the reasons for all of them were guys, but we have never asked this question that you asked it.I think no one hurts anyone, its our expectation that hurt us at end.Who said that when we love someone we should get that same love in return?i dont think so, when you love just love selfless and without expectations then i dont think you or i or anyone will get hurt.And at last its our own rights to live and love we can choose to stay and leave when we want..Love never tell us and entres our life then how would betrayal?
1 person likes this
• India
15 Jul 09
Hi Archie. Thanks for being understanding and helpful. Yes thats right that i keep expecting from everything and everyone in my life. And probably just becoz my expectations never get matched i am hurt. I know i should love selflessly. Its right, but i want to get love. I need someone. living alone is becoming too painful. Anyways i dont know what else to react like.
• United States
15 Jul 09
Not all girls are the same...I can't speak for everyone but as a woman myself, I've never purposely hurt anyone, man or otherwise. Before I married I had one sole purpose for dating: finding my soul mate. Therefore I never played "games" in my relationships or used anyone...and if I felt someone was not marriage material, we would end the relationship on good terms. I have seen many men do horrible things in relationships...more bad men than good...yet I understand not all men are horrible creatures. Could you explain what girls keep doing to hurt you? I don't know how to appropriately respond without knowing exactly what it is that is hurting you. Either way, I hope you find a woman who will treat you right, so you know we aren't all bad. :)
• United States
15 Jul 09
True friends will go out of their way to contact you, too, I agree. But it sounds like you give your love freely. Most people--whether men or women--are hesitant to jump into relationships. You may be moving too fast for them. They are not purposely hurting you...if I were in a relationship, for example, and the person told me he loved me before I loved him, it could be moving too fast. Of course, I wouldn't just get up and leave unless that person sincerely was going at it the wrong way. But if I weren't yet ready to jump into the next stage of the relationship, it may make being with that person uncomfortable. These women may be scared that you are lying, or that it is too soon. I would try showing them how you feel without jumping into telling them about your love for them until you feel their feelings are more than infatuation for you, too. Even if you love them, hesitate to tell them until you feel BOTH of you are ready. Like I said...these women don't sound as if they are purposely hurting you. You are just getting hurt by the results of your actions...try taking it slower. Going super fast works for some people, but not most or all. Best of luck. :)
• India
15 Jul 09
Ok so lets consider that i am going too fast or the girl is not ready. Could be like that. But how long do i wait? I mean she would never say that that she loves me. Or what if i interpreted it wrong. I am just too confused about it. I am not saying u r wrong at all. But even after being friends more than 1 yr or 2 yrs have also failed just as much as proposing on the 2nd day. So how long should i wait or how do i realise if the girl is ready? or if she at all is interested in me.
• United States
15 Jul 09
It all depends on your relationship...if you have been with her for a few years and neither of you are opening up to one another, perhaps you should tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't return those feelings after one or two years, I don't think the relationship is worth pursuing much farther. If you are with someone for a few weeks and you can tell she is crazy for you...I would go on and tell her, because if she is truly interested, she most likely will not become alarmed even if she doesn't yet feel the same way.
1 person likes this
@xenna1986 (228)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
You sound bitter my friend. Well, you must have been deeply in love, and been left in the end. Life, is always like that. People just come and go. Pain, is so bearable if you think it is. It's not that just the girls who caused pains, but it's also the boys. Just be thankful that you have been hurt, because, that pain will mold you into a better person. Be thankful that you got hurt, because you are NORMAL. I've cried a lot too, because of some guys. But, then, I made sure, that I'm never gonna cry for that same person again. I did move on, stronger, prettier..(hahah) and smarter. Just be happy my friend!
• India
16 Jul 09
Dear Xenna. Thanks for ur magical words. You want me to be positive. But u know what i dont cry. I used to cry and became stronger and still didnt cry. Now i really love this girl and and sticking on to her. I just cant move on and i have no place to move further. I dont mind having to do anything that would make her realise my love for her and make us mov forward together. I may smile, may laugh, but that pain is always there in my heart. I love her and thats all i know.
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
My friend, I really admire men like you. Well, I really admit that men who love sincerely are rare these days. I just hope that you will heal so soon. Life is still beautiful, isn't it? Even, if we get hurt sometimes, life is still wonderful. Love is wonderful!
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jul 09
Thank u so much friend for admiring me. Ya its true that life is beautiful. It wasnt yersterday, till u all came and stood by me. The credit goes to all of u for supoporting and making me realise where i went wrong and also as to what should i do to get my love. u all r true souls, true friends.
@delrene (158)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
i dont think all of the girls do that. in my case i had these past relationships where the guy is asking for a break up after taking my money. in some reasons i really dont know why the other girls do that. i know how it hurts whenever a guy or a girl hurts someone. but think about this. those experiences will teach you to be a stronger person and you will be more cautious in terms of having a reltionship. why dont you just try to test your girl during your first week of relationship. hope this one helps
• India
16 Jul 09
I am sorry that u were hurt by guys. I know how it feels to. But may be all do not feel it as u do. I nthank u because u atleast feel what i am going through. I have become much stronger than before but still i really love her and just cant let go off her. By the way how do i test her? Could u suggest. maybe it would help.
@delrene (158)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
its ok. after that kind of relationships i've rest for having a relationship with anyone for a while so that i won't have my revenge for those poor guys who hasn't done anything to me. classic music relaxes and calms my mind so i always feel that nothings wrong. to test you're girl be as sweet and loving and caring as possible. let her feel that she's very lucky for having a most loving boy. then after 1 week or so do not open any communications with her until she's the first one to call you. if she did that asking whats wrong you stop communicating with her thats the girl you're looking for. another test is if she ask for anything for you to buy her like a ring or any jewelry or anything that she wants so bad pretend that you don't have the money and you have financial problems. if you notice any changes with your girl, say, she becomes cold let her go. she isnt the right girl for you. there are lots of girls out there that you'll meet someday. hope this one helps
• India
16 Jul 09
u r really an expert. U know she actually had called me up day before yesterday asking what happened no news and if i got a new gf. so i was happy. i know she has some feelings, but may be she is not too confident and is confused maybe. So she is sticking onto friendship. But i will repeat the test to see what happens. I will let u know.
@Ithink (1972)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Well first of all it does go both ways, some guys can be just as hurtful as some girls can be. I think at times some expect to much from someone and when they are let down that is when they are hurt. Although there are some out there that seem to be game players and they just dont care as long as they get what they want. Take your time in finding the one, they say that there is someone out there for everyone, it just sometimes takes time to find that one that we can live with and have a happy life with. GOOD LUCK!
• India
16 Jul 09
thanks friend. Just hope the bad time will get over quick and everything will fall back in space. It just went bad since the last 1 week aproximately. Everything is going bas as of now. Just hope this time its a short period of the bad days.
@Ithink (1972)
• United States
16 Jul 09
I hope that it gets better for you too.
• India
17 Jul 09
Thanks :)
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
15 Jul 09
I can see from this post that to some extent I know exactly where you are coming from. Self confidence has always been my problem too. One thing you need to know. Women are not as judgmental as you seem to think. What it comes down to is attitude. If you are shy and can't talk or when you do talk it's all about you it soon becomes very tiring for that other person. We shy people tend to do that. It is all about us. We don't think or feel that way but if we are objective we soon see that it is true. Try to see what it would be like if when you find a girl that you like you would approach her with only her in mind. Not yourself and how much you like her or wish that she would like you but just try your best to put the focus on her. You will be shocked at the difference. I used to be on a mailing list of a guy that teaches average guys what they need to do to attract women. Now this guy spent years trying to figure out why he could not get dates and what he now teaches is the result of that research. I am married now so have not received his email for some time so I freely admit I am not up to date on him. His name is David DeAngelo. You may already know about him. This link will provide a lot of information that you will love to read and you can enter his mailing list to get even more. Of course in the end he is trying to sell his e-book but you will get a lot of information for free. Nothing is more attractive to women that self confidence. It is something you have to learn and it is quite possible to do that. Here is the link: http://www.datingclass.com/shyguy/index.shtml As you will find out it is all about confidence. Within a short period of time a woman will place you in one of two categories. Friend or possible lover. This will help you be the latter.
• India
16 Jul 09
Thanks ... ya i am not so confident specially when it comes to relationships. Probably that may be a problem.
• United States
16 Jul 09
Not probably. I can see it is an absolute as I read through your responses to others. There is a book that is very good. "Attitude Is Everything". Written by a motivational speaker that gives pep talks to employees for large corporations. I first learned of him just after he gave a motivational speech to all the employees at Sprint Headquarters. When young, he stuttered very bad. You can imagine what giving a speech then must have been like for him. But he got past that. You can get past your problem too.
• India
18 Jul 09
Thanks
@Shery32 (424)
• Saudi Arabia
16 Jul 09
It's a two way thing buys do the same to girls :) LOL Both do the same until you find the one I guess
• India
16 Jul 09
Hey shery, i still feel thats she is the one. I was wrong actually and now i am going to try and talk it outt with her. I am sure she would understand and we will be able to get along together.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Why are all girls the same? Hello hollowheart, sorry to hear that your heart is hurting. Well let me explain something to you. I have heard the expression before that all girls are the same but I don't believe it. Just as I've heard the expression all guys are dogs. I don't believe that one either. I just think it really all depends upon the person. I would have to wonder if you did anything to the girl that hurt you. Did you do something to make her mad? Sometimes a man can be too nice and too giving and there are girls that would take advantage of him then leave him high and dry. If this is what happened to you I'm sorry to hear it but maybe it will teach you to toughen up just a bit. Hope you don't think that I"m trying to be mean to you but I'm just trying to give it to you straight, happy mylot!
• India
16 Jul 09
Hi citychic. Thanks. Sure i dont mind at all. I know it depends on the person. But i wont blame the girl anymore. I guess it was my mistake. Maybe my aproach or the situations were a bit wrong. I didnt really check conditions before starting. So i guess it failed. I am strong, though hurt, but better today and am smiling.ope thi ngs would come under control. Just being positive and h
• India
16 Jul 09
hey great ques every time girls hurts the guys but i relly dont know why? why only 10% girls are playing game like cricket football e.t.c because 90% girls plays with boys life hihihihihi
• India
16 Jul 09
Well some do but all dont. I have understood my mistakes now. The girls helped me and r still beside me til i win.
• India
16 Jul 09
heeyy i can understand ur painn bt dont u knw tht we men's have made them to do all this. as u knw if one bad man do bad thngs wd somon it wil shameless for all men's girls are very good hearted and also a loveable one bt due to sum problems or for their happiness thy do all thiss
• India
16 Jul 09
Yes i know all that. I am not blaming anyone, but its just a feeling that i shared to avoid misunderstanding a girl who didnt hurt me and breaking relations.
• India
16 Jul 09
Well well it seems someone has been getting the raw end of the deal as far as liasions with girls are concerned. Well its a two way traffic ,there are a lot of instances when it is we the guys who end up treating them shabily. To held the entire womnfolk culpable for your experience is simply not rational my friend . You simply need to have a sophiticated screening process to determine the kind of girls you will allow to enter your life. It seems as if you are consorting with the wrong kind of people
• India
16 Jul 09
I guess u r right, I didnt do much of screening. So maybe thats wgere i got wrong. Thanks...
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
Hey, that is so unfair... Why do you men generalize that all women are heartbreakers? Not all women are the same. The only problem is that you've fallen for the wrong girl. It could either be something is wrong with you or you are not compatible with each other. No, two people are the same. Maybe both of your ideas do not coincide and never cross each other. That is the problem with you men who keep blaming all the women. If you are really certain that all women are like that, then how come other men get so lucky to be with someone. It maybe difficult to convince you because you have grown an anger towards the opposite gender. But if you just get to know the person better, before starting a relationship with someone, then I guess it would not turn out that way.
• India
16 Jul 09
I am really sorry that i made u feel bad and hurt. I am not saying that all girls are same, but then facing the same problem and rejections everytime has made me go so negetive. I havnt grown any anger towards girls, but this is a question thats in my mind, and i wanted to clear it so that i dont go ahaead and hurt someone, who is actually good. We havnt got to talk much to each other and she just was looking at me as a friend , but i fell in love with her and thats the problem. But what hurt me was whn she misunderstood me and said that i can never go above a friend.in relation. There is no space for me to get love. She doesnt even say where i went wrong. She could have shared it as a friend.
• China
16 Jul 09
Hi, I understand your feeling, girls may act same in some part, but not all the girls are same, they also have different characters, emotions, feelings.Just like not all the boys act the same way, maybe one girl hurt you, but this doesn't mean every girl will hurt you, I'm sure you will find that girl and your true love.
• India
16 Jul 09
Hi Kindy. u r so kind. Yes i know all girls r different in character, but what astonishes is they give exactly the same dialogues, same, reactions atleast to me. I have been hurt by not just one girl but many. Yes the girl i love might have hurt me, but its not her fault. i blame myself rather. I expected more and thats my fault, i loved her without knowing how much she likes me. So its my fault maybe.